Defining Moments

EPILOGUE: BLOOD AND BONES
Today I continue my journey of healing. I am no longer in retail. I work with my company that I have created called House of SVOI. In May 2013, I legally changed my name to Katherine Svoi Symthe. My birth name was Rory Hammon. In my closure with my biological family, I wanted a new beginning with a new name that I chose. Thank you to my best friend Saundra that provided an insight that my middle name should be Svoi. In April 2013, I started counseling and began a deeper journey to the reconciliation with my past and trauma. Thank you to my dearest best friends, Saundra and Lucky who invested love, patience and unconditional friendship love. I have learned so much that the written word cannot even begin to testify to.

In the editing process of this memoir, many emotions resurfaced for me in the recanting of lost love and the flashbacks that I had experienced. Shame and embrassement came to the forefront. The fact that I suddenly felt tired while writing this epilogue tells me that my body is trying to disaaciate from the feelings of shame and embrassement. Just last night a female friend told me,

“Women don’t usually share their raw emotions of what they have endured and how they process through it. You often just read about the end result. Reading your memoir made me realize I am not alone.”

Early in the evening, I had watched my best friends interact with their family and god children. These children are blessed for they were born into a family of safety. What kind of woman would I be today, had I been born into a family of safety? I wouldn’t be here writing this memoir to you.

Justice has irony. I am the one that has to go to counseling to heal. My mother cheated the justice system by dying. She never was punished for the crimes that she commited. I am the one that every day does 2-3 hours of core work to find balance in my life and social interactions. What kind of justice is that where the victim has to do more work than the perpetrator?

I reflect on Danielle, my ex. She had it wasy with just walking away from her promises, our relationship, committements and our love. Then with ease she just moved on to another woman who looks just like me, has a biological family and money. Yet I am the one left behind to deal with my sorrow and the aftermath of grief.

Sure I could have taken the easy route by not dealing with it or my memories of trauma. But to what end? I would have been a souless person afraid to live life to the fullest. I would be repeating the very cycles done unto me as a child. I wouldn’t be connected to my emotions or my own identity. That is not a life to live. I know ecause for 39 years I hid from my true self.

The reature is that the furtuer is now. What are you ding now to become you are meant to be. We, the survivors, are the blood and bones of a result from tauma and events that hurt us. I wonder if other victims thing about justice and the life impact before they transition from victim to survivor to thrivor. In debating this in my head I came upon a revelation. The answer to justice is our voice. We must speak our truth of what happened so that others can come forward to heal and know that they are not alone.

What I am sharing of myself is deeply personal with my emotiuons, thoughts and process of healing . Those that area close to me that read this memoir will have new insights to me. That thought is scary because I will be vulnerable. I am safe. We have to speak our truths. Latest stateistics show that 45% of the worlds population is born into trauma. They are the voices, we are the voices that need to speak up or write up. If we but touch one life from our experience than we have been successful.

I am honored by my heartbrake and Danielle because it was the catalyst that I needed to remember . I am blessed by Suandra and Lucky. I am blessed by all my friends whom have stood by my side.

I cannot say what the future holds for I have learned that future doesn’t exist. This is not a negative thought. The term future is a conditioning term to teach use to maintain an order in chaos. I am a woman of substance, value and love.

Embrace Your Destiny

Katherine Symthe