Note to leader: Provide each person with the article “Ministry vs. Marriage?” from GiftedforLeadership.com, included at the end of this study.
Beginning in the 1960s, a tidal wave of changes swept through the American culture that afforded women more opportunities for leadership, education, work, and service than ever before. Before the 1960s, women for the most part had only one important role in society, and that role was within the home. Today, with increased access to a variety of critical roles throughout society, women face another difficulty: how to appropriately balance their responsibilities.
For Christian women leaders, the struggle is primarily about how to resolve the tension between ministry and family life. On the one hand, our ministry tasks are ever present: counseling and consoling the hurting, preparation and teaching for the purposes of edification, designing and launching effective ministry and worship programs, and feeding and clothing the poor and needy. These ministry tasks are juxtaposed with the needs of our own family: quality time with spouses and children, ministry and guidance through difficult times, and the teaching and instructing of children.
The Scriptures suggest that the solution is not to resolve the tension by relinquishing either our role in ministry or our role in the home. In 1 Timothy 4:14–15, we are cautioned against neglecting the spiritual gifts that have been given us for the purposes of ministry, to “be diligent in these matters,” giving ourselves wholly to them. Yet, Christian women are also called to love their husbands and their children (Titus 2:4) and to teach their children (Deut. 6:6–7). Since men and women are called to minister in the church and to their families, the best way to resolve the tension between ministry and family life is to learn how to effectively balance and integrate the two.
Discussion starters:
[Q] On a piece of paper, write down the various roles you fill on a daily basis. Remember that a formal position (such as the role of a pastor) may be comprised of many different roles (such as preacher, counselor, and administrator).
How do these roles compete with one another?
How do you prioritize these roles? Does one role supercede the others? Why?
[Q] Describe a specific time in your life when you experienced the tension between ministry and family. How did you handle the situation? Were you pleased with the outcome? Why or why not?
[Q] When the responsibilities from your various roles become overwhelming, what aspects of your ministry and/or family life tend to suffer?
[Q] Why do you think it is important to maintain a balance between your commitment to your ministry and your commitment to your family?
Part 2
Discover the Eternal Principles Teaching point one: Balancing ministry and family life begins with nurturing your own relationship with God.
Our most important relationship is our relationship with God, and yet it is this relationship that tends to suffer first when we’re swamped with overcrowded schedules. The demands of ministry and family life are tangible. We know when a person we minister to urgently needs our prayer and counsel. We know our children need to be picked up from school, need help with homework, or just need to be nurtured. We know when our spouses and other family members need our support and attention. These needs are visible. Since God makes no such visible or audible demands for our attention, it is important to proactively schedule—and keep—regular times of personal devotion in order to nurture our relationship with God.
Read Mark 1:32–39.
Situated on the northwest shore of the Sea of Galilee, Capernaum was a town of considerable importance that served as Jesus’ headquarters throughout his ministry. The large population of Galilee, combined with the fact that teachers who were reputed to work miracles drew large crowds, would have made it difficult for Jesus to find the time and place to be alone. By rising “very early in the morning, while it was still dark”—long before people began working—Jesus prioritized his prayer life and relationship with God. These times were often sandwiched between intense periods of ministry. Keeping this time of regular devotion enabled him to temporarily separate himself from the demands of ministry and the demands of his relationships with his followers and disciples.
Likewise, taking time to nurture our relationship with God enables us to separate ourselves from our ministries and our families in order to reevaluate our priorities. Spending time alone with God in prayer helps us to balance the demands of ministry and family life, by providing discernment on how we should structure our time and where we should spend our energy on a daily basis.
[Q] Why do you think Jesus (who was sinless) found it so important to withdraw from others on a regular basis to pray and commune with God?
[Q] Are you able to meet with God as often as you like? Do you have a solitary place to pray?
If not, what aspects of your life tend to interfere most with keeping a regular period of prayer? What adjustments could you make to your schedule that would allow you more opportunities for prayer and devotion?
[Q] Name three ways a vital, growing, intimate relationship with God can strengthen your ministry and your relationships.
Teaching point two: Learn to respect and accept your limitations.
Christian. Wife. Mother. Leader. Teacher. Counselor. Employee. Boss. Role-model. These are only a few of the many roles women fill on a daily basis. With all the various requirements placed on women in each of their roles, it’s understandable that many of us struggle with feelings of guilt and inadequacy over not being able to meet certain expectations (be it our own or someone else’s). Often, though, our failure to meet these expectations is not due to personal inadequacy, but rather from overextending ourselves and trying to operate outside the boundaries of our limitations.
Read Exodus 18:13–26.
People in positions of leadership sometimes find it difficult to entrust others with important tasks. Either they may feel they alone are qualified to get the job done, or they are hesitant to burden others with their duties and responsibilities. Moses, although he was devoted to the good work of judging the people of Israel and thereby teaching them the laws of God, had tasked himself beyond his own strength. In doing so, Moses exhausted both himself and the people that were around him. By taking Jethro’s advice and selecting quality people to serve as judges in his place, it freed Moses to do the more proactive work of teaching people God’s law and showing them how to live. It also empowered other devoted leaders to use their giftedness for God’s glory.
As Christian leaders, it is important to evaluate both our ministry and family schedules in order to determine what activities and duties should be prioritized, and which ones should be delegated to others or delayed until a later time.
[Q] Have you ever felt guilty or inadequate because you weren’t able to live up to your own expectations or the expectations of others? Describe the situation and the circumstances surrounding it.
Given the extenuating circumstances, were the expectations reasonable?
[Q] Read again Exodus 18:15–16. Note how many times Moses refers to himself in these two verses. What does this tell you about how Moses perceived his role as a leader?
[Q] Is it challenging for you to let go of certain tasks? If so, why?
[Q] List the qualities that Moses’ father-in law suggested Moses look for in individuals to serve as judges (v. 21). What other qualities would be important to you?
Optional Activity: Pause for a few moments of quiet contemplation and reflection. In a journal or on a piece of scratch paper, consider the following:
Think about your current ministry schedule.
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What activities or duties could you delegate to other qualified individuals?
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What activities cannot be delegated?
Now, examine your schedule at home.
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What activities or duties could you delegate or delay?
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What activities cannot be delegated?
After a few minutes, break into pairs to discuss your answers and pray for one another regarding your insights.
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