Defining Moments

ONE VOICE, ONE SOUL
There was a sense thrill and daring when I was with Danielle. I felt intoxicated being in her presence. Her energy, her passion surges through my veins awakening every cell of my DNA that had once been asleep. I felt like I was changing and happy as I emerged as a butterfly from a cocoon. I realized for the first time that I was in love. Everything was right in the world.

In the past I had relationships however this one was different. When I divorced my ex wife in 2004 after a ten year dead marriage, life seemed dull. My ex wife was a marriage of convience. I was 22 years old at the time and it was something to do, to get married. We were never compatible. The sex was bland like vanilla ice cream. Her version of sexuality was only with a vibrator performed on her. Occasionally she wanted a strap on however no performance was ever done unto me. I was trapped like animal in a cage that only stayed out of comittment. Four years into the marriage and we had become roommates at best. Five years into the marriage, my ex wife discovered Reiki. She started becoming abusive claiming that Reiki was channeling my mother. My ex wife was messed up in the brain. When I finally left her in 2004, I vowed never to get married and to stay away from Reiki.

I am telling Danielle about my ex wife when she holds my hands.

“She was a bitch. If I ever see her, she will have a Mexican to deal with,” Danielle said.

That night Danielle and I went to a lesbian business owner networking meeting. We met every third Tuesday of the month. Everyone introduced themselves and how they knew about the meeting. The last one to be introduced was Danielle.

“Hello, I’m Danielle. Kat introduced me. I am a team captain for a catering company. I know because we have been dating for a few months and I love her.” I look at Danielle with surprise.

Afterwards, Danielle and I head back to my apartment.

“You shocked me by telling everyone that you loved me, and with me.” Danielle is driving as she smiles, turning her head to me.

“I want everyone to know about me.”

I take a sigh because Danielle has yet to tell her family about me. We go back to my apartment where we continue the conversation which I bring up.

“When will you tell your family,” I ask with a down trodden voice.

“Honey, you have to understand,” Danielle responds. We sit down eating as we went to subway on the way home.

“My family is judgmental and I just got out of a relationship three months prior to meeting you and I don’t want them to judge. I want to slowly introduce you.”

I understood leaving it at Danielle’s discretion to introduce me.

In the coming week, I introduced Danielle to Andy online. Andy is my friend that I have known for three years. We have never met in person as he lives in Australia. I consider him my brother that I never had and always refer to him as my brother. One evening I shared a secret with my brother. While Danielle and I had said our vows in private, I wanted to go larger. She had often mentioned how her past relationship didn’t treat her right or put her first. I planned on getting on my hands and knees at the next meeting in November in front of the business group and propose publicly with engagement rings, flowers and a poem. I had already spoken to the bartender and we have a nice wine bottle waiting for her. The rings were going to be engraved with words. The key to the rings being engraved was our vows to one another. I needed Andy to text Danielle and somehow find out what Danielle’s vows would be if she was ever to marry me. My brother is always so clever. My brother discovered what Danielle would say. I immediately took her vows and had them engraved on our rings.

November 9, 2011 arrived as I kept practicing, and role playing the evening where I would give Danielle the engagement rings. I had the evening all planned out. When it came to introducing me, I would get on my hands and knees handing the engagement rings to Danielle. The evening came and Danielle never showed up like she had promised. It was odd as Danielle never broke a promise before. I called her and she was emotional. She had an overbearing mother who had gotten into her face. It was a mess at home. Immediately, I took the rings and flowers driving to her house. Upon arriving at her house, she was sitting on the white swing chair to the side of the front door. She was visibly upset.

“I’m sorry honey I know you had some surprise.”

I look at her and get down on my knees, proposing to her. Danielle starts crying lifting me up onto my two feet. Slowly I begin to open the box containing our rings. She reads the inscriptions, handing me her ring. Gently I take her left hand, placing her engagement ring on her wedding ring finger. Danielle takes the other ring placing it on my left hand, wedding ring finger.

She smiles,

“One Voice, One Soul, Together We Fly” Those were the words, her vows to me, engraved on the ring. Danielle cries in my arms,

“I will marry you publicly, You are my wife.” We kiss passionately then walk to the chair, talking.

A week later, there was surprise that I was completely shocked by.

Danielle is lying on her stomach, nude, under my blanket on the left side of my bed. Her long black hair flows down her back. She turns her head to me,

“Honey, I have a surprise for you.”

Smiling, I turn to face her slowly, pulling down the blanket on me.

“Kat, you’re distracting me.”

“Awww, me distract you?” I ask.

She shakes her head.

“I spoke with Andy’s father, and next summer, he is coming to San Antonio, to officiate the wedding and walk you down the aisle,”

I become emotional that Danielle would go out of her way to do this.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Everything was official as we moved forward in our love. All Daniel and I spoke about was our future together, what our life would be like. There was no communication of disappointment or that she wanted out. My friends fell in love with Danielle because how she treated me, cared and how we were together as a couple. My brother Andy even sent me a message about us,

“I thought I knew what a soul mate felt like. I knew nothing without you tow as a role model, I would not know what to look for”

We were role models of true love, and a great relationship.

CHRISTMAS 2011
Dec. 25, 2011: Journal Entry

This year will be different, dearest Journal. Christmas has been a memorable moment with Daniele because it changed how I felt towards this holiday at the time. Finally I can spend a holiday with the love of my life.

I always avoided Christmas, journal. It always had been a horrible experience for me in my past. I was raised in a very dysfunctional and abusive home where I was tortured, raped, beaten and my bones broken. During the holidays I was abused more because my mother Kendra said I needed to be taught a lesson. Kendra’s lesson was that I was unworthy of love and did not deserve holidays. I was the only child in my generation to have survived such an ordeal. I feared Christmas because of the memories. Most significantly Christmas reminded me of Sarah, my murdered sister. By the time I had truly remembered Sarah’s death, Kendra; my mother had passed away from Ovarian Cancer. No punishment could be charged to Kendra as she was deceased.

On December 25^th, 1979 I had written a letter to Santa Claus. In the letter I had asked Santa Claus for a gift. I did not want a toy. I wanted Santa to tell someone about what was happening to my sister, Sarah and me. I had hoped that someone would rescue us. I was so happy. I thought that someone would finally hear me and rescue us.

On the morning of December 25, 1979 I had received a bloodied bag that had a tag from Santa Claus. Inside the bloodied bag was the decapitated head of my sister, Sarah. I threw up at the sight of Sarah’s head. I was mortified that my letter might have killed my sister.

I was seven years old. Kendra my mother said that it was a teaching tale to not tell anyone about the abuse that was going on in our home. The abuse was foul like sulfur that had permeated the very air that one breathes.

I told Danielle what happened to Sarah. Danielle upset about what I had suffered. I shared with her the poem ROJO which described Sarah’s death in detail. The poem ROJO can found in my book on Kindle entitled: Tabula Rasa Mee Nah: Extraordinary Measures. Every holiday, and birthday the family found some new way to torture me or to kill an animal. It was their way of trying to break my soul, and my spirit. I feared holidays. I would always have nightmares prior to them coming around. I would relive the memories of what I went through.
Danielle seemed doubtful at first of what I went through due to the extremity of abuse. Danielle met with my friends and spoke with Andy, my brother, who confirmed to her what I had gone through. Danielle said that she was going to show me a new experience of Christmas. She said that everyone should have a new experience. She said that what I went through was horrible. Danielle wanted showed me it was okay to celebrate Christmas. She was going to have me celebrate this holiday with her family now my family because we were soul mates and were engaged to be married.

Christmas was approaching and I had looked all over for a Christmas present for Danielle. I couldn’t decide what to get her. At the last minute I decided to give her my laptop, a Toshiba Satellite computer. I knew that Danielle never had one of her own before and from experience I knew what it felt like to not have things that others had. My child hood experience showed me that.

You would have laughed if you had seen me trying to wrap Danielle’s Christmas present on Christmas day. After much clumsiness, I called my friend Jelly. We always called her Jelly because her advice had always seemed to stick with us like jelly to peanut butter. Jelly chuckled as she gave me instructions over the cell phone on how to wrap a present.

“Do you need me to come over there and show you?” Jelly asks.

“No just walk me through it like you are teaching someone how to make a Famous star burger at work.”

Jelly laughs as I wrap the present. I tried to find scotch tape and put it all nice and neat. After wrapping the present I decided to write Danielle a love letter to go with the gift.

The letter read:

“My dearest Danielle,

You are without a doubt the best gift I have ever received in this life that I have lived. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you are. Thank you for loving me. I am so in love and will love you and honor you and all that you are along with your family, your birdie, and your cat to the end of time. I know that we don’t always have the private time that we would like with one another. Know that I shall wait for you to the end of time because it does not matter if I have 30 seconds or two hours with you. I am blessed.

The only gift I could ever ask for in life is to walk by your side and to be with you and be in your life, loving you.

All the evil I have seen all the death I have seen has been worth the experience because I found you. I want you to know that I shall be a rock that never cracks and I will be here when you need someone to talk with, to yell at, and to breathe fire. I am here for you. I am yours forever.

This laptop is special. It is the best laptop that I have had and taken care of. It is fully loaded with the programs. I am waiting on the internet and when I get that I will give it to you. Then you will be able to go online. I have a 2 year contract with clear for both of the laptops. Now you can have your “Danielle” private moments on the laptop. I said it would change your life because having a laptop has been such a great gift to me. This laptop is sturdy and is the best of the best when I got it. I wanted to give you something that meant a lot to me to give to you and it was this laptop.

Know that you are so special to me; you are so amazing in all that you do. I want you to be happy and smile knowing that I love and want you to be proud of me. The greatest joy to me is “to please you in all ways” wink!!

I know that I am hard to understand at times. Just know that you are the only one that has ever caught my attention and thank you for giving me new experiences and opening your family, your heart and soul to me. Know that we have the greatest journey ahead of us. Thank you for asking me to be a part of your life and family and for saying yes to the engagement rings. Thank you for your soul words. I love you so dearly. You once said that I amaze you how I love you. My beloved it is you that amaze me at how you love me. I will arrange time and space for you just so you can smile, dropping rose pedals at your feet so that for every breath you take you know that you are loved by me.

Thank you. I love you dearly.

Your soul mate and love,

KAT

12.25.2011”

Danielle sits on the black couch looking at the laptop in amazement. Her eyes gleam with excitement. I had placed accessories into the laptop bag. I may not be wealthy however; I worked overtime to ensure that Danielle had the things that she wanted. There was much joy in my soul that I wanted to cry. The moment was precious in the feeling, the love and the joy. Danielle was so amazing on how she treated me and loved me.

In looking back, there was a moment that didn’t seem right to me. It felt very wrong and went beyond not introducing me to the family. In the moment, I passed it off as my insecurity in my relationship and that I just needed to believe. I should have listened to my instincts. It was a moment of puzzlement when Danielle’s mother called. Danielle told bragged to her mother that she had just bought a laptop, the one that I had just given her for Christmas. The feeling of rejection went to the very core of being because I am the one that just gave her the gift. Why would Danielle not tell her mother that she received a lap top from her girlfriend, her finance? I tried to understand. Danielle hangs up the phone with her mother seeing the look in my eyes.

“Why did you lie to your mother? I’m the one that gave you the gift. Are you ashamed of me?” I asked.

Danielle comes over to me,

“ Honey, I don’t want the family to know about you yet. “

“When Danielle? I understand that when we first got together that you wanted to slowly introduce me to the family as your girlfriend.” I said.

“We’ve had this talk before. You know that I was just out of a relationship with Donna. I didn’t want my family to judge me. You don’t understand Mexican families,” Danielle quipped.

I look away, sighing,

“I understand because I know how people can be judgmental. However, you wear our engagement rings. We are to be married. You told people that you loved me,” I stated.

Danielle kisses me,

“You know I love you, and yes you are my wife and we are going to have a ceremony in front of people. Just wait here,” Danielle stated as she went to her bedroom. She came out with a gift for me.

“I don’t think you should open the present here in front of the children. You can peak however it’s for a special time,” Danielle smiled.

Inside the box was black, laced, sexy lingerie. The way Danielle looked at me when I took the gift off to the side and peaked was a mischievous child. A huge smile came over me as I went to hug Danielle as she whispers into my ear,

“Now you can wear it the next time we have a private moment. We can really play and I’ll show you how much I really love you.”

The gift put my doubt to ease as I told myself that my mind was playing tricks on me. Danielle did love me. She just had to say that to placate her mother who Danielle said was overbearing. The rest of the evening was filled with drinks as I watched Danielle cook a duck dinner. It was a feast like no other. My dreams of family were here now and I am truly blessed. For the first time I had a Christmas with family. Just a week prior, Danielle invited me to come over as the children show me how to put lights on a Christmas tree. I had never done that before. Today I have the most wonderful girlfriend and finance to be. I was blessed. Thank you to the greatest powers that be for this wonderful experience of knowing what Christmas meant.

Christmas would be the last time that Danielle and I were ever intimate together. I look back upon the situation asking myself if there was a reason that Danielle didn’t want me to come over in the morning of Christmas 2011 as we had planned. Did she have the other woman there first in the morning and I was a side bar? I find myself taking a deep breath knowing now that I was a side bar entrée. The truth was that Danielle didn’t want her family to know because I was the other woman. I had blown off the incident with the laptop because I thought Danielle wouldn’t hurt me like that. She promised me that she would never hurt me. I had wanted to believe her so badly that I blinded myself to the truth that was in front of me. I utilized the evidence of our engagement, the rings, the car and the way she talked of how she loved me to validate that our relationship was solid.

In the beginning when I was writing this memoir, I wished Danielle had not thrown me away so easily. If my friend Bryan was alive today, he would have said something similar.

“We cannot fight the battle of what if. What we can do is fight to be honorable and pray that we have touched but one life so no one forgets who we were.”

Today I realize it was never about Danielle throwing me away. It was about a delicate game of using and manipulation. Danielle was using me to get what she wanted in her life and she knew that I would do it because of my love for her. At the time, I was blinded by her actions because I wanted so desperately to be loved that I was willing to accept any form of abuse by her just so I can say that I have a great girlfriend.

ROJO POEM
The poem Rojo really meant a lot to me during the Christmas Holiday. I shared this poem with Danielle. She understood and helped me through Christmas. It is only honorable that I include it here in this memoir. Rojo was my poetic essay that described my account of how my sister was murdered.
ROJO

©5.23.2006

(In the book Tabula Rasa Mee Nah: Extraordinary Measures)
AUTHOR NOTE:

This is dark poetic essay dealing with an actual event that I experienced in my life. The way she was killed is actually in the writing below. Not really poetic essay as it is a real event. However my sister deserves to be remembered. My sister was killed brutally by my biological mother and this is that memory of the event. I used poetry so that her story would be forgotten. May my sister’s soul rest in peace.

ROJO

Children possess certain innocence about them. They see the world in a playful state. It is in this state that relearning processes begin and develop. There are certain realities that some children should not have to see or experience. Rojo is one of those instances. In Spanish, ROJO means RED. Blood is the color of red. It runs through our very being and spills just as easy.

It is the morning of December 25, 1979. There is a child of 7 years waiting for this day. The child awakens hoping that maybe the rumored Santa Claus has arrived with some gifts under a tree that does not exist. Maybe Santa knew the poverty stricken state of the child and he would take pity and still leave a gift for this child. The child looks around the hall way in a beat up two story mansion. There is nothing but the smells of urine of the dogs and certain sadness begins to set in on the child.

The grandmother and mother come down the stairs,

“Sit down. Santa has brought you a special gift just for you,” the mother states.

The child sits down nervously. A certain hope begins to build in this child. Santa did come after all. What did he leave?

In the middle of the hallway, the child is sitting waiting anxiously. The mother grins and underneath the bench in the hallway she pulls out a red bag. The mother smiles at the child.

“Santa saw your letter that you left. What was it again?” the mother says.

The child listens.

“Dear Santa, please come to my house even though it’s dirty.

I will be a good girl. I have been reading the word of Jesus.”

The mother hands the child the bag. The child feels the bag. A certain terror begins to enter the child. The bag is dripping with red water from it and it’s squishy. The child begins to open the bag, and immediately upon opening screams. It is the human head of a five year old girl…her sister.

The mother laughs at the child. The child begins to cry as the mother bends down to the child.

“Stupid girl, where is your fucking Jesus Christ now? For a god so loving and protective, he obviously did not protect your sister,” the mother states.

“He’s with me like it says.” The child states.

The mother laughs.

“Really, your sister is dead now because of you. Live with that Bastard,” the mother states.

“But why did you do this?” the child cries.

“Because bastard children like you don’t deserve a Christmas. We told you not to tell anyone what we are doing and you wrote a letter to Santa.”

“But its Santa” The child states.

“Now when you are grown, you will remember that red is your sister’s blood. You will live with this day forever. No one will love you because they will know that because you wrote Santa your sister was killed.”

The mother grabbed the bag and leaves the house. The blood was still on the child’s hand. In that moment the reality sat in. To speak to anyone that was going to cause death. The child cries.

“I am sorry sister, so sorry.”

The child runs into the closet and begins to pray. She prayed for forgiveness that her sister died due to her sending a letter to Santa Claus.

There are terrors beneath the surface that some children face and we never know about. Things that go bump in the night and that we know exist however to look at would only destabilize our perceptions of what normal people do. Rojo the color of blood stains the child’s soul. This imprint makes her determined to protect all children when she grows up. That is if she survives. Dear sweet lord, let me live so that as an adult my words will reach the lives of others. Let me live so that when I love hatred is erased.

APARTMENT FIRE: JANUARY 29^th, 2012:
In the weeks following Christmas, Danielle grew distant from me. There was no rhyme or reason. Everything went cold turkey and no communication explaining the distance. Danielle began not answering my wake up calls and would text that she was busy. I grew concerned because she was my fiancée and love of my life. It was not like Danielle to not communicate. She always said what was on her mind. When I did reach her in the wake up calls I asked if she wanted to continue waking her in the morning. She still wanted me call her everyday to wake her up so that she wouldn’t be late for work. It was confusing because she would skip my calls. One day I skipped calling her due to my own job and was blamed for her tardiness to work. I never skipped a day thereafter. Our conversations were a mere five minutes at best. Danielle would tell me,

“I ‘m working a lot of overtime honey so that we can have a house together. I love you.”

The one day that we were to meet for breakfast, Danielle told me she had to work. A few hours later a friend had informed me that Danielle was home and there was another car there and I should question why Danielle lied about being home and having a visitor over when I was her fiancée. I blew this off as Danielle needing space. In the future I would find out who was really there.

During this time I had released an e book on Amazon Kindle Store, called Fireseeds: Black Panther Rising. I even created a character after Danielle’s strength that I referred to as a dragon. In the book, the dragon became one of the main characters. The original plotline didn’t have a love story. I rewrote the entire book to include a powerful love story that reflected our love story in real life. The book became an international best seller. I thought of course it would. Love conquers all.

One morning towards the end of January, Danielle told me,

“We need to have a grown up talk!”

My heart sank to the very bottom of my stomach. Briefly the thought of the other car came into my mind. What was going on? What did Danielle mean by this statement? A part me knew that she wanted to leave yet I couldn’t accept that reality. If Danielle wanted to leave then why did she have all the mystery? Why all the cloak and dagger? Why did she continue to wear our engagement rings? Why all the words that she still loved me?

“What do you mean, Danielle?” I asked.

“I love you however I feel that I don’t give you enough,” Danielle responded sadly.

“You do. I told you that I am always here. Whether you give me five minutes or five seconds, we are together and we can do anything,” I responded despondently.

“Yes and I love you so much. I need to see you, be with you. Let’s have a quiet dinner together and spend time with each other.” She responded. I agreed happily.

We decided on a time to meet on January 29, 2012 and have dinner at her place to discuss everything. We were going to have an intimate evening together. I rearranged my entire work schedule and threatened to quit if my job did not let me have off. My job agreed to my request. The evening came and Danielle cancelled the evening with us because she had forgotten.

Fate was about to change things and I would experience moment that be the start of me remembering all of my past. That night I decided to drink in my apartment. I had two bottles of red merlot. I passed out. I woke up to an alarm going off. It was so loud yet I was very disorientated because I was hung over. Just a few hours prior I had consumed two bottles of red merlot. I was depressed over the events of the evening that had just transpired with Danielle and me. The fact that she wanted to have a conversation with me, a private intimate dinner and then Danielle cancelled because she forgot. I used the alcohol to avoid my pain.

I was supposed to meet Danielle at her house that night for what she called a grown up talk. However she mysteriously forgotten that Sunday night was family dinner and she refused to have me over. I thought that it was odd since she said I was family.

“Do you want me to come over and just chill with you. I did get the evening off just for you, Danielle,” I asked.

“No, we will meet Tuesday night. Bye, “Danielle stated hanging up the phone.

A deep rooted sadness began to overcome my soul. Here the woman I loved that said I was family didn’t want me around her or her family. I was being rejected. Danielle was abandoning me without telling me why. I could not comprehend the reason why. I had gone to the Golden Dragon restaurant earlier in the evening and met with a supposed friend, Ronna. Ronna was my ex roommate and someone that I didn’t like to deal with. However, in the moment any company including that of a snake was better than none.

Ronna told me that she had a bad feeling if I stayed the night at my apartment. I said that I needed to process.

“No you just want to be alone, sad, and drink. I’m telling you,

this woman is breaking you. She is just using you.”

I looked at Rona with disgust. This was my time to have true love. I was not going to have someone take it away from me.

“No, she loves me. She took my rings, and the car. She said that I am her soul mate. She promised that she would never do that.” I stated.

Rona looked at me,

“Not everyone is as honorable as you. You are so naive. People are still evil. Please stay the night at my house. I least I can be there for you when you drink. You know how sometimes you get sad when you drink.”

I ignored Rona and went home.

The alarm was still going off. I woke up and I could hardly breathe or see. Smoke had filled the apartment. The alarm was in fact the smoke alarm. I was hung over and disorientated. All I could remember was what the hell caught fire. I stumbled into the kitchen and flames had engulfed the pantry. My immediate reaction was,

“OMG where is my cat…SKY…SKY,”

I called out and he did not come. I had to find my cat. I began panicking and where was Sky? He is my cat. I made it to the front door and the maintenance man was there.

“OMG you are alive. Your apartment is on fire. You have to leave.” He said.

“My cat, my cat” I repeated.

“Ma’am your cat is most likely dead. You have to leave.”

“Fuck you. I will find him,” I said slamming the door to my apartment, going into the dining room.

The smoke was heavier in the dining room. It was thick as I could barely breathe. It suddenly hit me as I looked around seeing all the flames. I was not going to make it out alive. I knew at this moment, I was going to die. I remember laughing because I survived my mother to be bested by a fire. How appropriate that I should go out like this.

I reached for my cell phone and called Danielle. She did not answer and I left a message.

“Danielle, I want you to know that I love. My apartment is on fire and I am in the kitchen. I am trapped and cannot see my way out. I don’t think I am going to make it out alive. Realize that you are the love of my life and thank you for your love.” I hung up. She never did call back.

There were people outside trying to break in the apartment screaming

“Ma’am come back to the door.”

I remember someone shouting outside the door.

“She will die,”

I staggered from the dining room into the kitchen. The flames were huge. The washer had caught fire. The heat was as intense as the smoke filled my lungs. I thought about Danielle. She did not answer her phone or my text. Why? I thought about how I was not invited to her family dinner and that we were to meet on Tuesday to have a grown up talk. It hit me like a ton of bricks. She was going to give up on our relationship because she told me that she had felt she was not enough for me. I didn’t want to bear this sadness. The smoke fills my lungs as I collapse to the floor,

“Forgive me for not making it out alive,” I started to cry.

They always say your life flashes in front of you prior to death. I fell to the floor due to the smoke inhalation. Suddenly I began see images of when I was child, the days of college, my old friends who never made it to my age due to death or suicide. I saw images of when I first moved to Texas. A chill filled the apartment. It was odd since there was a fire. I felt something in the apartment. It was a presence like a ghost. I look up, and there was a light. A figure appeared before me. It was a child. Oh sweet Lord Jesus. It was Sarah, my murdered sister. That was impossible, I thought. I saw Sarah’s head in my hands when I was a child. Jesus Christ, I had received her head as a Christmas present from Santa Claus. I fear Santa Claus to this day because of that incident. I thought how strange that I should die and Sarah helps me to cross over.

“Sarah, you’re dead? I couldn’t stand up and you died. Forgive me,” I said.

Sarah had not aged past ten years. She smiled and looked at me,

“They killed me not you.”

I start to cry.

“Because I couldn’t stand and then I wrote the letter to Santa”

Sarah gets on her knees next to me.

“Because they broke your back, sister. The letter to Santa was just an excuse to give you my head. Mom always played with our minds. You know that. I know you tried to save me and I love you for that. Kat, please forgive yourself,” Sarah said.

I started to stand but then I thought of Danielle.

“Danielle is going to leave because I failed her. I wasn’t strong enough for her. She could not handle what I went through,” I said.

“Kat, you promised me and the other children that you

would live to tell our Story so no one will ever forget, you promised me. Remember the dandelion” Sarah said.

“But Danielle,” I cried.

“Honor begets honor. Soon you will see why Danielle is not what she promises. She has a dark soul. KAT, STAND UP. YOU MUST LIVE. You promised me, and you always keep your promises,” Sarah stated.

“Why?” I gasped.

“KAT STAND UP. YOU PROMISED ME. Besides there is a family that will need you. NOW STAND UP!” Sarah yells.

Suddenly I stand up, grabbed water and started pouring it on the fire. I

do not know where my strength came from. The fire starts to diminish. I manage to walk to the front door, opening it. There is a fireman with an ax who grabbed me. The other firefighter went for my cat. He knew where my cat was, hiding in the hallway closet.

I can’t help but think that Sara’s spirit was actually there with me in that fire. I remember Sarah fighting for me to stand up. I once did the same thing for her. I remember Sarah telling me and reminding me of my promise. What is this family that Sarah was talking about that needed me? I knew as well as Sara that if I thought there was someone that needed my help I would stand up. It wasn’t my time to die. I would not understand why Sarah would say honor would begat honor. I would not understand why Sarah would say that Danielle was not what she promises.

Danielle should have called to see if I was okay. Danielle never called me. When I had asked her in the following days about why she did not call me back, Danielle said,

“I fell asleep,”

“But you didn’t even call me when you woke,”

“You are alive right,” She said.

My friends were disturbed by that fact that I tried to excuse Danielle not calling me. When Danielle and I would meet for that the grown talk Danielle said,

“I felt guilty because I thought I wanted to burn our relationship out

Of my mind. Perhaps my energy caused that fire.”

This was an omen of things to come.