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689

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Thu Sep 21, 2000 6:46am

Subject: RE: Hitting out
> Luckily I normally use some boxing gear to exercise with, so I can recommend a floor to ceiling bag. They are the size of a football and are suspended from the ceiling to floor on elastic. As the ball is head-height, you can really picture the bag as a person! I find it works in combination with the bed, the bed seems more intimate, more primal, but you can really focus on the bag. Apologies if this has been in discussion, I haven't had time to view the archives yet.

> -CG
Great idea. I am pleased to hear you have the message without even reading the Archives. Please never apologize for sharing with this group. The short article, The Biology Of Emotions, was designed for a one page pamphlet to get the techniques to as many as possible, especially in prisons. I have tried to keep the Archives brief and not repeat too much to encourage people to read them rather than to expect explanations in daily posts. But there are over 200 people drawn to this group now, who will benefit from repetition and new ways to release and redirect anger.

Ellie
Elnora Van Winkle

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


690

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Thu Sep 21, 2000 6:54am

Subject: RE: Laughter & Norman Cousin
>

> Hi Ellie

>

> Earlier today, you had sent a mail on laughter and how laughter releases the anger. Have you read Norman Cousin's 'Anatomy of an illness' where he describes how he cured a few major diseases by laughing every day (aided with some medications). He explains in scientific terms what chemicals are released in the brain when we laugh and how it results in cure. Thought may be you will be interested. ER


I hope he skips the medications in the future. Yes, during laughter which is a detox crisis, many of the excess neurochemicals that make up the toxicosis are released. If you want to watch a funny movie and get some anger out laughing try, Ferris Buller's Day Off or Problem Child.

Ellie
Elnora Van Winkle

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
691

From: Elnora Van Winkle

Date: Thu Sep 21, 2000 7:30am

Subject: Science
> Hi Ellie

> Life looks so simple when we read your letters. All the complicated things are simplified in your hands! Topics such as human mind, emotions etc with which the scientific crowd keeps wrestling with for years with no conclusions are so simplified and easy to understand and intuitive when you explain them. Reading your mail every day keeps me focused on redirecting.

>

> When I have not read your letters for a few days, the nagging feeling that 'Life can't be this simple; this can't be true' comes up from deep inside.



> Looking earnestly for post-flood. ER
One of the complaints of a peer reviewer for my scientific article--it was rejected by a dozen psychiatry and psychology journals--was "this theory is too simple, it can't be true." The reason it is true is that it is based on observation and correlation of simple biological mechanisms rather than on years of research studies. There is a good reason honest scientists (those with minds less toxic than others) know that it is incorrect to say "studies show" Studies can't show--only people can observe and show--and most scientists make false correlations based on statistics, where they link only one factor with another, and they come up with absurd notions, like people who drink coffee are less likely to get Alzheimers disease, so drink coffee! Science needs to be holistic and based on observation and intuition. Intuition is not unscientific, but is based on stored memories in the brain of past observations. I heard this AM on the radio that some neuroscientist said "gut feelings are informed" It's true, when our brains clear out, all the intuitive knowledge we need is right there within us. I am delighted to say I just heard from the chief psychiatrist at the Department of Corrections in California, who wrote, "Your ideas are stimulating and we will carefully consider how they might be used by our mental health staff in therapeutic programs." There is hope....
I'm so pleased the posts are helping, and hope people will read the Archives for support if I can't keep the daily posts coming.

Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


692

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Thu Sep 21, 2000 3:20pm

Subject: RE: Hitting out
> I have a question to ask CG. I have been looking for buying one such bag or the bag the martial artists use for kick practice. Can CG share with us where CG got it from and approx. price details. This will save some shopping time. Thanks. ER
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
693

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Fri Sep 22, 2000 6:40am

Subject: RE: Hitting out
> > > I have a question to ask CG. I have been looking for buying one such bag or the bag the martial artists use for kick practice. Can CG share with us where CG got it from and approx. price details. This will save some shopping time. Thanks. ER

>


Hi ER,

I can only give you Australian dollars. They shouldn't cost you more than $20USD, if you go for a cheaper one. They will look like a deflated football (which you pump up just like a football) and will have two elastic ropes one to attach to a weight on the floor and one to attach to the ceiling. They don't need all that much support weight wise from the ceiling - a pot plant hook into wood would do nicely. Because there is little weight in them, they are also quiet.

-CG
> Please excuse the interjection....but I found one on ebay that came with two sets of boxing gloves - ran a total of $69.00. I can't wait to start pounding on it! MP
What is ebay? Thank you for the interjection. No apologies please. If you feel you are intruding might be a good time to redirect. When I was a child I wasn't allowed to disturb my father and for years I went around saying to people, Excuse me for bothering you, but....I even went in to stores and said, Pardon me, but if you're not too busy do you have....What nonsense! Now I go in and say, Hi, I need...and you know what...people like me better. Yesterday in a shop where I buy organic fruits and veggies, the clerk said to me, What do you eat? You are so young and alive and you communicate...

Ellie
PS I've been sending Bible verses to you in support of the toxic mind theory, so here is one from MT.


A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.
After the service, he was approached by a woman who said "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS"
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it.
The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem." MT
And she needed to get a punching bag and redirect to her father for sure...

Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


695

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Fri Sep 22, 2000 7:33am

Subject: Punching bag
> ebay is an "online auction house". There are literally thousands of items that you can bid on. Anything as small as jewelry beads all the way up to pianos and cars and then some. A person will put up for auction say, a rare stamp, and post a starting price and how many days the auction will run. People register their names and will start bidding on it. The highest bidder wins. It's easy to register and they also have a search engine on their site.
http://www.ebay.com/
Hope that helps. MP
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
696

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Fri Sep 22, 2000 7:12pm

Subject: Posting to the group
Reminder: This eGroup is an announcement only group, ie you cannot use the eGroup system to post to the group. Your message will be returned to you. But you can reach me by replying to any of the posts. I then may post some of your comments to support others in the group.

Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


698

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Sat Sep 23, 2000 7:41am

Subject: Talent
> > "but I'm not proud either." CG

>

> > BTW This sounds like some guilt, anger turned inward, self-criticism, a parental put down, hope you can redirect when you feel this way. Ellie


> You are right there Ellie. My mother was an incomplete person who lived in a toxic relationship and died a miserable death. I was *her* (youngest) son and I worshipped her. As a result I have emulated her and have practically shunned my talent.

>


> Not for long!! CG
The man who buried his talent lost out, but you won't. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
699

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Sun Sep 24, 2000 10:05am

Subject: RE: The Awakening
The Awakening - Author Unknown

> _________________________________________________________

> Notice especially this part, Ellie!

>


> >You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state: the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and _redirected_ or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. YM
The rest of the article sounded a bit like efforts to change without releasing and redirecting the negative emotions. Sounds like the person who wrote this intuitively knew how to heal and was at a bottom, but wasn't fully awakened to how to do it. I begin to think it depends on how much people have detoxed, perhaps through some primal therapy or via nutrition, and how much pain they are in, in relationships, whether they can get in touch with the inner knowledge that is in all of us about how to heal. The mind is brilliant in it's capacity to heal and is trying to detox all the time from birth on. And so true, it is about poisoning, our own minds and those of others.

Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


700

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Mon Sep 25, 2000 7:35am

Subject: RE: The Awakening
> Ellie ~

> I suffered from 50 years with a sociopathic mother. I selected a sociopathic husband and am now starting to realize I have alot of work to do to start on a recovery process. I have dealt with evil and have come face to face with it. My mother admits she did evil things to me as a child, my husband admits he married his victim. I was lucky to get away from both of them before it cost me my life. I spent 4 years in bed with a mysterious illnesses and am now on my 16th month of work for the first time in 4 years, hurrah for me!!!!! Prior to that I had a 25 year career and owned my own home, all of which is now gone. I had health and experienced joy then as well. As long as I kept my exposure to my mother at a minimum I was able to stay safe, but this experience with my husband, who teamed up with my mother, drove me to a suicide attempt in 1997. I remain safe as long as I can stay away from both of them. My divorce should come through next month. Oh, and when I estranged myself from my mother in 1997 she developed a life threatening blood disease, which is rare, and it is attacking her organs. I believe that once I got away from her, her own rage attacked her body because I was unavailable and is now dying as a consequence. My sister, who was trained by my mother to perform ritualistic abuse on me, is now suffering from reoccurring cervical pre-cancer episodes. All this happened after I estranged myself from them. My husband has found another victim and is leaving me alone, thank God. I have been to the police but there is nothing I can do until harm is done to that woman.

>

> I suffer from PTSD, Panic, OCD, BPD, DID, Dysthymia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, classic migraines, severe allergies. I have been in and out of hospitals, mostly psychiatric and have been on just about every drug know to man, but nothing is working. I have no support systems, no friends, no one. Who would want to be around me anyway?



>

> I have tremendous anger and resentment over what has happened to me and bad luck trails behind me everywhere. I am wondering if this anger that I hold is causing the universe to swirl around me with negative energy and I don't know how to begin to unleash 50+ years of anger and get away from this negative energy. I am hoping your program will help me. I have pounded on beds and pillows and have followed some of the regimes you mentioned in your article (before I read your article), however, nothing has helped. I think I am beyond help at this point. ED


"Who would want to be around me anyway?" I WOULD! and so would all the people in this eGroup who I'm sure want to surround you with love and hope and help you to heal by pounding on those beds and pillows and redirecting your justifiable anger to those past abusers. Study the article and do the redirecting every time you have excitatory nervous symptoms. Your suffering will end and you will have health and experience joy again.
Ellie

> http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

> http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

> http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


701

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Tue Sep 26, 2000 7:44am

Subject: RE: Emerging
> Dear Ellie,

> Thanks for including the words of ED. From what I've gathered in my short stay here, there are common threads amongst us all. The scale of ED's ordeal is out of proportion with mine, which might be making it easier for me to face up to my own. Still no matter how bad I might be or someone else might be, there is nothing like action, even if it seems to be for modest progress. In my second week of redirecting anger at past abusers, I am just starting to feel a glimpse of calm. I am seeing the perpetrators of the abuse clearly and it is now easy indeed to feel anger or more correctly, wrath. I think no matter the severity of the abuse it will be a matter of time. I like the metaphor of the brain vomiting. As a bodily organ it is humanity's sickest. I know I have a lot of vomiting to do. Hearing of other's struggles helps. CG


It's surprising how minor the abuse can appear to be and how devastating the results. No one would have suspected my parents were abusive--it was emotional abandonment, 'Hush little baby, now don't you cry.'
Your progress will be more than modest. Yes, the neurons in the brain are trying to vomit, but until you redirect they miss the bucket. If you studied biology and watched the cytoplasm of an amoeba surround a bit of junk and spit it out into the sea, that's what neurons are doing. And when the brain has finished vomiting, mind and body are cleansed.

Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


702

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Tue Sep 26, 2000 7:52am

Subject: Theater in NYC
As I've mentioned I've been posting my website on bulletin boards in the apartment buildings in NYC, close to a thousand by now, and hope some New Yorkers will soon be in the group. A post flood friend, who is a playwright, has written an exciting play about healing through the redirecting process. If any theater people are here and interested in helping with the production of this play, please let me know.

Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


703

From: Elnora Van Winkle

Date: Wed Sep 27, 2000 6:15am

Subject: A simple theory
> Ellie:

> I like what you said about how minor the abuse can appear to be and how devastating the effects. My parents are lovely people who were simply unable to give me the coping tools I needed to live my life successfully. As a result, I have a long history of "mental illness," lost jobs, lost marriage, suicide attempts, psychiatric hospitalizations, etc, etc. I was impressed by the simplicity of your approach and immediately wanted to try it, but I have really struggled with directing rage (and it IS rage) at people who I know love me very much and who continue to be very supportive of me. I have managed to do the redirecting a couple of times and have found the effects to be very powerful. I still have to really push myself to do the redirecting, however. It is beautifully simple, but it is not easy. I am going to stick with it--I truly see this as my path to health. Any advice you can give to help me over that hump of allowing myself to feel angry toward people who have always been as good to me as they knew how to be would be very welcome!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for the work you do. I will be passing your site on to as many others as possible. MK


It is a simple theory and I'm pleased you have grasped it. It is also not easy in the sense it means going through some scary feelings to get to the anger. But once you get the idea it becomes easier and easier, and it is a much less emotionally painful way to heal than some other therapies. I know too it is difficult to have rage toward our parents who were also innocent children who no doubt had to suppress their own anger. Try to remember you are attacking the sickness in them, and not their souls, whether they are still alive or gone. I never could have pictures of my parents around my home. Now I have pictures of them framed and I feel unconditional love for them. Their sickness was buried when they died. I know they are somewhere in Paradise and that they were rooting me on when I needed to redirect.

Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


704

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Wed Sep 27, 2000 6:54am

Subject: Anger vs rage
> Dear Ellie,

> I have started the exercises of redirecting anger and feel somewhat released for a while. Nevertheless, some specific questions comes to my mind


> 1- Are all our anxiety and depression the result of our past abusers behavior? AA
Yes, they are symptoms that are part of the detoxification process, the detoxification of toxic amounts of neurochemicals in the brain that store justifiable anger that you had to suppress as a result of abusive behavior by early caretakers and subsequent people in your life who were similar in personality to early caretakers. Some other factors can increase the intensity of symptoms, such as non nutritious food or environmental toxins.

Ellie
Is for example the feeling of failure, of low esteem and all their repercussions directly related to our abusers. AA


Yes, these are self-critical thoughts. Criticism is a way our parents directed their own anger toward us, and our parent's voices stay in our heads and continue to put us down. Tell them to 'shut up.' Ellie
> What about our responsibility or just special circumstances and bad luck which prevented us from reaching our legitimate goals in life? AA
I think we didn't reach our goals because of our toxic minds. I find my true goals in life are now being reached as I am in touch now with my creativity. Post flood people are destined to succeed. Ellie
> 2-If I'm able to identify my past abusers, I really have problems redirecting my anger against 2 of them who are my mother and brother, for the following reasons: My mother who used to beat me violently when I was kid and Teenager was at the same time very loving and caring, sacrificing herself to the extreme limit. So how to handle hatred and love at the same time...AA
Don't try to handle love and hate at the same time. Try to 'get out of your head' when you have the excitatory nervous symptoms and begin to do the redirecting. Go with your feelings and don't think about how loving she was during the detox crisis. See the post from MK "A simple theory" Ellie
The feeling of guilt is also powerful towards here. AA
Guilt is anger turned inward. It's a parental voice still in your head, saying 'How dare you be mad at me...don't talk back...bad child!' Turn the anger out and do some more redirecting. Tell that voice, 'I have a right to be mad at you.'
> As for my brother, he certainly gave me hard time when we were kids but his manic depression since he was 20 y old and all his past and present sufferings make it hard for me to redirect my anger against him and his sickness. Besides, he also perceives me as his past abuser. AA
Again, it's OK to be mad at someone's sickness. Anger is a God given emotion, it is the rage and especially the misdirected rage toward innocent people or turned inward that is the problem. When you are post flood your anger will be mild and appropriate, the way it was meant to be. Hopefully you will be able to pass the self-help measures on to your brother, and he may need to have his anger with you, but you will not mind. You will encourage it.

Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


706

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Thu Sep 28, 2000 7:29am

Subject: RE: New member
I've been directed to this site because a dear friend of mine knows I'm suffering right now. I've been on PAXIL since December of last year. My husband walked out on us (me and six kids), and my doctor put me on 20 mg twice a day. It seems that now the doctor won't prescribe any more for me until I go in to see him, my appointment isn't in eight days. It's already been 10 days that I have been without the Paxil and I feel like I'm losing my mind!!!! Has anyone else gone through this? Am I "withdrawing" from the medication? Or am I reacting to the emotions and sorrow that the Paxil was covering for me? The crying spells and can't catch my breath sometimes are the worst part of it. No the absolute worst part are the insane and terrifying nightmares!!!!! HELP!? Ideas?? Will I be better by the time I go to the doctor in 8 days? Or will I be completely over the edge? This is so frightening. Any insight would be helpful. ED
Welcome, please study the article, The Biology Of Emotions, and try to recognize your symptoms as detox crises. As long as you redirect your repressed anger during these symptoms, you will not go over the edge. You will recover rapidly. Your doctor will have to be your guide in going off the medication, but the self-help measures can be used during this process. I'll let MT respond to you with some detailed help. Ellie
Elnora Van Winkle

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety


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