Modern Business Writing

3.2.3.7 When to use a “BIG” word

There are four legitimate reasons for using a big word. “Ask yourself if your big word fits one or more of these four reasons.

S 1. It’s SIMPLER or more familiar than the short word equivalent. Average is

more familiar than mean, and sponsorship, more familiar than aegis.

U 2. It’s UNIQUE. It can’t be said in small words. Most technical vocabulary is

included here (amortise, inventory, appreciation), as well as such non-

technical words as communicate, civilisation, democratic.
R 3. It’s RICH. It conveys precision. Examples are: implement, document,

designate, develop, introduce. For instance, calling a marriage license a

document is more precise than paper.
E. 4. It’s ECONOMICAL. It saves a lot of small words. Unemployment is more

economical than the fact that a lot of people are without jobs; and

destination more economical than the place to which (someone) is going.

3.2.4 Pomposity

Avoid these phrases:

• 
  Herewith attached please find the document as requested by yourselves
  
• 
  You are cordially invited
  
• 
  The above refers, your letter refers
  
• 
  Hope you find the above in order
  

• 
  Your attendance will be highly appreciated
  
• 
  Ensuring you of our best attention at all times
  
• 
  It would be highly appreciated if you …
  

Suggest an alternative for the “business” terms and phrases:
I would like to give confirmation _____________________________

It is apparent that _____________________________

We are in receipt of _____________________________

Re your enquiry concerning _____________________________

It will be our endeavour _____________________________

Assuring you of our best attention at all times _____________________________

For the purpose of _____________________________

Trusting this meets with your approval _____________________________

I refer to previous correspondence regarding _____________________________

It would be greatly appreciated if you would

advise us _____________________________

I would be pleased if you could arrange _____________________________

After some discussion within the Department

a decision was reached _____________________________

I hope this information will be sufficient in

resolving your problem area _____________________________

The Committee gave further consideration to a

memorandum containing proposals with regard

to _____________________________

The necessary enquiries have been instituted

with a view to ascertaining the causes _____________________________

It is desired to bring to the attention of all

employees that _____________________________


Eliminate the redundant words from the following sentences:

1. 
   You will see what I mean if you refer back to the introduction
   

2. 
   We will be able to meet the deadline if we combine together the sections we
   

have prepared

3. 
   There are too many redundant phrases which add nothing
   

4. 
   The consensus of opinion favours a June election
   

5. 
   The new desks are oval in shape
   

6. 
   Will you please repeat the sentence before I continue on with my typing
   

7. 
   Come on Monday together with your assistant
   

8. 
   We are now currently employing two thousand staff
   

9. 
   I have received your letter along with enclosures
   

10. 
    The two departments will be amalgamated together in May
    

“Creative” pomposity

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogical researcher, discovered that Hillary Clinton’s great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription: “Remus Rodham; horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times.

“Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.”
Judy allegedly e-mailed Hillary Clinton for comments. Hillary’s staff sent back the following biographical sketch:
“Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887 he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889 Remus passed away during a function held in his honour, when the platform on which he was standing collapsed.”
That’s how history is rewritten. (Source: Space, Barry. Untitled. Sunday Times Magazine: p3).

3.2.5 Verbs

3.2.5.1 Active and Passive

The verb is the most important part of the sentence. It generally conveys action. There are three types of verb:

1. 
   the ACTIVE VERB (this is direct and concise: 4 words)
   

Thabo writes a lease

2. 
   the PASSIVE verb (this has less impact: the same message in
   

6 words)

A lease is written by Thabo
It is easy to recognise the passive voice – it always has some form of the verb “to be” in front of the verb: “was”, “will be”, “must be” …
To convert it to the active, the reader has to answer the question “by whom?”, e.g. The lease is written – “by whom?’ – by Thabo.
In the above example the writer has answered the “by whom?” question. But often the writer forgets to answer it and this leads to confusion. E.g. “In the event of a rail strike, road transport will be supplied”.
“By whom?” No answer!
In this case the readers do not know who is going to take the action, so they will probably have to spend time finding out.

3. 
   the VERBAL NOUN (this is dull, verbose and is used as
   

padding, as in school essays. Total of 10

The writing of the contact was words)

carried out by Thabo

So – WRITE in the ACTIVE VOICE unless there is a good reason for using the PASSIVE.

Active voice

Leads to writing which is clear and generally more emphatic. The active voice forces us to say exactly what we mean. We have to clarify who took, or should take the action. The active leaves the reader with complete understanding and steers clear of ambiguity and vagueness, and we have to accept full responsibility for our statements.

Passive voice

Use of the passive avoids being specific; leaving room to manoeuvre, or as a safeguard against being tied down too closely. Inappropriate use of the passive is the most common fault in writing and leads to lack of directness, more words, and confused and heavy reading. It is particularly risky to use the passive where actions and procedures are involved – they may never get done by anyone.

Example

• 
  Passive
  

The problem of the need for revision of stock taking procedures was discussed last year. It was pointed out that no responsibility could be accepted for the inadequacy of the system at that time.

• 
  Active
  

We discussed the need to revise your stock taking procedures with Mr Brian Dawes last year. We believed the system was inadequate then and we could not accept responsibility for it.

3.2.5.2 When to use the passive voice

Sometimes the passive may be appropriate

• 
  To avoid the impression of being critical of people.
  
• 
  e.g.: The accounts have not been completed.
  

• 
  To emphasise the object of the sentence rather than the subject.
  
• 
  e.g.: Standards of safety have been allowed to deteriorate.
  

• 
  To soften a passage which is predominantly active, particularly in scientific reports where “by whom” will be self-evident.
  
• 
  e.g.: The computer was installed to mechanise the accounts.
  

3.2.5.3 Long word and passive verbs
Effective writing is clear, simple and direct.
To surround your ideas in a web of passive verbs, verbal nouns and abstractions only confuses the reader.
Please rewrite the following sentences in the active form:

1. 
   Your letter was received by us.
   

________________________________________________________________

2. 
   The following action is to be taken when processing an insurance claim
   

________________________________________________________________

3. 
   A cheque for R1 987,00 was sent to the customer by me.
   

________________________________________________________________

4. 
   The audit was accomplished by us in under two days.
   

________________________________________________________________

5. 
   Forty seven people were interviewed by the research team.
   

________________________________________________________________

6. 
   The firm is being advised on this matter by legal experts.
   

________________________________________________________________

7. 
   This will require the consideration of several factors on our part.
   

________________________________________________________________