About their problems. They try to find answers for their problems together. For example
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| part of the half-price computer offer, and training materials are now being provided for 50,000 primary school teachers.
The reasoning behind MEP is that no child now at school can hope for a worthwhile job in the future economy unless he or she understands how to deal with computers - not in the training sense, but in learning the general skill to extract the information which will be required in their job.
171 RUNNING AWAY FROM TROUBLES Sixteen years ago, Eileen Doyle's husband, an engineer, kissed his four children early one morning, packed a small case and was never seen or heard of again. Eileen was astonished and was in a state of despair. They had been a happy family and, as far as she knew, there had been nothing wrong with their marriage. Every day of the year a small group of men and women quietly pack a few belongings and, without a note or a goodbye, close the front door for the last time, leaving their debts, their worries and their confused families behind them. Many return home within a year, but a minority reject the past completely and start living a new life somewhere under a different identity. For those left behind, this form of desertion is a terrible blow to their pride and self-confidence as they usually tend to blame themselves for the situation. Some say they would prefer to be dead rather than be abandoned like this. Worse than that, people can be left with an unfinished marriage, not knowing whether they will have to wait seven years, as the law says, before they are free to start a fresh life. Clinical psychologist Paul Brown believes most departures of this kind to be well planned rather than impulsive. "It's typical of the kind of personality which seems to be able to ignore other people's pain and difficulties. Running away, like killing yourself, is a highly aggressive act. By creating an absence, the people left behind are made to feel guilty, upset and empty." According to Bramwell Pratt, head af The Police Investigation Department, men and women run away for very different reasons though lack of communication is often the biggest motive. ‘The things that disturb a man's personality are obscure problems like being tied up in debt, or serious worries about work. Women usually leave for more obvious reasons, with fear at the root of everything. Men are more often prepared to give their marriage another try than women, but we are aware that, for most wives, it would be difficult to return after the way they've been treated.'
172 FRIE-NDSHIP Friends play an important part in our lives, and although we may take the fact of friendship for granted, we often don't clearly understand how we make friends. While we get on well with a number of people, we are usually friends with only a very few - for example, the average among students is about 6 per person. Moreover, a great many relationships come under the term 'friendship'. In all cases, two people like one another and enjoy being together. However, the degree of closeness between them and the reasons for their mutual interest vary greatly. In other words, there are many reasons for why two people share the same interest in each other. At the very beginning, much depends on how people meet and on positive first impressions. As we get to know people, we take into consideration things like age, physical attractiveness, economic and social status and intelligence. Although these factors may not seem very important, it is difficult to be friends when there is a big age difference or when the backgrounds are different. As we get closer, we become interested in actual behaviour, facial expression and tone of voice. Friends will stand closer together and will spend more time looking at each other than people who just know each other. Smiles and soft voices also express friendliness. It is because they may send out the wrong signals that shy people often have difficulty in making friends. To illustrate, their nervousness may be mistaken for unfriendliness. People who do not look at the eyes of those they are speaking to are not trusted. However, those people may simply lack confidence. Some relationships become stronger with argument and discussion, but usually intimate friends have similar ideas and beliefs and share the same attitudes and interests. Although some people become close friends immediately, it usually takes time to reach this point. The more intimate people become, the more they rely on one another. People want to do friends favours and hate to disappoint them. There are no friendship ceremonies but the support and understanding that results from shared experiences and feelings seems to create a powerful relationship which can overcome differences in background and age.
173 AMERICAN CITIES We can trace all the problems of the American cities back to one starting point: we Americans don't like our cities very much. That is strange. More than three-fourths of us now live in cities, and more are flocking to them every year. We are told that the problems in our cities are receiving more attention in Washington. However, it is historically true: in the American psychology, the city has been a basically suspect institution. Americans have related urban areas to Europe, which they believed to be full of dishonesty and illegal behaviour. Moreover, they believed that cities lacked spaciousness and innocence, so easily found in rural areas. Therefore, it can be said that a strong anti-urban attitude runs through American thinking. The settlement of America was a reaction to the harsh conditions in European industrial centres. People came to America because there was available land and they wanted to escape from the bad influences of the cities. What has this got to do with the unpleasant situations of the modern cities? I think it has a lot to do with it. The United States has never thought that the American cities were worthy of improvement. It was believed that cities should support themselves. The reason behind this is not directly the result of a 'the city is evil, and therefore we will not help it' attitude. It is more indirect. Billions of dollars are spent to preserve the family farms but nothing is done about an effective programme for jobs in the cities. In addition, although there have long been government agencies which deal with agriculture, small business veterans and commerce, the Department of Urban Development wasn't set up until 1965. Now consider this: the most important housing law was not the law that provided public housing; it was the law which provided low-interest mortgages for Americans who wanted to buy a home. More than anything, this made the suburban dream a reality. 800,000 middle-class New Yorkers left the city for the suburbs dreaming of grass and trees and a place for their children to play in. They were replaced by unskilled workers, who represented a further cost to the cities. In other words, the world of urban America has become a dark place which doesn’t deserve support or help in the minds of Americans.
174 CULTURE SHOCK! Each society has its own beliefs, attitudes, customs, behaviours, and social habits. These give people a sense of who they are, how they should behave, and what they should or should not do. These 'rules' reflect the 'culture' of a country. People become conscious of such rules when they meet people from different cultures. For example, in some cultures, being on time can mean turning up several hours late for an appointment, even for a business meeting; in others, 3 p.m. means 3 p.m. Also, the rules about when to eat vary from culture to culture. Many North Americans and Europeans have three mealtimes a day and organise their timetable around them. In some countries, on the other hand, people often do not have strict rules like this people eat when they want to, and every family has its own timetable. When people visit or live in a country for the first time, they are often surprised at the differences that exist between their own culture and the culture in the other country. The most common way of comparing two cultures is in terms of their differences - not their similarities. For some people, travelling abroad is an exciting experience; for others though, cultural differences make them feel uncomfortable, frightened, or even insecure. This is known as 'culture shock,' Here are several things to do in order to avoid culture shock: Avoid quick judgements; try to understand people in another culture by looking at things from their own point of view. Try to become more aware of what is going on around you. Don't think of your cultural habits as 'right' and other people's as 'wrong.' Be willing to try new things and to have new experiences.
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