This file contains all the messages in the Yahoo group currently located at the link below. This will allow you to read through the messages off-line
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498 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jun 13, 2000 2:26am Subject: Hit the chair, not your kids > Hi, > My childhood experience attests to the efficacy of your technique. My Mom used me for target practice when she was angry and it made her feel a lot better. Fortunately I never had any children, so the chair had better watch out, 'cause I'll be giving the Lazy Boy a drubbing! c. Hooray for you. Ellie 499 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jun 13, 2000 2:49am Subject: Stomp your feet like a child > Ellie, I was in my workshop yesterday and was thinking of the anger and took the hammer and beat the bench til it made indentions, I wanted a 'sign' of what I had done. Then I walked out of the shop to my house, which is like in my backyard and on the way to the house, I had the fleeting thought, who could I start a fight with verbally. I had within me the desire to argue. Which showed me I had more hammering to do. I don't know why anyone would want to keep the anger in, unless they just love misery. Remember as a kid stomping your feet and getting in trouble, I remembered that this morning, how as a child it felt so good to stomp your feet, I'm going to go stomp my feet. I remember being angry as a child and told not to stomp my feet. What was wrong with stomping my feet, must be a natural tendency of a child, born in us, to release the anger and our parents stifled it. Sally As for why people want to keep the anger in, when the brain is very toxic there is a lot of excess adrenaline released during detox crises, and this causes fear before people can get to the underlying anger. Little kids don't usually have this fear yet, but some on this list have so much toxicosis, they have this fear that keeps them from doing the work. There is a tendency to want drugs or codependent relationships to help to suppress the fear. You are in the muddy basin period as I am, so we don't have so much fear in doing the work. Ellie 500 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jun 13, 2000 10:16pm Subject: Re: Hypervigilance > Hi Ellie > I missed the post that Shirley is referring to in this mail (re hypervigilance). Could you please re-post it or point me to the link where I can find it. By the way, I am a terrible starer to date. I stare at everyone except just my wife. This makes me very uncomfortable at my work. R I thought you were a girl! Perhaps I need to use initials instead of pseudonyms. Go to Archive no. 490. You can also search the Archives but I think 490 was the only one about hypervigilance. It's a good symptom for triggering a detox crisis, ie if you find yourself staring do some mental redirecting. The more redirecting you do the sooner you will be post flood and at peace. Ellie 501 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jun 13, 2000 10:36pm Subject: Re: When to redirect anger > Ellie wrote, > >It is important to do it [redirecting] whenever you have excitatory nervous symptoms. Definitely do it when you 'feel anger bursting inside' but do it whether you feel the rage on the surface or not, i.e., do it OFTEN and WHENEVER you feel any nervous symptoms. > > Ellie, this is so true. I can't "schedule" my redirecting but I have discovered that I can usually take my excitatory signal and find some sort of link to past abusers, even if it is kind of a stretch sometimes. For example, the other day I read something on another mailing list that kept coming back and upsetting me, to the point where I unsubbed to the list. I didn't know the guy who wrote it, he didn't know me, but what he said really resonated with me for some reason and made me unbelievably angry. It had to do with this guy's casual multiple-party sexual encounters. I was livid and couldn't figure out why. I wasn't mad at that guy, I didn't even know him, the subject certainly could not have anything to do with my parents that I could recall, they were about as straight as they come. > > So I felt for the feeling under the anger and realized I felt devalued as a woman by his statement, and had been made to feel that way before by boyfriends who wanted to do a similar thing, and before that by my parents, who devalued me in other ways. This came to me as I was driving and I just started yelling and pounding on the seat next to me. It felt good. > > The issue is not multiple-party sexual encounters. The issue is I FELT DEVALUED. And I felt better. Not great, but at least better enough that it wasn't gnawing at me any more. Your techniques are really helping me, thank you so much, and I hope you don't mind my writing so often. Stella THANK YOU, THANK YOU, and keep writing. Just stop thanking me, thank God who gave me the biology that supports this. I'm just passing it on. This is a fine example of how to do it, and even if you can't find a link to the past do the redirecting everytime you have symptoms even if you don't feel angry...or do it later when you think about it. Because of the toxicosis, many of the childhood memories are gone. Some, although not all, may return when the neural pathways clear out and you are post flood. BTW other groups are great places to trigger detox crises. I would stay on them for a while. I originally put this theory on some other lists, for example on a list for parents with autistic children. You should have seen the abuse I took from outraged parents who didn't want to look at their own issues, but it helped me get rid of my own repressed anger. Ellie 502 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jun 13, 2000 11:06pm Subject: Medication-Other lists > This is an interesting repost from the list SOLUTION about a lady who discontinued her medication. I like her statement at the end, "If I would have "broken up" I probably would not have broken down". Melody ******************************************************************** > >A funny thing happened on the way to the pharmacy. I began to LIVE when I discontinued the mood stabilizer, Lithium Carbonate after 15 years of living like a Zombie. Lithium made sure half the messages from my brain never reached my body. > > > >I needed Lithium to control episodes of bipolar illness that swung to severe depression following my marriage breakup, and 15 years later, a job loss. Medicine is fine for sick people but you don't need it when you get well. > > > >My doctor was so afraid I'd fall apart again that he never discontinued the medication even for a trial period. The side effects became cumulative after so many years, and I had severe hand tremors, hair loss, problems connecting and relating to people. > > > >The long past due cessation of the redundant medication revealed a happy, productive functioning human being with a great capacity for enjoyment. Recently, I have had severe reactions to every prescription drug for various physical illnesses. > > > >My point is that I am not a doctor and can't estimate the effect of meds on others but for me they became an impediment rather than an enabler. However, when first administered, they saved me from suicide. > > > >I hope you who use Prozac do better in the long term. Ask your doctor if it's a lifelong proposition. One thing I recall is friends and family chanting the mantra, "Don't stop taking your medicine." > > > >ON a final note, the illness itself rendered me incapable of sexual enjoyment, probably because of an inner conflict about a failing relationship prior to the second breakdown. If I would have "broken up" I probably would not have broken down. ********************************************************************* I hope you tell others on these lists about us and post my web sites. I'm not sure what she had in mind about 'broken up' (her last relationship perhaps) but if she had 'broken down' and had a nervous breakdown without the drugs she could have begun to heal by using the self-help measures. Madness is the cure for madness, and the symptoms of emotional disorders are healing events. It is tragic that mainstream psychiatry does not yet know this. My former colleagues to whom I showed the scientific paper acknowledged the truth of the theory, but they are all in need of this recovery themselves, so they are 'in denial' and not ready to stop the use of drugs for their patients. I would never want to put down the use of drugs temporarily. I too was suicidal and my life may have been saved by an antidepressant, but when psychiatrists recover themselves, they will then be able to help others. If people when they are suicidal could use the self-help measures, then drugs would not be needed at all. There have been suicidal people on this list who are doing fine. I can visualize hospital settings where people who need to be confined are using the self-help to recover. This is why I am trying so hard to get this into prisons and psychiatric hospitals. Ellie 503 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Wed Jun 14, 2000 4:10am Subject: Joyful post flood ramblings Here's a post from Shirely who was "chronically depressed for 50 years, and recovered completely from depression in just a month of redirecting". If you are having doubts that this will work for you please read the Testimonials on: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway/teste.html > Hi Ellie! I have so many things I want to do on the computer, including promo for more gigs. (Played a wedding Sat. with my old friend R whom I told you about, and we each made $200, plus we had a beautiful day by the ocean.) I feel my inner being is telling me to value my computer and the things that I can accomplish with it -- writing, creating, doing promo for things. Who knows! I feel there is a teacher of sorts inside of me, waiting to come out through my writing...my life is just taking off in so many wonderful new directions now that I'm not depressed, I just have to share some of the joy. Old friends are coming back, new ones are coming in, and I'm enjoying everything I do, whether it's music or art or writing or just making little things for my friends. (No more ripping and throwing stuff ;-))))))))) I don't think I've been this happy in my whole life. (Yet I know this is just the beginning.) Love & Joy -- Shirely It's the beginning of being happy for the rest of your life. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Jun 18, 2000 0:47am Subject: Ways to release anger-new list Some ways to release anger while mentally redirecting anger to all past abusers. ********************************************************************** Pound on a bed with your fists and yell (muffle your voice if you have neighbors) Use a bataka bat or tennis racket to spare your fists.
In case anyone is having trouble printing out the pamphlet from the pdf files using Acrobat Reader, I'm attaching the pamphlet in a Word file. You may be able to print the first page on one side of a sheet of paper and the second page on the other side and fold into a pamphlet to refer to while using the self help measures. If you can't do this please send me your mailing address and I'll send you a pamphlet through regular mail. Let me know if you want it in one of the foreign languages. I hope you will also read the longer version, the scientific paper, and my story, Confessions of a Schizophrenic. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway or: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story are on: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 Attachment 24k (application/msword) PamEnglishT.doc 506 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Jun 18, 2000 2:17am Subject: Re: Ways to release anger-new list > < >
> Good day, Elnora, I just want to quickly share an amusing story with you. About 7 years ago, I had an hour session with a psychic (who used tarot cards as a prop). Toward the end of the session she told me she strongly recommended that I buy boxes of dishes at yard sales break them, while focusing on the source of my anger. Somewhat stunned and confused, I told her (defensively) that it had taken a tremendous amount of energy for me to stop throwing things (I used to bounce paperback books off walls and floors) and slamming doors, and I'd be damned if I was going to undo what I fought so hard to overcome (I saw myself as being much more civilized as a result). > She was silent for a moment and then said, "Oh...that's too bad." > We sat in silence for a moment, then, I began to laugh at the irony of it all. I asked her why she told me to do this. She told me that I needed a big physical release with the accompanying noise. I knew this was true. That's why I originally did the things I did. I'm a fire sign, with fire being the dominant element in my birth chart. We're very physical. > Anyway, I did buy the dishes, and still do. I also throw paperbacks again (I get those at yard sales also - wouldn't want to use any I care about)...and, I still laugh at the irony. Warm blessings, S
Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Jun 18, 2000 2:20am Subject: Re: Ways to release anger-new list > And while you're pounding away, repeat "The hate goes back, the hurt goes back. I keep the love." Very helpful. Thanks C Thank YOU. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Mon Jun 19, 2000 1:04am Subject: Financial fears-osteoarthritis > Hi Ellie, It's been an intense and jam packed time for me. I read the posts to your list and relate to all of them. I relate to the 'staring eyes' syndrome and that put me more in touch with early childhood infancy shock! I dealt with many potentially difficult (people recently) esp my sister-in-law and I was able to say hello to her and acknowledge what a difficult relationship it is for me. I went into a grand irritable funk this week over finances. The miasmic fear of my mom and dad around money has saturated me and I needed to do some major inner redirecting of whatever to them and anyone or anything that stood in my way. I feel on thin ice financially and am doing all I can to focus my attention on that area now that some other major addictions like eating disorders are behind me. > > I also received a diagnosis of osteoarthritis a few months ago. My left leg/hip was not healing, was in constant pain. I know there is emotional involvement. I did hear you say you have osteoarthritis too. Any insights would be appreciate. It has been healing in the last 6 weeks and that amazes me. I started Tai Kwan Do on Sat because I feel I have to 'kick the shit out' through my leg, the anger aggressive active principle and my joint is barely able to turn or twist however I broke a board in half with my hand on the first class! We'll see. It's $25 a month and is held in my apt complex. What could be easier. And I got my white gi in the first class! Hope you are well. Lots of love and support. I totally believe in your theory and I see where so many want to suppress the 'bad thoughts and feelings' because it's 'not right' however I just launch right into them now and run the lines and make them bad and exaggerate them and damn, does it feel good. And after a while it wind! s down. Bye, S Hi, I identify with the financial fears and can only say they resolved for me in time. I was married to a compulsive gambler, and we were so broke we shared the same raincoat, and he left me in debt when he died. I believe very much in the Biblical prediction, 'Seek ye first the Kingdom, and all else will follow," and the other one about how the 'lily toils not, neither does it spin.' And I think we find the Kingdom using this self-help. I did have to work and save and invest to get my finances in shape, but it wasn't as difficult as I thought. I did a lot of anger work scrubbing floors, which I did for a living, getting my anger out at my parents who I could thank for my needing to get into that kind of abusive relationship I had with my husband, and I got a lot of anger out at him too. This took away my financial fears. Osteoarthritis has been one thing that has not completely healed for me since it is mechanical damage, but it is greatly relieved. Because I eat all raw food instinctively, I no longer have any swelling in joints. People swear by the glucosamine tablets, and I used them for a while. I'm about to add dried shrimp to my diet, which will give me more of this naturally. You wrote, 'I see where so many want to suppress the 'bad thoughts and feelings' because it's 'not right' however I just launch right... ' Thanks for this reminder. I'm probably still in the muddy basin period myself, maybe for the rest of my life. I just sent an email to a friend with a curse word, and started to feel I shouldn't use this word. Then I remembered it was that parental voice in my head. I used to get my mouth washed out with soap for cursing. My father cursed all day, but we got the "Do as I say, not as I do" command. So I had to tell that voice to shut up. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Mon Jun 19, 2000 1:17am Subject: Re: Emotionally disturbed > Dear Elly, > I have not give you any news until now because I was unable to express and redirect my anger. I was also unable to cry. My body was always tired when I tried. I thing it was a defense. > > But this weekend, things have changed. I achieved to scream and redirect my anger to all past abusers during one hour! It was the first time I really hear my voice (which is broken today). I really hate them for all their principles which suppressed all my joy. They are like zombie but fortunately they didn't achieve to make me a zombie. I also cried because of my loneliness and my shame. > > I know it is just the beginning but it was a good one. > Now, I am very emotionally disturbed and I am always near tears. Very uncomfortable (especially at the office). F
Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Mon Jun 19, 2000 1:33am Subject: That damn inner critic Tonight I made a list of all my creative projects. 19 and counting. I have projects with names like "Temple of the Luminous Void," "Light-Body Hand-painted and Tie-Dyed Clothing," "Lunar Landings Graphics," and a huge wish-list of small and large art/music/writing ideas. How to harness all that energy into a few meaningful projects is my REALLY big project! I recently picked up a copy of "FEAR OF 50" by Erica Jong at a 2nd hand store, and I wondered "Why was I attracted to this, anyway?" because I didn't think I resonated with her very much. Well, I started reading it this weekend again and really got why I picked the book up: she talks a lot about creativity being blocked in women because they have a strong inner critic. I'm working on my inner critic and doing much better with it, and making much more self-empowering choices, but always have to be on guard that it doesn't lull me to sleep, so to speak, by having me do unfulfilling, unchallenging, things. Shirley Tell that inner critic to 'SHUT UP!' I'm releasing my scientific paper again to the press, hoping to get more people to my web sites. It's my inner critic if I don't keep trying to get this discovery recognized. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jun 20, 2000 0:34am Subject: Healing dreams For me, dreams are the best way to release anger. I have a decent relationship with my father now; I'm 25 and he's 51, and he bought me this computer, the first thing he'd bought for me in about seven years, when my ex-girlfriend and I broke up. He sensed how down I was and was there for me. Yet my subconscious mind won't let me totally forget the way he treated me as I grew up. Last night I dreamt that he said something rude (as he always did), and instead of cowering, I said, "Excuse me?" and proceeded to beat the shit out of him when he tried to hit me. I awakened to a strange mix of emotions. On one hand, I felt bad about dreaming of beating up my dad, a guy I've come to have a decent relationship with. Then again, the dream was cleansing, and it reminded me that I haven't totally let go of the anger he put into me for 20 years, and I probably never will. B. Hi, Yes, you WILL be able to get rid of the anger if you keep using the self-help measures. Those dreams are healing. And it sounds like you have already made progress since you did not cower in the dream. I'm glad your relationship is better with your Dad, but hope you will use the self-help measures even when you are awake. If you felt bad about that dream that's a parental voice in your head saying you're not allowed to get angry at your parents. Next time you awake feeling bad, pound your fists on the be and tell that voice to 'shut up.' You don't need to get angry at your Dad in person, but the more you can get your anger out about your childhood relationship with him, the better your present relationship with him will be. Remember when you feel the anger and release it and redirect it toward him, you are not harming him or his soul, you are getting mad at his disease. He too was no doubt not allowed to have his anger in his childhood. Hope you keep reading the article and recognizing excitatory nervous symptoms as triggers for underlying anger that needs to be released and redirected to your parents and others who were 'substitute' parents as you grew up, your ex-girlfriend too? Ellie Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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