It was a winter night I will never forget. For the first time in the entire year of 2010, I felt the joyous shiver I was thrilled; I was overwhelmed; I saw a light beaming through the crack into the bleak, abysmal mind
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It was a winter night I will never forget. For the first time in the entire year of 2010, I felt the joyous shiver. I was thrilled; I was overwhelmed; I saw a light beaming through the crack into the bleak, abysmal mind. That night my eyes shined brighter than the stars, right after skimming through the art programs each college offers. Not having felt such pleasant shiver for more than a year, I was dumbfounded for a brief moment. At the moment art programs were not supposed to be the factors of my happiness; I was a proud student of KMLA – an academically focused school which accommodates students with best capacities in various fields of studies. I was supposed to feel the thrill within the books of Ancient Greeks, the lectures of Calculus or the debate on Stem Cells. Art was not what I intended to engage myself in; it was only a hobby of mine. In panic, I have pondered over and over again. Looking back the path I have followed for the latest ten years, I indulged in reminiscence. I was a good girl; I obeyed to the words from adults; I studied hard and practiced well on exams; I always poured most time and best effort to achieve the goals ahead of me. I was the girl with proud heart; I was what my parents and great parents were proud of; I was the pride of our school and community. As a student I was glad to learn; yet the gladness alone was unable to fulfill my emptiness. For all the years, I have followed gladness in disguise – the original coming from learning mixed and jumbled with those from fame and honor. From the early days of my life, I loved art. In spite of the academic and strict atmosphere I was surrounded with, there was a striving passion for art in me. I have never spent a week without drawing, painting or photography – in fact I left myself some time for art every day, whether it’d be 3 O’ clock in dawn or 10 minutes break between school hours. The world of art, to me, was a Utopia I can never reach with the textbooks or lectures I daily confronted. Although I – even as an amateur, have been aware of the difficulties accompanying art, I realized that I have never considered myself apart from it. All along, I have loved visually telling something. Having come back to the bright monitor from the reflections of life, something hit my head fast and hard. What hit me was the idea that I have never felt this way with other fields such as politics or biology. What granted me the exclamation marks was the thought that the year of 2010 was bleakest not because I received bad grades but because I lost my dream. My suffrage was the result of endless wander without a light guiding me; my life seemed dull because I excluded art from the potential options of life. Without it, trying to invest more time and energy into academics only, I tired myself with abject failures. Now I am fully aware of my aptitude and interest: art-making. With one of the heaviest decision of life, I was not guided by others’ eyes or mouths, but only was I led by the true heart of my own. Whether it would rain or shine, I would passionately continue the voyage in remembrance of the shiver I felt in the cold winter night of 2010. As the captain of my life, I am both excited and ready to lead the vessel in the right way, with joyous hope unfelt before on board.
To be frank, I most certainly am not an academically oriented student. I am not good at memorizing nor am I adapted with test-taking skills; in fact, I am poor in such qualities. In spite of the uncomfortable circumstances which I have faced in last two years, the truth still lies, embedded in the center of my beating heart: I am a passionate learner and forever will be. While seeking for growth as an artist, I tried not to be ignorant with academic subjects. Although KMLA is a highly academic school full of talented students, I was aware that turning my back against the studies is not the right answer. Instead, KMLA was the gifted condition in which I was able to push myself to uneasy situations, thus growing both academically and mentally. I have both participated and enjoyed in numerous subjects on humanities, culture, social studies and languages. From the childhood, I have been a passionate reader (mainly in Korean but in English as well) and an arduous writer. I was also able to learn throughout a number of lectures, in which I found the strong bonds between the academics and art. For instance, the pieces I have read and wrote journals on in the British Literature class inspired me with the paintings I have worked on. Because I was able to study and ponder upon common trends and ideas of the given period, the paintings from the period spoke to me in a more detailed voice. History – both Korean and American also catalyzed my growth as an artist. While I taught myself preparing for the presentation on Korean Paintings in Chosun Dynasty, I was also able to gain a better understanding of Edward Hopper as I have learned at the U.S. history class. Seeking after such relations along with engaging in classes were the core factors of joyous learning. In the sense, I gladly learned. In KMLA, however, I was also pressed to face the mathematic or scientific subjects to suffer with. From the physics class in which I was put in the last place to the Java class I could not even understand properly, I have been lost. Instead of directly guiding me to the light, KMLA has taught me the way to find the right road; so I followed. Whilst travelling, I hit myself against the wall too many times; I often twisted my ankle and cried in darkness; I questioned myself for choosing to experience the agony. After all the hardships, I gradually found the light in the second year. The journey taught me so much, not only as a student but also as an artist and a person. In the last two years as a KMLA student, I have suffered for academic reason. It was mainly not because of the difficult lectures nor was it due to the pressure from the assignments; in fact, I was quite well-adapted and active in such sense. What really troubled me, on the other hand, was the test. It may not sound sensible; some may undervalue me for the weakness. Yet, the continuing pattern paralyzed and nibbled me, leading me to lose myself even more. In the second year, I have overcome the problem. I may not be complete; I am still uncomfortable. All in all, however, I have learned to trust myself. Whether I may fall or not, I am proud that I am still walking towards the right direction. Even though my grades from the last two years may be inferior to those of other KMLA students, I am aware that my grades are only the scars left from the growth. Having faced the moments of joyous learning and the bleakest despair, I am confident to speak that I am a person healthy enough to challenge myself with the voyages – no matter how long or dangerous they may be I will guide myself to the light.
(Titles of awards unspecified – will inform later) 2010:
2011:
TTL, as known as Through the Lens, is the photography club in school I have engaged myself in the most. Having grown interest in photography from the middle school, I wanted an approach in a more serious sense. With the members, I was able to access to photography in a more professional way; I have discussed with others upon each others’ pieces and have studied both the techniques and emotions of the photographs. Not only have I summed up my activities in the personal level but also have I extended it in a broader sense. Starting from the regular photo-exhibitions in school, I have also participated in the exhibition outside of the school during vacation. From planning to actual greeting of the visitors, I have played my role as a member of the club along with the seniors and peers. Never having shown my photographs to the mass, I re-glanced my own works from the exhibition we held in a gallery at Insa-dong. When I asked my peers what kind of person I am, many of them mentioned the word ‘photographer’ without giving a second thought. Looking back I am proud to reflect upon the days in which I struggled both to generate a better image and to participate in the plan and the execution following the schedules of the club. Although I do not have any plan to major in Photography, I shall acknowledge that the art of photography has allowed me to grow both as an artist and as a leader.
While my major concern in TTL was that of an artist, the biggest issue in Minjok Herald was leading the entire photography crew to meet the deadline – both in quality and quantity. The roles of the photography crew were to read the outlined articles, to figure out the images fit for each piece of writing, to take photographs and to edit them properly. In spite of the importance of images in newspaper, the crew often lacked the manpower and the energy to complete the job; as a member in the freshman year, I always dreamed of changing the circumstances. In my second year, after being selected as the chief, I poured my best effort to solve the issue. I gathered more members to enlarge the crew; I assigned each member to take the responsibility reflecting upon their capacities; I guided them in the personal level in order to develop each member. Whilst making changes within the crew, I have also tried to communicate with other crews in order to ease the working environment. I have both privately and publicly shared words with the head chief of the newspaper. During the exam period, when the entire crew faced an emergency, I tried to lighten the members’ shoulders by utilizing the images I already have taken beforehand. My experience as a loyal member and the chief of the photography crew has taught me the lessons of working on artistic matters in collaboration with others.
Among a dozen of departments under the executive branch, I have worked in and have been responsible of the department of school records. The department takes care of leaving the records of the annual events in the forms of photograph or video. While doing the job, I naturally paid more attention to technical issues – the ones I might have been ignorant with otherwise. I was also required to concentrate on the responsibility of leaving the record rather than fully engaging in the occasion as other students. Although I usually stood on the corner of the stage to film whatever events were in process, I gladly took the position and learned much – on the matter of technicality, the mechanism of videotaping and the responsibility.
In KMLA, an academic oriented school, Digital Photography class taught by Mr. Ahn granted me a lot of opportunities. Following his original style, the class was based on us instead of the planned schedule. Within the projects, I have tried to reflect upon myself and to express my indigenous colors in various forms. For Instance, in the first project in which we had to prepare a studio session for self-portraits, I decorated myself and my costume with the idea of me being a Janus – half filled with rationality and the other half with emotion. Beginning with the very project, me and my peers consistently thought about Punctums (from Roland Barthes), discussed on the classics and devoted ourselves to creation. During the process, I faced myself as an artist. Especially with the last and the longest project, I depicted my true self in it. Although I had the time constraints banning me from pouring everything into it, I am glad that I have tried a new medium of art: a short animation using Rotoscoping. In the class, I have learned to grow more as an artist. I learned to observe more closely, to discuss more actively and to express more openly. Having experienced the abbreviated versions of open studio sessions and the critical discussions, I became more confident of my artistic façade.
Apart from taking Digital Photography class offered for all students, I took the classes for personal project studies and regularly met Mr. Ahn during the Individual Research period. While Digital Photography class focused on various mediums, the personal classes I had were concentrated on drawing and photography, along with a couple of video sessions. Although having drawn for my lifetime, I was never taught in a professional manner nor was I guided with care. Within the personal classes, I tried to supplement what I lacked the most: the technical drawbacks of my drawing and the weakness in expressing myself. In one class, I have spent hours including the mealtime to complete the basic pencil drawing; in another class, I have spoke of my personal experiences and how they relate to the symbols in my paintings. In such multi-faceted angles of guidance, I was able to confront and overcome each stage of obstacles.
Along the classes and personal lessons, I have independently worked on creative works of art: drawing, painting, photography, animation, videos, essays and fictions. Not only have I engaged in different fields of art but also have I tried to share me and my art with a number of viewers. For more than a year, I have been posting what I have drawn, wrote and filmed on my personal blog (http://dulce.tistory.com) – which is advertised via Facebook links as well. With blog, I never limit myself with the drawing or visual art. As mentioned above, different forms of my creation is published to be discussed about. I have been sharing many of the personal inspirations, reviews and theories so that I can communicate with the viewers as well as make a neat record of my development. The personal blog of mine is being fully utilized as the medium to exhibit, publish and to communicate.
In the myth of ancient Rome, there is an unreal creature named Janus: the Roman god of doorways and passages. As Janus is often depicted to have two heads facing opposite ways, people use the term to refer multifaceted people. In a positive sense, I have a personality of a Janus: the obstinacy under the mildness, and the emotion behind the rationality. After spending a month with me, people will describe me as a considerable, soft-hearted girl; after a year, they may change the words. Having grown in Korean society under the Confucian atmosphere, in which I fitted myself to a considerable person, I abhor being rude. With smallest details of life – such as menu for the lunchtime, I let the others choose. People speak that I often take a step backward to avoid the clash; they see me as a shy, quiet girl. I, on the other hand, am very obstinate with the important issues. Although I may not be able to pick the right menu, I am fixed with critical decisions in life. Even though I may sound shy, smiling all the time, I speak what I need to speak. People say that the smooth and the soft ones may bend but never break; under my skin, I have a girl who is too strong to neither bend nor break. This personality of mine is what I value of, for I am able to convey my words without hurting others’ feelings while not being confused by the words I hear. The development of such personality has been and will be a great asset as an artist. With another factor of personality, people in different groups also see me as two different girls standing far both ends. As I have been raised, I always value keeping the time and making the progress. Due to such aspect of mine, people who have worked along with me think of me as a cold-blooded girl; they see me as a person who likes to straighten things; they know that I need to get the job done before moving on. Yes, I am so. On the other hand, however, I am also extremely emotional. I enjoy listening to and sympathizing with others’ situation; I mostly listen, often suggesting an advice or two. I am not able to forget the quarrels I have had, nor am I capable of not crying after reading a heart-touching novel. Because of the two faces of logic and emotion, I am able to push myself arduously to become a better artist. I can let myself be soaked with feelings; when the time comes, my logic will advise me to move on. In the movie Vitus, the grandfather speaks to his grandson who is a prodigy in playing the piano. He gently tells, “In order to become a great pianist, the first things you will need are the cold head along with the warm heart.” I consider my personal qualities to match what the good old man spoke to his beloved child. The personality of Janus I have possessed and developed has been escorting me and forever will be.
A typical egg container holds together 30 eggs placed neatly in several horizontal rows. Though the eggs all look alike on the outside, each covered with a yellowish shell, each is different from another; one may be fit for fixing scrambled eggs, the other more for an omelet. Among 165 15th wavers who all aim for the somewhat identical goal of getting in a prestigious university of their own preference, Haeun stands, striving to pursue a unique career as an artist. Inside her she holds unwavering passion for art that she exerted her best efforts to exhibit in KMLA, the setting she’s been placed in. The Haeun that many know of is kindhearted, friendly, and sometimes a bit too quiet. Often listening to others’ stories and sympathizing well, she shows wholehearted concern about those in hardships seeking her advice. All in all, she appears to be an ordinary, hard-working student. But what others fail to perceive is the girl whose strong faith in her ideals is unmatched by that of any other. Haeun dislikes lateness and values keeping promises. During the freshman second semester when she and I were roommates, whether it be for advisor time or court, Haeun always left the dormitory 10 minutes earlier than others. And for morning exercise for instance, Haeun woke up at six every morning to get into her Dobok and arrive the first at the gym. Despite the extreme lenience the taekwondo coach showed to those who were late, she would march out into the biting cold regardless of how exhausting the night before had been. I, on the contrary, was the procrastinator who stayed in bed until the last minute. One morning while we were trudging up the hill after 30 minutes of tiring taekwondo, I inquired why she cared to blindly follow what she didn’t really have to. She replied, “I just don’t like being late. I cannot let myself be what I don’t want to be. That’s all.” Her clear differentiation in preference is shown in her liking of art. It was in second semester that Haeun made the groundbreaking change of her major to art: then did I notice her pure enthusiasm for the matter. During the Vision Trip, I was dumbfounded to see her carrying under her arm a bulky sketchbook to information sessions at schools she had now little interest of; her eyes sparkled with delight as she sat on desk in the dormitory sketching a girl, unaware of Honjeong time approaching; her lips pursed up to reveal a genuine excitement while she explained to me what the recurrent goldfish and deer antlers in her drawings meant. Haeun seemed to have finally discovered what she had faith in and that felt right for her to pursue, as promptness once had been. Haeun’s passion for art continued on relentlessly throughout the hectic school life. Despite the school’s prevalent academic atmosphere, Haeun strained to create artwork within the tight schedules she was obliged to carry out as successfully as any other student. Thus, as a KMLA student hoping to major in art, she used the given time efficiently and creatively to produce both art and class assignments. As an example, when we gathered in the gym to listen to the Korean-American congress man deliver his aspiring lecture, our ears pricked up to hear his touching life-story; Haeun’s strained to hear the rustling sounds Gayoung - who was sitting in front of her- ‘s Hanbok made, her eyes set on the delicate movements the girl made within the few seconds. Haeun had been silently examining and filming Gayoung’s colorful Hanbok for the final video assignment in her Digital Photography class. Minimizing the time she would need to search for a novel subject, she had utilized what she had “before” her. The devotion she had for art led Haeun to always make the most out of what she had in KMLA, a school quite far from being apt to foster one’s artistic abilities. Without the faith she had in art, she would never have dared to create artwork in such hostile environment she was placed in. Haeun’s strong will has enabled her to do many things, from always being on time and keeping promises to persistently exploring the field of art. Within the setting she found herself in, she could push herself to remain dutiful to her responsibilities as both a KMLA student and an aspiring artist just because she felt it was right for her. Her passion, which she has carried within her for the past few years, will again allow her artistic talents to break out of the shell she’s currently in to be born out into the world. Wherever she finds herself at upon graduating high school, I am certain that Haeun will grow into an enthusiastic artist whose belief in herself rarely relents.
Here I introduce a new brand “You, Haeun.” You may suspect that this is named after the founder of a certain company, but “You, Haeun” is not only the name of the brand, but also is all about it. Yes, Haeun herself is a brand. Like all other brands, she is rich in her own stories, highly distinguished from others—of course, her distinguishable feats are valuable and reputable that worth to be made out as a brand—and has high reputation in her own beauty that seduces people. On the surface, I grant, it is very likely that she is just dismissed as another ordinary, gentle and shy teenage girl. However, I was surprised to find her distinct individuality as I get to know more and more about her, with numerous life stories she has told me and vicarious experiences she has earned throughout her life from art, music, people, and books. One day she said to me with shy smile following after, “I have met a person who told me that I am like 30-year-old in my mental age.” This quote draws out the point that it is not only me that could see the richness and depth in her. Having experienced variety of human relationships—which often break the limitations of age, distance, and occupation, and extensive delving into knowledge and wisdom through ardent reading of books, she has insight in certain aspects of life that I was really not familiar with. For example, she knew how to develop her own interest further by using the infinite power of internet. In her middle school years, a smart, ambitious and bold teenage girl, she uploaded a well-written essay of accusing the reality of the current Korean education system in an internet site. Her essay attracted lots of people’s attention, and as a result, from the extended discussion with some people, she could earn precious friends to share her opinions and expand her horizon. She did not cease to just write down herself of her own thoughts, but was clever to find a means to discuss, expand her thoughts and eventually learn much from. Her depth in thinking, following her own emotions and listening to her own true heart astonished me. Like all great thinkers and artists do, she thoroughly and carefully traces and writes down her own thoughts and impressions. During the busy semester, in which all students cannot help themselves but are inevitably put into a situation of caring only for myopic issues—tomorrow math quiz or upcoming midterm, she was loyal to herself in that she deliberately made a record of her thoughts and ideas. She was adept in caring herself and staying graceful. Sometimes, I found myself that in especially busy days, I turned out quite destructive and unhealthy because I could not look back myself and care about my emotions and thoughts. I was run over by schedules. The force that moves me came not from my own inner self, my motivation but came from assigned schedules. However, she was different. She was a clever, effective and benign true owner of herself. She has a great poise that makes her more shine when the life becomes fiercer to us. Her poise comes from the years of deliberately recording her own thoughts, emotions, ideas and inspirations which led her to know herself well—her strong and weak points. She is one of the very few friends that I have met who have found true passion or interest in their lives. She is a prospective illustrator. She has decided to major in fine art or illustration based on her very pure heart telling her that art is something that really moves her. I have encountered many other friends who have decided their prospective careers on the surface usually based on unwarranted and superficial outer factors, such as that they can earn lots of money from or simply that a certain occupation “looks great.” As she is a follower of one’s true heart, since she has decided herself to be an illustrator, her devotion and efforts put into achieving that dream have been remarkable. There should be nothing that can stop her from marching forward to her destination since there is an invincible power in her that her dream and vision are solidly founded upon her very true heart and interest. I am an ardent lover of Nike shoes. I have 6 pairs of Nike shoes, which range from yellow bright jogging shoes to a sporty kind of Ugg boots. I am totally captivated by the brand Nike. In a similar context, I am seduced by the multifaceted personality or individuality of Haeun that never allows me to stop wondering what will come next. I can clearly see that in the future, Haeun, as an artist, is going to play her seduction skill on the world through her brilliant and insightful work, which are based on her such rich stories, inspirations and thoughts. Yüklə 36,96 Kb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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