Start Where You Are

Taking Responsibility for Your Own Actions

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1 9
Communication 
from the Heart
L
e t ’ s c o n t i n u e
with the exploration of com-
passionate action. We have a strong tendency to
distance ourselves from our experience because it
hurts, but the dharma provides encouragement to
move closer to that experience. Although there are
lots of words that could be used to explain compas-
sionate action, I’d like to stress one word, and that
word is communication—in particular, communica-
tion from the heart.
“All activities should be done with one intention.”
This one intention is to awaken bodhichitta, to
awaken the heart. We could say, “All activities should
be done with the intention of communicating.” This
is a practical suggestion: all activities should be done
with the intention of speaking so that another person
can hear you, rather than using words that cause the
barriers to go up and the ears to close. In this process
we also learn how to listen and how to look.
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There is an extremely pointed slogan that goes along
with “All activities should be done with one inten-
tion”: “Always meditate on whatever provokes resent-
ment.” Instead of the resentment being an obstacle,
it’s a reminder. Feeling irritated, restless, afraid, and
hopeless is a reminder to listen more carefully. It’s a
reminder to stop talking; watch and listen. It’s a re-
minder to use tonglen practice to allow some space.
For example, you hate this person who is standing
in front of you. You just wanted to help a hungry per-
son get food, and then you find yourself talking to the
enemy—a bureaucrat, a politician, them. All you do
is get more and more angry at them, so nothing hap-
pens. They grow more stubborn as you grow more fu-
rious and polarized and the sense of huge me versus
huge them increases.
When we feel resentment, the words that we
speak, the actions that we perform, and the thoughts
that we have aren’t going to produce the results that
we’re hoping for. Beyond that, we’re so aggressive
that we’re not exactly adding any peace and harmony
to the world. Resentment becomes a reminder not to
feel bad about ourselves but to open further to the
pain and to the awkwardness.
If we really want to communicate, we have to give
up knowing what to do. When we come in with our
agendas, they only block us from seeing the person in
front of us. It’s best to drop our five-year plans and ac-
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Communication from the Heart

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cept the awkward sinking feeling that we are entering
a situation naked. We don’t know what will happen
next or what we’ll do.
The slogan “Keep the three inseparable” is saying
that your actions, your speech, and your thoughts
should be inseparable from this yearning to commu-
nicate from the heart. Everything you say can further
polarize the situation and convince you of how sepa-
rate you are. On the other hand, everything you say
and do and think can support your desire to commu-
nicate, to move closer and step out of this myth of
isolation and separateness that you’re caught in.
Usually when we feel wronged, our only intention is
to get revenge. The slogan “Correct all wrongs with
one intention” is trying to cheer us up a bit, lighten
up the situation, and add some space. The “one in-
tention” is to exchange oneself for other. This is the
key. To correct all wrongs with one intention is to
hear what’s being said, to see the person who is in
front of you, and to be able to rest in not knowing
what to say or how to act but just to watch and wait.
Then out of your mouth comes something, because
the person in front of you is saying, “Well, what do
you think?” or “I don’t know, see if you can convince
me to do it your way,” or they’re just yelling at you.
If simply to learn how to communicate were our