Defining Moments

THE PRESS RELEASE PARTY

March 2^nd, 2012 was the press release party for Ignite. It was my first gig covering a live event for my company, House of SVOI. I was so excited to be receiving this kind of recognition and even invited three other people from my restaurant that I worked at. I prayed so hard that Danielle would show so that she would be proud of me and the work that I was doing as an independent artist. This event could really put her and I back on track.

Danielle never showed up. Afterwards I thought to myself that I should have known better than to hope. I was very angry that Danielle did not show up. During the event I texted her for hours with no response from her. Finally after 12:30 am she responds to me via text.

“I really apologize, I forgot that I had two venues to set up for regarding my catering company. “

I immediately calm down for a moment, wanting so desperately to connect with Danielle that I sent the following text to her.

“I would love to have drinks with you in the coming days”

Be still my heart as Danielle responds with text that excited my heart to no end. The days of distance was coming to an end.

“I promise that we will have drinks and I would love to have them at your apartment and spend the night with you.”

Excitement, joy and relief fill my soul and spirit. Danielle is returning me. I took the text message as a sign that Danielle was ready to continue our relationship.
The press release party was an event that would change another aspect of my life. At the event I met a woman named Saundra. She was a tarot reader. Little did I know that down the way that she and her family would be the family that everyone was talking about. They would teach me to laugh and celebrate my life.

Today I often wonder why my old self had such blind faith and hope in a woman that obviously would be revealed that she didn’t want anything to do with me. I have come to realize through my current ongoing healing process that my blind faith and hope goes back to my mother, Kendra and the horrific victimization that she perpetrated on me. I spent 17 years being raped and tortured by my mother. I always hoped beyond all measure that she would snap out of it, apologize for what she did and finally accept me as her daughter. My mind prayed that in her awakening that she would then turn herself into the police for the horrific crimes that she committed. My mother never did.

My mind couldn’t process why Danielle left me. Suddenly my reality of love was gone, ripped from underneath my feet. I was angry at God and often asked,

“Why me? What did I do wrong? Just love me and return and I will be your servant, Danielle.”

That thought process was a preconditioned ideology from my childhood. I see that today and have worked every day on not repeating that people pleasing mentality. After the Press Release party, my old self continued writing journals to Danielle. I had hoped that we were getting back together based on her last text message. The journey would continue.

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