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599 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Wed Jul 12, 2000 0:01am Subject: Re: Spreading the word - helping others > I think it would be a good idea to take the pamphlets down to the local AA and NA meetings (because on the first page it says "Co-dependency is our *primary addiction*)- or mail them in. I'm sure there would be people in those meetings who are grateful to find them, as they would be entirely new reading material for them! YM Thank you, yes, some in 12 step programs are not in denial about their codependency. If anyone wants to make a few copies and do this it would be great. I have left them at meetings in NYC. I also contacted AA General Service Staff, but they sound in denial about their codependency. ACA is considering making a ninth step pamphlet of it, and may be voting on this, this month. It's up to God if it will be part of ACA, it may be that God doesn't want it to be part of any organization. Groups tend to twist the truth, and maybe it will just pass from one individual to the next. My aim has been to get it published in many places and to pass it on through as many channels as possible. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> Let me first tell you about a redirecting experience I had this morning and then my interpretation of what redirecting may mean from an occult/spiritual perspective, especially when the parental target of the redirecting is no longer living. > > Early this morning, I had just returned from my daily jog, when I started feeling anxious about my future. I felt I was getting nowhere in my life and I started feeling a real anxiety, which turned into a cringing kind of fear. I then lay down on the bed, whimpering and moaning that I was never going to amount to anything in life. > > Suddenly I realized that this fear was not my fear, but my mother's fear. Here I was one day short of my 52nd birthday and I am lying on a bed whimpering because I had learned to feel that fear from my mother at an early age. It was her fear, not mine! But I was acting out her fear nonetheless and still being a "Mama's Boy" after all these years. > > Instantly, I felt the anger at her. So I pictured her and redirected, telling her to get out of my head, telling her that this was HER fear not mine, that she had no right to induce this fear in me. What amazed me was how quickly and subtly and even calmly this whole process took. Immediately, my whining, cowering fear lifted and I felt so calm that I started to drift off to sleep. > > But before I drifted off, I had a real insight that jolted me out of the bed and turned into writing this post. What I'm about to discuss cannot be proven or disproven by modern science; it's simply beyond the scope of present day science and therefore, immediately debunked by scientists who themselves have real toxic minds, but that's another subject. > > When I was born in 1948, both my parents were 40 years old. In the same year that I turned 40, 1988, both my parents died. So there is an amazing symmetry in my life as it relates to my birth and my parents' deaths. So here I am in the year 2000, redirecting to parents who have both been dead for 12 years now. > > Now to my occult/spiritual interpretation of redirecting. For the last 20 years or so, I have studied the work of Rudolf Steiner (1861-1925), the Austrian philosopher and clairvoyant, who developed what he termed a "spiritual science" also called "anthroposophy." He developed anthroposophy out of the tradition of theosophy and some of you may be familiar with the names Blavatsky, Besant, etc., all who were active at the turn of the 20th Century. Some of Steiner's legacy can be seen today in Waldorf schools, the movement dance form of eurythmy -- also called "visible speech," Bio-Dynamic agriculture and the Camphill curative communities. > > Steiner's conviction was that we all possess dormant faculties in our souls which we may develop and by which we can see a spiritual reality beyond ordinary accepted sense perception. Modern science rejects this idea because there is no way to prove or disprove it while traditional religion rejects it because it is not based on belief in the authority of revelation. Instead, it's up to the individual. This approach is true Gnosticism for the modern age. > > The premise of this spiritual reality is simple. We exist beyond death and before birth and repeat our earthly lives in a sequence of reincarnations based on our individual moral achievements in those earthly lives. > > With that sketchy background, let me get to the redirecting with my mother. What happens when you die? According to Steiner's clairvoyant research, there are 3 "bodies" that are discarded at physical death. The first body is the physical mineral body, the corpse visible to the senses, which is dissolved away by the forces of nature. This is the body we have in common with the mineral kingdom. The next body is called the etheric or life body and it is what we share with all living plants. This body carries our memories and habits and is responsible for maintaining the form of the physical body while alive. > > When a person is suddenly near death, as in almost drowning but survives, we hear the report that "When I was sure I was going to die, suddenly my whole life flashed before my eyes!" This event is the separating of the life body from the physical. At actual physical death, the person lives within the memory picture of every event that happened to him during life. This process takes 3 to 4 days to complete what's called a "life review." It's as if you enter a museum exhibiting all your life memories at once. There is a saying from the Grail legend that is apropos: "Time becomes Space here." > > Then the next "body" dissolves away. This is the astral or desire body, or the consciousness body that we share with animals. This dissolving takes about 1/3 of your life span because it involves going back over the time you spent sleeping. Here is the point I was getting to. The ego or spirit dwells in this realm, which the Buddhists and Hindus call "Kama Loka" meaning "place of desire." In the Catholic religion, be it ever so distorted a concept, this place is called Purgatory. > > According to Steiner, a person in Kama Loka experiences all the pain that he or she caused others during life. He says if you struck someone in life, you now get to feel the pain of your blow. If we extend that idea to include redirecting, then it is quite possible that the redirecting process can actually help one's parents in this Kama Loka state. > > Obviously, we the living who are redirecting, are doing so because our parents -- whether consciously or unconsciously -- abused us. If they are dead, then, in Kama Loka, they are going to feel the pain that they caused us. But when we the living redirect, this may have the effect of helping the parents themselves through the pain of the incident where they had abused us. In this sense, from this spiritual point of view, then, the redirecting process may be releasing our dead parents from our pain precisely because we are acknowledging it from "our end" of the event. They caused it; they are now feeling the pain of what they did to us and we by redirecting, are acknowledging and confirming that reality. This to me is truly "shared suffering" and the basis of true compassion, since the word compassion itself means "suffering together." And to close with the Grail motto, which in German is "Durch Mitleid, Wissen." In English it means: "Through compassion, wisdom." > > Anyway, that was the insight I received this morning after I redirected against my mother. May she rest a little more peacefully in Kama Loka now. MT This is a beautiful story and view of the healing between us and our parents. As a scientist--I hope no longer a toxic scientist--I can't prove or disprove it. Science can explain that your fear was your fear and not hers, and was caused by toxic neurochemicals--that store repressed anger--which were being released from your neurons, and your mother caused the toxicosis by misdirecting her own anger toward you. Science can also explain that the calm you felt was due to the release of other neurochemicals that sedated you and brought you sleep. You acknowledge the existence of the physical body and this is how the physical body works. The compassion you will feel post flood is because all of this anger will be gone and will be replaced by loving rather than angry thoughts. This science is not inconsistent with the view of the soul as an unobservable part or extension of the physical body. I do hope I don't have to spend 30 years in Kama Loka when I die. I have felt the pain of my misdirecting enough in this life and I suspect my parents felt enough pain in theirs, pain which was caused by their parents. I believe because the misdirecting of anger is unconscious, and a physiological response to toxicosis in the physical body, that we are innocent in the definition of innocence as unawareness, and should not have to 'feel the pain' as you say, in Kama Loka or on earth. How many on death row say they don't know why they did it, and most have no remorse because the anger was justifiable, just unconsciously misdirected. So why want to punish even those in Kama Loka by making them 'feel the pain.' Punishment heals no one. In practice it's not possible to separate our parents soul from their disease, we just have to get mad at them in our minds, and however you visualize them, if in Kama Loka, that sounds fine. This is why the redirecting needs to be done in our minds and not directly in person. Some how I see the soul as the God within, perfect and pure and innocent like a newborn child, but imprisoned in this physical body or an unobservable part of the physical body. I see death as a release. When my gambling husband died I slipped a lucky coin he had with a winning race imprinted on it in his pocket. I knew I was burying his disease. I still had to have my anger at him, but I was only directing anger at the memory of him in my own mind. I do think we can lovelingly confront abusers when alive and offer them recovery as a way to release them from their pain, but if they don't 'get it' I think their disease is buried in the physical body, and that death releases the soul, whatever that is. I believe my parents were somewhere in spirit rooting me on when I redirected. Thank you for your story, and it is not my intention to persuade you to my view. However we visualize this process I see the truth in 'Through compassion, wisdom." Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 601 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sat Jul 15, 2000 0:09am Subject: Debating the theory "I think the reality is to assign emotions to each current situation instead of re playing old tapes. I know they can't be erased, but they don't deserve an ongoing reprise. AD This is not true, and yes your early trauma can be erased. Your parents voices are still in your head. You are not replaying tapes, but in redirecting you are clearing your brain of a toxicosis that has caused you to be sick. This toxicosis consists of neurochemicals that store repressed anger mostly from early childhood. You don't need to replay tapes or remember all the early trauma, but you do need to redirect anger at your early caretakers. Most of your anger in current interactions is a mix of anger at the current person plus anger that you still have about your parents. Until you release all of the anger from the past, you will not heal. I can't debate the toxic mind theory with nonscientists on the list. The list if for persons who identify and accept the theory as valid and are ready to use the self help measures. I suggest you let go of analyzing and read and reread the articles and use the self help as described. Please share how you are using the self-help. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
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> Ellie, I have a friend who is obsessed with someone online who was unavailable to her, whom she insists has rejected her, but they have not even met in person. (She doesn't let any male that she "meets" on line get close enough to meet her anyway). She has literally made herself ill because of "unrequited love" which she dwells on constantly; she has lost weight and this whole problem of the unrequited love is ruining her life. She has made the whole idea of unrequited love into a very *romantic notion* which she writes poetry about, etc. >
> I have tried to convince her that she is re-enacting parental rejection, because she does this over and over but she won't listen. (And if someone likes *her*, she doesn't go for them!) She is now on the verge of having to be forcibly hospitalized because she has let her health go so far as to require it. It is very sad just how far some people have to go to hit bottom before they will believe the truth (and he has given her the information from you!) YM Codependents never go for someone who is stable and likes them. That would not set the stage for them to get their anger out at their parents who were the first to reject them. Yes, it is sad the extent of denial, the need to feel the pain of rejection in current interactions to hit a bottom. It's also hard to accept that our parents couldn't love us, we'd rather believe they did and look for this love in others. But this is a delusion. We can't have that dependent love. It's good to hear someone gave her the information. It will plant a seed, and hopefully she will 'get it' later on. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
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> >Thanks YM, Ellie... > >The man I love, is quite unlike any person I have ever witnessed. My mother, although lost in a world of her own, always loving. The only abuse I felt, was watching her abuse herself. She always loved me. And I have always loved her, so very much. I lingered on the things my absent father was that were good about him.< > > And get this, Ellie. This woman has over-reacted in anger to *me* many times for slights that I hardly knew I had committed. I think she has a lot of anger towards women, her mother in general, and absolutely will not admit it! YM You know, I read this AFTER sending the post about how we want to continue to believe our parent loved us. I would detach from her, but send her my web sites again and leave it at that. I have learned this theory cannot be debated with people in denial. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
Ellie
> >The man I love, is quite unlike any person I have ever witnessed. My mother, although lost in a world of her own, always loving. The only abuse I felt, was watching her abuse herself. She always loved me. And I have always loved her, so very much. I lingered on the things my absent father was that were good about him.< >
> And get this, Ellie. This woman has over-reacted in anger to *me* many times for slights that I hardly knew I had committed. I think she has a lot of anger towards women, her mother in general, and absolutely will not admit it! YM > The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 605 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Jul 16, 2000 1:15am Subject: Don't stop anti-anxiety drugs without medical supervison. I did not take my daily Klonopin (strong anti-anxiety drug) today, and have been reading and writing about my codependency issues all day. I can finally feel the rage building within me - 45 years worth, and I WANT to go in the padded room of the hospital, and scream and yell and pound my fists as loud as I can from there. I NEED this. But I know if I tell my doctor, he will think I'm a "danger to myself or others" and if I do go in the hospital and try to do this they will put me on major tranquilizers and will not allow me to make the noise I need to make. I can literally FEEL my symptoms; I can FEEL my hypervigilance; my eyes feel like they are about a foot out from the front of my head. How can I find a doctor or mental hospital who will allow me to do this? It's no problem getting in, because of my history of bipolar, but they won't allow me to do what I need to do. "YM" Don't suddenly stop the Klonopin, you might ask your doctor to give you a tapering off schedule. Please get back to me today that you understand it's very dangerous to stop taking sedatives suddenly. You could skip a dose and do some redirecting, but you need to do this slowly and on your doctor's schedule. You can tell him you want to withdraw from it slowly. I don't think there are any doctors who understand the redirecting. Keep doing it at home. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> I had another 'financial fear' attack today and the trigger was that I had to return a borrowed tennis racquet and pay $160-200 for a new one. It's time I get my own, I love the game and plan to continue. The 'fear panic attack' was way out of proportion to the 'tennis racquet' return. I am still calming down and that was hours ago. You named a real issue in our family about the father who did not take care of you, being robbed of the feeling of feeling secure, and so forth. My dad had a tough road with my mother, and there were constant financial fears in them and it radiated out to me and a sense of not being able to take care of myself. Not being groomed to feel secure in taking care of myself. A delayed childhood of not taking responsibility for my financial security. The 'eating disorders' preoccupied those years. Now I feel they are over and I am healing my 'financial disorder' and when I see it that way I feel more empowered. I gather better energy. I find it hard to direct any anger at my dad. I raged and ranted and vented at him from the time I was a teen to 27 and we made up then. I love him and feel compassion for him and realize his weakness or shortcoming around finances. (However, my mother is fully taken care of!) Your note is an insight into my 'security issues'. He didn't protect me from my mother, he was deluded by her or was unaware or whatever. For that I can jump up and down however I am very forgiving of him. He was a very special father in other ways and I realize that now. My mother turned me against him at a young age and I feel deprived of those precious opportunities. Anyway, if I healed the eating disorders, I can be successful with financial security. And like you said, I have to trust that a 'god' or 'goddess' in looking over me. AS For most of us there is repressed anger about both parents. If there was something to rage at him for in your teens there probably still is. My mother did not abuse me except for leaving me in the crib to cry it out, but she never protected me from my father. Forgiveness really doesn't come until all the anger is out. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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