Defining Moments

March 5^th, 2012:

I felt you yesterday in my soul and being. I am going to dream of you. You always said you could sense my spirit when I thought of you. Everyone in my life has left or rejected me or died. I know I can show you how to be strong. Together we can do this. The days we talked about the future together. How great it was to find your one true love.

March 6^th, 2012:

Today is six weeks that we have been separated. I know you can feel me. I believe in you and us. They say that I have changed at work. I refuse to talk to anyone. Even when the General Manager called me a stupid bitch and no wonder you left me. Who would fuck someone like me? I said nothing because I feel as though he is right. You left me therefore I was not strong enough. I look at people and see how blessed they are and wretched that my life has become. I cannot even bear to write my novels any more.

A man came into my restaurant I and began crying that his ex girlfriend shot and killed his dog. He cried and looked at me,

“I know you understand. How do we have hope when we are the ones dying inside?”

I looked at him and said,

“Because at the end of the day we are the ones that stand up and we have to…it’s our nature,”

After an hour he left however right before he left he said,

“You need to stand up too. People need to know your story.”

I spoke with Danny, my female server today about you and me and she is trying so hard to help me. She said I have grown depressed and they are worried that I might do something foul to myself. She reminded me that you still had the engagement rings. I smiled for I remember that night.
March 7, 2012:

I sit here wondering about you. I know you loved and were in love with me. You walked away. Everyone says that I did nothing wrong yet I feel I did because at the end of the day you are not in my life. You won’t even talk to me or text me. That hurts deeper than you realize.

Why should I believe? All my life I have helped people, protected people, served this country and now this act of cruelty. Why was I allowed to live if I was only going to be hurt again?