Defining Moments

March 29^th, 2012:

My friend the voice of reason was trying to prove that you moved on because you friend Ms. H. on Facebook and she said that you had a relationship with her. I was just a toy to you. It hit me hard when you did not respond. I went home drinking tequila wishing the pain would go away. Why did I fail you? How did I fail you? I gave you a car, a laptop, roses, love….curse my lawyer for failing to settle sooner. I would have given you the money to make you happy.

I have given notice to I restaurant. What is the use of being a manager when I am being called a bitch for believing in love? He called me a stupid bitch and who would love me. He said.

“You’re so stupid that your bitch left you for another woman.

You are that which should be burned on the grill and discarded”

my general manager stated.

I cannot be around here anymore. I am trash. I don’t want to be here anymore. I keep looking out into the dining room and remembering how you visited me.

March 31, 2012:

It is now 2am Saturday, March 31, 2012:

I restaurant corporation has found out what the General Manager said and are fearful of a lawsuit. I told them to screw themselves. They give up on people. I refuse to give up on Danielle.

The director of operations said to me,

“I hope that you are right. You are risking your career on true love. Is any person worth that?” he said.

“If we do not stand by the ones we love then who will?” I asked.

I never told them that you refuse to contact me and that I feel like a failure. The nightmares are continuous. Last night I dreamt of the time I was 12 years old. Kendra, my so called mother took my show rabbit and broke its neck.

She laughed,

“You belief in life is futile. You keep believing that life is grand.

It is not.”

I cried asking,

“Why did you kill my rabbit, Rex? I asked crying.

Kendra responded with,

“Because you loved the damn rabbit; everything you love I will kill. I will break you.”

I woke up crying and begging spirit please stop these dreams. I

apologize for living. Please tell me what I did wrong. Yet, I still wake up.

Why are you not contacting me? Why? You are such a mystery Danielle to

which I will find out why and I will find out what I did wrong. I will find a

way to make it right and show you that I can be your rock.

1-you said you needed time and space

2-you stopped talking to me on March 14, 2012

2-Then the other day you friend a woman on Facebook called Ms. H. who only has one friend. My friend the voice of reason said it’s because you are involved with her. HOW and WHY? You said I would be the first woman that you would date. So I am going to find out what I can do to be the one that will be your rock. I sent a friend into the coffee shop that she works at and she said that she just saw you at 6:30am. What have I done? You are driving by my restaurant and ignoring me to see her at 6:30am. Why? I would understand if you just talk. Don’t you know that on New Year’s Eve that you said you were at a catering event however on Facebook you checked in at an event in Houston at the View Lounge. I got the message than that you were seeing your ex-girlfriend in Houston.

Why are you running?

I will not give up on you.