A single year

December 26, 1988
Today began gray and cloudy,

Then a light mist began not rain,

A fine mist not of ice, rain or snow,

Slowly as it grew colder did it become snow, soon white driving snow was falling.

Then as in the middle of a hurricane,

The center was quiet queerly white,

Then it began once more this time definitely, what it definitely was became soon apparent, snow, lots of snow, big white flakes,

But strangely enough the temperature began to warm; now tonight the snow is still strong,

Tomorrow promises rain, driving rain, not cold, in-between is where the problem is,

For it is in the middle that one never knows, in the middle can be ice which can be deadly,

In the middle can be spots of ice still dangerous, in the middle can be not snow nor rain but danger, and I think in the middle is the same in one's life, for it is that time when one doesn't know, it is that time when one thinks one should know, yet it is the time when try as one might,

One simply does not know and thus flounders,

I try to avoid the middle by being a decisive man,

By making decisions I will not be caught in the middle, yet there is danger there too just as in the middle, in making so many decisions it becomes easy, so very easy to make the wrong decisions.

I hope I never ever accept wrong decisions as right, just as I hope I never get caught in the middle.


December 27, 1988
8:30 pm
Gigi just called. Tim and she are about 25 miles below Indianapolis, Indiana. On a clear and dry day they would be about 3 hours or so away. There is a winter storm warning out for Defiance tonight with warnings for 3 to 8 inches of snow possible. I hope they drive slowly and safely. I pray my God to be with them.
The house is clean and all is ready. Their gifts are bought and under the tree. Linda has cleaned and washed and is washing everything in sight.
We are all nervous.
We are all expectant.
Gigi more so than the rest of us.
Gigi is about 26-28 weeks pregnant with our grandchild.
Life coming from life. That is what life is all about. Life is like love in that it is always reaching out. Life is never kept inside. Love can never be kept inside. We try to hide love and life but when it is there it can not be hidden.
I pray that Linda is healthy as I pray that I am and Gigi and Nikki and Jamie and our grandchildren are.
I pray also for the church secretary, Mary Batt. She is over 70 and doesn't look very well. She is to go to the doctor tomorrow. I pray she is to be ok.
God is love and he who abides in love abides in God and God in him. God is love as love is God.

December 28, 1 988
When I came to Defiance St. Mary's, there was a lady of about 70 years in age who had worked at St. Mary's for about 25 years. Her name is Mary Batt. This lady had been a one woman staff for part of her tenure. She had done about everything that that had needed to be done in running a rectory through the years. She had worked with and for priests who had great personalities and no personalities. She had worked successfully for priests that had she had liked and respected and also for some that no one could have liked or respected. She did the same job for each no matter the situation. The job she did was to support and carry out their tasks. She made things flow in the rectory and did so for about 25 years.
I was to be her boss.
I was very nervous and concerned. I needed not to be. I was just one more boss for her. She quickly began to support me and mold me. What was special for me was that I let her. I seemed to realize I had a lot to learn from her and not just about St. Mary's. She new how to get along with the person she worked for. Boy did and do I need that skill!
The hiring committee and Father Ed had stated that one of my responsibilities was to write a job description for her. I haven't gotten around to it. I haven't needed to because she did it for me. She seemed to sense she was going to retire and that I needed to know certain things. She set about teaching me. I would like to think this was one of the most important things she did for me. It was and it wasn't.
It was because I needed to know these things. I t wasn't because she did more important things for me such as not being shy about acknowledging me as her boss. On boss's day, I got a card. Father Ed didn't. She wasn't slighting Father, she was supporting me and enforcing me. At Christmas she gave me a gift. It was to "John, my boss and his family" wow! That meant so much more to me than the gift itself.
At our staff day of reflection Mary and I talked long and very privately. She sensed my need and ability to converse about very serious personal matters a she knew I needed my being to be reinforced. She listened and she advised and never did I feel as though I was getting advice. I knew she was sharing her wisdom and I know wisdom comes only from God. She told me I was a very special man. She told me I excited her and that I was too hard on myself and she assured me I was more than ok. She told me of her inner struggles with change and different pastors and how she had been hurt and hurt often and she shared how she sometimes wondered if she had stayed at her job only because of the fear of not being able to get another job. I knew this woman could have gotten another job.
Today Mary entered the hospital. She was very yellow in color especially her eyes and her liver seems to have a potentially serious problem. She was afraid and scared and old and fragile and I just needed to be with her. I just needed to let her know she was ok. I think I just needed to let her know I loved here and Mary let me do these things. She even acted as though I was the one doing her the favor by coming over to make sure she was ok.
Mary is a special woman and I know I do not have to worry about her. I see her as love reaching out. I see her as life being alive and well.

I see her today as being very ill and I am worried about her.

I feel I should ask God to just give her the strength to accept God's will for her and I do ask God for that. I also ask God to take care of her and not let her suffer or unduly worry.
Stand firm with Mary Lord as you do with me.
Thank you for letting Gigi and Tim get here safely at around 1:30 am this morning. Tonight all of us went over to Beth Brown's home. Beth is the principal of the St. Mary's school and a big supporter of me and Linda. It was very nice.


December 29, 1988
I am tired.
There is much I want to write. I am just too tired. I had a nice day.
I enjoyed tonight.
I pray God will find a way to protect and take care of Nikki and Mary Batt.
I pray God will take care of me and mine.


December 30, 1988
Well here I am only two days away from fulfilling an important promise to God and to myself. In two days I will have written everyday for one complete year. There were days I wrote so very late it was tomorrow yet it was the right day because I had not slept and that is supposed to make some sense.
Today I am going to remember an incredible year. It was a year that so many things happened most people would find it unbelievable.
It started in January, on January one to be exact. I did not start out to write a diary but to write something new and something relating to God's love for me each and every day. I wrote a diary on more days than I did not. If I let myself, I could be disappointed in that yet, I did write and I know somehow God helped me write each day. I started with the premise that all things in my existence emanated from God and that God ,who created everything that ever was and ever will be created, was the God of unconditional, all powerful, unlimited and unlimiting love. I am more so convinced that this is true today than I have ever been. God is love. The love that God is, is not the same as human love and yet human. Love comes from God's love.
I started writing in January about who God was in my life. Then January became dominated by the fact Linda and I had no money, no job and very little hope. We journeyed to New Mexico to seek a position at an Indian reservation and found a church and a people in disarray. We were injured and angry and it was a desperate journey. We were lost and did not know why. I began to do income taxes and it was a brave attempt to survive financially. God took care of us!
February was perhaps the worse month we have ever endured. We started the month under tremendous money pressure. No unemployment, no job, no way to provide for our family. The first fourteen days were always days of anger, hurt, not understanding, faith being stretched beyond limits and then February God terminally worse. Our daughter Nikki had a young man come visit. We knew he was important but we totally misjudged his influence on Nikki or Nikki's control over him. We tried so hard to get along with him. Everything we tried did not work. We did not know that Nikki had planned much of what was to happen. We were stunned beyond belief and hurt more than we can say. Nikki lied to us about their relationship. The same daughter that we had held, cuddled, loved, Nikki, planned and carried out a tremendous lie that has caused us great and incurable pain. This indeed was the month to give up and die. We did not. I am tempted to say I do not know how we survived February 1988, yet, I know it was through God's love for us. I also know this was a month that will be with us forever.
March became a month of incredible hope and prayer. Linda and I turned to God and to each other and begged God for a place to work. Our income picked up enough for me to get a pair of glasses and we sent out resumes. We hoped so much and we prayed and we believed and it was in a way a special month.
April was the turning point in this year job wise for us. Our income in March from tax returns was good and it continued into April. The month began with our daughter Gigi and her young man Tim, taking Jamie, Linda and I to Disneyworld. It was an incredible wonderful day. The month continued with us alternating being considered for and then losing two jobs either of which we would have given anything

for. We splurged on a day for ourselves and the car wore out. God provided us with another car. Every time we would be ready to quit, to despair, God gave us hope and in the end a man from Defiance, Ohio called and seemed interested in us.

Jesus calls us to believe and we did„ on the day Linda's mom and day visited us, we received a call from Defiance St. Mary's to come for a job interview. We journeyed there and we were offered the job and we accepted and there are no words. May ended on a great nervous high.
The month of June we spent camping in a tent, on our way to our new job. It was a month of love and joy and hope and it ended with us in a new home in Defiance. Thank you God.
July was a month of settling in. We made mistakes. We tried too hard. Our daughter Gigi became pregnant with our first grandchild and even in this month we were called to believe. The call to believe never ends.
August was hot and I mean very hot. I feared for my new job and I could not relax. I had trouble trusting, God or anyone.
September was a month to take care of our bodies and we did. It was a month to begin programs. We began to work and we worked hard for a man that at times we were not sure if he appreciated us. We found out we did not have unemployment insurance without which we could not have survived. It had been a long few years each one bringing more and more difficult moments, days for us to try to survive.
October we were still settling in and finding our place. I wrote less in a diary style and more of my feelings for God.
November brought us closer to God in I had a physical problem, I thought I was having a heart attack and we celebrated a daughters marriage in our church. You can see how thanksgiving was truly special this year to us.
December has been a glorious month and Jesus came to us this Christmas in the most special of ways
I guess this has been a turning point year in our lives. We had no choice but to believe and we chose to believe anyway. We could have quit at anytime. We have not saved nearly the amount of money we should have and we may yet pay for that. We splurged on Christmas and I am glad. We are hopeful we will be invited back next year yet we are fearful we do not know enough to be. We are worried about our health, our weight, and so many things. At times we seem to have forgotten how this year began yet I know we have not nor will we be ever able to, nor, would we ever want to.
I love you God and I pray now you will give me specific direct input on what I am to write next. Linda wants me to try to write children's books about God. I don't know if I can. I hope only to be open to doing what ever you want me to. I pray that I will be a good father and husband and, I pray I will be a good and faithful servant to you, my God.

December 31₉ 1988
I made it!
One complete year of writing everyday. 366 straight days of writing. Understand not everyday I wrote what I wanted to, started out to write, or perhaps even should have written. On the other and for me more important side, I did it! I promised to write for 365 days, this year was leap year so I wrote for 366 consecutive days.
Now I want to finish on a high note, a special note. I begin this special day in this way:
Thank you God for the special favor you have given me of allowing me to keep this promise to you and to myself.

Thank you Lord God for being my Lord God.

Thank you God for my family which includes two grandchildren who will join us later next year, and two sons which have already joined us.
The most important things I learned this year are to keep my faith strong, to keep on when there seems no way to keep on, to believe when everyone else would have given up on believing. You 0 Lord God are what I believe in. You 0 Lord God are love, unconditional, unlimited, and unlimiting. Your love is the most important of all things and the most permanent. I am learning to remember. I learned to go on. I will learn more as you will not let me stand still.
I do not know what this coming year will bring. I know I must continue to write and that you will tell me what I am to write. I know that I have so many things by which I have no choice but to change. Even if I fail often and sometimes seemingly on purpose, I continue to strive to ^change. I will not accept me the way I am. I can be better.
I will tell others of your love. I have done so this year and I will do it more often this coming year.
I will assure my daughter Jamie of her worth and value each and every day. I will let her know she is loved.

I will love your people as you have called me to. I will try to set good example and when I fail, I will pick myself up and try again.

I will love my wife and assure her daily of the fact she is my special gift from you.

I will love you each and every moment of every instant of my life as I do now.

I will allow your love to enter my being more freely than I do now.
And how 0 Lord do I know I will do these things? I do not know how because I can do nothing. You, in you, will I find the way. In your love for me is my only hope.
I love you 0 Lord God. It has been an incredible year. Please continue to stand firm with me.
John W. Flakes Jr.