Defining Moments

Friday, February 10, 2012:

I know I need to stop crying. I also know that if you move on then that is your choice. Why did you reject me? All you ever said was

“I will love you to the end of time.”

This does not make sense.

February 11, 2012:

Its 5am and suddenly I find myself missing you. I hope that you are well. I miss you dearly. I have been depressed in missing you. There has to be a way to show you that you are worthy of true love. Every morning I used to call you and wake you for work.

In that first month after Danielle left, I was sad and depressed. I really thought that I could move the heaven and the stars for her. My thought was that if I could just reach Danielle that she would return to me. I was so blind in my grief over her.

I never knew that she had no intention of coming back to me. During this time I listened to a song called Mirror on the Wall by Lil Wayne. I cried every time because I felt his pain as though it was my own. Then I would drink some messed up alcohol called 9/20 or something like that. It was nasty. All it did was make me cry even more.

I thought by fighting for us that Danielle would see that her wish to Spirit was true and tried. I even woke up every day and read the note on my artist board that Danielle had left me. It was ideal that would never come true. The truth was that I was fighting for a dream within me, the inner child that kept crying,

“Please love me, I am worthy”

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