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662 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Aug 22, 2000 5:17am Subject: Childhood memories > Hi Ellie > Till I started redirecting, smiling to a camera was an impossible task for me. Now, when I do a good redirecting, the following day smiling comes easily & without effort. Otherwise, most of the time, my face becomes frozen while posing for a picture. > > By the way, you had mentioned in one of your mails that you remembered your birth trauma. How did it happen? Is it something that happens on its own or is there a way we can get to it. I am more interested in retrieving my early memories (as I watch my baby boy grow, I wonder what I did in each of those stages. My baby was born on Feb 26, 00). Any of your suggestion is welcome. > > I practiced 'rebirthing' (as taught by Sondra Ray, Leonard Orr etc) for nearly 10 sessions. I didn't get to remember my birth trauma nor any other traumatic memories. ER As you continue to redirect you will be clearing out neural pathways in your brain where memories of early childhood are stored. You won't be able to remember in detail all of the early events or trauma, but some of it may return. When I was post flood I tried lying on my bed with my eyes closed and just imagining myself being born. I imagined being in my mother's womb and being born. I didn't have any feeling of being stuck or severe trauma. I knew I was born in a hospital and was held upside down and spanked, so I imagined that. One thing that came back to me was a feeling of being tightly wrapped, as I suspect I was immediately put in a blanket and stuck in some crib. I could feel the tightness. I think my mother had a general anesthesia. Another time I imagined I was prebirth and I found myself yanking on something (the cord?) and kicking. Another time I imagined I was in a crib as a baby and I found myself sucking my thumb. Then I could feel the mittens on my hands. My mother put them on so I could not suck my thumb. Things like this may come back if you reflect on them. I would suggest waiting to try this until you are post flood. If you try it before you are post flood you may not recall as much, and it might be emotionally traumatic. The reason it is not a good idea to self-primal is because if you are not careful to redirect while doing this, there can be too much emotional trauma. People have even had a psychotic break. This is because nerve impulses are still being misdirected. Ellie 663 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Aug 22, 2000 7:00am Subject: Re: Call me Noah! > I am so happy to hear MT made it past and into a whole new horizon of life!!! All I can say is 'you ain't seen nothin' yet" the best is yet to be on even how you view the world, I remember those wonderful days of becoming post flood, just talking to others that are all pent up makes you really realize how far you've come. I am so excited at the wonder MT will entail in the next few years, just keep redirecting, to stay free. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! YS 664 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Aug 27, 2000 4:51am Subject: Repsonsibility for the past > Ellie, > One of the most profound effects I notice from redirecting is that my brain is de-compart-mentalizing. I wonder if you can speak about the brain chemistry involved. > > It is not a process of dissociation -- that seems to be the very process of "compart-mentalizing" -- but what I am calling "de-com-part-mentalizing" is the healthy state of the soul and brain. > > I think it happens so strongly because you take a present time trigger and redirect it to the past where the source of the anger is. That not only releases the toxins, but also reintegrates the brain -- mind and soul -- into a real wholeness. And that's the goal of any therapy -- not perfection, but rather wholeness. > > I suppose it is explained by creating new pathways in the brain with all their associative interconnectivities, but I wonder if there is more to the process. > > Compartmentalizing is a real subtle denial process, because a person only need to deny a little bit, pack it away in an airtight compartment and then feel justified in denying that he or she is even in denial because he/she is NOT denying other aspects of the thing. That explains to me why some scientists and therapists you have known get all excited about your theory, but then suddenly they reject it because they have compartmentalized their reactions to it -- lest it bring up their own pain and grief and anger that needs to be redirected. > > I bring this up because I've been thinking about how I compartmentalized my children (from an early marriage) whom I haven't seen in (many) years. (That) marriage to was my way of shutting away my previous family into a real airtight compartment, but now that I've been redirecting for 2 months, I'm realizing that I want to stop shutting them out of my life because my life and mind is becoming whole now. > I know they have a lot of anger at me and their mother to get out -- although most of it will be directed at me and not her of course. But I feel ready to handle their anger and deal with it in a non-codependent way. I think I've worked thorough the guilt issue by redirecting. I know I'll feel guilty about the (many) years of shutting them out, but I won't allow them to "guilt-trip" me if you can sense the difference. What I'm calling a healthy "guilt" is acknowledging what happened; while "guilt-tripping" is really falling into a toxic codependent trap. >
> I don't know how it will all turn out, but I intend to notify them of where I am. I've been hiding too long from this issue in my life and I feel it's time to face it, no matter what the reactions or consequences. I've been feeling it as an aching tooth in my soul. I really need to visit the dentist and get this issue taken care of before I can really get on with my new life. MT I like your concept of wholeness. I think rather than 'creating new pathways in the brain' it is a clearing of clogged pathways and bringing the mind to wholeness or full awareness. I'm not sure consciousness is a good term, but it might be said we become fully conscious. I tried to diagram this in the scientific paper. Someone used a map as an analogy. It's as if many roads were jammed up and traffic (neural impulses) had to be diverted--see the Wrong Neuron illustration. Neural impulses, which process thought, were diverted and thinking became delusional. When the roads are cleared normal neural pathways are restored, and thinking becomes clear. I like the quote from John the Baptist, 'make straight the pathways of the Lord.' I'm not happy calling it healthy 'guilt,' but like to think of it as awareness of the truth about the past and taking responsibility. Guilt is replaced by love in the true sense of love, which I like to define as caring about the well being of others. I see you as now able to love those children and offer them the gift of recovery. I wouldn't assume most of it will be directed at you--sounds like a bit more guilt. I recall that much of my anger was directed at my father at first, but later I realized it was my mother who caused me to suppress anger as a newborn, and it was my mother who put up with my father when she might have thrown him out the door to protect us as children. Ellie http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
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> Recently me and my girlfriend had a fight. I got mad and shouted at her. Afterwards I felt very sad, and couldn't figure out why. Then it hit me that my father never let me express my anger, and made me feel guilty. I used this opportunity to redirect and get angry at my father for not letting me express my anger. Shortly afterwards, my sadness lifted. NF 666 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Aug 27, 2000 5:03am Subject: Re: Be a happy kid > Dear Ellie >
> Just a quick comment: I have found that screaming at my parents while driving is very, very, very effective. Especially on long drives. Long drives are boring. I once screamed and screamed and screamed at my parents for 7 hours while doing some long-distance driving alone. It worked wonders. My throat was hoarse for the next four days, but it was like something became unclogged from my brain and lifted. I felt good for several months afterwards. NF You would never fall asleep at the wheel doing this. Just be careful not to divert the anger into ramming into the car in front of you. :-) Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Aug 29, 2000 7:03am Subject: Defenses too strong > Dear Ellie, > What can we do when our defenses are too strong and prevent us to get angry (and redirect) or simply to feel sadness, joy or anything else? CF Don't worry if you cannot do the redirecting every time you have excitatory nervous symptoms. Your brain is going through a periodic detoxification process, and you will have future excitatory nervous symptoms (Please reread the pamphlet to see what to expect) which will be opportunities to redirect. You may not feel sadness until most of the repressed anger related to childhood is gone, ie when you are post flood--see the description in the article. Then you may experience more intense sadness and grief for some time. Until you are post flood you may also experience a 'high' after an intense release and redirecting of anger, and you might think this is joy. But real joy, or real euphoria, is better defined as freedom from anxiety and distress. It is a sustainable peace of mind. When you are post flood you will feel anger and sadness when appropriate but these emotions will be mild and not painful. Ellie Elnora Van Winkle http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
> 1. I am seriously redirecting daily now. After redirecting, about an hour later, I get headache. If I take a nap, it goes away. Is there anything else I can do about it. > > 2. Talking about 'Wrong Neuron illustration', can you think of any political/historical personality who, in your opinion, had the least amount of wrong neurons? Also, who had the most? Just curious what you have got to say about this. > > 3. By the way, what protein you eat? I recently started drinking raw milk. ER 1. Headaches are a good sign you brain and body are detoxing. I wouldn't try to suppress this symptom, but just put up with it. When toxins are being eliminated they flow through the blood stream and impinge on pain receptors. They could be toxins from the brain after doing some redirecting or from other tissues and toxins from food or environment. Headaches should get less and less. I still have an occasional mild brief headache from toxins from food and the air. Have you read Archive No. 406, please read it about physical symptoms. 2. Melody Beattie, expert on codependency says 98% of humanity is codependent, and most have overlying addictions. Some of us I guess developed more toxicosis than others, but there is no way to really know this because the person with the most symptoms, ie the person who may appear to have the most severe emotional or physical disease is probably the person who is healthiest since symptoms are detox events. This means some of the people in history who may have appeared normal, may in fact just be shut down emotionally. Most of humanity thinks they are normal, but in fact we who become post flood and are in touch with our feelings are probably the only normal people around. You might read Archive No. 74 on normalcy. I was brought up with a strong Biblical teaching, and when I now read a Red Letter Testament (I recommend reading this) I see that Jesus was probably an abused child (for one thing wrapped too tightly in swaddling clothes) and recovered from his toxicosis by abandoning his parents, confronting his mother, getting his anger out at all the substitute parental figures in his life, ie the church (turning over the tables at the temple) and gov't authorities, and he apparently helped others heal by teaching them to do the same, "Unless you hate father and mother and follow me...." The discovery of the toxic mind theory, ie the biology of the healing process supports the way Jesus apparently help others to heal. It also supports Janov, Alice Miller, and many other therapists. So for someone in history I would choose Jesus as a good example of a recovered person. Buddha also left his family, he even named his child 'Impediment' but I think he got into meditation, and this may have continued to suppress his emotions. When you are post flood you'll see the sickness in others and where they are in their recovery and understand the reasons for violence and war. Please read the scientific article about violence. Don't forget this detox process goes on physiologically from early childhood without any conscious effort on our part. It is just that until we start redirecting, the nerve impulses are likely to go through the Wrong Neurons, so to speak. Also some people were less repressed as babies than others, so are more truly normal than others. My best shot at answering your question is to say that who is most normal probably depends on the extent of early toxicosis and the amount of healing that has taken place. 3. I tried raw milk myself, and found it was toxic in time. I began to detox. I think most of us are not adapted to cows milk. I eat 'Instinctively' all raw food, and I get protein from small amounts of raw fatty fish, chicken, beef, a few nuts. Artic Char is an excellent salmon from Alaska, and the females are very fatty, which is good. Coleman beef is not grass fed, but I would eat it if I couldn't get grass fed. But eating raw animal products is something that needs to be approached very slowly. Until the body is pretty well detoxed bacterial infection can be a problem. Some instinctive eaters are staying with slightly cooked meat. Ellie Elnora Van Winkle http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 670 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Sep 3, 2000 6:01am Subject: Hurricane Detox!-Please Read! > Ellie, I must describe for you and the List a tremendous detox episode I went through last night -- actually, when I was awakened at 3 AM from a fitful sleep. It seems that my strongest detox events occur at this time when they interrupt my sleep. > All week I had been leading up to it; I felt a lot of gut-churning grief and a few crying episodes over the whole abandonment mess with the two adult children of my 1st marriage, but I knew it was really a "soul nausea" -- a coming detox storm giving its warnings -- and that I was not yet ready to "throw up." But last night was the time to get it all out, and out it came! I refer to it as a "textbook" case of redirecting because I really experienced the difference between redirecting and merely having a primal. I was definitely having a primal, and I know you warn about people who self-primal run the risk of psychosis. Well, that was upsetting me and I started shaking while walking around the house in the dark. I really felt I was going insane and I started to get really scared. I sensed my fear building up because of the thought I was crazy, which in turn magnified the fear into an ever-increasing positive feedback loop or "vicious cycle." >
I found myself standing and shaking and silently screaming. My arms were tense and I was slowly pushing them up and down in front of me as if I were trying to shed skin or get out of clothing that was hampering me. Later I had a sense that this was a traumatic birth experience -- I was a blue baby, being suffocated at the very time I should have been taking my first breath. Also I had pneumonia and was in an oxygen tent in the hospital when I was 3 months old, so I'm sure there was something related to that as well. >
I was really freaking out as I shook more violently, until I remembered that I should redirect. At first I didn't know which target to pick, but I was so terrified it didn't matter, so I just started with the "usual suspects:" my mother, father, doctors in the hospital, God, the Pope the Catholic Church, etc. And the amazing experience was that as soon as I made the conscious decision to redirect, I was suddenly calm in the midst of this shaking, like a very calm eye in the middle of a hurricane. And I do intend a pun here, which we can only make in English, namely "eye" = "I". I was the eye in the middle of my own toxic psychic hurricane, and as I was redirecting I really felt that I was separating myself from the detox symptoms that were overwhelming my physical body. In other words, up until the moment I decided to redirect I was actually identifying my self, my I with the dear I was experiencing, which meant that I was allowing myself to be blown away by the hurricane. That is true insanity, or the path to true psychosis. >
But once I started to redirect, I simply let the detox spasms take their course. If anything, they intensified because I was no longer inhibiting them. Imagine someone with Parkinson's really shaking to the point that they have to lie down because they are shaking so violently that they are losing their balance and can't stand up anymore. >
I then fell into the bed and was writhing. I was still completely silent, but inwardly screaming at my mother to come and pick me up, but she wouldn't come so I was angry at her. I became angry at other targets because this was a primal fear of abandonment I had to work through in order to experience the physiological memories of the actual abandonment I felt at birth, even in the womb. >
> As you say, Ellie, it doesn't matter if you pinpoint the exact primal event in your infancy or before. What matters is that you find the security of your own ego, your own I in the center of the detox hurricane. Once there, you are completely protected and I really felt the nakedness of my own being there, nothing but me, myself and I waiting calmly in the eye off Hurricane Detox for the winds to run their course and finally die away. >
> As I felt the episode weaken, I realized that I needed to do some reprocessing of the experience. I did some of my EMDR techniques (EMDR = Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which are actually the brain's way of processing emotional trauma, as EMDR creates the conditions while awake, what REM dream sleep does for you unconsciously). That was the "icing on the cake" so to speak and allowed me to rest calmly, literally just like a newborn baby and I fell into a wonderful peaceful sleep at about 4 AM and woke up really refreshed and feeling wonderful at 7:30 AM. >
> The sun has been shining brightly all day in my soul and giving me new confidence that when the next hurricane or tropical detox storm hits, I will simply redirect and ride it out as an observer in the middle of the hurricane "I". MT THANK YOU, this belongs on the front page of every newspaper and should be read before the hundreds of heads of state who are convening at the United Nations today. How can we tell the world about this miracle of healing so all people can join you in the eye of the storm. Ellie Elnora Van Winkle http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 671 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Sep 3, 2000 9:26am Subject: Scary dreams are detox crises Dear Ellie, > I had read the welcome message and did some writing to my past abusers, tore them, and burnt them. After that I had big angry dream to some of them. Is this detox? I felt a little bit better in the morning. I still use this method whenever I am angry as I haven't read the papers I downloaded yet. Feel bad though. EJ Good for you, yes, those scary dreams are detox crises. When you awake from a bad dream try to do some redirecting to past abusers, bang your fists on the bed until you relax. You will feel a little better after a detox crisis but then may feel worse until the next detox. It's a periodic detox process and mood swings can increase for a while, but in a couple of months they will subside if you use the self-help as described. Please study the article and try to do the redirecting not just when you are angry but everytime you have excitatory nervous symptoms as listed in the article. Ellie Elnora Van Winkle http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 672 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Sep 3, 2000 9:26am Subject: Physical Healing In a movie, Leap of Faith, Steve Martin plays a fake evangelist whose bus breaks down in a poor Kansas town. At the end a young boy on crutches is healed. There is much yelling and screaming and venting of emotions at these revival meetings, and I realized it's entirely possible for a healing to occur because detox crises are triggered during all this excitement. This can clear the peripheral nervous system and bring about healing in various parts of the body. Ellie Elnora Van Winkle http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 673 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Mon Sep 4, 2000 7:01am Subject: Re: Hurricane Detox > Hello Ellie........Please pass on my thanks to MT for sharing this experience! Indeed, if it wasn't for someone like you who is outside the incredibly stubborn and ignorant medical community, MT might very well be in the psych ward of some lousy hospital now, or possibly dead by his/her own hand. Bless you for the help you are giving others....MK Bless YOU and MT for sharing with this group. Without your support and your stories of recovery this way of healing would soon be forgotten. Here is MT's story again below, sorry about the spacing. It doesn't seem to line up even when I try. I'm pleased to say I'm no longer a perfectionist. Ellie Ellie,
I must describe for you and the List a tremendous detox episode I went through last night -- actually, when I was awakened at 3 AM from a fitful sleep. It seems that my strongest detox events occur at this time when they interrupt my sleep. All week I had been leading up to it; I felt a lot of gut-churning grief and a few crying episodes over the whole abandonment mess with the two adult children of my 1st marriage, but I knew it was really a "soul nausea" -- a coming detox storm giving its warnings -- and that I was not yet ready to "throw up." But last night was the time to get it all out, and out it came! I refer to it as a "textbook" case of redirecting because I really experienced the difference between redirecting and merely having a primal. I was definitely having a primal, and I know you warn about people who self-primal run the risk of psychosis. Well, that was upsetting me ads I started shaking while walking around the house in the dark. I really felt I was going insane and I started to get really scared. I sensed my fear building up because of the thought I was crazy, which in turn magnified the fear into an ever-increasing positive feedback loop or "vicious cycle." I found myself standing and shaking and silently screaming. My arms were tense and I was slowly pushing them up and down in front of me as if I were trying to shed skin or get out of clothing that was hampering me. Later I had a sense that this was a traumatic birth experience -- I was a blue baby, being suffocated at the very time I should have been taking my first breath. Also I had pneumonia and was in an oxygen tent in the hospital when I was 3 months old, so I'm sure there was something related to that as well. I was really freaking out as I shook more violently, until I remembered that I should redirect. At first I didn't know which target to pick, but I was so terrified it didn't matter, so I just started with the "usual suspects:" my mother father, doctors in the hospital, God, the Pope the Catholic Church, etc. And the amazing experience was that as soon as I made the conscious decision to redirect, I was suddenly calm in the midst of this shaking, like a very calm eye in the middle of a hurricane. And I do intend a pun here, which we can only make in English, namely "eye" = "I". I was the eye in the middle of my own toxic psychic hurricane, and as I was redirecting I really felt that I was separating myself from the detox symptoms that were overwhelming my physical body. In other words, up until the moment I decided to redirect I was actually identifying my self, my I with the dear I was experiencing, which meant that I was allowing myself to be blown away by the hurricane. That is true insanity, or the path to true psychosis. But once I started to redirect, I simply let the detox spasms take their course. If anything, they intensified because I was no longer inhibiting them. Imagine someone with Parkinson's really shaking to the point that they have to lie down because they are shaking so violently that they are losing their balance and can't stand up anymore. I then fell into the bed and was writhing. I was still completely silent, but inwardly screaming at my mother to come and pick me up, but she wouldn't come so I was angry at her. I became angry at other targets because this was a primal fear of abandonment I had to work through in order to experience the physiological memories of the actual abandonment I felt at birth, even in the womb. As you say, Ellie, it doesn't matter if you pinpoint the exact primal event in your infancy or before. What matters ids that you find the security of your own ego, your own I in the center of the detox hurricane. Once there, you are completely protected and I really felt the nakedness of my own being there, nothing but me, myself and I waiting calmly in the eye off Hurricane Detox for the winds to run their course and finally die away. As I felt the episode weaken, I realized that I needed to do some reprocessing of the experience. I did some of my EMDR techniques (EMDR = Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which are actually the brain's way of processing emotional trauma, as EMDR creates the conditions while awake, what REM dream sleep does for you unconsciously). That was the "icing on the cake" so to speak and allowed me to rest calmly, literally just like a newborn baby and I fell into a wonderful peaceful sleep at about 4 AM and woke up really refreshed and feeling wonderful at 7:30 AM. The sun has been shining brightly all day in my soul and giving me new confidence that when the next hurricane or tropical detox storm hits, I will simply redirect and ride it out as an observer in the middle of the hurricane "I". MT THANK YOU, this belongs on the front page of every newspaper and should be read before the hundreds of heads of state who are convening at the United Nations today. How can we tell the world about this miracle of healing so all people can join you in the eye of the storm. Ellie Elnora Van Winkle http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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