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" Let's go in here first", suggested the girls, sweetly, and swung sharply on to the arms of their escorts to guide them through the door to the bar. But the barman, alas, was a uniformed duty Constable. In fact, the place scented to be ft ill of Policemen. The Darwin Police Station usually is.

The Tiger Embalmed Traveller

The Chinese spell it " Haw", when they mean " How"; and amongst the most famous of Singapore's tourist attractions in HAW (i.e.," I-low", to you) PAR VILLA, with its Tiger Balm Gardens. But this tvas, at one time, all unknown to a stray Darwinian member of the Force. Having flown Northwest to get to the East, he found himself stewed right front the start. Constantly getting himself lost in the wilds, he decided that the safest way to see the place was to ride various buses to their termini and back.

The first time he tried it he caught a bits outside the Singapore Railway Station, heading away from the City proper. The conductor pounced on him with an all-knowing grin, started tearing off a ticket, and said:

" How Par you going, th?"

Our Darwinian, kindly meeting him halfway in the English pronunciation battle, replied:

" Well, how par YOU going?"

" How Par 25 cents", said the Conductor.

" I drum° how par or how mirth", retorted the Darwinian. " I want to go all the way — as par as the bus goes —have a look round, and conic back again".

This stupidity set the conductor back a bit, but after a long, stunned look, he carefully handed over the ticket and said, succinctly: " Twenty-five cents".

The debt was paid, the bits jetted off as only Singapore buses cart jet, orbited around corners with gyroscopic wizardry (there are no gravity laws on the island yet — the Government is only a new one) and eventually halted at a busy looking spot Mine miles out. Quite a number of passengers got off; but several — all Chinese and Malays — remained seated, obviously headed for more distant parts. Ditto the Darwinian. The conductor looked at hint, hopefully at first, then with real consternation.

" How Par now", he said.

"Just the SaMC", replied our Darwinian, " as par as the bits goes — right to the end of the run".

The conductor stared, clearly string to the quick. The driver glared, clearly riot going to be willingly held up again by this quarrelsome pest. All the other inscrutable Orientals ceased to be inscrutable —they just became irrepressible, in a Colgate-Pahnolvie-Ipana sort of way.

" How Par now! How Par now!" insisted the conductor. Our Darwinian muttered a crude bin quite definitely superior White Australian phrase and doggedly repeated —

" As par as the bus goes — that's how par!"

This provoked vigorous dialogue between conductor and driver, and near hysteria amongst the passengers—but our solid Darwinian clung, sweating but determined, to his seat. Truly, a stern siege.

For relief he glanced out through the bus window. There, before his eyes, was a sign in letters that then looked as big as the side of a house: " HAW PAR".

Mudr, nuttcli later, a defeated Darwinian was found wandering around the Gardens muttering repetitive gibberish that could only doubtfully be interpreted as: " Owpar, owpar, owpar,

1.3

owpar


Now in Cyprus — Constable Neil Plumb



Const. John Haywood and wife leaving Christ Church, Church of England, Darwin, after their wedding.