Defining Moments

JOURNAL OF HOPE MARCH 27^th, 2012-MAY 1^st, 2012: BOOK FOUR


March 27^th, 2012:

I woke up for day shift. You know that my cell called you and so I texted you to let you know. I do not understand why for ten days you have not written me back. You and I are friends. That was the promise you gave me. The hope that I have had. I refuse to give up on you. I love you and will abide by my promise that I not leave you behind. I miss you so much that it hurts. They say only time will tell. People that are supposedly my friends have laughed at me saying that I am stupid for standing by your side. Then the G.M. at the restaurant keeps telling me I am bitch and I am stupid and who would love me. I will prove him wrong and make you proud of me. I have decided to change careers and become a bartender. I know that you still love me. I know because I can feel you in my soul. Why won’t you contact me?

The clouds have rolled in and I think of you. I wonder how you are doing and I would so love to hear your voice as I have done every morning waking you up to make sure that you are awake for work. When we were together I felt special because for the first time in my life someone really loved me, genuinely cared about me. I loved you so deeply and I still do. I am going to a bar tomorrow and apply for the bartender position. My goal is t o work three days as a bartender. So it begins. You always said I could do anything and that you admired me for standing up. I refuse to believe that one day you just woke up and stopped loving me. Well I just won’t believe it cause you promised me and you said that soul mates don’t break their promises. I will fight for you. I know that your ex-husband never fought for you and that your ex-girlfriend mistreated you. I will not do that. You will see my beloved.

There are events that forever change a person. It is in the mists of the gloaming that our soul roams and we find ourselves. We make discoveries, cry under the moonlight and make a step to a new horizon. You told me to create an empire and I am. I will take of you and your children with the settlement I will receive. This year of 2012 is about finding my core, and my depth. For almost 20 years I have been in management and while I was great I was nothing because you were not there.

You loved me in such a passionate way. The way we light the candles, how you pleasured me. How you said,

“You are my wife. I am dead without you in me,” with tears in your eyes.

I am not afraid to take a stand because I know that you will be there waiting for me. How you looked those nights in my arms. How you said,

“I have never slept peacefully until I was in your arms. You were made for me”