This file contains all the messages in the Yahoo group currently located at the link below. This will allow you to read through the messages off-line
Yüklə 5,47 Mb.
|
790 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Oct 15, 2000 4:02pm Subject: Hypothyroidism > I am still redirecting as much as I can, and I think I'm on the road to recovery. At times I'm terrified that I might not really be healing, since I don't experience much in the way of relief from symptoms (emotional pain, depression, fear, anxiety, feeling lost, low appetite, unmotivated, shunning social contact, tired all the time) lately. But I know I've only been redirecting for about two weeks, and I know this process takes time. If anything, I know that the little colds and above-listed symptoms I've been experiencing are evidence that healing is taking place. Emotions are moving and slowly detoxification is happening within me. >
> So I am just continuing to redirect, physically whenever possible, but mentally if the physical is not possible. I remember one person responding to one of my posts and being very supportive, saying when he/she started he/she wasn't sure anything was really happening either in the way of healing. I know this time I have the opportunity to really heal and let this process take its course (this is my fifth major depression over the past 5 years; I just turned 29). >
> I'm highly functional and my circumstances really aren't all that bad; God is taking care of me so that I get what I need to get by. My family and friends are supportive but really all they can do is be supportive; they can't do it for me or go through the process for me. Most of my friends and family really don't understand what I'm going through; heck, even I don't understand what I'm going through sometimes! But I know I can heal this time, and be whole again. >
> Interestingly enough, you mention hypothyroidism in your article; which I learned years ago has been connected with depression. My parents (the past abusers) are both hypothyroid and take synthetic thyroid every day and have taken this "synthroid" all their lives. When I first got depressed, I went for a test, praying that that would be what was wrong with me (wanting to deny the emotional wounds I was feeling; hoping I could just take a pill and it would all be back to "normal"). Turns out tests did not show I was producing low levels of thyroid. But I think it's interesting that my parents, who have a lot of emotional issues (which they're better at dealing with now, but I suffered from their inability to deal with as a child), are both hypothyroid. >
> TW Great progress for two weeks, and faith in your future. I agree, God is taking care of you. Here's a Biblical quote I'm sure you know. "Seek ye first the Kingdom and all else will follow." I found the Kingdom within and now my other needs are met. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 791 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Mon Oct 16, 2000 5:14am Subject: Find hope in the Archives > I wish I could say the same -"fear is gone forever." I am sad, very sad describes it better. My anxiety has prevented me from the person I want to be. Well, right now I am going through a major crisis. My friends ask me what is wrong with me and I am just not prepared to tell them about bothers me. At this point I am hoping to connect to people who have similar problems to mine. xx This is what you have done by joining this eGroup. There are close to 300 people here with similar problems to yours. Please print out and study the article, The Biology of Emotions, read all the longer articles on my web sites, and start to explore the Archives/Messages. In the Archives you will meet all these people and see how they are using the self-help measures. In time your fear will be gone forever and you will be the healthy, happy, and creative person you were born to be. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 792 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Mon Oct 16, 2000 2:41pm Subject: RE: Re-direction and Music > Dear Ellie > I have just come off the back of a two day depression without any redirecting. During these two days I've found out from my brother that he suffered abuse as a child, physical and mental because of his hyperactivity and inability to sleep and my parents inability to cope. You did tell me that my brother's problems came from abuse as a child also and at the time I resented you saying that - you had never met my brother. However it seems that you were right. Also it's starting to dawn on me that everyone around me home and work could probably do with some redirecting themselves. > > It was and still is hard for me to accept my parents abusing my brother but as my brother explained more about the past I also found painful memories resurfacing. I was finding it very hard to redirect anger and knew I had to do it to remove the depression. > > I found it hard to be angry with my father because of the pain he has suffered throughout his life. Being so close him I can almost feel the pain he is in. My redirect this time found me crying for him and my anger was at the pain inside him and not directly at him, as you state in your article. This really got the tears flowing. > > The solution to my redirecting difficulties was found in music, I picked up my Lennon Legend CD and listened to songs like Imagine and his cover of Stand By Me whist thinking of my parents and brother. This triggered a major redirect! > > Just thought it might be a useful tip for anyone who is finding it difficult to redirect. LP It sounds like you have had a breakthrough and are on your way to recovery. I know it is hard to accept that our parents caused us emotional pain. Neither my mother nor father ever struck me physically nor said a harsh word to me, but most of us have been raised by what Alice Miller calls 'poisonous pedagogy.' I think you would like her book, "For Your Own Good." or any of her books. Our parents too were innocent children who were no doubt not allowed to have their justifiable anger when appropriate. No parent needs to be perfect, but we must be allowed to protest when they aren't. It's not child abuse that causes the toxicosis, but the suppression of justifiable anger when we are abused or even emotionally abandoned in minor ways. That little lullaby, 'Hush little baby now don't you cry,' is more abusive than a slap in the face. Thanks for sharing your insights to help others. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 793 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Mon Oct 16, 2000 2:43pm Subject: RE: Re-direction and Music > Dear Ellie > I have just come off the back of a two day depression without any redirecting. During these two days I've found out from my brother that he suffered abuse as a child, physical and mental because of his hyperactivity and inability to sleep and my parents inability to cope. You did tell me that my brother's problems came from abuse as a child also and at the time I resented you saying that - you had never met my brother. However it seems that you were right. Also it's starting to dawn on me that everyone around me home and work could probably do with some redirecting themselves. > > It was and still is hard for me to accept my parents abusing my brother but as my brother explained more about the past I also found painful memories resurfacing. I was finding it very hard to redirect anger and knew I had to do it to remove the depression. > > I found it hard to be angry with my father because of the pain he has suffered throughout his life. Being so close to him I can almost feel the pain he is in. My redirect this time found me crying for him and my anger was at the pain inside him and not directly at him, as you state in your article. This really got the tears flowing. > > The solution to my redirecting difficulties was found in music, I picked up my Lennon Legend CD and listened to songs like Imagine and his cover of Stand By Me whilst thinking of my parents and brother. This triggered a major redirect! > > Just thought it might be a useful tip for anyone who is finding it difficult to redirect. LP It sounds like you have had a breakthrough and are on your way to recovery. I know it is hard to accept that our parents caused us emotional pain. Neither my mother nor father ever struck me physically nor said a harsh word to me, but most of us have been raised by what Alice Miller calls 'poisonous pedagogy.' I think you would like her book, "For Your Own Good." or any of her books. Our parents too were innocent children who were no doubt not allowed to have their justifiable anger when appropriate. No parent needs to be perfect, but we must be allowed to protest when they aren't. It's not child abuse that causes the toxicosis, but the suppression of justifiable anger when we are abused or even emotionally abandoned in minor ways. That little lullaby, 'Hush little baby now don't you cry,' is more abusive than a slap in the face. Thanks for sharing your insights to help others. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 794 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Oct 17, 2000 6:57am Subject: Insomnia All those compulsive thoughts that keep you awake are detox crises and opportunities to do some redirecting. Unfortunately you can't make a conscious decision to stop these compulsive thoughts. I'm sorry to say this is not going to suddenly stop, but the more you keep doing the redirecting the sooner it will end. I really did not sleep well until I was post flood and even then it is a much lighter but restful sleep, which is normal and the way it should be. Ellie
http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 795 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Oct 17, 2000 7:08am Subject: RE: A Movie with redirecting > The new English film, "Billy Elliot has outstanding visualization of redirecting in it. Not to be missed! AD Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 796 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Oct 17, 2000 7:42am Subject: RE: staying with it..... > I'm still redirecting, not a whole lot (well, who knows what "a lot" is anyway), but as much as I can. I had two or three larger, more physical redirects (pounding bed, pillows) and many, many smaller physical redirects (stomping around, throwing boxes at the floor, crumpling up paper and throwing it hard in the garbage can, slamming doors and cupboards, hitting the bed while in it, punching toiler paper while in the restroom), and many mental redirects (especially when I feel self-loathing/self-destructive impulses come up). >
> I've been feeling a kind of consistent depression/tiredness/less appetite/worry/fear. I feel lost and scared, devoid of much energy or personality beyond the chaos I feel. The only times I can get away from those feelings are while reading, watching TV, or doing some kind of task (which are all distractions from the overwhelming feels I'm experiencing; a familiar pattern for me, as I always went to find escape not in drugs or alcohol or other people, but in entertainment, art, music, books, etc. -- all while being alone). > I'm just trying to experience my feelings and not run away from them. And keep redirecting, and know that "It will lift." TW Good for you, and thanks for sharing your progress. The depression/tiredness will lift and be gone for good. I can safely say that I've forgotten what it feels like to be depressed or tired. I've been walking around NYC for about four or five hours a day giving my website to doormen for posting on their bulletin boards. Most 72 year old women would find this exhausting, but I never feel tired. My feet sometimes feel it, but even they revive with a few minutes of rest. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Oct 17, 2000 5:31pm Subject: RE: relationships while in detox crisis? Dear Ellie, > I find myself wondering about the wisdom (or lack thereof) in terms of making new friends and especially cultivating potential new romantic relationships while undergoing depression/anxiety in a detox crisis. I don't want to pretend to be a therapist and suggest advice about relationships. I can only share from my experience. I can tell you that when I was doing the intense detoxing as you are now doing I was all alone and not in any close relationships. I think it was for the best, since I was able to focus on the redirecting. When I felt lonely and afraid I redirected to my parents knowing these feelings were the result of their emotional abandonment. I'm sure if I had shared what I was going through with other people they would not have understood, and this would have made my relationships with them awkward. Share your feelings with us, read the Archives for support, and try to use these feelings of loneliness and fear as opportunities to do some redirecting. The craving for people in the romantic sense is a craving just like a craving for food or a drug to take away the pain of feeling lonely and afraid. Going through the loneliness and fear, and getting the anger out will free you from these feelings in time. I think you understand that getting into a romance would be a codependency at this time. When you are post flood you will no longer feel lonely or crave people in this way. You will be able to form healthy relationships with people. Ellie
http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 799 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Wed Oct 18, 2000 5:53am Subject: Gratitude for parents It makes me sick that in order to get better I have to get mad at the people who have done the most for me. YC Unless you get your anger out at their sickness, you will stay sick yourself. Try not to think about all they did for you when you are having excitatory nervous symptoms. Of course they took care of you, but they were innocent children themselves, whose parents no doubt caused them to suppress their justifiable anger. Ellie > You are right, of course. I have met their parents. And you are definitely right. YC I'm glad you see this, try to go with your feelings when you need to redirect anger to them, and stay out of your head as they say. Your love and gratitude for them will be there when you are post flood. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 800 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Wed Oct 18, 2000 6:30am Subject: How this eGroup works > I don't understand how this system works...? How do I speak with others? xx
Ellie
Please print out and save this Welcome message. If you joined to see IF the self-help works read the Endorsements on: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway/teste.html Unless you understand the toxic mind theory as described in the articles on my web sites, you will not find the self-help useful. When I made this discovery I used this self-help with no one to guide me except my understanding of the simple biological concepts as described in the articles. This eGroup is for support, not further explanation. If you decide this is not for you and unsubscribe, you are welcome back at any time.
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway/pamphlet.html Everything you need to know is in this article. Refer to it when you have questions. Also read the longer version and scientific article on http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 Then take your time and read the Archives/Messages for support. I try not to post at length or too often, so if you receive no posts go to the Archives/Messages . Be sure to study Archive no. 631 Co-dependency, no. 406 Physical symptoms, no. 670 Hurrican Detox, and no. 74 Post flood=Post primal, which is a good description of normalcy and where we are headed. A good beginning is to write about childhood relationships and subsequent relationships that were likely to be with persons who were similar to your parents. You do NOT need to recall specific childhood abuse. This will give you a list of past abusers. Try writing all these people a letter in which you direct your anger to them, and then tear them up. I suggest having a medical check up to make sure there is nothing seriously wrong before using the self help measures. DO NOT go off medication without medical supervision. The list is set up so you cannot post directly to the list, and if you reply to a post you will reach only the moderators. We may post some of your comments to the list or reply to you off list, but if you prefer that we don't post what you send, be sure to write 'DO NOT POST.' If you don't mind that we post your comments, omit names and specifics that would identify you. Select a pseudonym or initials that we can post. Do not send your real name when you reply to posts. The Archives are open to anyone who joins, and we cannot be responsible if your identity gets out. Please let us know how you are doing with the redirecting, and if you have any questions after studying the articles. *********************************************** Here are some ways to release anger while mentally REDIRECTING anger to all past abusers. Write letters or email to past abusers, then tear up the letters or delete the email. Pound on a bed with your fists and yell (muffle your voice if you have neighbors) Use a bataka bat or tennis racket to spare your fists. Slam doors or cupboard doors Yell, scream, shriek (into a pillow if necessary or in the shower) Go to an airport & stand out near where the planes are revving their engines and getting ready to take off and yell there. No one can hear you, you won't even be able to hear yourself. Go to a cemetery and pound on a grave Bang on a tree Throw a crumpled ball hard into a wastebasket if you are at work. Mentally talk to past abusers, say to those voices 'get out of my head.' If you are in public redirect the anger to past abusers quietly in your mind. If you can't sleep or awake with a scary dream, pound your fists on the bed and redirect anger to past abusers until you relax. Jab a ballpoint pen through a piece of paper. Play pinball (or if you can find it... there's another game at some arcades where these little guys pop up & you're supposed to whomp 'em with a mallet as fast as you can. Weed the garden, the lawn, & anything else in sight Go bowling and visualize the pins as past abusers. I have a computer Elf bowling game I can send you if you want it. Stomp your feet when you walk Take a pair of jeans, hold it by the ankles, and whack the hell out of your bed. Tear up a phone book (put work gloves on first if you can to avoid paper cuts) Yell while you tear, if you can. Tear the pages out, tear 'em in half, throw 'em all over the room when you're done. Do a dance of anger Throw things. Not random things; safe things like pillows at the wall or bed. Kick a ball around the room Kick a rock down the street Run or do other hard physical exercise. Scrub the floor. ************************************************* This Questionnaire is NOT a test but is offered as a guide to give you an idea when you are post flood. Post flood does NOT mean cured, but is an arbitrary point chosen as a goal. It is when about 95% of the repressed anger is gone, and depression has lifted. Mood swings are less often and less intense. You can reach this point in about six weeks especially if you change your diet to mostly raw food. There is a muddy basin period as after any flood, during which anger will be less intense, but must continue to be redirected. This can last a year or so and be mixed with intense, but also diminishing, feelings of grief. Eventually when the anger is almost entirely related to current interactions, it must also be felt and released or the toxicosis can re-occur. The changes listed here become more and more pronounced, so if you keep track of the dates when you notice these more and more, you will have an idea when you are post flood. On what date did you begin the self-help measures. Do you pound on a bed and redirect anger while thinking of past abusers once a day three times a day more often If not near a bed do you mentally redirect anger toward past abusers once a day three times a day more often What is your pulse rate on awakening (average over several days) ********************************************** What is the approximate date when you noticed the following.
Feel 'high' after releasing anger. Have increased periods of depression after redirecting. Have a heavy or drug-like sleep. Often feel your heart pounding Frequent headaches, sweating, or fever. Pounded on the bed less often. Mood swings less intense and less often. Intense feelings of grief and crying. If plans don't work out, can find something else to do. Feel friendlier and interested in people, even strangers. Enjoy people but feel content alone. Seldom feel guilty. Seldom have resentments. No longer think or act compulsively. May feel sad, but not depressed. Work and study efficiently, concentration and memory good. Fall asleep more easily and no longer have a heavy drug-like sleep. Can stop thinking about something, i.e. change the subject in your mind. Have fewer scary dreams. Can flash back to childhood events, even traumatic ones, without emotional pain. Anger is not intense and is mostly about current situations. Life is simpler with less need for activity. Posture is relaxed. No longer crave stimulants or junk food. Diet is mostly natural foods. Seldom have a cold or other acute disorders. Seldom feel your heart pounding Stopped medication. Stopped therapy. On what date would you say you identified with-not all-but most of these. Now what is your pulse on awakening (average over several days) No need to send me this, but please let me know when you are post-flood. When you are post flood please stay on the list, but set it to WebOnly since you won't need the daily posts.
http://www.home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway/depression.html and: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific article, and my full story are on: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
|