"Let’s Fix The Kids!" A parenting Resource Manual by
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GARAGE: Car, bikes, skates, skateboard, sports and camping equipment, washer and dryer, tools, full freezer,_______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ MISCELLANEOUS: Medical and dental care, pets, dozens of restaurants, movies and entertainment, theme parks, beaches, parks, vacations, buses and planes, lessons: dance, karate, soccer, football, baseball, ballet, music, ____________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ Want happier, more capable and appreciative kids? PUT THEM TO WORK!! Put them to work? YES! Kids who have been required to work, be accountable for their choices, and be responsible to earn much of what they get become: 1. More capable, skilled and hard working (confident), 2. Wiser in their short and long term choices (obedient), 3. Better managers of their time and property (responsible), 4. More appreciative and loving of their families (loving), 5. Happier and more successful in life (happy), and 6. More respectful of their parents as youth and adults (thoughtful).
1. Lack self-esteem and confidence because they do not feel capable or skilled, 2. Make poorer choices when faced with short or long term problems (little or no training in consequences), 3. Don’t manage their time and property well because they haven’t worked to earn what they have and therefore don’t value it highly, 4. Are ungrateful and demanding of their parents and are usually uncooperative, 5. Are unhappy people who prefer relationships outside of the family, and are often sullen and contentious with family members, 6. Don’t respect their parents highly (as youth or as adults), and 7. Are more susceptible to peer pressure and are at much higher risk for becoming involved in drugs and other antisocial behavior. Parenting Properly: It is not easy, but it is worth it!! What's the matter with kids today? Why won’t kids earn and save money? Why don’t they appreciate anything? Why won’t kids listen to counsel or mind their parents? Why won’t kids clean their bedrooms and bathrooms? Why won’t they work? Because they don’t need to! They have no unmet needs! Needs motivate to action! No needs...No action! There are many young adult “children” (18 years and older) still living at home who are not full time students, nor are they working full time. “Enabling parents” continue to shelter them while they dabble at school and work. They are neither serious students nor steady workers. They generally have only menial jobs and offer little or no financial support for their board and room. They spend what they do make on themselves. These parents have raised “consumers” and not “producers”. These “children” should be required to work and fully support themselves unless they are serious full time students. It is in the young adult’s interest that parents be firm about this issue. Young adults should be moved out if they have become parasitic!
Rats can very quickly be trained with this process; our children are much smarter than rats! It is extremely simple: reward behavior you want, do not reward behavior you don’t want, and punish bad behavior when necessary. Even a two-year-old child who is consistently and immediately put in Time Out for whining (with absolutely no warnings or explanations) soon begins to associate the whining behavior with the undesirable Time Out experience and “catches on”. This is effective even when it would be impossible to explain the procedure to her verbally. In this way whining behavior is not reinforced, or shaped into tantrum behavior. What are the two keys that work the Token Economy successfully? POWERFUL NEEDS and SUPER SATISFIERS!! 1. Powerful NEED (very hungry). Children need to have needs. Everything should not be provided by the parents. Children should be motivated to action by needing to “obtain” and satisfy their needs. A child won’t act if he has already been given everything he can imagine! 2. Super, highly desirable NEED SATISFIER (very juicy hamburger). Find the “hot buttons.” If the reward a parent offers for mowing the lawn has no value to the boy, it will have no motivating power to action. Find the highly motivating rewards and he will “act.” Which environment below offers the greatest potential for child development? Would you believe that the youth in Environment “B” are more appreciative, confident, and happy? Would you believe they are more independent and enjoy higher self-esteem? They do! Does the Token Economy require more money? NO! Some parents complain at first, “I can’t afford to pay my kids for cleaning their rooms or doing yard work.” You aren’t spending more on your children! Why? Because whatever you can (or decide to) spend on your children for clothes, entertainment, etc. is simply processed through the children. If you were to spend $100 on clothes for a child at the mall and you personally handled the money and gave it to the merchant, you would be missing an opportunity to train your child. We are suggesting that you take the same $100 and use it more wisely by having your son earn it, bank it, take it shopping and spend it on himself. The clothes cost no more whether he handles the money or you do. You’ll actually spend less in the long run because: 1. Children are less wasteful of things they buy with their own money that they have earned; they take better care of things. 2. The Token Economy does not supply all they need, and so they are soon doing jobs outside the home (baby-sitting, baking cookies, bread, lawns, etc.). Which program is best for the development of the child? Situation 1: Mom takes Tim (age 10) to buy some shoes and other clothes for school. Mom pays the clerk $100 and they leave. Situation 2: Mom takes Larry (age 10) shopping. Mom points out a few things, but it is obvious to the clerk that his customer is Larry and not Mom. Larry has $100 in his pocket. Mom has brought him shopping because he needs a new pair of tennis shoes, some shirts and a pair of pants. Larry has earned this money by working at home and doing chores for the neighbors. He is typically very careful with it and is open to mom’s advice about quality and price. After picking out what he likes (he had picked out the best buys) he pays the clerk from his own wallet. If the clerk does not comment on what has just happened, mom will mention that her son has already started to support himself and to earn his own way. This is socially reinforcing to Larry who (justifiably) feels very good about himself! What about points and their value? Children earn points for correct behavior. The number of points available to be earned is determined by the value you give them and how much you are requiring the child to “buy” for himself. Children should be learning to earn and manage their own money and so we must consider how much money the child needs. Therefore, the number of points given must be calculated and related to the money needs of that particular child. That of course is determined by age and how far along you are in getting your child financially trained and ultimately independent. Remember points convert to cash and they also earn privileges. Therefore, if your child is required to buy most of his own clothes, etc., make sure that your point system converts into almost enough cash for him to buy what he needs (if he works hard and is frugal). Call your teens "young adults"! As children get older and their expenses increase (special interests, dating, driving, etc.), it is important that the family not bear the entire burden for these “young adults”. The Token Economy program for a younger child can provide 100% of his/her financial needs. However, as the child grows older it is important that the “family” Token Economy only provide 95%, then 90%, and then less of the money needed each year, so that the child is required little by little to look outside the family for financial opportunities. By the time a child is 17 or 18, except for food, shelter, and medical expenses, he should be providing close to 100% of his own money, and much of that from nonfamily, outside sources. This system develops hard working, confident, skilled and appreciative youth who definitely take life more seriously and who also take better advantage of their opportunities. How many points? Don’t be stingy with points. A point can be worth 1¢ or $1.00, or more. Strange as it seems, a child who scrubs the bathroom to earn $1.00 gets more reinforcement if he gets the $1.00 for earning 100 points than if you give him the same $1.00 for earning only 1 point. The points themselves become reinforcing! When you are explaining the program and helping a child make the bed say, “Hey, that was easy. Let’s go record the 10 points you just earned!” How do I introduce the "Game" to a child? “Sonny, you are very helpful for Mom lots of the time but I think we need to work on your room; it’s usually pretty messy. I have decided not to nag you about it anymore because nagging is unpleasant for both of us. I have an idea how you can learn to keep your room clean. I think it will be fun and we won’t have any more nagging. The way this game works is that you will get a chance to earn something that you really want at the same time you are learning to keep your room clean. “Each morning I will check to see if you have made your bed, picked up your clothes and put all your personal items away. If you have done all of this (show him the Bedroom Door Check List) you will get 10 points, and you’ll get 10 points (or how ever many you decide) each day that you do these things. The points are recorded on this Earnings Contract. This is my promise to reward you for taking care of your room properly every day. This contract will be on the refrigerator and you can keep track of your points. The points are very valuable. Here is what you may trade your points for.” (Then explain the trading system.) For frequent reinforcement mother can convert the points to money every day. It is fine (and some psychologists recommend) that the points represent amounts of money, for example 10 points = 10¢. Because the natural and real world requires work and money, working for and handling money is good experience. Get your children thinking about what they want to get with their points. Some might protest, “I don’t want points or anything!” You can respond, “Well, you have to clean your room every day whether you want to earn points or not. Don’t you think it’s a lot smarter to earn points so you can buy things?” Most kids will turn on to the game right away if you hit a “Hot Button” like a puppy, a movie, or a doll. For hard cases (if they won’t clean their room) you can start picking up and confiscating those things left lying around the bedroom: toys, clothes, personal items, games, radios, etc. Take them and tell the child you are very serious about this and will no longer tolerate a messy room. Let him know that the missing items can be bought back for a price or given away to the Children’s Hospital or some other charity. The purpose of this is to begin to work a serious hardship on the messy child in terms of lacking toys, games, clothing, shoes, equipment, etc. They should get the idea before everything is gone. (Do not neglect the sheets and covers on the child’s bed; make it or loose it!) Another alternative is for mother to clean the room herself and charge a cleaning fee of $5.00. She can then collect the money, require extra chores, or deduct meals, but the free loading has ended. What about contracts? Listed below are a few of the many advantages of dealing with children on a “contractual” level (using simple, but specifically written contracts). It: ? Requires the meeting of two minds ? Improves negotiation skills ? Teaches clear and thorough thinking ? Requires foresight, planning ahead and organization ? Holds one responsible for personal actions ? Teaches consequences ? Promotes honesty ? Develops integrity ? Honors and rewards work and endurance ? Allows “earning” what one receives ? Defines what is expected in performance, limits, etc. ? Requires deferment of gratification ? Places responsibility where it belongs ? Teaches and develops skills in expression of personal needs and wants in a clear and articulate manner ? Teaches boundaries, rights and obligations ? Teaches need for law, agreements and voluntary compliance for peace and order ? Teaches that rules, laws, and agreements can and ought to be changed and adjusted occasionally ? Promotes peace, harmony and order ? Avoids 90% of contentions normally associated with verbal agreements (“He said.....!” “You said.....!”) ? Teaches commitment ? Requires we live a higher law; has a tendency to push us further, to live closer to our ideals. When we would give up or quit we are “required” to see things through. We therefore accomplish more for the sake of our promises to others, and (for personal pride and honor) we go the distance.
? Contracts should be negotiated. The older the child, the more extensive the negotiations can be. ? Both parent and child should benefit (it should be a “win/win” situation). ? If time is a consideration it should be clearly stated. ? Contracts should be signed and dated by parents and child. ? “Contract” means writing down the specific behaviors and the reinforcing arrangements that are agreed upon by the persons involved. ? In the beginning, and with younger children, the contract should only contain one or two behaviors (keep it simple). ? Ask the kids to select their rewards. Of course, they must be reasonable, but make it worth their while in order to keep them motivated. ? In many behavioral contracts a schedule of reinforcers (payoffs) for various degrees of the behavior is specified. ? Contracts are “contingent reinforcers.” You get _____ if you_____. ? Tokens or money soon become reinforcers in themselves by being paired or associated with what they can be used to purchase. ? When parents are paying a child with the promised tokens (reinforcers) they can greatly strengthen the behavior by adding strong, plentiful social reinforcers (expressions of approval, happy face, words of praise, hugs, kisses, etc.). ? Contracts call for finishing a job, not for half-hearted attempts. Don’t pay off for “almost”. If you reward sloppy performance, you surely train them to be sloppy! Require a good job but don’t demand perfection. “Well sweetheart, you ‘almost’ finished the dishes...and that means you ‘almost’ earned the points!” ? Example: Home by: 3:30=4 points 3:35=3 points 3:40=2 points 3:45=1 point after 4:00=0 points, and no TV that day! So, arriving home at 3:31 is “almost” 3:30; tell the child 3:31 “almost” got 4 points. “Almost” performances “almost” get the payoff. Don’t “wimp” out! ? Make contract behaviors easier at first and never so hard that they are almost impossible. A balance must be maintained between making the program too hard and too easy!
Contracts can earn tokens, money, prizes, different privileges (have friends over for a party), the right to wave specified restrictions (stay out one hour past normal curfew), or anything the child wants that is legal and which you can afford! Don’t scold for failing to honor contracts. Simply say in a matter-of-fact way, “You forgot your bed this morning, so no points for that!” and move on. Depending upon the child (from about age 6) the “Earnings Contract” becomes very easy to use. It allows for many behaviors and many rewards because these older children are required to earn, save and buy an ever increasing number of personal items. Remember, kids hate to do chores, so we prefer not to have negative sounding “chore charts”. However, kids love to earn and have money. The “Earnings Contract” (a multiple task record) allows the focus to be on various behaviors simultaneously which are still weak and need reinforcement. (Also, see NOTE #1, page 238.)
A contingency contract is a promise to get something if you first do something; it is a conditional promise. “You can play when (if) your homework is completed. You may watch TV as soon as (if) the dishes are done.” Our children have been given many things and privileges without earning them. Contingency contracting is now going to require children to earn much of what they have been taking for granted. Johnny rides his bike and plays with friends every day after school, but he hasn’t been cleaning his bedroom or his bathroom. He has taken these privileges for granted. From now on his parents are going to require that he earn the privilege of using his bike and playing with friends. “Johnny, from now on, first, you clean your bedroom, and then you may go outside and play with friends. Also from now on, as soon as your bathroom passes inspection each day you may take your bike out of the garage and use it.” This is the first (state behavior), then (state privilege) principle. From now on stop automatically “giving” everything to your children; require privileges and possessions to be earned! Take away many of the natural and fun things in life and make it necessary for them to be earned. Things that have been taken for granted and occur often can be used as reinforcers to get the behaviors you want. There are many natural reinforcers in our lives such as: TV, toys, playing outside, desserts, computer games, bikes, pets, eating out, parks, treats, guests, etc., that can be withheld and used as contingent reinforcers. They can have, or do.....as soon as they finish.....! Be tough, “easy” parents train children to be manipulative, selfish and lazy! Contingency Contracting is also sometimes called “Grandma’s Rule”. “First, you do what I (Grandma) want and then you may do what you want!” The child now does what mom and dad want and thus earns the privilege of doing what he wants, which by the way, he used to be able to do for nothing. (The “good old days” are gone forever!) Remember, actions are modified by the consequences of those actions!
The contracts that are to be used in the Token Economy are the “Star Chart”, the “Contract for One behavior” and the “Earnings Contract”. Examples of “Job Sheets” which outline specific tasks for which points may be earned are the “Bedroom”, “Bathroom”, “Kitchen”, and “Utility” forms. Also used in the Token Economy are the “Pigpen Award”, “Maid Service List” and “The Trust Bank”. A sample of each of these forms and instructions for their use are found in this chapter. If you study them well and make complete use of them you will have amazing results. What are job sheets? “Job Sheets” are placed in plastic holders (the kind commonly used in three-ring-binders) and tacked or taped on bulletin boards, the inside doors of bedrooms, bathrooms or on the refrigerator. They specify standards of cleanliness for any room or the requirements for any job: washing clothes, caring for pets, mowing lawns, etc. These Job Sheets list each specific item that must be completed for that particular job to be considered finished and for which points can be earned. Only three or four items are printed in our example (keep it simple!), but there is room to add more items as needed. Bigger jobs get more points. There is also a blank form with no title or heading for any use appropriate to your needs. Do not use up the master forms in the book. Use them only to make copies for your future use. It has proven effective to give extra cleaning once a week to most rooms. If more work is required and if that work is done early, add bonus or double points as an extra reinforcer. See the Bedroom sample sheet in the forms section. Note that items are added for Saturday when the child usually has more time. If a child has Saturday activities, he might decide to do Saturday’s work Friday night in order to avoid conflicts. (See pages 253 - 257.) The child knows exactly what he must do to earn points for a clean bedroom. If he “almost” does it but forgets to turn off the lights and radio (as required in our example) he does not earn points that day; he “almost” gets points! In fact, he might even find his radio gone for two days; consequences are great teachers. Do not be inconsistent or weak with the requirements or you will invite confusion and lower standards. The child soon learns that in 100% of the cases when he is irresponsible with his room performance it will cost him. He must earn what he gets, and if he doesn’t work and earn, he won’t “have “anything! What is the "Pig Pen Award"? This Quarantined sign is used to put an area or room under “quarantine” and “off limits”. It is often hung on the outside of a closed bedroom or bathroom door. Family members are taught (during Family Council) that areas which fall below a certain standard of cleanliness are quarantined until: 1) the problem is discussed with the proper authority, 2) proper action is taken (cleaning, etc.), 3) the room passes inspection, 4) the inspection fee is paid, and 5) the quarantine is lifted. Nothing may be taken from the room or used in the room during quarantine. Persons may enter the room only for cleaning purposes and only with permission or heavy penalties occur. The family can make its own rules regarding Quarantine and the lifting of Quarantine. (See pages 249 - 250.) Yüklə 2,18 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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