I would like to become a musilim

http://newmuslims.tk/

2- Maryam al-Mahdayah

Maryam al-Mahdayah REVERTING TO ISLAM: A JOURNEY BACK TO GOD by Maryam al-Mahdayah (USA/EGYPT) (received 08/24/98) Al-Salamu Alaykum, My name is Maryam al-Mahdayah - I was not born with this name, but chose it when I converted to Islam (in 1992). My Christian birth name is Maria (Mary in English, Maryam in Arabic). I would like to share with you my personal story of converting to Islam, with the hope that this story might bring with it a better understanding of Islam. My story is organized into different life-periods: Growing up Christian (early years) Turning away (teen years) Searching for Truth (the twenties) The Opening (the thirties) Coming Home (the forties and forever) GROWING UP CHRISTIAN -- EARLY YEARS I was raised in the Catholic tradition. I went to Catholic elementary school, learned my Cathechism, received my First Communion, received my Catholic name (after a saint), went to confession, all the important steps to growing up Catholic. I tried my best to be good, and I was (I was too afraid of some terrible retribution from God if I wasn't) and throughout these years I developed a substantial feeling of guilt (for what, I wasn't sure, but I knew I was guilty of something). The nuns who taught me seemed harsh, and I couldn't understand why these 'brides of Christ' were so tense and angry. In the summers I would travel south to visit my mother's family - my grandfather was at one time a Baptist minister, and my mother was raised in the Baptist tradition. (Because my father was Catholic she had to convert to Catholicism in order to marry him). So, when I went south, I went to church and Bible school, and sang Christian songs around the antique organ - my aunt would play, and my cousin and I would sing with great feeling. These were good times, and this part of my Christian upbringing was more enjoyable and comfortable. And so the years passed. I spent the school year at home, and summers in the south. My religious life was much of a double life. Looking back, it seems that the only thing the Catholic and Baptist traditions had in common was a foundation in Jesus (peace be upon him). Beyond that, they were two different worlds for me. TURNING AWAY -- TEEN YEARS I didn't have an easy childhood, and the family problems grew in severity to the point where one day, I came to the conclusion that there is no God (or, at the very least, if there was a God, He wasn't there for me). I remember that day, laying in my bed at night, waking up to that reality. I suddenly felt a great vacuum within myself, but, I told myself, if that's reality, then I have to accept it. At my level of understanding, that was my reality. As my teen years progressed, I started searching. By this time, I was no longer required to go to church (in our family religious practice was non-existent by then), so I decided to seek the truth myself. I remember reading about Jesus (pbuh). I had a very strong feeling about him, and even felt connected to him in some way. But I could never accept his manner of death (how could someone so special and close to God die like that???). That seemed a tragedy beyond de******ion. And so I developed my own opinion and belief that Jesus (pbuh) was in fact a real person, did in fact live on this earth, was in fact a very special person with a very special mission, but beyond that, I didn't know. Eventually I gave up on the idea of Christianity entirely, because too many things didn't make sense. SEARCHING FOR TRUTH -- TWENTIES As I entered my twenties, I felt a tremendous need to find the truth, to still the restlessness in my heart and soul. I was introduced to Buddhism, and since it seemed to come close to what I was looking for (at least there was a clear logic to it), I joined. In many ways it did help me feel better, but to me it seemed to be missing something (what, I didn't know at that time). Over the years, I drifted away from Buddhism as well. It was becoming more of a burden than a comfort in my life. During this time I traveled to Egypt for business, where I met my husband, who was raised in the Muslim tradition. Still involved in Buddhism, I tried to convert him. He patiently listened, and I believed I was succeeding, but I know now that he would never have converted. THE OPENING -- THIRTIES So I continued, became more uncomfortable with Buddhist practice, went back to Egypt to get married, came back to the USA alone and eventually returned to Egypt to live with my husband. We were there together for a year, a wondrous, healing and unforgettable year. By now I was in my early thirties. I had just arrived in Egypt to really start married life, stressed out to my limit, feeling very much that I had arrived with my last breath. I had been separated from my husband for over a year (my job kept me in the USA, other concerns kept him in Egypt). We kept in touch all during this time, but it was so difficult and stressful that I lost a great deal of weight. I was described as looking anorexic. I wasn't aware of this until one day I happened to see myself in the rearview mirror of a taxi. I saw my neck, with bones extending. At first I didn't realize that was me - when I did, it was quite a shock. I looked at myself with new eyes - my hands were bony - I was beginning to look like a living skeleton. During this time my husband was talking to me - quietly, patiently - explaining not about Islam, but about believing in God. He told me that it didn't matter which religion I chose to practice, as long as I believed in God. I argued with him over and over that there was no God (and Buddhism supported this belief) and over and over he explained that there IS a God and gave me details of the signs of God, the qualities of God. He explained how God is very much with me, and talked to me about God from the perspective of Islam, emphasizing throughout that I did not have to be Muslim - just believe in God. Being a stubborn person, I still resisted outwardly, but inwardly, a small ****** of hope began to open.... My husband asked a friend to bring me some books about Islam. I was surprised he would do so, because I was still "not interested in hearing about God" - sometimes emphatically so. So he left me with the books: an English translation of the Qur'an, a book about all facets of Islam and a book from the Sufi perspective. My interest was slightly piqued, but I dismissed it. I put the books aside, and later went to bed. That night, I had a dream. In this dream, I was somewhere, surrounded by glorious white light. In the background, I heard beautiful music that sounded like Qur'anic reading. I saw the face of a sheikh, wearing a white hat with a red band. Behind me was a golden, spiralling staircase. All these images were suspended in this wondrous white light. This light was brighter that anything I had seen in waking life, but the brightness didn't hurt my eyes. It was pure, heavenly whiteness. Then I looked down, and became aware that I was covered all in white, in the Muslim fashion. Beautiful white flowing dress and head covering. All the while, I kept feeling a tremendous joy pouring out from inside me, and I was filled with this same white light from within. In front of me to my left was a child, about 5 or 6 years old, facing forward so I could not see the face. I didn't know if it was a boy or girl, but I knew this was my child. (At the time, I was physically unable to have children). This dream had a profound impact on me. Although it was 7 years ago, I can still remember it vividly in detail. When I awoke, I related this dream. Not knowing its significance, I told my husband about it because it was so vivid in my mind and didn't make sense to me. I had never had this kind of dream before. When I finished telling it, my husband said, "This is the kind of dream every Muslim wishes to have". But why me? I didn't believe in God, denied His existence (passionately at times), and had no interest in Islam or becoming Muslim. He explained that God was telling me something in this dream and I was very lucky. He also told me that God was close to me. That surprised me. (Interestingly, this dream did not have a dreamlike quality, but in fact gave me the feeling that I was looking at things to come.) After this dream, I decided to open the books about Islam, and find out more about this religion... COMING HOME -- FORTIES AND FOREVER I read about the principles of Islam. They made sense to me, with no contradiction. The de******ions of the Islamic way of life, the roles of men and women in society as complimentary rather than competitive were so logical. After reading this I understood that what I felt instinctively about myself as a woman was, in fact, true to my real nature. Rather than feeling demeaned, I felt uplifted, not only as a woman, but as a member of the human race. I started to feel my true self, for the first time in my life. I began to have the sense that I was coming home. I read the Qur'an. Although not in the Arabic original, I found that just reading the verses in English filled me with a tremendous sense of peace and quiet, in a most gentle way. The verses themselves answered many questions I had throughout my life, but could never get a clear answer to. Reading the Qur'an, I began to realize that this book must be the work and the word of God, because of its impeccable logic and its effect on me. I learned that this is one of the qualities of the Qur'an, a certain "barakah" or grace that has a very calming effect on the human soul. Shortly afterward, I had surgery with the hope that I may be able to have a child. The surgery went well, but my chances for having a child were still slim to none. By this time I was reading the Qur'an regularly and trying to learn more about Islam. I asked questions constantly and immersed myself in the atomosphere of Islam - I loved hearing the daily prayer calls on every street and one day asked my husband to take me to Al-Azhar, world-renowned center for Islamic learning, to visit the mosque. I had seen this mosque on TV and felt curiously drawn to it. So one day we went. It was quiet; I walked around, read the Qur'an, sat quietly for a while. It was a nice peaceful time, and we left. About halfway down the street, I stopped and looked down - I wanted to make sure my feet were touching the ground, because I couldn't feel the sidewalk underneath my footsteps. I truly felt I was walking on air....this is the effect of Islam on me - the feeling of lightness was translated literally. I had so many unusual experiences during this time, many just momentary things, that I truly began to believe in my heart that God was, indeed, with me and close to me. The best of all in the human sense was that the following year we had a beautiful daughter - truly a gift from God. Even the doctor who had performed the surgery was amazed. This was the first time ever for her to do this kind of surgery, and she had no way of predicting the outcome, except that the chances were small. (God was with me even then). We moved to the USA and our daughter was born in the autumn, 4 months after our arrival. The following year we went back to Egypt so my husband's family could meet this wonderful addition to our family. Before we left, I decided it was time to officially become Muslim - God had shown me so many signs, that I knew this was the clear path for me. And so, back in Egypt, I went to Al-Azhar to declare, "There is no God but God, and Muhammad is his Messenger." Now I'm in my forties and looking back through my life, particularly the last 10 years, I see the hand of God in all the hundreds of incidents and events along the way. As one always searching for the Truth, whether good or bad, I have found, through personal experience, that God is THE ONE REALITY. We need only to open our eyes, ears and hearts to recognize the Truth: [Bismillah al-rahman al-rahim] " We shall show them Our signs in the horizons and in themselves, till it is clear to them that it is the truth. Suffices it not as to thy Lord, that He is witness over everything? Are they not in doubt touching the encounter with their Lord? Does He not encompass everything?" [Sadaqa allahu alazim] (Qur'an XLI:53-54 / Distinguished) Discovering Islam has been like discovering treasure - a treasure of unlimited value. Because of Islam I have found myself. Through concrete experience I have found that God does exist; that He is kind, loving, merciful and ever-watchful over me. I have found clarity, meaning and clear direction in my life. God has given me so much, including a family beyond my dreams, a family that resonates perfectly with the deepest desires of my heart and soul, as only He can provide in the most perfect way. I have peace of mind and spirit only when I drink deeply of Islam and the Qur'an, a wondrous healing drink that only God can provide in the most perfect way. The greatest gift from God to me is that He has touched my soul and let me feel His gentleness, loving kindness and mercy. By the grace of God, I am becoming al-mahdayah, the rightly guided one. In order to become the best, the most productive and most compassionate human beings we can be, God has sent us His final message to mankind in the most perfect way - the way of Islam, the way of peace. My personal experience with Christianity left me feeling empty for so long that I could not acknowledge its value. However, Islam teaches us that Judaism, Christianity and Islam all come from God, each with a message sent from God, and therefore all are worthy of respect. Although born into Christianity, Islam is the true path of my soul. Because I am now firmly grounded in my relationship to God, I find that I can appreciate other traditions as well, from the perspective of Islam. There is no more conflict within, because I have come home. In the Name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate Praise belongs to God, the Lord of all Being, the All-Merciful, the All-compassionate, the Master of the Day of Doom. Thee only we serve; to Thee alone we pray for help Guide us in the straight path, the path of those whom Thou hast blessed, not of those against whom Thou art wrathful, nor of those who go astray. [Sadaqa allahu alazim] (Qur'an 1:1-7 / Al-Fatihah)

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http://members.aol.com/askgive/stories/maryam.htm

3- Phreddie

Phreddie My Conversion to Islam by Phreddie / USA (received 09/04/99) I will say right away that I am very young. I am only 18, and that fact seems to astound most people. I think it is proof that we are never too young to begin looking for God, or to understand His truth. I was raised christian, nondenominational. We were never big church goers, but we always knew who our God was and what our obligation was to Him. In my living room, to this day. hangs a big velvet painting of Jesus as a black man. That left a huge imprint on me, because it made God real to me. Not only did he come to earth as a man, but he was black like me. In my preteen years I was a crusader for Christ. I wanted to convert the world and save souls. i beleived blindly 100% in everything that was given to me by the Bible and my pastor/youth leader. Then one day I ran across something in the Bible that didn't sound anything like the God who I had learned to love and obey. I thought perhaps I was just too young to understand and took it to a more knowledgable christian who confirmed that it was what I thought it was. My world fell apart. I read the Bible, cover to cover, and marked along the way all of the things that were contradictory or ungodly. By the time I got to revelations i had a large segment of the Bible marked as invalid. So, thinking maybe I needed to look at it in a historical perspective I did my history work. There I found even more hypocracy, blasphemy, and human tampering with holy ******ures. What shocked me was the story of the coucil of Nice where human men "divinely guided" decided which **** would be in the Bible and which ones needed editing. I also had to ask myself how God could be three and one at the same time. What happens to a good man like Ghandi when he dies without Jesus? Does Hitler get to go to heaven if he accepts Christ as his lord and saviour? What about those who have never been exposed to christianity? I was once told that the trinity was part of the essence of God and that since the breadth and scope of God is beyond my understanding I should simply beleive. I couldn't worship a God I couldn't understand. I never lost my faith in God, I just decided that christianity was not the right path for me to travel. I felt no kinship with fellow beleivers. I never felt anything special while attending service except that i was doing an obligatory service to God. So I wandered faithless, looking for something to hold on to. In my search I found Wicca, the Bahai faith, and finally Islam. I studied Islam quietly, on my own, in secret, for two years. I wanted to be able to seperate fact from fiction. i did not want to confuse Islam with the cultures who claim to practice Islam while instituting things that are clearly against all that Allah has revealed to us. I wanted to make the distinction between the religion and the societies that adopted it. That took time and patience. I met a lot of helpful brothers and sister via e-mail who answered all of my questions and opened their lives up for me to examine. I never liked the image that I was handed as to what a woman was. In popular culture we are portrayed as very sexy, lady like, independant enough so that men ahve no real responsibility toward us or the children they help create, but dependant enough that we are continually in search of a new man. The average woman on the street is honked at , whistled at, has had her butt or breasts pinched, slapped, rubbed, or oggled by some strange woman. I never agreed with any of that and never found a "come on" flattering. In christianity I was taught that as a woman I should not teach in church or question the authority of any man in public. The picture painted of women in Christianity was one of inferiority. We were supposed to be chaste and silent with children about our feet. In Islam i found a voice, a system that gave me ultimate respect for being a mother and acknowledged the fact that I was equal to man in every way except one: physical strength. The hadith are littered with stories of women who spoke publically and Islamic history is full of women who were leaders. It was a theology that i could respect because it respected me. I had to ask myself if I really wanted to be like all of the people I saw around me. Who was really oppressed? The girl wearing skin tight jeans getting cat calls from boys rolling by in cars was not free. She was society's whore and she got no respect. I was thankful that my mother had never allowed me to wear such things, not that I ever wanted to, but her disapproval was an added insentive. After examining the position of the muslim woman and what I felt to be truth in my heart, how could I deny Islam. Six weeks ago i made the decision to convert to Islam. I did so and have not looked back since. My friends respect it because they see that it has not changed who I am and what I stand for, in fact it has backed it up. My advise to any woman out there is to ask herself these questions: What do you want your daughtor to beleive about herself? How should she allow herself to be treated? Is she really born with evil tendencies because she is a descendant of Eve? How do you want her to feel about her body? What are you modeling for her? What image of womanhood are you promoting? How do men treat you and how do you allow yourself to be treated?

Source

http://members.aol.com/askgive/stories/phreddie.htm

4- Sumaiya (Kristin)

Sumaiya (Kristin) Discovering The Truth Sumaiya (Kristin), USA (received 01/25/2000) My search for a religion began in high school when I was 15 or 16 yrs. old. I had been associating with a bad group of people whom I thought were my friends, but in time I realized these people were losers. I saw what direction their lives were heading in and it wasn't a good one. I didn't want these people to have any affect on my success for the future, so I cut myself off from them completely. It was hard in the beginning because I was alone without friends. I started to look for something to associate myself with and something that I could rely on and base my life on....Somehting that no person could ever use to destroy my future with. Naturally, I turned to seeking God. Finding out who God was and what the truth was wasn't easy however. What was the truth anyway?! This was my primary question as I began my search for a religion. In my own family there have been many shifts of religion. My family has Jews and a few kinds of Christianity in it, and now, Alhumdulilah Islam. When my Mom and Dad were married they felt the need to decide what faith to bring there children up in. Since the Catholic church was really the only option for them (our town just has 600 people) they both converted to Catholicism and raised my sister and I as Catholics. Going back through the stories of conversions in my own family, it seems that they are all conversions of convenience. I don't think they were truly seeking God, but just manipulating religion as the means to achieving an end. Even after all these changes in the past, religion was never of extreme importance for my Mom, Dad, sister or I. If anything, ours was the family you saw at church during Christmas time and Easter. I always felt that religion was something separate from my life, 6 days a week or life and one day a week for church, on the rare occasions when I did go. In other words, I wasn't conscious of God or how to live according to His teachings on a day to day basis. I didn't accept some Catholic practices including: 1) Confessions to a priest: I thought why couldn't I just confess to God without having to go through a man to get to Him? 2) The "Perfect" Pope- How can a mere man, not even a prophet, be perfect?! 3) The worship of saints- wasn't this a direct violation of the first commandment? Even after 14 years of forced Sunday school attendance, the answers I received to these questions and others were, "You just have to have faith!!" Should I have faith because someone TOLD me to?! I thought faith should be based on the truth and answers that appealed to logic, I was interested to find some. I didn't want the truth of my parents, or friends, or anyone else. I wanted God's truth. I wanted every idea I held to be true to me because I believed it entirely, heart and soul. I decided if I was to find the answers to my questions I would have to search with an objective mind and I began to read... I decided that Christianity was not the religion for me. I didn't have anything personal with Christians, but I found that the religion itself contained many inconsistencies, especially when I read the Bible. In the Bible, the inconsistencies I came across and the things that made no sense at all were so numerous that I actually felt embarrassed that I had never questioned them before or even noticed them! Since some people in my family are Jewish, I started to research Judaism. I thought to myself the answer may be there. So for about a year I did research on anything concerning Judaism, I mean in DEPTH research!! Everyday I tried to read and learn something (I still know about Orthodox Jewish kosher laws!). I went to the library and checked out every book on Judaism within a two month period, looked up info. On the internet, went to the synagogue, talked with other Jewish people in nearby towns and read the Torah and Talmud. I even had one of my Jewish friends come visit me from Israel! I thought maybe I had found what I was looking for. Yet, the day I was supposed to go the synagogue and meet with the rabbi about possibly making my conversion official, I backed out. I honestly don't know what stopped me from leaving the house that day, but I just stopped as I was about to go out the door and went back in and sat down. I felt like I was in one of those dreams where you try to run but everything is in slow motion. I knew the rabbi was there and waiting for me, but I didn't even call to say I was coming. The rabbi didn't call me either. Something was missing... After learning that Judaism was also not the answer, I thought (also after much pressure from my parents) to give Christianity one more try. I had, as i said, a good background in the technicalities from my years of Sunday schools, but i was more concerned with finding the truth behind the technicalities. What was the beauty of it all, where was the security of it and how I could accept it logically? I knew if I were to seriously consider Christianity, Catholicism was out. I went to every other Christian church in my town, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Latter Day Saints (Mormon) , and non-denominational churches. I didn't find what I was looking for- answers!! It wasn't the environment of the people which turned me away, it was the discrepancies between denominations which disturbed me. I believed there had to be one right way, so how could I possibly chose the "right" denomination? In my estimation it was impossible and unfair for a Compassionate and Merciful God to leave mankind with such a choice. I was lost... At this point I was just as confused and frustrated as when i began my search. I felt like throwing up my arms to God and shouting, "What now?" I wasn't a Jew, I wasn't a Christian, I was just a person who believed in one God. I thought of giving up organized religion all together. All I wanted was the truth, I didn't care what holy book it came from, I just wanted it. One day I was reading on the internet and decided to take a break and find a chat room. I noticed a "religion chat" which of course I was interested in, so I clicked on it. I saw a room called "Muslim chat". Should I go in? I was hoping no terrorists would gain access to my e-mail and send me computer viruses- or worse. Images of huge men dressed in black with big beards coming to the door and kidnapping me flashed in my brain. (You can tell how much I knew about Islam- zero!) But then I thought, C'mon, this is just an innocent investigation. I decided to go in and noticed that the people in this room weren't as scary as i had imagined they would be. In fact, most of them called each other "brother" or "sister" even if they had just met! I said hi to everyone and told them to fill me in on the basics of Islam - which I knew nothing about. What they had to say was interesting and coincided with what I already believed. Some people offered to send me books so I said okay. (By the way, I never did get any viruses and no men showed up at my door to take me away, except my husband but I went willingly!) When I logged off the chat I went directly to the library and checked out every book on Islam, just as I had done with Judaism. Now I was interested to read and learn more. Before I could even get the huge stack of books home, I wanted to look through a few. This was a turning point for me.... The first few I looked through explained the basics in more detail, some were scholarly and some had pictures of huge beautiful mosques with women in scarves. Luckily I also checked out a Qur'an...I opened it up at random and began to read. The language was what hit me first, I felt an authority talking to me, not a man talking as I had with other "sacred" ****s. The passage I read (and unfortunately I don't know what it was) talked about what God expects you to do in this life and how to live it according to His commandments. It stated that God is The Most Gracious and Merciful and The Forgiver. Most importantly, unto Him is our return. Before I knew it, I could hear each of my tear drops as they hit the pages that I was reading. I was crying right in the middle of the library, because finally, after all my searching and wondering I had found what I was looking for- Islam. I knew the Qur'an was something unique because I had read a lot of religious literature and NONE of it was ever this clear or gave me such a feeling. Now I can see the wisdom of God, Masha'allah for letting me explore Judaism and Christianity so thoroughly before I found Islam so I could compare them all and realize that NOTHING compares to Islam. From that point on I kept researching Islam. I approached it by looking for inconsistencies as I had done with Judaism and Christianity, but there wasn't any to be found. I scoured the Qur'an, searching for any discrepancy, even to this day I haven't been able to find ONE inconsistency in it! Another great thing I love about the Qur'an is it challenges the reader to question it. It says about itself that if it wasn't from God surely you would find a lot of inconsistency in it! Not only was Islam free of inconsistencies, it had an answer for any question I could think of- an answer that made sense. After three months, I decided that Islam was the answer and made my conversion official by saying the Shehadah. However, I had to say my Shehadah over the speaker phone with an imam from Pennsylvania because there were no Muslims of mosques near me (the NEAREST was about 6 hours away). I have never regretted my decision to convert. Since there were no Muslims living near me I had to take initiative and do much learning on my own but I never grew tired of it because I was learning the truth. Accepting Islam was like an awakening of my spirit, my mind and even how I viewed the world. I could compare it to someone who has bad eyesight; they struggle to keep up on class, can't concentrate and are constantly challenged by their handicap. If you just give them a pair of glasses everything becomes clear and in focus. This is how my experience of Islam is: like receiving a pair of glasses, that have allowed me, for the first time, to really see. Well, that's the whole story.. hope you liked it. Take care and May Allah bless and guide us all! Your friend, Sumaiya

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