Ephesians

Five Reasons for Shunning Immorality

Paul goes on to give us five illuminating and logically consistent reasons why sexual immorality must be shunned by those who belong to Christ. Let’s examine each of Paul’s reasons, one by one. The first reason is given in Ephesians 5:3: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”

Reason Number 1: Sexual immorality defiles and debases our humanity.

Note the terms Paul uses: immorality, impurity, and greed. Immorality is the most commonly used term in the Bible for any kind of sexual misconduct. Impurity is literally uncleanness, and refers to anything that is filthy or obscene. The word greed refers to the lust for more of something than is actually needed.

Understand, Paul is not saying that sex is bad. He is warning against distortions and perversions of God’s gift of sex. Sex is God’s invention, His creation, His gift to us to be used wisely. The Bible makes it clear that sex within marriage is beautiful, wholesome, and approved by God.

But the Bible is equally clear that sex outside of marriage is debasing and sinful. It defiles our basic humanity. God’s prohibitions regarding sex are not designed to keep us from something good, but to enable us to enjoy the best and most wholesome sexual expression possible. So Paul calls us to honor marital sex and our own sexuality by shunning immorality.

This statement was made in a day when sexual immorality was as widely tolerated and approved as it is today. In the city of Ephesus, there was a temple to a pagan goddess, and the worship of this goddess was conducted by the means of prostitute-priests and prostitute-priestesses. The whole city accepted and applauded sordid sex acts as a form of worship, a sign of religious dedication. So the admonition of Paul regarding sexual immorality runs directly counter to the culture the Ephesian Christians lived in.

We are told today that all sex is beautiful and natural, that if we feel an itch, we should scratch it, and if we feel an urge, we should indulge it. We are told that having sex whenever, wherever, and with whomever we please is simply the way we were made, and we should do so without shame or apology. This idea that sex, all sex, any sex, is natural and beautiful is a lie.

You could think of sex as a wonderful sandwich, piled high with ham and turkey, Swiss and provolone cheese, alfalfa sprouts, lettuce, tomato, peppers, the works. Set it on a nice clean plate on a table with a checkered tablecloth, and it’s a wonderful feast. But what if you found that same sandwich out in the trash dumpster? Would you pull it out of the mounds of garbage, shoo away the flies, and begin eating? Why wouldn’t you? Because, when you take something as wonderful as that sandwich and put it in a dirty place, it becomes defiled. If you feed yourself from a trash dumpster, no matter how good the food may taste, you can expect to get sick.

Sex is wonderful, alluring, and satisfying for human needs—in its proper place. It is a feast for all the senses. But having sex outside of God’s plan for marriage is like eating a sandwich from the dumpster. It’s bound to make you sick. It may make you physically sick. It will undoubtedly sicken your relationships with the people you care about. And it will make you spiritually, morally, and emotionally sick. It will, above all, sicken your relationship with God.

It is a lie of Satan that, since the sex drive is a natural urge, it should be indulged whenever or wherever it arises. We have many natural urges, but we regulate them all. We all experience hunger and thirst—but we don’t go up to our neighbor and snatch the sandwich and soda can out of his hands and begin eating and drinking. “Hey, I was hungry and thirsty!” is no excuse for such behavior. Neither is “I had a natural urge” an excuse for taking sexual advantage of our neighbor’s husband or wife.

The sex drive is a natural urge, but it requires regulation and restraint. And the intended regulation of sex is marriage. Any other sexual expression is a violation of Christian morality and of our basic humanity as well.

Sex is obviously the most complicated of our natural urges. It requires a partner, which no other urge does. And it is not only a physical union, but an emotional union as well. In fact, the emotional union is the more significant of the two. I have counseled many couples who have experienced the physical union of marital sex, but who are emotionally separated from each other. Their lives are empty and barren as a result. Sex is a complicated process, intended to be a total union of two beings, and only in marriage is such a total union possible. As C. S. Lewis observes,

The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside of marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the physical) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union. The Christian attitude does not mean that there is anything wrong about sexual pleasure, any more than about the pleasure of eating. It means that you must not isolate that pleasure and try to get it by itself any more than you ought to try to get the pleasures of taste without swallowing and digesting, by chewing things and spitting them out again.⁸

It is important to note that Ephesians 5:3 is a continuation of the thought begun in verse 2. It begins with a conjunction, but, which connects it to the previous sentence. So to properly understand Paul’s thinking, his complete thought should be read as a whole:

And live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Ephesians 5:2-3)

The word but at the beginning of verse 3 puts everything in verse 3 in contrast to verse 2. What the apostle is saying is that any sexual immorality is a violation of Christian love. You cannot truly love another person and practice sex with that person outside of marriage. It is impossible.

We often hear the excuse that sex outside of marriage is justified as long as love is present. But Paul says that is impossible. If you really love someone, you don’t have sex with that person outside of the commitment of marriage. It is easy for a young man to tell a young woman he loves her—and it’s easy for her to believe him. But there is a saying that “true love waits,” and that is true. If a young man uses the words “I love you” as a means to get sex, he is not showing love for her—and he is certainly not showing Christian love! Rather, he is demonstrating his own selfishness. True love is concerned about another’s welfare, not one’s own urges.

Dr. Henry Brandt says, “Becoming involved sexually short-circuits the judgment, and one of the most important decisions of your life—whom you will marry—is made under pressure of disappointment, one-sided affection, or over-involvement.” This contradicts the common misconception that it is necessary to experiment with sex before marriage to make sure the marriage will work. This misconception is based on the false assumption that the physical union of sex is the central pillar of a marriage, which it is not. Moreover, it is impossible to test marriage that way because the essential conditions that make up marriage are not there.

“Testing” marriage with premarital sex is like “testing” a parachute by jumping off a ladder. A ladder doesn’t give you enough room to deploy a parachute, and a premarital affair does not give you the time to truly test the durability of a marriage. You can only prove the durability of a marriage over the long haul, by making a commitment before God, then working on fulfilling that commitment, one day at a time.