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Hoarsy and Barking Dog smiled. “Sir, it’s our pleasure.”

Captain Jab asked bluntly, “Ensign Margot, do you believe your uncle can keep a secret?”

“Sir, he was a prisoner of the Viet Cong for two years. He had important data, and they knew it. He was brutalized, but wouldn’t even give them his name, rank or serial number. He was being led to dig his own grave when he grabbed an AK-47 off the shoulder of one of his torturers and shot his way into the jungle. He was picked up a month later by a Marine copter. He lost his right arm from the torturing.”

Captain Jab, Aguascalientes, Hoarsy, Barking Dog, Chief Krankschaftud and Margot put together the plan before contacting Unk. They selected a moonless night, four nights away. That would give them time to complete “Operation Family” and get down to Norfolk with time to spare.

They would sail north through the Narrows just below the surface, at periscope depth, then rise up silently on the New Jersey side of the Statue of Liberty and cruise north a short ways to their destination, just north of Hoboken. They already had crystal-sharp satellite photos of three possible spots for landing the raft, near old piers that looked inactive, if Unk agreed.

Margot made the call to Unk. She got the number from Photon. Captain Jab and Aguascalientes listened in so they could signal Margot in case there were any problems.

Unk answered the phone in his raspy New Jersey accent. “Hlo.”

“Hi ya, Unk. This is your sweetie pie, Margot.”

Unk was flabbergasted. “Jesus Jumpin’ Keekeeryst! I thought you was somewheres under Mongolia. How are you, sweets? We all miss seeing you, at least on the holidays.”

Margot came off the wall with “How about Thursday night?” And then she went into the whole story. Precisely. Not leaving anything important out. She paused to take a breath.

Unk came back, “I know the area. You mention three piers. There’s a small open area just past them going north. I know you have photos. Can you see it?”

Captain Jab gave Margot the thumbs up. He had it pinpointed on the satellite photo.

“We see it, Unk. It looks good. We can key off the pier on our left.”

Unk warned, “Come in as close to the middle of that open area as you can. That’s where I’ll meet you. Use night vision. I have night vision, so I’ll see you coming. Use flashlights only in an emergency. Be careful. Sometimes there’s junk floatin’ along the shore. I’ll be there at 1:30 a.m. The area will be deserted at that hour. The family can bunk with us until we get them situated.” Margot thanked him profusely. Unk came back: “Call me Wednesday night at midnight to confirm. To make sure there won’t be any surprises. No sweat. This should be fun. Sweets, you tell one hell of a story.”

Margot replied gratefully, “I love you, Unk.”

“I love you, too. Bye-bye. See ya Thursday night, Babe.”

Captain Jab complimented Margot on the phone conversation. “Your Uncle is the real deal, there’s no doubt about him. Now, let’s really work this thing out: night vision, radios, life jackets for everyone. Make sure you secure the family’s jackets. And what about the baby? Does she have to nurse all the time? And don’t forget to make room for their belongings. They should take no more than they can handle. We need to work on the timing, that’s so crucial. We do not want to come out of there in daylight. Margot, you along with the professors have to explain the operation to the family, pronto. Lord be with us, we have three days to think of all the things that could go wrong and prepare for them. I knew this wouldn’t be a cakewalk. Let’s get started.”

Margot had already started. Her mind was racing. Captain Jab had seemed a little nervous about the whole operation from the start. She realized suddenly that Jab was taking one hell of a risk sailing a nuke sub up the Hudson and parking it damn near on Broadway. And it had been Margot’s idea. At first she was almost paralyzed by the responsibility. But then Annapolis kicked in, and the good adrenalin started to flow. “Yeeeaaahh, let’s do it.” Not since her valedictorian speech at the academy had she been this pumped. Her love for this family was driving her full speed ahead. “Damn the torpedoes.” She cautioned herself: “Be cool, real cool. You are the captain. Get them in safe hands.”

Margot, Hoarsy and Barking Dog sat Ruddy and family down and broke the news. “Tomorrow night you’re going to be in the USA,” Margot started. They went on to tell them to get their stuff together. “One bag each that you can carry.” Margot explained about her uncle. The family sat quietly, eyes wide with excitement.

Hoarsy and Barking Dog explained about money and how “Unk” will be able to get Ruddy work. Ruddy interrupted, “I work goats many milk?” Barking Dog smiled and explained as best he could that Ruddy would probably be doing something else at first. After more details were laid on them, their mentors could see that the family was becoming a little confused, so the session was ended with a surprise gift from the crew: about $1,000 in singles, fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds (Ruddy took note of the familiar color and design). They handed the gift to Ruddy who didn’t quite know what to say. Finally, Ruddy gave his heartfelt thanks for more than just the money. Though it was too complicated for him to put into words, his moist eyes showed his gratitude for all they’d done, very succinctly. “We happy for money from good people crew, thank.” Layzee spontaneously hugged Margot, Barking Dog, and Hoarsy. Ruddy followed with a powerful hug. It was the first time they had seen Ruddy or Layzee exhibit any physical affection. The meeting ended. The family went to their bunks, but Ruddy and Layzee were restless. Each was thinking about their journey and what was to come. They wouldn’t sleep a wink. Butty slept like a log. Little Swetty suckled all night.

Margot went to the phone at midnight. The captain and Lieutenant Aguascalientes were listening in.

“Hlo,” Unk answered.

Margot responded, “Hi, Unk. Is everything okay?”

Unk, with his most raspy New Jersey accent, replied, “There’s no changes on my end. Be sure to keep it dark and quiet. I’ve got some exact coordinates for you.” Unk laid out some precise distances and landmarks for Margot, and they exchanged cell phone numbers. Captain Jab gave her the thumbs-up sign: they had all of Unk’s specs. Margot thanked Unk. “See you at 1:30, Unk.”

Unk said, “I feel like I’m a jarhead again. Goodbye, Sweetie. I can’t wait to see you.”

The Hoboken sailed through the Narrows as planned, at periscope depth, then surfaced between the Statue of Liberty and New Jersey and continued north on the Hudson. It was very dark, just what they had hoped for. Night vision was essential.

They reached their destination at 1:08 a.m. The raft was being readied and the family was brought up on deck. Captain Jab was commanding from the tower with Lieutenant Aguascalientes at his side. They’d parked the Hoboken well out of the ferry lanes, as close to the shore as they dared. It would be a quarter of a mile trip for the raft. The raft was quickly put in the water. It was a little choppy. Margot waited on deck with the family. Hoarsy and Barking Dog were in the raft. They helped Ruddy into the rolling bowl of rubber first, then Layzee, with the latched little Swetty flopping around from her tit, and finally Margot, who took her position in the driver’s seat.

With the lights of Manhattan as their backdrop, the family was now just moments from terra firma USA. The choppy water slowed them up some. Margot was at the helm and was right on course. The jets on the raft made very little noise. They were about five minutes into the trip and everything was going perfectly.

Suddenly a huge wall, blacker than the night, was coming at them from the starboard side. “Oh, shit,” Barking Dog uncharacteristically cursed. Hoarsy instinctively grabbed Layzee—who was attached to Swetty, naturally—and little Butty, and held them tight. Margot thought, “Oh God, no. They’ve come so far, and now to be run over by a garbage scow?”

Margot reacted instantly. She turned the raft hard right, almost like she was playing chicken with this stinking sea monster. She continued this hard-right turn until she had made a complete U-turn, which allowed her to scoot the raft just enough so her port side cleared the front-left edge of the looming, pungent monster by inches. Now she had to turn back toward New Jersey, while fighting a mountainous swell, before the turbulent wake reached the raft. Fighting the swell, she won. Margot finally turned just in time to hit the wake bow-forward. The raft lifted and flopped, lifted again and flopped. The roar from the scow’s engines was deafening. Its huge dual props produced angry, sucking whirlpools between the wakes. The whirlpools spun the raft like a carnival ride. Margot let the inertia help her out of the turbulence and finally they were again on their way to Unk.

As they looked to their left, they saw the huge dark shape receding away from them. Little Butty, unfazed by the near catastrophe, broke the ice: “Can do again, Margot?” Layzee shushed him.

And then they noticed.

Hoarsy cried, “Jesus, help us.”

Layzee immediately went into a state of sheer panic: “Ruddy, Ruddy gone.”

Margot prayed aloud, “Jesus God Jesus oh God Jesus, somebody help us.”

Barking Dog tried to be calm. “It must’ve been when we hit those whirlpools. I know his life jacket was secure. I put it on him.”

Margot, repressing her worst fears, ordered, “Fuck it, break out the lights.” The night vision was good, but trying to spot a head in the pitch-black water on a moonless night was not going to work. They needed bright raw light. Hoarsy and Barking Dog followed orders and immediately turned on their lights. Having no frame of reference made the search even rougher. Margot made up her mind to give the search only 15 minutes. It was awful to think about, but she couldn’t put everyone at risk—including the Hoboken. What seemed like an eternity (five minutes) passed with no luck. Margot decided to break silence. They started hollering, “Ruuuuddeeeeee! Rrrrrrruuuuuddeeeeee!”

Butty, wondering what everybody was acting so funny about, pointed to the receding black shape of the scow. “Funny Daddy go big jump big thing.”

Margot forgot herself; she looked at Hoarsy and didn’t mince words: “What’s the little fucker trying to say?”

Hoarsy interpreted: “I believe he’s telling us his daddy was thrown out when we were spinning in the whirlpools.”

Margot wheeled the raft around and started to follow the scow, now about 100 yards from the raft. “He must be caught in the whirlpools. Keep your eyes wide open.”

“Ruddy, Ruddy,” Layzee weakly called out through her sobs. Margot slowed the raft while Hoarsy and Barking Dog, with lights ablaze, scoured the black water, front and sides. Margot, holding her beacon with her free hand, covered both port and starboard.

“Oh, Christ, thank you, there he is.” Margot rejoiced. He was 50 feet away on the port side. The professors were on it. Barking Dog jumped in the oily trail the scow had left and swam toward Ruddy, whose face was blackened by the oily leavings. Margot and Hoarsy had him spotlighted. Ruddy almost looked comfortable bobbing there in the choppy, oily water, which covered his face and then revealed him smiling like a simpleton. And then Margot noticed Ruddy had both arms wrapped around his overstuffed seabag. “God almighty, he’s got his fucking seabag with him.” No sweat. Barking Dog got Ruddy and his bag back to the raft quickly. It was a really good thing they made seabags waterproof. An oily Ruddy and seabag were pulled aboard. Ruddy didn’t say a word as he was hugged by a very happy Layzee. A much relieved Margot asked, “Ruddy, why didn’t you yell for help? Y’know, talk loud, say loud help?”

Ruddy whispered back, “Captain Margot say no talking on way to Unk.” They killed the lights and Margot turned the raft toward New Jersey. Layzee kissed Ruddy’s oily face and admonished him quietly. (What Layzee wanted to say to Ruddy, but didn’t have the vernacular yet, was “Now, hang on tight, shithead!”)

It was 1:28 a.m. when they neared the shore. They all had their night vision back on. Unk appeared from behind a huge post. He motioned them to the clearing. Margot took the raft as close as she could. Hoarsy jumped out into waist-deep water and pulled the raft toward shore. Barking Dog threw a rope to Unk, who secured it to the post. No words had been spoken. Layzee, with the lock-jawed Swetty, was carried to shore by Barking Dog; Butty got a piggyback ride from Margot; and Ruddy followed, staggering under the weight of two seabags and a satchel. The Whormkovdovskivichykchevs had landed. They all met Unk with whispered greetings.

Margot hugged Unk and thanked him again. “We’ve got to get back to our boat real quick, but I really appreciate your amazing generosity, Unk. I’ve grown to love these wonderful people. I have benefited greatly from knowing them for the two months I’ve been with them. We, the crew of the USS Hoboken, thank you.”

Unk reassured Margot, “I’ll take good care of ’em, sweetie. Now you guys get outta here. God bless you all. Nice meetin’ ya.” There were hugs all around. All three of the sailors hugged the family, and the family hugged back, hard. The tears rolled down Margot’s cheeks. Unk Zip gave a snappy salute with his prosthetic arm. “Semper Fi.” They returned the salute and off they went, three amazing sailors, back to their magnificent submarine—trailblazers of many oceans and many seas and one river. A tearful Butty whispered, “I big baby cry like.”

Unk Zip grabbed Layzee’s seabag and satchel, showing no signs of his hi-tech arm. He motioned for them to follow. They made a short climb up the riverbank to a dirt access road. Zip’s car was an old Chevy, a 1967 Black Biscayne station wagon. It had over a half a million miles on it, but he kept it like new. Zip put their bags in the back of the wagon. The family stood motionless beside the Chevy, still observing the silence orders. Zip showed Ruddy to the front passenger seat and fastened his seatbelt. Zip noticed Ruddy’s oily black face in the dome light. He wondered, “What the fuck happened to the poor bastard?” but he politely ignored it. Ruddy smiled. Only his teeth and eyeballs showed in the dim light. Ruddy shivered (Zip noticed: “Like a dog shittin’ peach seeds.”). He was still soaking wet from his accidental dip. Zip had rigged up two baby seats in the back. Once the little ones were strapped in, Layzee slid in next to Swetty. At this point, Zip realized Layzee had a tit out. Little Swetty latched onto it immediately. Zip quickly got behind the wheel, trying not to look. He then announced proudly, “Welcome to the USA.”

Ruddy, finally breaking silence, said in full volume, “You thank come us long time.”

Zip replied sympathetically, “I know, I know.”

Butty was excited. “Go we on small big thing.”

Zip started the Chevy and off they went. He dug out a little bit in the loose gravel, giving little Butty a charge. Ruddy kept ducking every time they went under a viaduct, an overpass, a tree limb or entered a tunnel. He was a little tense.

“Smack, smack, gurgle, gurgle, buuurrrrrripp,” went Swetty. Zip blushed as he glanced in the rearview mirror. He worried now a little about his wife, Dollette, who knew nothing about what was coming. Zip had sworn to secrecy, and he knew how to keep a secret.

It was a 20-minute drive to Zip’s home. He was a ways out of town, in a semi-rural area. Zip’s house sat on ten beautiful acres, with an immaculately kept lawn, surrounded by a thick grove of oaks. As they pulled up the driveway, Butty looked in amazement at the beautiful stone-and-brick home and puzzled, “No thing is was?”

Zip laughed. “You like, huh?”

They unloaded the wagon in the dark and went up the front steps. The porch light went on and they were met by a totally surprised Dollette, Zip’s lovely wife of 33 years. The first thing Dollette could get out was a whisper to Zip: “Why does she have a tit out?” (Swetty was taking a break.)

Zip said calmly, through a nervous smile, “I want you to be cool. I’ll explain all this later.” Zip proceeded to introduce the Whormkovdovskivichykchevs to a stunned Dollette. Little Butty, who had begun to really dig this hug thing, gave Dollette a big hug. She melted.

It was now 2:30 a.m., but Dollette, trusting her “Always Faithful” Zip had a good reason for all this, offered a light meal around the kitchen table. There was not much conversation except for a lot of versions of “thank you” from the family.

Zip and Dollette showed the family their rooms. Zip brought an old crib up from the basement (they had eight grandchildren). Ruddy said his version of goodnight: “Night have good. USA we are.” Zip looked at a quizzical Dollette and smiled, holding back a flood; if he were to let go, he knew he’d bawl like a baby.

Zip and Dollette went to their luxurious master bedroom, and Zip told the whole story and why he had to keep it a secret—a military secret. “And why the black face?” Dollette asked.

Zip, ready to call it a night, replied, “I haven’t the slightest fucking idea.”

They laugh and Dollette confessed, “Already, I love that little guy…Butty? Not Buddy, but Butty. But, but, but Butty.” She giggled and jumped on Zip. He whispered in his sexiest rasp, “You’re a good girl.”

CHAPTER NINE

Foreman Frarn

In the weeks that followed, a lot happened. Dollette created a wardrobe for Layzee. They were the same size, so Dollette gave generously from her own closet. Layzee was very thankful, but refused to take more than two changes of clothes. Little Butty loved his new Nike sneakers, Zip’s idea. Little Swetty was happy with her new soft Pampers—Dollette went out and got them when she saw Swetty’s Navy issue diapers and her raw butt. Zip got Ruddy a job as an apprentice in the plant maintenance department. Ruddy took to it. He was constantly sweeping up steel shavings, cleaning ashes from the huge furnaces, unloading freight cars, and all things a new man would do. He was amazingly comfortable in his strange new world. He had adapted to grunt work happily, without complaint. And his fellow workers liked him, and Ruddy took no offense when they laughed at his strange way of talking.

Little Butty had been enrolled in a summer pre-kindergarten class. His language skills began to improve daily. The teacher paid no attention to Butty’s exceptional progress. As a matter of fact, she kind of resented it because it made the other little ones seem slow.

Layzee had voluntarily taken over all cleaning operations of the Frostacelli household. Dollette couldn’t stop her. Once Layzee had learned the ropes, she was off and running. She still had little Swetty hanging from her tit all the time—when she vacuumed, polished the counters, did the laundry, changed the sheets or washed the dog. (The Frostacellis had a Neopolitan Mastiff, a 200-pound bruiser. Dorian loved to slobber kiss everybody. One of his kisses, and it was time for a change of clothes.) Anyway, it was quite a sight to see Layzee wrestling in the suds with Dorian and Swetty, the undeterred suckling, in the midst of it all.

In just a few weeks, Ruddy had elevated himself to Assistant Maintenance Man. There was a lot of complicated, huge, heavy-duty machinery in Zip Frostacelli’s Steel Works, and Ruddy picked up on it fast. Ruddy’s foreman, Frarn Shivers, had taught him well. Frarn had grown to like Ruddy, and they conversed often, mostly about the business at hand. Frarn was very patient with Ruddy’s way of talking, and, in turn, he liked the way Ruddy gave him his full attention on work projects and how Ruddy never complained.

One day, while eating one of Dollette’s delicious packed lunches, Ruddy was conversing with Frarn. They were sitting on a greasy wood bench away from the roar of the big machines. Ruddy came from left field with “How you house buy?” Frarn, a little surprised by the question, tried his best to explain the complicated procedure. He also recommended that Ruddy get proper identity cards, saying these were essential. Frarn volunteered to help him on that. Also, Frarn said Ruddy should consider changing or shortening his last name. Ruddy was puzzled, even a little hurt by the suggestion. Frarn, seeing Ruddy was confused by the idea, quickly explained, “It makes it easier to do certain things if you have a USA name.” Frarn continued, “When my father came to the USA, his last name was Shvqrscocomcononpnhshi. They kept refusing him for everything he tried to get, like loans for a car, for a house, for insurance, and on and on. Finally, he got some good advice from a friend and changed our family name to Shivers. He got a better job right away, a driver’s license, and soon a loan for a car. And he bought a nice house in Yonkers.”

Ruddy listened to Frarn’s story intently. He got the gist of it. He was anxious. “How I when go?”

Frarn said, “I’ll set it up for you. Now let’s go back to work,” and let a gigantic rolling fart. Ruddy laughed heartily with his mouth still full of one of Dollette’s special oatmeal and chocolate-covered Macadamia nut cookies.

Ruddy had been feeling that it was time for the family to find their own home and not impose on the wonderful people, Zip and Dollette, any longer. Of course, Zip and Dollette now accepted them as family and loved having them.

Ruddy walked the six miles to work every day, and back. He worked different hours than Zip and refused to let Dollette drive him to the plant or pick him up. Ruddy thought, “I trouble too much.” And he really liked the walk. On that daily jaunt, Ruddy would learn many simple things, like look both ways before you cross a road and don’t piss in public.

He also admired the homes he walked by. He learned he could take different routes. Ruddy became really familiar with the area. He noticed some houses had horses and some had fatter, funny-looking horses. Ruddy learned later that they were cows. Lo and behold, one home had many goats! There was a sign in the beautiful front pasture:

For Sale 10 acres
7 Br. 8,000 square feet
Owner needs quick sale
Call Lubella Loggbern

Loggbern Realty
followed by the phone number and a four-color photo of the 67-year-old Lubella when she was 24. Ruddy walked by the goat house almost every work day. Once in a while he’d stop and pet one of the goats.

In the weeks to come, Frarn put in motion the procedure for Ruddy to change the family name. Ruddy kept asking Frarn, “When USA name I get?” Finally Frarn had all the info for Ruddy. He told Ruddy to ask him for a day off whenever he was ready to go. Without hesitation, Ruddy reacted: “Ready I am tomorrow.”

Frarn said, “Okay, I’ll put it together for you. You’ll need to bring a couple hundred dollars for the person at the name changing place. Meet me in front of the plant at the curb a half hour before the first shift. Oh yeah, I forgot. Bring another hundred for the cab. I’ll put you in a cab, he’ll take you there and wait until you’re done, then bring you back here. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to bring another couple hundred. Okay, you understand? Any questions? You’re sure you want to do this?” Ruddy shook his head yes so rapidly, Frarn could hear Ruddy’s teeth clatter. He was so excited, he was like in a daze. All he remembered from Frarn’s litany was “Meet early and much money bring.”

The money was no problem. Ruddy had been cashing every paycheck at a little building on the way home from work (a currency exchange). He had lots of tens, twenties and one hundreds. Ruddy always tried to give Zip and Dollette his pay, but they firmly refused. Dollette tried to explain to Ruddy that Layzee was “More than earning their keep.” Ruddy didn’t want to aggravate Zip and Dollette, so he stopped trying.