A single year
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December 8, 1988 Feast of the Immaculate Conception Hail Mary, full of grace… A woman so special that she herself was conceived by her father and mother united with God in a moment of pure unconditional love. The Lord is with you… The Lord God is with all of us all the timed this woman was told in those words by a visitor who came directly from the full presence of God. Blessed are you among women… Hand chosen from conception, Mary was indeed the most special of all women. Blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus… You are going to bear a child. You will carry this child in your body as all women do. The father of your child will be God. I think any person would be startled, frightened, unsure and even angry at hearing these words after some time then perhaps some understanding of what was being asked of this person might come about. Mary simply said and meant, be it done to me according to your will. No questions, no hesitation, no anger, not even sounding frightened. Would not even the most perfect of humans question just a little the responsibility of what they were being asked to do. Mary, I do not believed ever questioned her God. She did as she was asked. She did so willingly and readily. We are not told about her pregnancy but she was quite young and I can not help but speculate that she had normal pregnancy feelings. Maybe she even had morning sickness. After all Mary was a woman in every sense of the word. For me her being a complete woman only adds to the image I carry of her as the most perfect of all women. We know very little of her marriage to Joseph and again I know my church teaches Mary was a virgin from conception until she ascended into heaven. If I found out that Mary had indeed had a sexual relationship with Joseph, I would not think less of Mary but indeed I would feel that because of who Mary was with God, it could not have been anything but the most wonderful and perfect of relationships and really then it could be said her marriage was the perfect marriage. I believe Mary was conceived without sin. I also believed she could have had the perfect marriage with sinning. I just know that a perfect marriage precludes the possibility of sin. I celebrate you, mother of God. I celebrate you Mary, mother of all persons. I celebrate you, Mary, my mother. I also love you. December 9, 1988 Jamie and I went shopping tonight. I got Linda's Christmas gifts. Most of all I enjoyed being with my daughter tonight. I have missed Gigi and Nikki so much. I almost broke down and cried this afternoon when I realized I never have another Christmas like I have enjoyed in the past, with just Linda, Gigi, Nikki, Jamie and me. 0 yes I am looking forward to having my grandchild next Christmas and I am looking forward to Nikki and Gigi having Christmas's of their own to remember just as Linda and I have had. I still was sad at the realization a certain time in my life had passed away and would never be again. I am most grateful that we have Jamie, maybe Jamie and I and Linda will have our own special wonderful Christmases, in fact, I am sure of it. I praise you 0 God and I beg you never to turn me loose or let me go. Please Lord stand firm with me and hold me tightly. You know my dreams. If they are not your dreams, so be it. I am your servant and I will do what you would have me do. I do it willingly. I do confess to hoping that some of what I have dreamed may indeed be from you. Thank you for this day. December 10, 1988 Linda, Jamie and I just got back from taking 22 junior high students and parents and sponsors to the Toledo zoo Christmas lights. Five cars and 22 people. It was pretty and we are tired. Our car started making strange noises on the way back home-thank you God for getting us home safely. It snowed earlier today for most of the day, lightly, but steadily. We got about an inch of snow. The roads were much better than I had thought they would be. I really worried most of the day about calling the trip off. I am glad we could go, I love you God and I place all my worries on you for I am not able to carry them. I just know you will hear my prayers as you always do and I trust you to take care of me and mine. Thank you God for being God. Thank you and I love you and I love having you as my God. December 11, 1988 A long day... tonight was senior high and confirmation night. There was a money counters party also. The day went pretty good. O God, I love you and I want to get into a super Christmas spirit. I don't think I have been in a good Christmas spirit for some time. I want to change that. This would seem to be a difficult year for me to be in a Christmas spirit with Gigi and Nikki around yet, Jamie and Linda are around and I have so much to thank you for this year. What a year. O Lord, my God, once in a small quick moment I seem to forget about my earthly self and for the briefest of moments, l think I actually attempt to praise you, to really love you and to feel your love for me. Thank you for allowing me that moment. How I wish I would choose to have more such moments. Thank you for loving me and taking care of me. Stand firm with me and hold me tight. Give me the health, the good health I want and need to do your will. Please hold me close and I beg you never to turn me loose. Take care of me and my family, your people. John December 12, 1988 Our Lady of Guadalupe A long time ago a peasant person had an extraordinary experience. An incredible woman came and visited with him. This person does not seem to be an extraordinary person at least as such people go by today's standard, yet, the mother of God came and visited him. There must indeed have been something most special about him. Maybe it was his simplicity of life. Maybe it was his wholeness of being. I think it was because he was filled with the love that dwells within all of us in the same way. I think his love he allowed to shine as his beacon. The mother of God appeared and what was changed asks the skeptic? So many people allowed the love of God to be present in their life in a most real way. What was her message? I think it was to a planet of people to awareness of the love of God. I think it was to lift a nation and to inspire a people. I think it was simply and most especially a mother showing her love for her children. The Lord God never spent very much time with those people who seemed to have so much. The Lord God spent most of his time with the ones who seemed not to have very much. I think it is only fitting that the mother of God would also choose to appear to a nation and a people that had great need of support. Only a special woman who had known the specialness of being an unwed mother of a son who was put to death on a cross for loving people too openly and lifting them up would really understand the needs of such a time and such a people. Juan Diego was the kind of man that the mother of God would choose to appear to. I hope I am the kind of man the mother of God chooses to love. I certainly have enough faults and failings. I certainly need her love. Most certainly I have it. Thank you God for Mary, our Mother. December 13, 1988 Darkness permeated all existence, It wasn't only that there was no light, it was as though light had never been, black had become the normal, Black was devoid of the possibility of light.
It was unreal because before, during and after existed the light of all lights, the creator, this creator's light could never be dimmed. The world that this creator had created from within, A world created and filled with beings made in God's likeness, a world in which all creation shared in the love of God, a world filled with the free will of God's love, This world had freely chosen to be dark, void of light.
Into this closed off world God himself came again, As if there had never been darkness of any kind, brilliantly-bright persistent and glorious light
John
December 15, 1988 I love you 0 God and I am filled with the knowledge of your love for me. I wrote a short article this day to go into the church Christmas bulletin. It went something like this: I thought of your birth this day and I understood more of what this day really means. I looked at you and I saw the light of your love for me shining brightly. I know that in you I will find the answer to all that I am looking for. I understand now just who you are and the gift you bring to me. You see, you are the people of Christ and I see the Christ Jesus in your in you, 0 Jesus is my hope and in you I will mope. In your people I will find you present at all times and in all ways. This is the gift I receive on your birthday which we celebrate as Christmas. This is the gift of each and every day. December 16, 1988 Tonight after a long but good day of Santa Claus shopping Linda and arrived back home to get a call from Father Ed that a boy , a 4th grad student had not made it home from school. Yet, it was around 8 pm so there was some cause for worry. Linda and Ed and I searched the school and the church thoroughly. He was not to be found. We went home somewhat worried and prayed to God for this child's safety. We received a call from Father Ed about twenty minutes later that the boy had been safely found. We could not help but remember the feelings of anger, badness and frustration when we thought Gigi had been lost. Most of all we could not help but remember the feeling of giving her up to God because we believed she was dead. 0 Lord our God we also remembered the incredible joy of knowing she was alive. God, it seems tonight we are called to remember who we are and who you are. We are your children totally dependant on your love. Praise God for that love being unconditional and unlimited. Stand firm with us and hold us tightly. Give us health. Take away our aches and pains and help us to become one whole person rooted always in you. We love you and thank you for being our God. December 17, 1988 Seven days before Christmas Eve. Fourteen days until I have written for one year faithfully every day. I learned Nikki is about 6 weeks pregnant today. I am exhilarated about the new life that is entering the world through Nikki and Andy. I am scared witless about Nikki and Andy's marriage. I will have faith and I well not let my worry burden my wife and daughter with me. I want to go Christmas caroling tomorrow night. I look forward to serving my God as a faithful and good servant. I wonder how Mary and Joseph were this week so many years ago. Somehow they- must have known that what was to take place, what they had been entrusted to do, the child they had been entrusted to raise, they must have known something of the great change in the world. They probably were just a little frightened and yet they had faith and their faith was reflected in their actions. Lord God, I have faith too. It certainly is not like Mary and Joseph's faith but it is my faith and I pray my actions will reflect my true faith at its best. I pray to be allowed to serve you in a way pleasing to you. I hope that I will be able to take care of the tasks to which I have been assigned and also my wife and children. I love you 0 Lord and I accept your love for me. December 18, 1988 One week prior to Christmas The gospel this day spoke of Mary's encounter with her cousin Elizabeth. It spoke of the unborn child of Elizabeth leaping with joy in Elizabeth's womb when Elizabeth encountered the pregnant Mary with the baby Jesus. Can you imagine being pregnant and the child within you leaping for joy when you come into the presence of your God? Yes I can. I can not imagine what insight one must possess to know that the unborn child of another is my Lord and my God. If that isn't incredible enough, consider the unborn child within you leaping for joy at the unborn child of another person, and, you understanding what was happening. Everyone involved here was more than special. My heart leaps for joy knowing that I celebrate the birth of my God every moment of my life. Today I gave out the Eucharist at mass. I celebrated my God in my actions. One week from today I hope my God will come to me in a special unique way. Even if I do not understand it, I am sure of it. I am also sure my God has already come to me in more special unique ways than I will ever know. I thank you my God for my wife, my daughter Jamie, and my daughters Gigi and Nikki. December 19, 1.988 Father Ed, Linda, Jamie and me went Christmas caroling tonight. We caroled for about an hour. It was nice and special. O God I am looking forward to your coming. I need you to renew me and my spirit. Please heal me, body and mind. Please grant me the strength to overcome my afflictions, mental and physical. I am glad I believe in you my God. I am glad you are my God. Christmas week is indeed here. Let it go very well for everyone including Linda, Jamie, Father Ed, Nikki, Andy, Gigi, Tim, our family and your family. Amen! December 20, 1988 What is a present? Not so strangely a present means much different things to a person depending on many things such as the lack of money or an excess of money. When you have no money or very little to spend, a present takes on a unique meaning. It can become something personal, something prized, and something from the heart and yet cost in dollars and cents remain very small. If you are flush a present can have all the same meanings and cost a bunch. The odds are though that if you have enough money some presents you give will have little or no personal meaning to you. They will be gifts because you feel it is what you should do, that is, give something to someone, then I really question if it really is a present. It seems to me a present is when + person gives anything of their own self to someone else. If a gift is given that is devoid of personal feeling it really is not a gift no matter the money cost. So I think I am saying a present may indeed not be a gift. A gift is a thing. A present is a spirit of giving, a way of reaching out to someone on love. A present is a love offering. This would seem to open the door for almost anything to become a present. The greatest present of all is the gift of love God has given each and everyone of us the greatest present of all is the baby Jesus knowingly coming in love to a world that would not only reject this l  ove but indeed would try to kill it. The greatest present to us is that this love could not be killed or changed in anyway and indeed is as strong today as it was in the beginning.
December 21, 1988 I have been fighting what I think is a type of the flu all day long. I ache all over and I had what I think was a mean ugly ulcer for most of the day. I burned just below my chest and at the very top of my stomach. I am getting old. I wonder if God ever came close to getting an ulcer. What do you think? I mean don't you think we stretched God at times beyond understanding. I think I must have done that at least once day all my life and I hope I am not the very worse sinner in the world. God is all love and is such a love that is incomprehensible to humankind. God's love is never stretched. God's love isn't supposed to know peaks and valleys but is constant and the same, all the timer I know God has a sense of humor and I just know God feels a certain elation when I just happen to do something right. I think God can have all the good Godly human traits, and there are some, and still be the constant loving God I know. I imagine I will always bear some criticism because there will be those who would say I make God too personal, to human, and therefore God certainly would not be God. Baloney! Double and quadruple baloney! John flakes can not make God anything. God is God. I am saying how I understand God to be and that is a valid understanding. God is my friend, my lover, my comforter, my healer, my spirit, my wisdom, my father, my mother, my very being, and yes my creator. God is my everything. God is my consistency. And yes, I do see God as the most intimate and personal of friends. God may indeed be the only friend I have not excluding my wife whom I love about as much as I love anything or anyone„ I praise you 0 God and I love you and I am most assuredly ecstatic that love me. December 22, 1988 Twenty four years ago tonight I met my wife. She was a very young and sexy and beautiful bleached blond. I think I knew although probably did not think it at the time, but I think I knew she and I were to be together for life. There is no way I could have known what a wise and important decision marrying Linda would be. There is no way I could have known that this young girl barely a woman was made of stern strong capable and incredible special stuff„ there is no way I could have made such a wise decision„ Linda was the second most important gift God ever gave me. The most important gift was the gift of personal knowledge of my God's incredible love for me. Linda was and is the second most important gift I have ever received. Without her help I would surely have turned away from God. I really would like to think I would have found God in my life without Linda yet I do not think so. Maybe I would have because my God loves me so incredibly strong. Maybe I would have because there is something about my spirit that would not give up until I had found God. I would like to think so but I truly feel Linda has been God's daily and constant visible presence in my life. I have turned away from her and I have hurt her. I can not stand the thought of the pain I have caused this wonderful gift from God to me. I likewise can not stand admitting I have hurt my God and turned away from my God, yet, I have,. I have hurt and hurt more often than I care to remember the most important things in my life . . . My God and my Linda. It does me no good to think that I also have loved each greatly. The pain I have caused them is not repairable yet as unreal as it seems, as totally impossible as it is, they both continue to love me. It is in their love for me that my salvation is to found. It is in their constant giving to me that I find my strength. I live because of their love. I can be better because of their love. I am sorry beyond measure for ever causing them pain. I am sorry beyond measure for my failings. I can promise to never hurt them again and I do and I mean it beyond measure, and, it is almost assured I will not keep my promise. I do promise and I will keep it. My love for them coupled with their great love for me and the strength that comes from great unconditional and unlimited love will help me to keep my promise. I love you God and I thank you for Linda. I love you Linda and I thank you for your love and faith in me. Stand firm with both of us as we begin to grow older together. Thank you God for loving us. December 23, 1988 The Lord is mighty and great, The Lord is wonderful and loving, The Lord is all knowing, all understanding, The Lord is the mighty healer of all ailments„ The Lord is the mighty healer of all mankind, The Lord is gracious, slow to anger and all forgiving, The Lord is kind, generous and touches all with love, there is no Lord except you O Lord, my God!
My Lord God is all loving and his love is perfect, The love of my God is unlimited, unlimiting, and unconditional; my God's love never changing and unending, The love that is my God is always, was always, will be always, God is love exploding outward into you and me, Lord God, creator of all that is, O wisdom of love.
Perfect love come into my being and heal and change me, Wisdom everlasting dwell within me, Loving Lord creator God stand firm with me, Thank you O God of all, O eternal God, O most mighty God, thank you for loving me, O God who's love never changes, thank you for loving me O loving Lord who loves me no matter, I am sorry for my sins which have been many, I thank you for being born, I thank you for being God, I thank you for my faith and strong knowledge of you, O God. I thank you for being God! December 24, 1 988 What an incredible day and evening and night! It has been the most wonderful of days. For the most part Linda and I did not even remember that our Nikki was having her wedding blessed in a protestant church and we could not be there, indeed it was almost planned so we could not be a part of it. Jamie sang at the 5:30 mass. I counted money with the money counters after the 8 pm mass. I led the music at the midnight mass and after Linda, Jamie, and I went to Mary Walz for a special party. It was fun. Linda and I exchanged our gifts and Linda really liked hers. Linda had bought me a special gift that I had been trying to figure out. I thought it was a watch, some computer programs, a camera lens. I was wrong. I felt like a little boy. I was stunned. I still am. Linda gave me a shiny red 10 speed bike. It is incredible. It was like the Santa Claus Christmas's I used to know. I felt like a little child once more and I will cherish how I felt and feel for such a long time. I felt as though the baby Jesus really was a part of my life tonight. I thank you Jesus for coming. May your fire burn within me forever. I adore you 0 Jesus. Thank you for Christmas. Let Nikki have had a special night. I hope her life is fine. I miss Nikki and g I g I but I am so glad you gave us Jamie. December 25, 1988 Christmas day in all it, s glory was here this day. It was a nice day. Is this the beginning of Christmas or is it the ending? For many people it will be both. For some it will mark the beginning of a new awareness of Christ in their life. These people will see that Christ is born every hour of every day in every person. Christmas is an on going affair for a few lucky people that truly understand what Christmas is all about. For some others Christmas is that time of the year when gift giving is most important. It is the time when one parties, gives and receives all kind of gifts and yet never really understanding what Christmas is all about. This day marks the end of a long season that will actually peak party wise next weekend as the year draws to a calendar close. For me this day marks what I hope is a beginning of a renewal on my part to be better than I think I can be. It is the beginning of a renewal of who I am and what I am about. This day is the first day of a new year in which I need to constantly remind myself that God is born every instant of my life. God is alive in every person I meet and how I treat that person reflects how I would treat my God. This day I do celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. This day I celebrate Jesus Christ in the people of God which are all people. This day I acknowledge that Jesus dwells in all persons and I acknowledge my responsibility and desire to be of service and love to all these people. I thank God for the commitment I now feel and I pray for God to keep me strong throughout the coming days. I ask for guidance to know what we should do, where we should work and the strength to go forth as God's child and chosen servant. Yüklə 1,1 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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