Defining Moments

April 6^th, 2012:

OMG I saw you under the bridge. You were honking at me and when I realized it was you, you just drove on waving at me. Come back. I did not see you. Please, Danielle call me. Don’t you know I have been waiting for you!!!

April 7^th, 2012:

I woke at 1am due to the adjustment of working day shift. I am so sad and depressed. Where are you, my dearest and beloved? I have done everything you have asked of me. I miss you and our friendship.

Dearest Danielle,

In the deepest of places, unexpected events take place that help us

Find ourselves. You are a catalyst to me. You said you would teach me new experiences. I have learned. I am ready. I was awoken by the winds, watch the clouds move, I have found my strength. The silence that once filled my darkness with echoes now shows me that our journey that lies ahead is filled with light. You said you would always love me no matter what. You were happy to find your true love in your life. I have sent you a Happy Easter. I have always hated Easter. I remember on Easter how Kendra my so called mother would lock me up in the dog kennels. There was one year that she was extremely angry. She took me and chained me to a chair. She then placed water at my feet and electrocuted me with a cattle prod. She kept asking me,

“Where is your fucking god now? Submit to me bastard child!!!”

I had blood on my mouth as I said,

“He is everywhere. He is in me. He will see you do this”

and she laughed this particular Easter of my 13^th year of Easter as she had three men rape me in the chair.

“Let your God see this, you fucking bitch,” she laughed.

I remember that you promised that you would show me a different side to Easter. Now it has come and there is nothing. What did I do wrong? I just…I had hope that one day I could see Easter with someone I loved. You were her and I failed you because you won’t acknowledge my existence. Why?

I know that you taught me how to allow a woman to make love to me. I never allowed anyone to make love to me until you came along. I am sorry if I failed in being enough.

I have to stop this self pity. I promised you to be a rock. I am trying Danielle, I really am.