Defining Moments

April 14^th, 2012:

Good morning Danielle. I keep writing you because I believe one day that you and I will talk again. You said that we would be friends. The birds outside are chirping. So much I have had to deal with since you have left me. I pray every day to God and to spirit asking for forgiveness for failing you. You said I was what you wanted. Now you have thrown me away. Why?

Today is thirty days since you stopped texting me. What did I do wrong? I promise I won’t ever tell anyone you know that I was abused. I will make a lie up. I promise I will learn how to celebrate holidays. Just tell me what I did wrong. Is it money? I will work three jobs to make you proud. I have changed outspoken to OUTSPokenWymn. You will love this new series. Did you know that I created this podcast to show you not to give up? Danielle, there were nights when I was a child I wanted to die during the rapes and abuse however I did not. Then when I found you I knew I lived to find you and love you. But you threw me away. I am strong. I have faith for the both of us. I created an empire like you asked me to do. OMG, the car ran over you. I tried and called you but you sent me to voice mail. Why is this woman Ms. H saying you are a woman of many talents. You said I was the one that you ever submitted to, that I was the first one to ever make you feel like a woman. It figures that I would mess up. You once told me,

“Honey, if there was anything wrong you would sense it.

Trust me. We are connected”

I will always love you and you must know this. However I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. This might be the first time I will not stand up. I don’t feel like I should stand up. Maybe I should lie down and be the dog everyone says I am. You who took my engagement ring have shown that I am a failure.