The Postmaster (continues to read) "The governor is as stupid as an old horse"...     Governor: The deuce! Now he must repeat it--as if it were not standing there already!
    Postmaster (continues reading): Hmm, Hmm, yes! "an old horse. The postmaster is also a good man"....Well he also makes an improper remark about me....     Governor: Read it then.     Postmaster: Is it necessary?
    Governor: The deuce! once we have begun to read it, we must read it all through.
    Postmaster: A naughty boy, who ought to be flogged-that's all!
    Art. Fil. (continues reading) The head of the philanthropic in-in . . .     Korobki: Why do you stop now?     Art. Fil. Bad writing. But, after all, it is quite evident that he is a scoundrel.     Korobkin: Give me the letter, please. I think, I have better eyes (tries to take the letter).
    Art. Fil. (does not give it) : No use at all. This passage can be omitted. Further on everything is quite readable.
    Korobkin: Let me have it. I shall see all about it.     Art. Fil: I also can read it. I tell you that after that passage everything is readable.     Postm.: No, no, read it all. Everything was read so far.
    Art. Fil.: All right, all right. (He passes the letter.) There it is; but wait a moment (he covers a part of it with his finger). Begin here (all surround. him).
    Postman: Go on. Nonsense, read it all.
    Korobkin (reads) "The head of the philanthropic institutions resembles a pig that wears a cap"...
    Art. Fil. (to the audience): Not witty at all! A pig that wears a cap! Have you ever seen a pig wearing a cap?
    Korobkin (continues reading) "The inspector of the schools smells of onions all through!"
    The Inspector (to the audience): Upon my honor, I never touch onions.
    The Judge (apart): Thank God, there is nothing about me.
    Korobkin (reading): " The judge".....
    The Judge: There! ...(aloud): Well, gentlemen, I think the letter is much too long, and quite uninteresting--why the deuce should we go on reading that nonsense?
    Insp. of Schools: No! no!
    Postm: No!-go on!
    Art. Fil.: No, it must be read.
    Korobkin: (continues) "The judge Lyápkin-Tyápkin is extremely mauvais ton." (Stops.) That must be a French word?
    The Judge. The deuce knows what it means. If it were only "a robber," then it would be all right, but it may be something worse.
    In short, the letter produces a great sensation. The friends of the Governor are delighted to see him and his family in such straits, all accuse each other, and finally fall upon the two gentlemen, when a police soldier enters the room and announces in a loud voice: "A functionary from St. Petersburg, with Imperial orders, wants to see you all immediately. He stays at the hotel." Thereupon the curtain drops over a living picture of which Gógol himself had made a most striking sketch in pencil, and which is usually reproduced in his works; it shows how admirably well, with what a fine artistic sense, he represented to himself his characters.
    The Inspector-General marks a new era in the development of dramatic art in Russia. All the comedies and dramas which were being played in Russia at that time (with the exception, of course, of Misfortune from Intelligence, which, however, was not allowed to appear on the stage) hardly deserved the name of dramatic literature: so imperfect and puerile they were. The Inspector-General, on the contrary, would have marked at the time of its appearance (1835) an epoch in any language. Its stage qualities, which will be appreciated by every good actor; its sound and hearty humor; the natural character of the comical scenes, which result from the very characters of those who appear in this comedy; the sense of measure which pervades it--all these make it one of the best comedies in existence. If the conditions of life which are depicted here were not so exclusively Russian, and did not so exclusively belong to a bygone stage of life which is unknown outside Russia, it would have been generally recognized as a real pearl of the world's literature. This is why, when it was played a few years ago in Germany, by actors who properly understood Russian life, it achieved such a tremendous success.
    The Inspector-General provoked such a storm of hostile criticism of the part of all reactionary Russia, that it was hopeless to expect that the comedy which Gógol began next, concerning the life of the St. Petersburg functionaries (The Vladimir Cross), could ever be admitted on the stage, and Gógol never finished it, only publishing a few striking scenes from it: The Morning of a Busy Man, The Law Suite, etc. Another comedy, Marriage, in which he represented the hesitation and terror through which an inveterate bachelor goes before a marriage, which he finally eludes by jumping out of a window a few moments before the begining of the ceremony, has not lost its interest even now. It is so full of comical situations, which fine actors cannot but highly appreciate, that it is still a part of the current repertoire of the Russian stage.
DEAD SOULS
    Gógol's main work was Dead Souls. This is a novel almost without a plot, or rather with a plot of the utmost simplicity. Like the plot of The Inspector-General, it was suggested to Gógol by Púshkin. In those times, when serfdom was flourishing in Russia, the ambition of every nobleman was to become the owner of at least a couple of hundred serfs. The serfs used to be sold like slaves and could be bought separately. A needy nobleman, TchÃtchikoff, conceives accordingly a very clever plan. A census of the population being made only every ten or twenty years, and every serf-owner having in the interval to pay taxes for every male soul which he owned at the time of the last census, even though part of his "souls" be dead since, TchÃtchikoff conceives the idea of taking advantage of this anomaly. He will buy the dead souls at a very small expense: the landlords will he only too pleased to get rid of this burden and surely will sell them for anything; and after TchÃtchikoff has bought two or three hundred of these imaginary serfs, he will buy cheap land somewhere in the southern prairies, transfer the dead souls, on paper, to that land, register them as if they were really settled there, and mortgage that new sort of estate to the State Landlords' Bank. In this way he can easily make the beginnings of a fortune. With this plan TchÃtchikoff comes to a provincial town and begins his operations. He makes, first of all, the necessary visits.     "The newcomer made visits to all the functionaries of the town. He went to testify his respects to the Governor, who like TchÃtchikoff himself, was neither stout nor thin. He was decorated with a cross and was spoken of as a person who would soon get a star; but was, after all, a very good fellow and was fond of making embroideries upon fine muslin. TchÃtchikoff's next visits were to the Vise-Governor, to the Chief Magistrate, to the Chief of Police, the Head of the Crown Factories..... but it is so difficult to remember all the powerful persons in this world..... sufficient to say that the newcomer showed a wonderful activity as regards visits. He even went to testify his respects to the Sanitary Inspector, and to the Town Surveyor, and after that he sat for a long time in his carriage trying to remember to whom else he might pay a visit; but he could think of no more functionaries in the town. In his conversations with all these influential persons he managed to say something to flatter every one of them. In talking with the Governor he accidentally dropped the remark that when one enters this province one thinks of paradise--all the roads being quite like velvet; and that 'governments which nominate wise functionaries surely deserve universal gratitude.' To the Chief of the Police he said something very gratifying about the police force, and while he was talking to the Vise-Governor and to the presiding magistrate, who were only State-Councilors, he twice made the mistake of calling them 'Your Excellency,' with which mistake they were both immensely pleased. The result of all this was that the Governor asked TchÃtchikoff to come that same day to an evening party, and the other functionaries invited him, some to dine with them, others to a cup of tea, and others again to a party of whist.
    About himself TchÃtchikoff avoided talking, and if he spoke at all it was in vague sentences only, with a remarkable modesty, his conversation taking in such cases a rather bookish turn. He said that he was a mere nobody in this world and did not wish people to take any particular interest in him; that he had had varied experiences in his life, suffered in the service of the State for the sake of truth, had had many enemies, some of whom had even attempted his life, but that now, wishing to lead a quiet existence, he intended to find at last some corner to live in, and, having come to this town, he considered it his imperative duty to testify his respect to the chief functionaries of the place. This was all they could learn in town about the new person who soon made his appearance at the Governor's evening party.
    "Here, the newcomer once more produced the most favorable impression. . . . He always found out what he ought to do on every occasion; and he proved himself an experienced man of the world. Whatsoever the conversation might be about, he always knew how to support it. If people talked about horses, he spoke about horses; if they began talking about the best hunting dogs, here also TchÃtchikoff would make remarks to the point. If the conversation related to some inquest which was being made by the Government, he would show that he also knew something about the tricks of the Civil Service functionaries. When the talk was about billiards, he showed that in billiards he could keep his own; if people talked about virtue, he also spoke about virtue, even with tears in his eyes; and if the conversation turned on making brandy, he knew all about brandy; as to Custom officers, he knew everything about them, as though he had himself been a Custom officer, or a detective; but the most remarkable thing was that he knew how to cover all this with a certain sense of propriety, and in every circumstance knew how to behave. He never spoke too loudly, and never in too subdued a tone, but exactly as one ought to speak. In short, take him from any side you like, he was a very respectable man. All the functionaries were delighted with the arrival of such a person in their town."     It has often been said that Gógol's TchÃtchikoff is a truly Russian type. But--is it so? Has not every one of us met TchÃtchikoff?--middle-aged; not too thick and not too thin; moving about with the lightness almost of a military man. . . . The subject he wishes to speak to you about may offer many difficulties, but he knows how to approach it and to interest you in it in a thousand different ways. When he talks to an old general he rises to the understanding of the greatness of the country and her military glory. He is not a jingo--surely not--but he has, just in the proper measure, the love of war and victories which are required in a man who wishes to be described as a patriot. When he meets with a sentimental reformer, he is sentimental and desirous of reforms, and so on, and he always will keep in view the object he aims at at any given moment, and will try to interest you in it. TchÃtchikoff may buy dead souls, or railway shares, or he may collect funds for some charitable institution, or look for a position in a bank, but he is an immortal international type; we meet him everywhere; he is of all lands and of all times; he but takes different forms to suit the requirements of nationality and time.     One of the first landlords to whom TchÃtchikoff spoke of his intention of buying dead souls was ManÃloff--also a universal type, with the addition of those special features which the quiet life of a serf-owner could add to such a character. "A very nice man to look at," as Gógol says; his features possessed something very pleasant--only it seemed as if too much sugar had been put into them. "When you meet him for the first time you cannot but exclaim after the first few minutes of conversation: 'What a nice and pleasant man he is.' The next moment you say nothing, but the next but one moment you say to yourself: 'The deuce knows what he is,' and you go away; but if you don't, you feel mortally bored." You could never hear from him a lively or animated word. Everyone has some point of interest and enthusiasm. ManÃloff had nothing of the kind; he was always in the same mild temper. He seemed to be lost in reflection; but what about, no one knew. Sometimes, as he looked from his window on his wide courtyard and the pond behind, he would say to himself: "How nice it would be to have there an underground passage leading from the mansion to the pond, and to have across the pond a stone bridge, with pretty shops on both its sides, in which shops all sorts of things useful for the people could be bought." His poor eyes became in this case wonderfully soft, and his face took on a most contented expression. However, even less strange intentions remained mere intentions. In his house something was always missing; his drawing room had excellent furniture covered with fine silk stuff, which probably had cost much money; but for two of the chairs there was not sufficient of the stuff, and so they remained covered with plain sack-cloth; and for many years in succession the proprietor used to stop his guests with these words: "Please, do not take that chair; it is not yet ready." "His wife . . . But they were quite satisfied with each other. Although more than eight years had passed since they had married, one of them would still occasionally bring to the other a piece of apple or a tiny sweet, or a nut, saying in a touchingly sweet voice which expressed infinite love: 'Open, my dearest, your little mouth,--I will put into it this little sweet.' Evidently the mouth was opened in a very charming way. For her husband's birthday the wife always prepared some surprise--for instance, an embroidered sheath for his tooth-pick, and very often, sitting on the sofa, all of a sudden, no one knows for what reason, one of them would leave his pipe and the other her work, and impress on each other such a sweet and long kiss that during it one might easily smoke a little cigarette. In short, they were what people call quite happy."
    It is evident that of his estate and of the condition of his peasants ManÃloff never thought. He knew absolutely nothing about such matters, and left everything in the hands of a very sharp manager, under whose rule ManÃloff's serfs were worse off than under a brutal landlord. Thousands of such Mániloffs peopled Russia some fifty years ago, and I think that if we look closer round we shall find such would-be "sentimental" persons under every latitude.
    Towards the end of his life Gógol, who was suffering from a nervous disease, fell under thoe influence of "pietists"--especially of Madame 0. A. Smirnóff (born Rossett), and began to consider all his writings as a sin of his life. Twice, in a paroxysm of religious self-accusation, he burned the manuscript of the second volume of Dead Souls, of which only some parts have been preserved, and were circulated in his lifetime in manuscript. The last ten years of his life were extremely painful. He repented with reference to all his writings, and published a very unwholesome book, Correspondence with Friends, in which, under the mask of Christian humility, he took a most arrogant position with respect to all literature, his own writings included. He died at Moscow in I852.