David and His Siblings1
(1 Chronicles 2:13-17)
Some of David's Wives and Children2
(1 Samuel 18; 25:39-44; 2 Samuel 2:2; 3:2-5 (see also 1 Chronicles 3:1-9)
In this tragedy in David's family, a number of people who are members of the royal family -- or who are in close proximity to them (i.e. servants) -- are involved, willingly or not. It all starts with Amnon, David's first-born son. (Michal is David's first wife, given by Saul, then taken away by Saul, and finally taken back by David, but she never bears David a child -- 2 Samuel 6:23.) Ahinoam is David's second wife, the first to bear him a son. This makes Amnon the first-born of David, the most likely successor to David's throne as king of Israel, at least according to the custom of the day. Tamar and her brother Absalom are the children of David's wife, Maacah, who is also the daughter of the king of Geshur.
Amnon has a very serious problem. He has “fallen in love”3 with his beautiful half-sister, Tamar.4 According to the Law of Moses, there is no way he could have this woman as his wife.
17 'If there is a man who takes his sister, his father's daughter or his mother's daughter, so that he sees her nakedness and she sees his nakedness, it is a disgrace; and they shall be cut off in the sight of the sons of their people. He has uncovered his sister's nakedness; he bears his guilt (Leviticus 20:17).
As I read the text, the Law of Moses which forbade marriage and sex with a sister is not Amnon's main concern. It is, indeed, Tamar's concern, but not Amnon's. The author continues to speak of these two as brother and sister, but when Amnon's frustration is mentioned, it is for another reason:
Amnon was so frustrated because of his sister Tamar that he made himself ill, for she was a virgin, and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her (13:2, emphasis mine).
Amnon makes himself ill because she is a virgin, and because of this, he “was not able to do anything to her.” We are not told that Amnon loves Tamar and wants to marry her. I believe we are told that Amnon wants to have sex with Tamar, but she is a virgin, and that staying so until marriage is her commitment.5 Amnon wants to have a sexual relationship with Tamar. He is willing, but she is not. She is a virgin and seems intent on keeping it this way. No wonder he could not get anywhere with her. And no wonder he is frustrated. His frustration has gotten to the point that it is making him ill (lovesick?). The symptoms of this “illness” are not stated, but I would imagine possible symptoms would be an upset stomach, a lack of appetite, and lack of sleep.
It is not surprising that one of David's nephews, Jonadab, son of David's older brother Shimeah, is one of Amnon's friends. After all, they are cousins, part of the royal family living in Jerusalem (or nearby). Jonadab could not help noting that day after day Amnon is depressed. And so he asks Amnon what is wrong. Then Amnon tells him the problem -- he is in love with Tamar, his sister, whose brother is Absalom.6 Jonadab is a shrewd man, and Amnon's dilemma poses no great problem to him. First of all, is Amnon not the “son of the king” (verse 4)? Is the inference here that as the “son of the king” Amnon has the right and the authority to please himself, so as not to be so depressed? I am reminded of the words of wicked Jezebel to her husband Ahab:
4 So Ahab came into his house sullen and vexed because of the word which Naboth the Jezreelite had spoken to him; for he said, “I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers.” And he lay down on his bed and turned away his face and ate no food. 5 But Jezebel his wife came to him and said to him, “How is it that your spirit is so sullen that you are not eating food?” 6 So he said to her, “Because I spoke to Naboth the Jezreelite and said to him, 'Give me your vineyard for money; or else, if it pleases you, I will give you a vineyard in its place.' But he said, 'I will not give you my vineyard.”' 7 Jezebel his wife said to him, “Do you now reign over Israel? Arise, eat bread, and let your heart be joyful; I will give you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite” (1 Kings 21:4-7).
I cannot tell for certain what Jonadab has in mind as the outcome of his scheme. I am not quite willing to say that his plan is one that will enable his friend to rape Tamar. Was it a plan that would enable Amnon the opportunity to be alone with her, and then to seduce her, or perhaps to persuade her to marry him? I am not sure. But it most certainly is a devious scheme he proposes. Let Jonadab pretend to be sick, so sick that he cannot get out of bed. When his father David comes to visit him, let him ask the king if his sister can come to his house and prepare a meal for him.
This is as far as the proposed plan of Jonadab goes. At least from what we are told in our text, he does not tell Amnon what to do from there. He only tells Amnon how to get close to Tamar. We are not told that he tells him to send out all the servants (though he may have), or to grab her in an effort to persuade her to have sex with him. If Jonadab is as shrewd as our text tells us that he was, surely he must have considered some of the possible scenarios of what would happen after Amnon was able to get Tamar alone. Either Jonadab knew what Amnon intended and helped him achieve it, he suspected what he intended but did not ask, or he did not consider the options. He is too shrewd for the last of these options. Jonadab must surely share in Amnon's guilt.7
Amnon carries out Jonadab's plan, and it works just as he predicted. Amnon's illicit desires are facilitated by Jonadab's plan. And that plan makes David an unwitting and unwilling participant in this evil scheme as well. David comes to see Amnon, as expected. And when Amnon asks David to have Tamar come and prepare food for him in his sight, David complies. It is David's “executive order” (at least his order as Israel's chief executive -- who then would deny him?) that “sent” messengers to Tamar's house, not unlike they had been sent to summon Bathsheba. And so it is that David is the means by which Amnon is able to get Tamar alone.
One must wonder how all this could have gotten past David undetected. He seems incredibly gullible here. He may have known that Amnon was not eating well and that he was sick, but did he really think this young woman was a better cook than those seasoned (pardon the pun) professionals available to Amnon? Did he really believe that having a beautiful young woman come in and cook for Amnon and then serve him (in bed!) was somehow good therapy? Could David be this naïve? One must read this account with the greatest wonder. How could David be so gullible as to become an unwitting participant in Amnon's evil plan?
As directed by David, Tamar goes to Amnon's house and begins to prepare food for him. I wonder what was going through her mind as she makes her way to his house. Has he made “passes” at her before? It would seem likely that he has, and been rebuffed. When Tamar arrives, Amnon is lying down. Tamar goes about her task, making the dough, kneading it, and then rolling it into little cakes. All the while, Amnon looks on. When the cakes are cooked, she attempts to serve Amnon, but he refuses. The king's son then orders everyone out of the room. David has gotten Tamar this far, and now everyone present is under Amnon's authority. Who would dare challenge or refuse him? And so everyone leaves, leaving Amnon and Tamar alone. Amnon then instructs Tamar to bring the food to him, in his bedroom, “that he might eat from her hand.” And so she takes the cakes she has made and brings them to him in the bedroom.
Our minds are spinning as we read the words. Is it possible that those who left the room had no sense of what was to follow? Were they afraid to protest or resist? And how can it be that Tamar does not sense what is about to happen? Could she not flee? The danger signs are there, but she is at Amnon's house because the king commanded it. It is like watching an automobile accident happen before our eyes, seeing what is happening, but being powerless to do anything about it.
Once alone, all subtlety disappears. Amnon grabs hold of Tamar, urging her to lie with him. He does not ask her to marry him -- just to sleep with him. It is interesting to note how Amnon words his entreaty: “Come lie with me, my sister” (verse 11, emphasis mine). Why does Amnon call attention to this fact, reminding Tamar of the very thing that should prevent him from following through with his desires? I fear the very thing that should cause him to forsake his pursuit of Tamar is that which attracts him to her. Was it not possibly the same with David? Learning that Bathsheba was married to Uriah did not keep him from taking her; it may even have strengthened his desire and resolve to do so. When “Madam Folly” seeks to entice “Sir Simple” in the Book of Proverbs, she uses the fact that it is forbidden fruit as a part of her seduction (Proverbs 9:17). Why should this come as a surprise to us ? Does not Paul teach that when the law prohibits something, sin uses that same law to entice us to do the forbidden thing (see Romans 7:7ff.)?
Tamar is truly the innocent victim here. She does not encourage Amnon; in fact, she frustrates him by her resolve to remain a virgin until marriage. And when she goes to Amnon's house, she does so at David's command. Amnon orders all to leave so that she has no one to come to her aid. It is hard to believe those who left did not know -- or at least suspect -- what Amnon had in mind. When Amnon coarsely propositions Tamar, she answers just as the Law of Moses instructed. When she answered, “No, my brother,” (emphasis mine), she states the reason Amnon's request is wrong. She speaks of the sexual intimacy he requests as a violation of her, and so it will be. He will do to her that which can never be undone. Her reproach can never be removed, for he has taken her virginity. She does not just plead for herself; she pleads with Amnon to act in his own interest. Raping her will make him as one of the fools in Israel. He, the king's first-born son, will become as one of the lowest men in the nation.
I suspect that because she sees that Amnon will not be kept from having her, she makes one final plea. Let Amnon go to his father, David, and request to marry her. Surely he will not deny him. There is a certain precedent for what she says. After all, Sarah is to Abraham what Tamar will be to Amnon. Sarah and Abraham have the same father but different mothers (see Genesis 20:12). I do not think she wants to marry Amnon, but marriage is better than rape and dishonor. Perhaps she hopes Amnon will ask his father and be rebuked and warned never to think about such a thing again or to come near Tamar.
It doesn’t work. Amnon is determined to lay with Tamar then and there. If she will not do so voluntarily, then she will do so anyway. Amnon is bigger and stronger, and to him at this moment, might may not be right, but it will prevail.8
It is surely not the scene Amnon must have played and replayed in his mind, as he waited for this occasion. She is not willing, and this act of violence has nothing to do with love. From intense and unbearable attraction, Amnon's feelings toward Tamar turn to revulsion. He cannot stand the sight of this woman he has violated. Amnon now orders her out. Once again, Tamar resists. She protesta that however evil Amnon has been in raping her, he is even more wicked in casting her off, for in so doing he makes it clear that he will not have her as his wife. She no longer has any options, so far as marriage and children are concerned. Once again, Amnon will not listen to reason or righteousness.
Once again, we see similarities between this sin of Amnon against Tamar and the sin of David against Bathsheba and Uriah. It is bad enough for David to sleep with Bathsheba, but killing her husband is even worse. So too with Amnon's second sin of casting Tamar off after he has violated her.
If it was Amnon who first clung to Tamar, refusing to let her go, it now seems to be Tamar who clings to Amnon, refusing to go. If he has violated her, at least he can do the honorable thing and marry her. Amnon is further repulsed by this, ordering his servant to throw her out and to lock the door behind her. The servant obeys, and Tamar leaves the house, having torn her long-sleeved garment and putting ashes on her head. As she goes her way, she has her hand over her head and is weeping. Surely there are many who looked on, if not knowing exactly what had happened, at least knowing something very terrible has happened to her.
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