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892 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Wed Nov 22, 2000 4:19am Subject: The muddy basin period Ellie, I feel that I make much slower progress than many other people on this list. Maybe it is because I am still young, with less life experience. Maybe the quantity of pain is bigger. Maybe I am doing the self-help measures the wrong way, or not diligently enough. I don't know at this point. But I do know that my life is infinitely better than two years ago, when I first started this process, for which I am eternally grateful. And I will keep working on this until the last drop of parental poison has left my brain.... The good news is that my depression is gone. Even my anxiety is mostly gone. But I still suffer from dull feelings, a state where everything is dead and cloudy, where no emotions exist and my mind is fogged over. I also suffer from immense fear and terror (which is new). I think that as I do this work the general feeling of depression is just getting more and more nuanced as the real underlying feelings surface. Surely I must have felt tremendous fear and terror in my childhood, for example. The bad news is that I suffer from fairly extreme "seasonal affective disorder" (their term, not mine). I felt great all summer. Now fall, rain and darkness come along, and I feel terrible. Only a month ago all these feelings of fear and terror started to arrive. And I generally feel not OK. It's hard to describe, but I lose my confidence, my clear thinking, my reasoning, my logical ability, my happiness, it is almost as if I am a child again. And it started to arrive once we set the clock back at the end of October. Ellie, what do you know about seasonal affective disorder, or winter depression? How does it fit into your toxic mind theory? I can't help but think that there is a connection, and that I am missing something. Also, I read today that the symptoms of SAD and jet lag are very similar. That cannot be a coincidence. Also, my SAD started when we set the clock back = traveling to a different time zone = jet lag. Any ideas? I did a long workout session today where I redirected a lot of anger, which suddenly appeared today, for reasons still unclear to me. Now I will take a bath and go early to bed, because I know that I will need a lot of sleep after doing all this redirecting. Frank If you are still eating Standard American Diet, this could add to toxicosis in the brain, and cause you continued symptoms. Same for the seasonal changes in light, ie the lack of light and fresh air if you are more indoors, all these things can add to toxicosis and continued symptoms. But it sounds to me like you are just in the long muddy basin period and perhaps are not continuing the redirecting, which it is important to do. The repressed anger will have less and less to do with the past and more to do with current interactions. Since your anger, when triggered, is now going to be mild, it's very easy to ignore it and suppress it. Then you are likely to have symptoms. You hit it on the head when you said you need to keep working on this until the last drop of parental poison has left your brain. In time your symptoms will subside, certainly neurotic fear and dullness, and when stressed you will be able to restore your peace of mind by having the appropriate emotions. I find I get frustrated easily when I overwork and need to back off and seek pleasure. Be good to your self. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 893 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Wed Nov 22, 2000 10:12am Subject: Anger at Kids I have mentioned that due to recently developed allergies I am housebound most of the time. If I venture out I have to be careful to avoid an overload of triggers. My kids don't come to visit unless I make a meal. I have the grandchildren over one at a time and for sleepovers but not often. When I discussed this with my daughter she said I worry too much about the kids running around and/or breaking things. And well I should. Following the last dinner visit my TV remote control was broken and it cost $40 to repair. I think I am fantasizing about more visits as the family groups are all very restless here and my daughter frequently goes out on the balcony to smoke or lies down on the couch and takes a nap, My mother was a meticulous "Craig's Wife." It seemed like we were always in her way as she or a paid helper were busily engaged in cleaning every day and I was a in the way and underfoot. Now, I have had to really organize my personal space due to the severity of the allergies and I am protective of my environment. Closer to the point, I had an overriding resentment of my mother's compulsive clean campaign and expressed anger on the subject to her frequently. I was a sloppy, lazy and disorganized teen. Am I now turning into the very mom I was so angry at? I might add that in my daughter's home almost every electronic item like phones and remote control units is broken. Structured but not compulsive housekeeping and enjoyment of the simplicity of my surroundings is helping me battle my illness. You may say "detox to your mother" but my anger is with my son and daughter, both married and in their forties. Diva Hi, I say direct anger both to your parents AND your children using the self help measures. Sounds like your children are now abusing you by disrespecting your need to keep a simple household, they don't respect your need to stay away from smoke, etc., and they are judging you for wanting to protect your property. After doing some anger work toward them in private, perhaps you can confront them calmly and offer them the pamphlet for their own recovery.... Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 894 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Wed Nov 22, 2000 0:49pm Subject: Living with Mom I've been redirecting for a few weeks now, and it really seems to be helping me to understand that my chronic anxiety is due to a lot of suppressed anger. I've felt a lot calmer lately, and less angry at the source of this anxiety, which is my mother. She has agoraphobia and won't drive or go out alone. She constantly asks me to drive her to visit her father in the nursing home. Every time she asks, I tell her I will not do it, she has to do it herself, and she slams the door and walks away. I am amazed that after this many years of asking me, she can't take a hint! Anyway, she had the nerve to ask me again, to take her tomorrow for Thanksgiving. I reluctantly said yes, being that it's a holiday, but the second I agreed, I felt all those same anxiety symptoms I used to feel on a daily basis. My question is, aside from moving out, will my anger and anxiety ever decrease as long as I'm living with the source of it. I also feel trapped in this house with her, almost as if I'm not allowed to go out alone either, and I constantly hide in my room because I can't stand to be around her. I'm 28 years old, and I know I should move out and have my own life by now, but I feel bad for her, and I've developed the same fears of being alone that she has. I hired a 24 hour a day companion for her, but it still doesn't make me feel any better. I feel guilty, hating her this much, and everyone always says, you only have one mother and you should love her. I understand that, but honestly all I really feel is hatred for her, and I wish I could change it. Will my mind ever change through redirecting? Also, believe me, she will not go for help. Karen Hi, Yes, your mind will change through the redirecting, and you will not hate her anymore. You don't hate her soul, you are justifiably angry at her, at her sickness. For now when you feel guilty remember guilt is anger turned inward, it's her voice in your head, saying 'how dare you be angry at me.' It's not an easy situation for you, and I would definitely not make major changes, like moving out, while you are in this recovery period. Find places to do the redirecting and give as much responsibility to her companion as possible. If you have to give in and drive her from time to time, and can't have your anger in the moment, don't worry, it's not a setback, you will get new opportunities to do the redirecting. This will eventually bring you to a calmer place where you will be better able to deal with her. It takes several months to get most of the anger out and become what I call post flood, but even then there is a long period of adjustment when you will need to continue to redirect and have your anger in current situations. You will know then whether the best thing to do is to move out, and you will not suffer from the fear of living alone. You may be able to give her a pamphlet or leave one around for her to find, and she may pick it up and identify. I think you will be guided as you recover when and whether this will work for her. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 895 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu Nov 23, 2000 10:08am Subject: Redirecting works OK> I think I'm "getting it". I am having to actually think about getting angry. Wow! How numb I am. It seems that I'll have to train to get angry THEN I can redirect. I did some redirecting in the car the other night. I felt the weirdness that makes me think I am getting sick from car fumes and the fear thing. I remembered to work on feeling an anger and then started thumping on the side of the seat. The anger seemed so mild I judged it to be a mild irritation but I continued with it. (I just now realized I have been under the impression that only rage is anger! Since I wasn't raging like a borderline mass murderer I felt I wasn't angry) The whole thing was being interfered with old recordings that ridiculed it as weak and also urged me to suppress it and be (I paraphrase and condense it) bulletproof. I ignored that the best I could and chose to go with the irritation and redirecting and it worked. I continued the trip and felt quite intact and safe. To be 49 and immature due to abuse is frustrating. I just felt a red hot stab of anger when I wrote that! I still feel the heat and am settling into it like it's a warm feather bed. A good time to close and ponder and get stuff done. Marc Good for you, you're on your way to having that warm feather bed full time. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
I can understand what you are saying about flight or fight, but is what I do. I cannot fight, so I fly. then as I fly, a deep fear seems to build up in me which I cannot get rid of. I do not feel the fear coming, I just feel the strength of it when it has got hold of me. F Fear is a signal that there is underlying anger trying to emerge. When you feel this fear, try to redirect anger to past abusers and get as physical as possible. Bang on something and yell at them while picturing them in your mind. This is how to get rid of the fear. Ellie 897 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu Nov 23, 2000 2:19pm Subject: Get your girly figure back Ellie-- I admire these people so much! I've read such eloquent stuff this past week from different redirectors. Marc, Frank, and a couple others whose names I can't remember. By the way, you know how I've mentioned weight loss every so often over the last few months? Always I'd lose a couple pounds, get all excited, then a couple days later put it back on again and be bummed out about it. Well that's genuinely changing now, and I'm thrilled. I gave up all protein powder products (soy, whey, and/or milk protein powders and protein bars, which I had been augmenting my diet with). It's been about 2 weeks now, and I've lost a whole lot of weight-- have lost more since I recently mentioned this. New discoveries show soy depresses the thyroid and interferes with assimilation of nutrients as well as burning of fat. I thought my weight gain was related to menopause, but it's not! Another thing to be thankful for-- getting my hourglass figure back. I can wear my "sexy" clothes again. ;-))))))) So if you know anyone having problems with weight, pass this tip along, will you? Thanks. Love & Joy -- Sharrhan My weight hasn't changed since I became post flood. Isn't it great, at 72 I have a girly figure. Janov writes about post primal people who were flat chested and filled out. This happened to me, and it's because the nervous system can now control metabolism better and distributes fat where it should be. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
You are such a source of strength for me. The doctor faxed me a "one sentence reply" on the consequences of giving up the daily oral thyroid medication, "Eltroxin." The fax said, "You will gain weight." She knows that's my Achilles heel! My weight is so stable now. I can hardly believe it. Diva Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 899 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Fri Nov 24, 2000 11:29am Subject: Your Courage Ellie, I just wanted say that redirecting has been the only thing that has helped me. I've tried different psychiatric medications and nothing ever worked. It's amazing how simple redirecting is, and how well it works. I've been doing this for a few weeks, and the chronic anxiety I had felt every second of the day, is now barely a problem. I just wanted to thank you for your help. Hopefully, eventually, I will feel better than I ever have, since I've been depressed my entire life. It really seems to be lifting :) Thanks!--Karen
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 900 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Fri Nov 24, 2000 11:40am Subject: The Elf game Now that Christmas season is here, I wanted to offer you the Elf game. It's an attachment too big for the eGroup, apx 1000KB, but I can send it directly to your email if you are interested, so let me know. There's no virus in it. Santa is the bad guy (we all know he's a creation by parents to keep us in line). In this game the Elves are on strike, and Santa sets them up as pins and starts knocking them down with the bowling ball. But if you would like to pretend the elves are past abusers, it's a way to get some anger out. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 901 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sat Nov 25, 2000 3:36am Subject: No touching allowed while my mom and dad were both totally loving and nurturing, and if anything I might have been a bit spoiled, they did grow up in the era of not expressing feelings and of course nothing like sexuality. My mom was NOT a toucher, though from my earliest memories, I never doubted she was totally devoted to us (my sis and myself). My dad wasn't a hugger, really, either, though he was super friendly and much admired by thousands He did share with me as an adult not long before he had an early heart attack that mother was brought up in the religious tradition of no sex except for procreation. As a youngster, of course, that was not part of my awareness, but I did know that I had 3 of 4 parents who were fundamentalist ministers and that the "no's" in our house ranged from no liquor and cigarettes (drugs were a non-issue back then, at least in my world) to no movies, card playing, dancing, lipstick and makeup, no being loud and rowdy on Sunday, no "bad" music and for sure neither of my parents could have coped with the current openness of all things sexual and sensual, not to speak of seminars and places like Esalen and massages and so on, which I've enjoyed., Chuck
Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 902 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sat Nov 25, 2000 4:06am Subject: The Redirector 's Club Karen-- What a joy it is to read about your progress. Redirecting completely changed my life too, and depression has never returned. You're on your way! Best wishes! Sharrhan
Ellie
http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 904 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Nov 26, 2000 2:46am Subject: Tourette's Syndrome Hi Ellie, Over the last two weeks my brother has been receiving counseling and it has been suggested that he may suffer from Tourette's syndrome. We, being my family, have all since been reading up on this and found that it's mainly a genetic disorder, which can be passed on - something for me to be aware of if I have kids. My mother has always been obsessive and compulsive - she has to check the back door three times to ensure its locked the cooking stoves over and over along with other traits which have suggested to her and me that she may have a mild obsessive compulsive disorder. Apparently this can be case with Tourettes as the woman mainly suffer with Ob Comp disorder whilst men are more prone to suffer Tourettes. This brings me to my question which is do you think through your research and experience that redirecting can help these disorders directly? I have been very pushy to get my brother to redirect his anger as regardless of Tourettes I know he has a lot of anger to get rid of from his youth. My thoughts are that if you do suffer from such a disorder you will obviously experience anger and frustration at it - even if you aren't aware that you have a disorder as in my brother's case. This is why I think he has attempted suicide in the past because of the anger he felt at being different to everyone else as well as parental abuse because of the anger and frustration my parents had at not knowing what was wrong with him. I would be really interested on your thoughts about this. Thanks, Paul. Hi, Tourette's Syndrome is NOT a genetic disorder. It is just a name for someone who has toxicosis due to having suppressed justifiable anger. Remember, the real mental illness is the toxicosis, and the symptoms are healing events. The symptoms differ because the toxicosis is in different areas of the brain. The symptoms of Tourettes are particularly good examples of detox crises during which a person is trying to release anger, Tourettes children often burst out with curse words. Angry outbursts are not because anyone has such a disorder, rather they are attempts to release the stored up anger at parents or early caretakers. You brother's suicidal attempts are not because he feels different, they are an unconscious 'turning in' of the anger he needs to be redirecting to parents. You can't personally help your brother, or mother, by suggesting they redirect, but you can give them the pamphlet to read, and if they identify, they will use the self-help measures; Yes, the redirecting will cure these disorders. Try not to analyze your family, but keep working on your own redirecting, and you will be guided from within as to when you can offer the pamphlet and other articles to your family members. Ellie Please read the following from my scientific paper. The unity of disease: A careful study of what are described as distinct pathologies will illustrate the unity of disease. When toxins accumulate in regions of the brain that control specific activities, the symptoms observed will be related to those activities, giving rise to supposedly distinct disorders. Alzheimer's patients may have been forced to suppress emotions related to the learning process. Parkinson's patients often have mask-like faces and may not have released emotions though facial expression. Patients with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease usually have symptoms of other psychiatric disorders. Patients often have multiple diagnoses or are rediagnosed many times throughout life. No disease possesses its own special symptoms, but in their nosological systems scientists classify and arrange symptoms as if they belonged to distinct syndromes. They begin to regard subjective taxonomic orders as objective realities of nature and, for example, classify symptoms in one part of the body as a certain disease separate from symptoms arising in another part of the body. But inflammation of the brain and inflammation of the stomach are the same disease. "The brain can't vomit and the stomach can't become insane" (6). The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (32), which undergoes constant revision, lists hundreds of mental disorders, each characterized by a group of symptoms. If the boundaries are unclear, a second or third diagnosis is superimposed upon the first. Psychiatrist Judith Herman writes: The mental health system is filled with survivors of prolonged, repeated childhood trauma. This is true even though most people who have been abused in childhood never come to psychiatric attention. To the extent that these people recover, they do so on their own. While only a small minority of survivors, usually those with the most severe abuse histories, eventually become psychiatric patients, many or even most psychiatric patients are survivors of child abuse. The data on this point are beyond contention. . . . Survivors of childhood abuse who become patients appear with a bewildering array of symptoms. . . . Perhaps the most impressive finding is the sheer length of the list of symptoms correlated with a history of childhood abuse (33). http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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