It was my desire to reduce the fear and sense of isolation associated with diagnosis, increase awareness and reduce stigma sur

Just A Few Famous Bipolar Sufferers: -
Vincent Van Gogh - Artist Virginia Woolfe – Novelist

Mozart - Composer Axl Rose - Singer Guns ‘n’ Roses

Rene Rivkin - Business Tycoon Rosemary Clooney – Singer

Sting – Singer & Writer Carrie Fisher – Actress Star Wars

Ben Stiller – Comedian, Actor, Producer DMX – Rapper & Actor

Craig Hamilton – ABC Broadcaster Michael Slater – Cricketer

Jim Carey – Comedian, Actor Peter Gregg – Race Car Driver

Daniel Johnston – Singer & Writer Neil Cole – Playwright

Spike Milligan – Comedian & Actor Paul Robertson – Artist (WA)

(www.pauldrobertson.com)

That was then, this is now
It is now 2011 and 10 years since I was diagnosed with Bipolar. I have come a long way, achieved much, experienced many new things and am relatively stable.
It took 5 years before we found the right medication combination for me to be able to function fairly well. I am on 400mg Lamictal (mood stabiliser), 600mg Effexor (anti-depressant) and 100mg Solian (anti-psychotic) per day, as well as 2000mg Flaxseed Oil tablets. Whilst I still experience side effects such as migraines if I forget to take my Solian, Metabolic Syndrome (high cholesterol), not menstruating (which I see as a plus, as all women would) and the shakes, these are side effects I can live with and the positives of the medications far out way the negatives, even if it does cost me on average $210 per month to buy them.
I still regularly experience some symptoms like pressured head (it’s like wearing a swimming cap 5 sizes to small), low grade headaches, irregular sleep patterns, sound and light sensitivity, smell (olfactory) and touch (tactile) psychosis; however I seldom have full blown episodes. Full blown episodes are usually triggered by prolonged high stress situations, family or work politics, inequality, cruelty to animals, prejudice, etc.
For the most part, I have put coping strategies in place to combat the severity of my episodes and I am extremely lucky in that I have a fantastic husband and family who monitor me closely (without being suffocating or controlling) and are very supportive (it wasn’t always this way). Although I hate it when I lose the ability to control my life due to my illness, I just have to keep reminding myself I do have an illness that sometimes takes away my ability to control what is happening in my life. Not that that makes it any less frustrating at the time.
I am also lucky that my work hours are flexible and I can be open and honest with my employer about my illness. The only day I must absolutely go to work, for at most 2 hours, is payday; regardless of how I feel. But there have only been 2 occasions in the past 4 ½ years that I was just not able to get out of bed and my co-workers were receptive to being paid a day late. My employer also offered to give them some money if they absolutely needed it to tide them over, to be repaid when their pays were done, which is something not a lot of employers would do.
I have always worked and find that working gives me some structure and makes me get out of bed and face the day. I’m very much a home body and without my job I would become a total recluse and close myself off from the world. I avoid places with a lot of people and tend to only socialise with small groups. I will not go to the shopping centre or in town unless I absolutely have to and usually wait until I have several things I need to do; then I get in and get out as fast as I can. I pay all my bills and do most of my shopping on line to reduce the need to expose myself to the discomfort of being in a crowd.
Mental Health advocacy, Glimpses and Minds Unleashed are my passion. I have been involved in a lot of research programs and am a registered brain donor, because if there is any way I can help increase the knowledge of how bipolar works and can be treated, I will. I have just started a dual Certificate IV course in Alcohol & Other Drugs and Mental Health and hope to secure a position in the Mental Health field in the near future. If I can make a positive difference in even one person’s life, all my hard work and effort will have been worth it. There is no better person to learn about mental illness from than another mental illness sufferer, even if our symptoms are not exactly the same; it reduces the sense of isolation and helplessness.
I have found it important to my recovery to set achievable short and medium term goals as a means to maintain some semblance of motivation and drive to face each day. For a long time I could not and would not set anything over a short term goal or make commitments because I just never knew what state my health would be in and I could not cope with starting something then not being able to finish it. Because of my need to be so strictly in control of my life and surroundings, I am often referred to as a ‘control freak’ or ‘anal retentive’. I however, do not see this as a negative, because these are good ‘qualities’ to have in the workplace in relation to paying attention to detail, organisation, preparation and completion of tasks. So if you are like me in this respect and are told you are a ‘control freak’ or ‘anal retentive’, be sure to say thank you!
My puppies are the other things that have a very positive affect on my moods. I can come home from work or wherever feeling yuck and the happy, tail wagging, unconditional love I am greeted with by my puppies has an immediate impact on my mood. I find sitting on the floor playing, brushing, training or cuddling them to have a wonderful relaxing and calming effect on me. I cannot imagine my life without the presence of their effervescent personalities and love.
For a long time I struggled with trying to understand what were symptoms of my illness and what was me, my personality. It was like I didn’t know who I was anymore, like my life to date was a lie and I questioned everything I had done or said and was now doing or saying. I totally lost my sense of self and analysed everything, but in doing so I have learnt so much about myself and am very in tune with my mind and body; as we all know, bipolar’s symptoms can also be physical. My psychiatrist told me of all his patients I was the most knowledgeable about my illness and in tune with how it manifested in me, my only fault was that I still couldn’t accept loss of control when I had an episode.
Through this new self-awareness I became more aware of how others reacted to me, what I did and said. Whilst my experience of being open, honest and out there about having bipolar has been predominantly positive, I found that a few people changed in their perception of me. I stopped being a person with an illness and became an illness with a person attached. These people reacted to most things I said or did as being because of my illness, for example, if they said or did something that was hurtful or made me angry, they treated me as if it was my illness responding to them and not the fact that I was angry or hurt by them, with every reason to be angry or hurt. But this too I have learnt to cope with.
I have had very few experiences of stigma related incidences and if those people are not receptive to the insight I can provide them I just write them off as a lost cause. I learnt long ago through other life experiences that getting upset by others closed mindedness is futile and no longer let it fester or take it personally. Although it was a hard lesson that took a long time to learn. I think in part that I got to this point through my unerring strength, determination and belief that while I might have bipolar, I am intelligent. I do not suffer people who seem to be confused in thinking that having a mental illness makes you dumb and am very quick to point this out. Did you know that the majority of people with a mental illness have a higher than average IQ? Well I undertook a genuine IQ test and have a high IQ and am not slow in pointing that out.
Looking back I can see how far I have come and how much I have achieved in the past 10 years. Unlike many I have built a good group of support people around me, but most importantly I have the love, support and understanding of my family. Family generated stigma is the hardest stigma to deal with and overcome. I cannot imagine what it must be like and how much further impact some cultural beliefs/customs can have on this. If this is the situation you are struggling through at the moment, I encourage you to seek and build a group of support people from outside your family as a start and provide your family with as much literature and contacts as possible to help educate them about your illness. Whether it is your family or others holding you back, challenge your resulting feelings of being valueless, unworthy and second rate. As hard as it seems at the time, try to reiterate to yourself repeatedly, your positive traits, strengths, abilities, knowledge and experiences. It takes a long time and is hard work, but I am glad to say from personal experience, it is worth the effort.
Once I got past ‘what will other people think and say?’, being ashamed and embarrassed, feeling isolated, weak, a burden and unworthy, things changed dramatically. I now approach each day with confidence that I am the best person I can be, I have a lot to offer the community/world, I am intelligent and I make a difference. I wish you well on your journey.