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- A Hurricane Detox
1044 From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Wed May 23, 2001 8:25am Subject: Grass-fed animals Another source of information on grass-fed animals www.eatwild.com Ellie http://clearpathway.net http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure
http://clearpathway.net http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure
I'm not sure why you should be having "constant" depression. It might be that you are not depressed but just missing the highs you used to get? Although if it is really depression, it's just a signal that more anger needs to come out. Post flood is not a sudden point of cure. I have tried to drop that expression. I used it in the past in the same way Janov uses post-primal, meaning that there are no longer major primals, which are the same as detoxification crises. What I called the muddy basin period can be a long lasting adjustment period, during which you should have less intense detox crises, ie less intense and less frequent mood swings. But it is essential that you keep redirecting to avoid depression. It is especially important not to stuff your anger in current interactions. Even when depression has pretty much lifted, your anger will be mix of anger related to childhood and anger triggered by the person in the current interaction. In time your anger will have less and less to do with the past and more to do with current interactions. You will need to continue to redirect anger to past abusers until your anger is only about the person in the current interaction. If you continue to have mood swings, this is a clear sign that anger needs to be redirected to past abusers. There will always be reservoirs of noradrenaline that store anger in the brain, reservoirs whose levels will rise and fall periodically. For continuing emotional health it is necessary to recognize any excitatory nervous symptoms as signals of repressed anger and to direct the anger toward abusers, not in person, but using the self-therapy. When the anger triggered is primarily about the current interaction, it may be mild, and it is easy to suppress it. You will always need to process emotions in current interactions to prevent toxicosis and future symptoms. Ellie http://clearpathway.net http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure 1047 From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Sun May 27, 2001 7:44am Subject: RST with children? Hi Ellie, This may be a strange question but can this therapy be used with children? Thanks.
Hi, Not a strange question at all. I wish I could get it to all children, but because of parental denial it's difficult. Some therapists are using it with children. I hope they can get parental permission, maybe even written like surgeons do, to protect themselves from being sued if children temporarily get angry at parents in person. I highly recommend to you Aletha Solter's books, including Tears and Tantrums. Her website is: http://www.awareparenting.com/ She knows how to help young children get their anger out, which they can do when held by parents and encouraged to cry and rage. The parents may not realize the anger is being directed at them, but the babies know! If you are using the RST yourself you will have no trouble helping your young children to do this when needed. Ellie http://clearpathway.net http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure
http://clearpathway.net http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure 1049 From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Fri Jun 1, 2001 6:49am Subject: Tom's Story Tom's Story "Dear Elnora, A woman Internet friend... told me about your website and I immediately latched on to your approach. I was born and raised Irish Catholic... in 1948, the youngest of 6 children. I've struggled with repressed anger all my life, in my case, though, the "gentle giant" whose physical size would strike fear in smaller people, yet whose inner fear and cowering was more like a small crying, little girl. I'm 6'3" and weigh 265 now. I discovered your work as the latest in an unfolding sequence of self-help therapies this year. From a bad experience with Zoloft this past January 3, I started down the road to recovery from antidepressants. I think your redirecting anger techniques provide the specific "talking back" to the cognitive disorders of negative thinking. I was especially pleased to read about you being at Bellevue on both sides of the fence as it were, patient and researcher. I had actually once committed myself to Bellevue for a few days in 1971 when I was in the throes of LSD & marijuana flashbacks and having been beaten up by a new roommate who turned out to be a heroin addict, though he was on methadone at the time. I also experienced a brief but powerful time of primal therapy in NYC, enough to unleash the rage against my parents, but not enough to work it all out. My parents were never physically abusive, more the opposite, neglecting me emotionally and making me feel guilty because I was not beaten like so many of the other kids in my neighborhood. Anyway, I hope to find out specific ways I can deal with redirecting my anger, since I have a number of polar opposite issues from you, yet the terror and depression of inner events are the same." Tom "Ellie, As you may remember, I experienced a taste of Primal Therapy...in 1970-71 but did not complete it. I think I may have had 3 one hour sessions. But I did manage to get in touch with the rage I felt about my parents, and that is why, I believe, I took to your redirecting process as a duck takes to water. This morning, I had a real first hand experience of the difference between primal and redirecting. I was feeling really horrible this morning, ever since I woke up, but I was too tired to start redirecting and felt also that I could not cry. But then I suddenly fell into just wailing. I felt it as "dry grief" -- no tears, no mourning or weeping, just cold dry moaning/wailing. But then this escalated into actual screaming and I realized that I was doing a "primal scream," a la Janov. This went on for a few minutes. I walked around the house with a pillow, screaming into it with every breath. But I also felt like this was getting me nowhere. It almost started to get boring, somewhat perfunctory, until I remembered that I should redirect this screaming. Once I made that conscious decision, I felt myself back in my crib perhaps -- anyway, early childhood -- screaming at my mother and father to help me. But then I realized the anger and screamed "I hate you, Mom!" And then I felt that I may have been back in the hospital (I had pneumonia at 3 months of age and my mother says they had to put me in an oxygen tent in the hospital back then). So I screamed at the nurses and doctors. (I was also born a "blue baby" and I still need to redirect against the doctor who was late in delivering me and the inexperienced intern whom my mother says panicked when she was to deliver me and the doctor wasn't there). So is this the crucial distinction between your approach and Janov's -- i.e., the fact that you focus on redirecting the anger, which underlies the scream, whereas Janov just focuses on the screaming itself without redirecting to the source of that scream? I think it is very important that you write about the clear differences between Primal Therapy and redirecting since they are so close in many ways, yet it seems to be the real difference is the power of imagination we have, to picture our past abusers and to redirect at them. Now I get a real sense of the difference. With Janov, I assume, the patient is just left to scream out the primal scream without redirecting." Tom Dear Tom, "Yes, that is the difference between the RST and primal therapy, but I believe Janov, and hopefully now others, probably do encourage their clients to direct anger toward parents during the primals. It is also not necessary to experience all the emotional pain by reliving the early trauma." Ellie A Hurricane Detox Dear Ellie, "I must describe a tremendous detoxification episode I went through last night -- actually, when I was awakened at 3 AM from a fitful sleep. It seems that my strongest detoxification events occur at this time when they interrupt my sleep. All week I had been leading up to it; I felt a lot of gut-churning grief and a few crying episodes over the whole abandonment mess with the two adult children of my 1st marriage, but I knew it was really a "soul nausea"-- a coming detox storm giving its warnings -- and that I was not yet ready to "throw up." But last night was the time to get it all out, and out it came! I refer to it as a "textbook" case of redirecting because I really experienced the difference between redirecting and merely having a primal. I was definitely having a primal, and I know you warn that people who self-primal run the risk of psychosis. Well, that was upsetting me as I started shaking while walking around the house in the dark. I really felt I was going insane and I started to get really scared. I sensed my fear building up because of the thought I was crazy, which in turn magnified the fear into an ever-increasing positive feedback loop or "vicious cycle." I found myself standing and shaking and silently screaming. My arms were tense and I was slowly pushing them up and down in front of me as if I were trying to shed skin or get out of clothing that was hampering me. Later I had a sense that this was a traumatic birth experience -- I was a blue baby, being suffocated at the very time I should have been taking my first breath. Also I had pneumonia and was in an oxygen tent in the hospital when I was 3 months old, so I'm sure there was something related to that as well. I was really freaking out as I shook more violently, until I remembered that I should redirect. At first I didn't know which target to pick, but I was so terrified it didn't matter, so I just started with the "usual suspects:" my mother father, doctors in the hospital, God, the Pope, the Catholic Church, etc. And the amazing experience was that as soon as I made the conscious decision to redirect, I was suddenly calm in the midst of this shaking, like a very calm eye in the middle of a hurricane. And I do intend a pun here, which we can only make in English, namely "eye" = "I". I was in the eye in the middle of my own toxic psychic hurricane, and as I was redirecting I really felt that I was separating myself from the detox symptoms that were overwhelming my physical body. In other words, up until the moment I decided to redirect I was allowing myself to be blown away by the hurricane. That is true insanity, or the path to true psychosis. But once I started to redirect, I simply let the detox spasms take their course. If anything, they intensified because I was no longer inhibiting them. Imagine someone with Parkinson's really shaking to the point that they have to lie down because they are shaking so violently that they are losing their balance and can't stand up anymore. I then fell into the bed and was writhing. I was still completely silent, but inwardly screaming at my mother to come and pick me up, but she wouldn't come so I was angry at her. I became angry at other targets because this was a primal fear of abandonment I had to work through in order to experience the physiological memories of the actual abandonment I felt at birth, even in the womb. As you say, Ellie, it doesn't matter if you pinpoint the exact primal event in your infancy or before. What matters is that you find the security of your own ego, your own I in the center of the detox hurricane. Once there, you are completely protected and I really felt the nakedness of my own being there, nothing but me, myself and I waiting calmly in the eye of the Hurricane Detox for the winds to run their course and finally die away. The sun has been shining brightly all day in my soul and giving me new confidence that when the next hurricane or tropical detox storm hits, I will simply redirect and ride it out as an observer in the middle of the hurricane "I". Tom "Ellie, Your comment about relaxed shoulders is really important because in order to do the Parkinson-like shakes I had 2 weeks ago, my shoulders had to be tensed. I've had two more major detox events since "Hurricane Detox" and in the first one, I was not shaking at all but both arms were locked in paralyzing tension with my palms out and facing each other. I also had a fixed scowl or snarl on my face. Everything was quiet and still, but I was in a rage and redirecting. I looked in the mirror and saw this wild man look and I imagine it is very much like that of a sexual predator who lurks in the shadows waiting for his victim to come by. But as I redirected, it lessened and finally passed. In the second episode, I started grunting, drooling, and this time my arms were completely relaxed. I was flapping them around like a spastic, acting like a monkey or a gorilla, but again my shoulders had to be tense in order to be the anchor point or fulcrum for my arms to be flapping so wildly. In the mirror, I saw myself as a drooling crazy on a mental ward somewhere. Also, my partner noticed that my posture had gotten much more stoop-shouldered in the past few weeks and I do believe that the redirecting through these episodes is having the effect of getting my shoulders somehow to relax. I'm not there yet because I still feel tension there, but it would not surprise me if I have one last blowout detox episode where I will finally unlock what's still imprisoned there in my shoulders." Tom "I feel that I reached a milestone of some kind at the end of 5 weeks. Since that time, i.e., in the last 2 weeks, I have definitely felt much more grief and much less anger. For example, yesterday, I had two really strong crying jags. The wailing and crying simply came out of me with no inhibitions whereas a month ago, when I redirected, I would feel good after it and then fatigued. I would feel grief but also knew that the grief was still buried and that I was not able to reach it. Usually a day or two after a big redirecting episode back then, I would feel depressed, but there was also frustration involved because I knew my real grief was still buried and I could not cry -- except on rare occasions, maybe three times only in the first 5 weeks. But now the grief seems to have taken over center stage while the anger recedes into the background. And I'm beginning to get a sense of the difference between depression and sadness. The depression is aptly called that; it has negative connotations because of the frustration that I felt in not being able to express my grief. But sadness has a more positive connotation because it feels so natural now to express my grief by crying. I guess that's the crux of the matter. Not being able to cry is an artificially imposed situation, imposed by the toxic state no doubt. It's not a natural state. Now, the frustration of the depression is gone because I can cry more freely. It feels more natural, more organic, more holistic, and ultimately, more me. I get a real sense that buried under all these toxins is the real me who has been inhabiting this body and brain since at least conception in mother's womb. Who that person is, I still haven't a clue about, but nonetheless I feel that person is finally emerging after all these decades of living in a toxic waste dump. And that's also the ultimate source of the sadness. What a waste to have spent all these years imprisoned in a toxic waste dump that I am ultimately responsible or liable for -- not because I created it, but because I "owned the property," as it were, and I allowed all these people, mainly my parents, to turn my brain into a toxic waste dump. Yes, they are to blame, but also, they didn't know what they were doing. The injunction of Christ is apropos here: "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." But now I also realize that before we can get to the forgiveness stage, we have to clean up the toxic waste dump by redirecting. I do get intimations of real empathy toward my parents, who are liable through ignorance and negligence, but I also realize too that I will not be capable of forgiving them truly at all until I confront them by redirecting and clear out all these toxins they dumped onto me -- from their own toxic minds. Next installment, I want to focus on the changes in my cravings, addictions and compulsions as well as the tremendous insights I'm receiving daily into just how much I really "bought into" my parents' respective toxicoses and then behaved so codependently all these decades. As you know, I had my first big redirecting episode back on June 23, in the wee hours of the morning, against my father whom I had always tried to please by eating all the food he would cook: heavy meat potatoes, grains, dairy, high sugar, etc. After redirecting I fell asleep for a while, but then woke up, made the ritual morning coffee, but as I put the cup to my lips, I had to put it down. I could not drink any more coffee, Pepsi, Coke and then I stopped eating grains and dairy and immediately started a diet of raw fruit, vegetables, berries, nuts and rare meat and raw fish (sushi) along with drinking a lot of spring water whenever I felt a hunger pang or craving for caffeine. That diet revolution has stayed with me so far and I can really sense how important is changing diet to accelerating the process of releasing toxins. One of the great side effects of my diet change was the fact that once I got off grains and dairy, I overcame my allergies to non-citrus fresh fruits and some nuts. I really think that my consumption of grains, probably wheat gluten actually prevented me from eating fresh fruits in order to keep my system as toxic as possible. Not only am I eating much better, but I have also lost about 15 pounds. Prior to my discovery of your redirecting techniques my partner and I were discussing me joining a "Sexaholics" group to do something about my sexual addiction. Since I've been redirecting, my craving for sex has diminished greatly. I hardly ever think about it -- compared to my obsession with it before redirecting."" Tom "Ellie, There seems to be a real definite sequence to my most recent detox episodes. As I described them, it started with Parkinson like shaking of my arms, then a tremendous tense up or locking of the arms, then a complete loosening with my arms flailing like a spastic. But all three of those episodes had tight shoulders as the anchor point or fulcrum. But the 4th and latest in this sequence focused on the shoulders themselves and I feel like I was re-experiencing my traumatic birth when my mother was told by an intern to hold me back so he could run and get the doctor. I was a blue baby, suffocating to death at my birth. What I experienced in the detox episode was my shoulders completely hunched up as far up as they could go. I got the strong impression that this was how I was stuck in my mother's vagina, with my head presenting, but with my shoulders being tightly squeezed. I felt like I was stuck there for a long time. Then I started redirecting. I looked in the mirror and saw myself as the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I suddenly realized that, like Atlas, I had been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I redirected against my mother, but then it extended to all the women in my life that came to mind. Everyone, sisters, ex-wives, women past and present. I was screaming at them all. That was the root of my misogyny and then it all came back to my mother. But from there, the redirecting went to the doctor and to the whole medical establishment which is these male dominant, patriarchal view of pregnancy as a disease as something horrifying, an ordeal that the male doctors impose on women. Then I suddenly realized that I was blaming my mother only because of her slavish submission to the authority of the male medical establishment. It was exactly the same as her submission to the Catholic Church. After redirecting to her about that, I focused on the doctors -- the whole medical establishment -- as arrogant and out of touch with reality as the Catholic establishment or any other religious establishment we have inherited from our past. I realized that I had been angry at my mother for her being such a doormat and literally rolling over and playing dead for them as I was in the process of being born! What a way to come into the world! I was so angry at her that I grew up and displaced all that anger onto all other women. Yet now I redirected THROUGH my mother to the doctors who hold that Godlike position over their patients. After that, my shoulders relaxed. I guess old Atlas finally shrugged, or at least relaxed and let the world roll off his shoulders. When it did, I also realized how guilty I had felt and that I dealt with my guilt over being angry at my mother but making sure I bore the world on my shoulders. That's why my posture had become so stooped lately. In the past I had learned to force my shoulders back and to make myself stand up straight and tall, but that's not what my shoulders wanted to do. They always wanted to remain in that tense stooped position. I'm still not fully relaxed, but I imagine the next detox event may take care of that. Right now, and ion the last few days since this "Atlas" event, I have been feeling a bit woozy, as if I'm beginning to lose my balance and black out. I don't think it's a medical problem because I ran my 2 miles the other day with no problem, but I wonder if anyone has told you about symptoms like this. I sense it is the next layer in the detox process. It's centered in my head, as if I have a headache, but there's no pain, just a wooziness, as if I'm not getting quite enough blood up in my head. It's like feeling fatigue or weariness, but I'm not tired or weary at all. If anything, I'm more alert and awake than ever. I wonder if it's my real self emerging from this dark cocoon that I've been wrapped in for so long. Again it's another case of me not identifying myself with whatever physiological or emotional symptoms are manifesting. That's the important point. Before, I would be consumed by fatigue, or consumed by depression, or consumed by some kind of repetition-compulsion activity, but now, it's like the negative habits are still there, but receding from my active real self. They have no power over me anymore, and of course they are reluctant to let go. It's almost like having a scab that is about ready to fall off. It still hurts to pick it, but given enough time, the scab just falls away when the healing is complete. There's a new "me" coming out, yet it's the same "me" that I was born with. Goddamn, this is a difficult process, and very all-consuming, but there's no going back! And after a full 3 months of redirecting now -- the whole summer of 2000 -- I wouldn't have it any other way! This is truly a rebirthing process and I think my shoulders have just emerged from behind my very large head. Hopefully, the rest of me should slide right out now and I will be able to relax my shoulders and walk upright like I was designed to do. Tom " Well, Ellie, call me Noah because I just launched my ark on the rising waters of the Toxic Sea. I've been waiting three days to make sure and I can say unequivocally that I am now post-flood. The rains came last Thursday with wailing and crying like never before and then it was over and I slept well that night and when I woke up Friday morning, I felt absolutely great. The storm had raged and finally passed. And that feeling has lasted for three days and I sense that it is permanent. It truly is the "peace that passeth understanding." All I can say is: what a great relief to have detoxified this much. I feel unbelievably calm and serene. This is the real me that's been stuck down in there in my body for all these decades and now he's simply emerged. I don't get any sense that I have changed anything about myself at all. I haven't really changed a thing about my essential self. I simply got rid of all the blockages. It was like being in a prison. I feel like I've just been released from a 40 year prison sentence and there's a whole world outside there that I always knew existed, but could never connect with. This morning, Monday, is the 4th day since my prison "release" and I must say that everything is how you described it, Ellie. Good memories of the past are staring to come back now, though, they are still but teasing intimations that only last a few seconds, but they are real, and most of all they are connecting with me in the here and now. I sense that it is not enough to get the memories back, but also to reintegrate them into who and where I am now. The result is a feeling that my whole life makes sense, that there is and always has been an unbroken continuity in my self, in who I am, in who I always have been for all my 52 years since birth, a continuity that was fractured and compartmentalized by those toxic neurons. In thinking up more flood metaphors, besides Noah's Ark, I've also pictured the "flood" process as the locks in the Panama Canal. This is my first flood; I know it's not the last; but it is definite and I know it. I like the picture of the ships moving into a lock, and then the water is drained out and the ship moves down to the level of the next lock, so that it can finally make it to the other ocean. Somehow, I think of the Atlantic Ocean as the Toxic Sea (I did grow up in Manhattan, remember) while the Pacific Ocean is the calm, serene, well pacific, ocean of post-flood euphoria. However, I think the best metaphor of all is in your e-mail handle, Ellie. It's a "clear pathway" that I have finally carved out in my brain, in my soul. Everything is clear now; the process of redirecting and then expressing the grief and working through the depression is more aptly described as hacking thorough the "neuron jungle" with a machete, cutting a pathway through until the pathway finally becomes clear. What's so amazing about this whole process is that it has transpired entirely over the Internet. There's a lesson there. The future is in the Internet and so is the healing of our souls -- provided we accept the challenge given us by this overwhelming medium and work through the connections we develop with people through e-mail. It certainly accelerates our human interaction; so it's no surprise that the Internet will help accelerate our souls healing as well. Tom I have used this technique for the last 8 months to great effect and I believe it is on the cutting edge of therapy for the 21st Century as it both fulfills and transcends traditional talk and insight therapies of the 20th Century --- mainly because it completely short-circuits the inherent codependency that arises whenever you have a therapist other than yourself! Thus the therapy works because you yourself are your own therapist. Moreover, it is free and I heard about it and used it entirely from connections with people over the Internet. Welcome to 21st Century psychotherapy!!!" Tom Ellie http://clearpathway.net http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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