Start Where You Are
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| Communication from the Heart
167 life’s challenge, not only might we be able to help find food for people who are hungry and shelter for people who are homeless, but we might even see a funda- mental change—less aggression on the planet and more cooperation. We are different; we are very different from each other. One person’s idea of what is polite is someone else’s idea of what is rude. In some cultures it’s con- sidered rude to belch when you’re eating, and in others it shows that you enjoyed your meal. What might smell repulsive to one person might smell won- derful to another. We are really different, and we have to acknowledge that. But instead of going to war because of our differences, let’s play soccer. It will be a strange game, given our instruction to let others have the victory and keep the defeat to ourselves, but that doesn’t mean that we play to lose; it means that we play to play. We could play together, even though we’re on opposite teams. There are no big stakes, just playing. There are different teams; otherwise the game won’t work. But it doesn’t have to lead to World War III or the destruction of the planet. One of my favorite dharma teachers is Dr. Seuss; he captures the human condition so beautifully. One of his stories starts with two people walking toward each other along a narrow road. When they meet, they each refuse to step to the side so that the other can pass. Everyone else builds bridges and even whole cities around them, and life just goes on. But 168 Communication from the Heart the two stubborn ones stand there for the rest of time, refusing to budge. It never occurs to them even after eighty-five years that they could be curious about why the other is refusing to move, or that they could try to communicate. They could have had a really interest- ing debate in all those years even if they had still never moved. The point is not that you’re trying to achieve har- mony or smooth everything out. Good luck, if that’s your goal. The point is to live together on this earth with our differences, to communicate for its own sake. The process is the main thing, not the fruition. If you achieve your goal with aggressive tactics, noth- ing really changes anyway. Dr. Seuss tells another story about the Sneetches. The superior race, the ones that everybody aspires to be like and also the ones that everybody hates, are the Star-Belly Sneetches; they have stars on their bellies, and everybody else doesn’t. One very clever fellow knew how predictable these Sneetches were, so he came in with a big machine that would put a star on your belly. All the Sneetches without a star on their belly rushed in and came out with a star on their belly, but of course the original Star-Belly Sneetches still knew who—and how superior—they were. They weren’t thrown by this at all. But to facilitate this very predictable situation, the same clever fellow came along with a new machine by which you could go in and get the star taken off your belly. So all the Star- Communication from the Heart 169 Belly Sneetches went into this machine and came out without stars on their belly; the superior ones were now without stars. The clever fellow kept these two machines going. Sneetches were running in and out, and the money was piling up, but after awhile all the Sneetches ex- perienced shunyata. They didn’t know who was who or what was what or who was a Star-Belly Sneetch and who was a non–Star-Belly Sneetch, so after awhile they just had to look at each other without la- bels or opinions. Another slogan says, “Train without bias in all areas. It is crucial always to do this pervasively and whole- heartedly.” Train without bias, that’s the trick. Train without bias, without the labels. This is supported by the whole tonglen practice and lojong teaching, which encourage us to see bias when it comes up and begin to connect with how painful that is, to feel the prejudice, the resentment, the judgment. It’s a pow- erful, compassionate teaching because it respects our intelligence and our innate good heart. It simply says, “Begin to see what you do, and don’t necessarily try to change it; just see it.” That’s how things begin to change. When we say, “Train without bias,” the first step is to meditate on bias when you see it arising. This is the same as “Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment.” Then one begins to be able to train meticulously and pervasively in all situations. 170 Communication from the Heart Often tonglen is taught exactly as this slogan de- scribes—as a way of training pervasively and meticu- lously with everyone. You can do this practice in any situation. You start with yourself. You can extend the practice to situations in which compassion sponta- neously arises, exchanging yourself for someone you want to help. Then you move on to a slightly more difficult area. This slogan is saying you should extend this prac- tice to everyone, pervasively, not excluding anyone. Move the practice out to what are commonly called neutrals. These are probably the most frequent rela- tionships that we have. They’re people we never get to know and aren’t even interested in. They’re the ones who sit on the sidewalks and don’t have any homes, whom we walk past very fast because it’s too painful. They’re the other people who are also walk- ing by very quickly. Beginning to do tonglen for the ones we haven’t noticed might be a difficult practice, but it could be the most valuable—to begin as you walk through the streets of your life to look at the people that you didn’t notice before and become cu- rious about them. When we encounter life situations that sponta- neously evoke compassion, it is not necessary to go through all four stages. It’s fine to begin with the third stage, the stage of breathing in the pain in the situa- tion that confronts us and breathing out something that will help. It’s fine to breathe in the pain and send Communication from the Heart 171 |