Saint Anthony Mary Claret

19. I remember that during the war of independence, which lasted from 1808 to 1814, the people of Sallent were so frightened of the French―and with good reason, since the French had burned the city of Manresa and the town of Calders, near Sallent²²⁷―that everyone fled when they heard the news that the French army was on its way. During the first evacuation I recollect being carried on someone's shoulders; but during the last evacuation, when I was four or five, I went on foot and gave grandfather John Clara, my mother's father,²²⁸ a helping hand. It was at night, and his eyesight was failing, and I guided him through the obstacles with such patience and kindness that the poor old man was very glad to see that I hadn't run off to join my brothers and cousins who had abandoned the two of us. I always showed him a great deal of affection until he died, and not only him but also all those who were elderly and disabled.

20. I couldn't stand for anyone to make fun of them, as young boys are often wont to do, despite the exemplary punishment meted out to the boys who made fun of Elisha.²²⁹

Moreover I remember that when I was seated in church and an old man would come in, I would stand up gladly and give him a seat. I would always greet old people on the street, and if I had the pleasure of talking with one of them, I enjoyed it immensely. God grant that I have known how to take advantage of the advice of these elderly gentlemen.²³⁰

21. My God, how good you are! How rich in mercy you have been to me!²³¹ If you had given others the graces you have given me, they would have cooperated with them so much more. Mercy, Lord: I'll begin to be good from now on, with the help of your grace.

Chapter IV

Early Education

22. I was barely six when my parents sent me to school. My first schoolmaster was a very active and religious man, Mr. Anthony Pascual.²³² He never punished or upbraided me, but I was careful not to give him any cause for doing so. I was always punctual, always attended classes, and always prepared my lessons carefully.

23. I learned the catechism so well that whenever I was asked to I could recite it from beginning to end without a mistake.²³³ Three of the other boys learned it as well as I had, and the teacher presented us to the pastor, Dr. Joseph Amigo.²³⁴ This good man had the four of us recite the whole catechism on two consecutive Sunday nights. We did it without a single mistake before all the people in the church. As a reward he gave each of us a beautiful holy card, which we have treasured ever since.

24. When I had mastered the catechism, I was given Pinton's Compendium of Sacred History²³⁵ to read, and between my reading and the teacher's explanations, the work was so deeply fixed in my memory that I could repeat it and discuss it with ease and without getting confused or flustered.

25. Besides having a very good elementary teacher, which, as I have said, is no small gift from heaven, I also had very good parents who cooperated with my teacher in molding my understanding in truth and nurturing my heart in the practice of religion and all the virtues.²³⁶ Every day after lunch, which we ate at a quarter past twelve, my father had me read a spiritual book,²³⁷ and at night we would sit for a while around the table, where he would always tell us something edifying and instructive until it was time for us to retire.

26. Whatever my parents or teacher told me or explained to me, I would grasp it perfectly, notwithstanding the fact that I was a very small boy. I didn't really comprehend the wording of the catechism although, as I have said, I could parrot it extremely well. Nevertheless, I can see now the advantage of knowing it by heart, because in time, without quite knowing how or adverting to it, those great truths that I had rattled off without understanding them would come back to me so forcibly that I would say, Ah! That's what that meant! How stupid you were not to understand that! Rose buds open in time, but if there were no buds there would be no blossoms. The same holds for religious truths:²³⁸ if there are no catechism lessons, then there is complete ignorance of religious matters, even among those who otherwise pass for intelligent persons. How useful my catechism lessons and the advice of my parents have been to me!²³⁹

27. Later on, when I was living alone in the city of Barcelona, (about which I will tell later) and witnessed so much evil, I would remember and tell myself: That is evil, you should avoid it. You had better believe in God, your parents, and teacher rather than on these unhappy people who don't know what they're doing or saying.²⁴⁰

28. My parents and teacher not only instructed me in the truths I had to believe but also in the virtues I needed to practice. With regard to my neighbor, they told me never to take or covet what belongs to others and that, if I ever found something, I should return it to its owner. It just so happened that one day after school, as I was walking along the street toward home, I saw a quarter lying on the ground. I picked it up and wondered to whom I should return it. Since I couldn't see anyone on the street, I decided that it must have fallen from the window of the nearest house. So I went up to the house, asked²⁴¹ for the head of the house, and gave him the quarter.²⁴²

29. I was trained so well in obedience and resignation that I was always content with whatever was done, decided, or given to me by way of food or clothing. I never remember saying I don't like this" or I want that. I was so used to thinking like this that even later, when I was a priest, my mother, who was always very fond of me, used to say, Anthony, would you like this? I would always answer; I always like what you like. But, she would say, there are always some things we like better than others. And then I'd say, Whatever you give me is what I like best of all. And so she died without finding out what material things I liked the best.²⁴³

Chapter V

At Work in the Factory

30. When I was still a small boy in elementary school, a distinguished visitor to the school asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I answered that I wanted to be a priest.²⁴⁴ Accordingly, when I had successfully completed my elementary school, I was enrolled in the Latin class taught by a very holy and learned priest, Dr. Don John Riera.²⁴⁵ From him I learned and memorized nouns, verbs, genders, and a bit more, but as the class was discontinued I could no longer study and had to give it up.

31. Since my father manufactured thread and cloth, he set me to work in his factory.²⁴⁶ I obeyed without a word, a long face, or any sign of displeasure.²⁴⁷ I set to work as hard as I could and never spent an idle, half-hearted day. I did everything to the best of my ability so as not to displease my dear parents in the slightest, because I loved them very much and they loved me.

32. What used to hurt me the most was to hear that my parents would have to scold a worker for not doing his job properly. I am sure that I suffered more than the one who was being corrected because I am so tender-hearted that when I see someone hurt I feel it more than he does.

33. My father set me to work on every job available in his well-equipped little thread and textile factory. For a long time I and another young man were in charge of putting the finishing touches on the work of everyone else in the shop. Whenever we had to correct anyone, it upset me a great deal; yet I did my duty. I always tried to find something good to say about the piece of finished work. I would praise its good points, saying that this or that about it was very good but that it had such and such a defect and if these little defects were corrected, it would really be a perfect job.

34. I didn't know why I did things this way, but in time I came to see that it was the result of a special grace of kindness that the Lord had granted me.²⁴⁸ This is why the workers always took correction from me and mended their ways. My friend, however, who was a better worker than I but lacked this gift of kindness, always got upset when he had to correct anybody. He would scold the workers harshly and they would get angry, and often they wouldn't know what it was they were supposed to correct. I learned from this that everyone, even the rudest people, should be treated kindly and affably and that much more may be gained by kindness than by harshness and irritability.²⁴⁹

35. My God, you have been so good to me!²⁵⁰ I have been very late in understanding the many great graces you have given me.²⁵¹ I have been a useless servant and have not properly invested the talent you have entrusted to me.²⁵² But Lord, I give you my word that I will work. Be²⁵³ a little patient with me.²⁵⁴ Don't take my talent away; I'll invest it wisely now. Give me your holy grace and your divine love and I promise you that I will work.

Chapter VI

First Devotions

36. Ever since I was a small boy I have been attracted to piety and religion. I used to attend the Holy Mass on all feasts and holy days and on other days, too, when I possibly could. On feast days I usually attended two Masses, a Low Mass and a High Mass, always together with my beloved father. I cannot remember ever playing, looking around, or talking in church. On the contrary, I was always so recollected, modest, and devout that when I compare those early years with the present I am ashamed because, to my great embarrassment, I must admit that even now I lack the fixed attention and heartfelt fervor that I had then.²⁵⁵

37. I attended all the functions of our holy religion with great faith! The services I liked best were those connected with the Blessed Sacrament, and I attended these with great devotion and joy.²⁵⁶ Besides the constant good example of my father, who had great devotion to the Blessed Sacrament, I had the good fortune of discovering a book entitled Courtesies of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. How I loved that book! I liked it so much that I learned it by heart.²⁵⁷

38. When I was ten years old, I was allowed to make my First Communion. Words cannot tell what I felt on that day when I had the unequaled joy of receiving my good Jesus into my heart for the first time.²⁵⁸ From then on I always frequented the sacraments of Penance and Communion, but how fervently and with what devotion and love: more than now – yes, more than now, I must say to my embarrassment and shame. Now that I know so much more than I did then, now that the many benefits I have received since then have accumulated continually, in gratitude I should have become a seraph of love, whereas God knows what I am. When I compare my early years with the present, I become sad and tearfully confess that I am a monster of ingratitude.

39. Besides assisting at Holy Mass, frequent Communion, and Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament, which I did with great fervor because of God's goodness and mercy, I also attended the pastor's catechism class and explanation of the Holy Gospel that took place every Sunday²⁵⁹ and feast day. These sessions always closed in the afternoon with recitation of the Holy Rosary.

40. In addition to attending these morning and afternoon services, I used to enter the church at nightfall, when hardly anyone was there, and talk alone with our Lord. With great faith, trust, and love, I would speak to God, my good Father. A thousand times over I would offer myself to his service. I wanted to become a priest so that I could dedicate myself to his service day and night. I remember telling Him, Humanly speaking, I see no hope, but you have the power to make it happen, if you will. Then, with total confidence, I would leave it all in God's hands, trusting Him to do whatever had to be done: which He did, as I shall say later.²⁶⁰

41. At this time I chanced upon another book called A Good Day and a Good Night,²⁶¹ which I read with great pleasure and profit! After reading from it awhile, I would close it, press it to my heart, look up to heaven with tears in my eyes, and say, "Lord, how many good things I was ignorant of. My God, my Love, who could ever help loving you?"

42. The realization of how much good I have derived through reading good and pious books has prompted me to distribute them generously, in the hope that they will bring my neighbors, whom I love so much, the same happy results they brought to me. If only all people could know how good and lovable and loving God is. My God, make all creatures come to know, love, and serve you with full faith and fervor.²⁶² Give glory to the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endures for ever.²⁶³

Chapter VII

Early Devotion to Mary

43. During these same years of my childhood and youth, I had a very warm devotion toward the Blessed Virgin Mary. I only wish that I had the same devotion now. To use Rodriguez's comparison,²⁶⁴ I am like those old servants in great houses who hardly do anything and, like old pots and pans, are kept in the household more out of pity and charity than for any great usefulness. That is how I am in the service of the Queen of heaven and earth: she puts up with me out of pure charity.²⁶⁵ To show that this is the plain truth, without the least exaggeration, I am going to relate what I used to do in honor of Mary Most Holy.

44. When I was a little boy I was given a pair of rosary beads, and I was more pleased with them than with the greatest treasure. I used them after school when my classmates and I marched in double file to the nearby church where our teacher led us in reciting a part of the rosary.

45. At about this time I discovered in our house a book called El Roser, the rose-tree, which contained pictures and explanations of the mysteries of the rosary.²⁶⁶ I learned from it how to recite the rosary, litanies, and other prayers. When my teacher heard of this, he was very pleased and had me kneel by his side in church so that I could lead the rosary. When the older boys saw how this had put me in the teacher's good graces, they learned it too. From then on we alternated in leading every other week, so that all came to learn and practice this holy devotion that, after Holy Mass, is the most profitable.²⁶⁷

46. After that time, I recited the rosary not only in church but at home every night, as was the custom of my parents. After I had finished grammar school and had begun to work regularly in the factory, as I mentioned in chapter 5, I recited the three parts daily along with my fellow workers, who kept on working as I led them. We said the first part before eight o'clock breakfast, the second before lunch at noon, and the third before nine in the evening when they went home to dinner.²⁶⁸

47. Besides the entire rosary that we said every working day, we also recited a Hail Mary on the hour and the Angelus at its due times. On feast days I spent more time at church than at home, as I rarely played with other children. I used to entertain myself at home, and even in the midst of these innocent diversions I seemed to hear the voice of the Virgin calling me to church. I would say I'm coming, and off I went.

48. I never tired of being in church before the image of Our Lady of the Rosary, and I talked and prayed so trustingly that I was quite sure the Blessed Virgin heard me.²⁶⁹ I used to imagine a sort of wire running from the image in front of me to its heavenly one. Although I had not yet seen a telegraph line at that time, I had imagined how it would be to have a telegraph line to heaven. I can't explain how attentive, fervent, and devout I was at prayer then, but I was more so then than I am now.

49. As a small child I and my sister Rose, who was very devout, made frequent visits to the shrine of the Blessed Virgin Mary called Fussimaña, a league away from my home. I cannot describe the devotion I felt at this shrine. Even before I got there, as soon as I could see the outline of the chapel, I felt so emotional that tears of tenderness welled up in my eyes. We started saying the rosary and kept praying all the way to the chapel. I have visited the shrine at Fussimaña whenever I could, not only as a child but as student, priest, and even as archbishop before I left for my diocese.²⁷⁰

50. All my joy was to work, pray, read, and think about Jesus and Mary Most Holy. I enjoyed keeping silence and spoke very little because I liked being alone so as not to be disturbed in my thoughts.²⁷¹ I was always content, happy, and at peace with everyone. I never had a quarrel or fight, great or small, with anyone.

51. While I was engaged in these holy thoughts that so delighted my heart, I suddenly had the most terrible and blasphemous temptation against the Blessed Virgin Mary. This is the greatest pain I have felt in my whole life. I would have preferred to be in hell to be free of it. I couldn't eat, sleep, or look at her image. What suffering! I went to confession, but because I was too young to know how to express myself very well, the confessor made light of what I was saying, and I was in the same predicament as before. What bitterness! This temptation lasted until the Lord Himself chose to come to my aid.²⁷²

52. Later I had another temptation against my own good mother, who loved me very much and whom I loved in return. I conceived a great hatred and aversion for her, and, to overcome the temptation, I forced myself to treat her with much tenderness and humility. I recollect that when I went to confession and told my director about my temptation and the means I had used to overcome it, he asked me, Who told you to do these things? I answered, No one, Father. Then he told me, It is God who has been teaching you, son; keep on as you have been doing and be faithful to his grace.

53. No one dared use foul language or hold bad conversations in my presence. Once I happened to be present at a gathering of young men―ordinarily I didn't join in because I was well aware of the kind of talk that went on in such gatherings―and one of the older ones told me, You'd better leave, Anthony. We're going to talk about bad things. I thanked him for the advice and left, never to join them again.

54. My God, how good you have been to me and how poorly I have responded to your favors! If you had given such graces to any other son of Adam, he would surely have done better than 1. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. How shall I answer you on judgment day when you say, Redde rationem villicationis tuae?²⁷³

55. Mother Mary, how good you have been to me and how ungrateful I have been to you! I am embarrassed and ashamed. My Mother, I wish to love you from now on with all my heart, and not only to love you myself, but I shall try to bring everyone else to know, love, serve, and praise you and to pray the holy rosary, a devotion that is so pleasing to you. My Mother, help me in my weakness and laziness so that I may be able to live up to my resolutions.

Chapter VIII

In 1825, around my Eighteenth Birthday, I moved to Barcelona

56. Because I wanted to improve my knowledge of manufacturing techniques, I asked my father to send me to Barcelona.²⁷⁴ He agreed and took me there.²⁷⁵ But, like St. Paul, I had to earn what I needed for food, clothing, books, teachers, etc., with my own two hands.²⁷⁶ My first move was to submit a petition to the Board of Trade for admission to classes in design. My request was granted and I used it to some advantage.²⁷⁷ Who would have guessed that God would one day use in the interests of religion the studies in design that I undertook for Early Life business reasons? And, in fact, these skills have been most useful to me in designing prints for catechisms and works on mysticism.²⁷⁸

57. Besides design I studied Castilian and, later, French grammar,²⁷⁹ but always with an eye to their usefulness in business and manufacturing.²⁸⁰

58. Of all the things I have studied or worked at during my life, I have understood none better than manufacturing. Apropos of this, in the firm I worked for, there were catalogs of patterns shown at the yearly displays in Paris and London, and they were kept up-to-date to be in step with the latest fashions.²⁸¹ God gave me such a ready wit in this that all I have to do was analyze any pattern and in short order a copy would emerge from the loom exact to the last detail, or even with improvements if my employer so desired.

59. I found copying patterns difficult at first, but by applying myself day and night, both on workdays and holidays, to study, writing, and designing, I came to be successful at it. I only wish that I had applied myself as busily to virtue, so that I might have become better than I am. When, after much thought, I had managed to take a design apart and put it back together, I felt such a sensation of joy and satisfaction that I would walk back home quite beside myself with contentment. I learned all this without a teacher. In fact, far from teaching me how to understand patterns and imitate them perfectly, my instructors in the art actually tried to conceal it from me.

60. One day I told the shop superintendent that the pattern we both had in hand could be worked out in such and such a manner. He took a pencil and drew a plan of the way the loom should be set up for the job. I made no comment but told him that if he didn't object, I would study it. I took the pattern and his sketch for the loom-setting home with me. In a few days I brought him a sketch of the setup needed to produce the pattern and showed him how the one he had sketched would not have produced the pattern in question but a different one, which I also showed him. The superintendent was amazed at my sketches as well as at my reasoning and explanations.

61. From that day forward he held me in high esteem, and on holidays he used to take me with him on outings with his sons. His friendship, advice, and sound principles were very beneficial to me because he was not only a well-educated man but also a faithful husband to his wife and a good father to his children, a good Christian, and a realist both in principle and practice. To tell the truth, some of this man's advice was very useful for someone like me who had been brought up in a small town like Sallent, for at that time the very air we breathed was filled with constitutional ideas.²⁸²