Ephesians

Counsel to Children

Now we come to the issue of the parent-child relationship. Paul’s first word is addressed to children in Ephesians 6:1. Notice, this is not a simple exhortation for children to obey their parents. It goes a step further: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” The key to the command is “in the Lord.” Just as wives are to submit to husbands as to the Lord, and just as husbands are to love their wives after the example of the Lord, so it is with children: They are to obey their parents for Jesus’ sake.

This is a crucially important matter. All through the Word of God you find exhortations to parents to teach their children to be obedient, and exhortations for children to be responsive to that teaching and to obey their parents. A child must learn the most important lesson of all: to be an obedient, respectful child. This is much more important than simply accomplishing the immediate wish of the parent, whatever it may be. Developing the character trait of obedience is the real issue.

I know one family in which obedience is taught to children in a very thoughtful, deliberate fashion. An order or request is given, and if the child procrastinates or refuses, the parent does not nag or repeat the command. Instead, Mom or Dad says, “Do what Mother (or Father) told you to do.” That may seem like a subtle distinction, but it is really very important. The second command is different from the first. It is no longer focused on carrying out a chore or request. It is focused on teaching the importance of obedience and respect toward the parent. The first command had to do with getting the child to perform a task; the second command has to do with building Christ-like, obedient character in that child.

It is significant that Paul gives a reason why children should obey their parents: “for this is right.” Do not take this statement lightly. Paul is saying, quite significantly, that obedience to parents is realistic, it accords with fundamental reality, it is one of the basic laws of life.