This a test

Butty wisecracked, “No shit?” They all laughed.

Ruddy explained Butty’s joke. “Butty joke make shit no.” They laughed again.

Swetty burped and let a loud fart. Butty reacted: “Swetty makes Nano Juice.” Hilarity abounded.

Butty returned to Princeton and was met by Dr. Willie, who warned, “With the election five days off, the reporters are going to be crawling all over the place.”

Butty suggested they work in the basement of his apartment building. “All we need is blackboard, chalk and an idea.” They hid out for those five days, totally obsessed with their work and oblivious to the pre-election hullabaloo rampaging at ground level.

Butty came up with another earthshaking equation. But after consternating about it for a couple days, Butty had second thoughts, and Dr. Willie agreed. “Someday, for sure. But I agree, we should think long and hard about the ramifications. It’s amazing.”

It was election day, and the nationwide turnout was almost 100 percent. The final count was made public at 2:30 a.m.

Butty Whore had been elected President of the United States of America. He received 97 percent of the vote, all write-ins.

The nation was ecstatic. The world cheered for the five-year-old wonder.

The newspapers around the world printed blockbuster headlines a foot high:

USA CHOOSES WHORE

WHORE IS PRESIDENT

IT’S PRESIDENT WHORE

FIVE-YEAR-OLD WHORE IS PRESIDENT

WHORE RULES

U.S. GOES NUTS FOR WHORE

WHORE THRILLS U.S.

WHORE IN A LANDSLIDE

Butty weathered the two months before inauguration as well as possible. He was besieged: a million proposals of marriage, 10 million applications for his cabinet, 205 million offers for President Butty to do commercials for everything from soap to erectile dysfunction pills.

His vice president would be Dr. Willie, of course. Butty planned to appoint his cabinet immediately after the inauguration.

Inauguration Day was bitter cold, but millions turned out to cheer President Butty. He was sworn in by Chief Justice Tilley Bumtoole. Butty waved to Ruddy and Layzee (who was holding little Swetty), to Zip and Dollette, and there was Margot, who was now a lieutenant, and Hoarsy and Barking Dog, Captain Jab Nads and Captain Cherybuoyski—and who was that behind Captain Cherybuoyski? It was a woman in a hooded parka. Her eyes were wide open and terribly bloodshot, her nose was grotesquely bulbous, red, veiny and runny (from drinking three 16-ounce glasses of cheap whiskey a day) and she was frothing at the mouth. She staggered towards Butty. Suddenly, he recognized her. It was Miss MacPekkancy. She raised her arm. Butty smiled and started to wave back. She had a snub-nosed 38 pistol. Her shrill voice cut through the crowd noise. “And you, Butty Whore, you’re no angel.” She fired and the little President Butty Whore fell.

A Secret Service man fired back and killed the crazy woman. She had refused to take the “Butty cure” for insanity a month before she fired the fatal shot. Dr. Willie cradled the little man in his arms. Ruddy and Layzee were inconsolable, in a state of shock. A million stood silent.

Butty was rushed to the best hospital in Washington, D.C. But it was to no avail. He was pronounced dead at the hospital and moved to the morgue. Butty lay on a stainless steel table covered with a sheet. The bullet had entered his chest, went through his heart, and out his back. In the morning they would start to prepare his little body for a state funeral.

The night came, and the world moaned. In the sky, several billion miles above the hospital, a bright pinpoint of light was moving toward the earth, then toward Washington, D.C., toward the hospital, until it was just a few yards above the roof. The pinpoint of light was now a glow 50 feet in diameter.

It lit the upper third of the hospital. The silver figures, fluid like mercury, entered the morgue and picked up Butty and carried him into the immense glow. It lifted immediately, and in a matter of seconds, it became a pinpoint of light among the stars, before disappearing completely.

The next morning, Ruddy and Layzee, in deep shock, were told their son’s body was missing. Layzee slumped against Ruddy, who felt faint himself; but with every ounce of inner strength he had left, he hung onto consciousness. Ruddy asked President Willie, “Home we Hoboken go. USA love. Butty USA man-boy.”

President Willie Einstein Mississippi was grief stricken himself, and wished he could go home and totally let go. He made arrangements for the grieving parents. He felt they should make the trip home in the comfort of the presidential limousine with their friends Zip and Dollette.

To avoid the press or any publicity, they were secretly led to an underground garage beneath the White House. From there the unmarked limo started for Hoboken.

On the way, they silently listened to the new president talk to the nation and the world about the tragedy. He was introduced: “The President of the United States of America, Willie Einstein Mississippi.” Tears welled in eyes all around the globe. President Willie sat solemnly in the oval office. He gathered himself as best he could. “I’m going to read the speech that President Butty Whore was about give before the tragedy.”

“I am Butty Whore. You wrote my name many times, and I must be smart for all of you. I will have good ideas. I promise to keep being smart and do more equations that help all of us.

“I have developed a new equation that has led to a serum that will change the meaning of life.

“Dr. Willie and I call it the “Fountain of Youth Serum." It will be available in a month, and it will be free to all.”

Billions the world over sat bolt upright.

Ruddy and Layzee, now trying to control their grief along with Zip and Dollette, stared blankly at the limo TV. They listened to the astounding announcement, but could only think of Butty’s very short life.

President Willie concluded Butty’s speech. “I am smart for all. Thank you, USA.”

They entered their beloved home as distraught as any two humans could be. Layzee put Swetty in her crib and came out to see Ruddy, who was standing and staring at the floor. She grabbed his arm and tried to shake him out of it. He let loose with sobbing that shook the room. Layzee led him toward the back door. “Ruddy we must remember what our little Captain did—the cures to cancer, AIDS, and mental illness, Nano Juice energy, and even today he leaves us with the most amazing one of all. No human that ever lived ever accomplished anything near what Butty has. Now we must live on with our little Swetty. Come, we should check the goats.” Ruddy fought off the paralyzing grief and followed Layzee.

She opened the back door and immediately screamed and fell backward into Ruddy’s arms. Ruddy let out a deafening howl and fell to his knees, taking the screaming Layzee with him.

In the backyard, standing in the middle of a swarm of goats, throwing them feed, was a smiling, healthy little Butty. “I want to milk goats.”