The unisex purity test

IV. I Fought the Law and *I* Won
(Legal technicalities - 93 Questions)
Have you:
476.deliberately bounced a check?

477.shoplifted?

478.'borrowed' something of value with no intention of returning it ('borrowing'

Kleenex, condoms, tampons, etc. doesn't count)?

479.written graffiti?

480.committed murder?

481.attempted to commit suicide?

482.succeeded?

483.had a fake id?

484.manufactured a fake id?

485.sped (automotive, not pharmaceutical)?

486.drag raced (no, not queens running a marathon)?

487.driven?

488.driven without a license?

489.driven while suspended?

490.bought anything on a black market?

491.sold anything on a black market?

492.stolen anything?

493.stolen a kiss?

494.used bootleg software?

495."cracked" software protection?

496.distributed cracked software?

497.plotted felony?

498.operated a vehicle or piece of heavy machinery while intoxicated?

499.plotted treason (betrayal of state secrets)?

500.lead someone to believe they were the father when they weren't?

501.lead someone to believe they weren't the father when they were?

502.lead someone to believe they were the mother and they weren't?

503.been liable for arrest on a morals charge (pandering, pimping, prostitution, imper-

sonating a human being)?

504.been a pool or card shark?

505.plotted a coup (civic class doesn't count)?

506.built a coop?

507.committed sedition (plotting to overthrow the government)?

508.committed sedation (bored an audience to sleep)?

509.committed seduction (tactful coercion into sexual activity)?

510.committed treason?

511.been arrested?

512.gone to jail (visiting doesn't count)?

513.gone to prison(visiting doesn't count)?

514.gone to prison for more than 20 years?

515.escaped prison?

516.been thought politically unreliable?

517.been thought politically reliable?

518.been thought politically correct?

519.been thought politically incorrect?

520.looted, raped, pillaged, sacked and burned (The Barbaric Pentathlon)?

521.done any of the above individually?

522.sent a chain letter?

523.started a chain letter?

524.Were you beaten for it (if not, you should have been)?

525.made unregistered explosive devices (bombs)?

526.accidentally blown up something important (like, say, fingers)?

527.made or acquired 'elint' (electronic intelligence) equipment (bugs)?

528.installed or used 'elint' equipment (wiretaps, tape recorders, etc.)?

529.made or acquired b-lint (bellybutton lint)?

530.stayed for a second feature having paid only for the first?

531.removed the tag that says "do not remove under penalty of law"?

532.rode public transportation w/o paying?

533.raised tuition/rent by streetwalking?

534.pistol whipped someone?

535.been a bigamist (that's very bigamy to admit it)?

536.carried concealed weapons?

537.waved your weapons around in public?

538.evaded taxes?

539.evaded custom duties by not declaring something subject to a duty or tax?

540.been cited in divorce proceedings as the other woman/man?

541.been cited in divorce proceedings as the other woman/man and wished you actually

were?

542.failed to pay child support?

543.failed to pay child support on purpose?

544.had someone buy alcohol for you while you were still a minor?

545.bought your own alcohol while still a minor?

546.traveled out of the country with the sole purpose of purchasing alcohol (lower age

restrictions, stronger stuff)?

547.been drunk while still a minor?

548.bought alcohol for minors?

549.had sexual activity while under the age of consent (masturbation doesn't count)?

550.had sexual activity while under the age of consent with someone over the age of con-

sent?

551.had sexual activity since reaching the age of consent with someone under the age of

consent?

552.plagiarized?

553.been to a "public bath"?

554.patronized a prostitute?

555.been to a "massage parlor"?

556.been to a brothel as a customer?

557.been to a brothel as an employee?

558.owned a brothel?

559.contracted a 'social' disease (not just the common cold)?

560.contracted mononucleosis ("mono")?

561.contracted conjunctivitis ("pink eye")?

562.been treated for exposure to a STD (sexually transmitted disease) because someone

you'd been with had been?

563.had a curable STD?

564.cured it?

565.had an incurable STD?

566.had sex with someone knowing you had been exposed to a STD?

567.had sex with someone knowing they had been exposed to a STD?

568.gotten a 'frequent flier' bonus at the free clinic?

V. Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Hiney Ho
(Cults, the Occult, Ghosts, Aliens, and Weirdness - 48 Questions)
Have you:
569.spotted Elvis at a 7-11 (or wherever)?

570.spotted any dead celebrities anywhere in public?

571.been a member of the Order, Aryan Nation, or the like?

572.joined a nunnery or a monastery because you were sick of sex?

573.joined a nunnery or a monastery because you couldn't get any?

574.been a member of a religious group outside a world-accepted religion (Satan wor-

ship, Vegisexual, etc.)?

575.been a member of a cult?

576.started a cult?

577.started what is now a world-accepted religion?

578.been a high-ranking member in any non-accepted group (and, even though Wicca is

an accepted religion, we'll take that, too)?

579.played a record backwards to hear the message?

580.actually heard the message?

581.been inspired to kill loved ones?

582.done so?

583.participated in a satanic ritual?

584.sold your soul to the devil?

585.mortgaged or leased your soul to the devil?

586.sold any other items (stereo equipment, a sleeper sofa, whatever) to the devil (or his

representatives)?

587.drunk blood?

588.drunk human blood?

589.drunk your own blood?

590.sacrificed an animal in a religious ritual?

591.sacrificed a human in a religious ritual?

592.sacrificed a human for fun?

593.used a Ouija board?

594.been frightened during or after Ouija board usage?

595.followed your horoscope?

596.had your Zodiac chart done?

597.had your Tarot cards read?

598.read someone else's Tarot cards?

599.participated in a seance?

600.communicated with another plane (no, not like a big flying metal thing)?

601.had visual contact with someone/thing from another plane?

602.been to another plane?

603.had an out of body experience?

604.practiced witchcraft?

605.practiced "black" magic?

606.cast a spell for amusement?

607.cast a spell for revenge?

608.cast a spell for somebody else?

609.cast a spell out of boredom?

610.had a spell backfire with disastrous effects?

611.seen a UFO?

612.communicated with beings from another world (aliens)?

613.been on a UFO?

614.flown (as in, you were the driver) a UFO?

615.Are you an alien?

616.ever been (or are you now) a member of the Circle of the Blue Flame?

VI. Hey, Nice Shoes. Wanna Fuck?
(Pick-Ups and Getting Together - 55 Questions)
Have you:
617.been flirted with?

618.been hit upon?

619.Did it work?

620.flirted?

621.hit on someone?

622.Did it work?

623.picked up sailors (soldiers, marines, etc.)?

624.used a cheesy pick-up line?

625.Did it work?

626.been the victim of a cheesy pick-up line?

627.Did it work?

628.gone someplace with the sole purpose of try out your cheesy pick-up lines?

629.been on a blind date?

630.set up a blind date?

631.been set up by a friend?

632.been set up by your mother or father?

633.been set up by another relative?

634.been set up by the local pimp or Madame?

635.picked up someone over the Internet?

636.been picked up over the Internet?

637.stalked someone?

638.been stalked?

639.been to a mixer?

640.met (as in met someone new, etc.) someone at a mixer?

641.cut in?

642.had a one night stand?

643.used tickling as a pickup or getting to know you better activity?

644.used physical strength, power, prowess (or lack thereof), as a pickup or getting to

know you better routine?

645.lusted in your heart for someone without their knowledge?

646.lusted after someone with their full knowledge?

647.dropped hints to somebody you lusted after in the hopes he/she would pick up on it?

648.sent anonymous love letters to someone?

649.sent anonymous love letters to yourself?

650.been on a date?

651.been on a date past curfew?

652.been on a date past sunrise?

653.stood someone up?

654.been stood up?

655.canceled a date because you were scared of their parents?

656.mulched (not just friends, but not really "dating," either. Friends that mess around.)?

657.mulched with several people at a time (this is not against "the rules")?

658.dated someone on a regular basis?

659.gone steady?

660.broken up with someone (dumped them)?

661.dumped someone for no reason?

662.been dumped?

663.been dumped for no discernible reason?

664.gotten married?

665.to more than one person at a time?

666.forced someone else to marry (shotgun wedding)?

667.been separated?

668.gotten a divorce?

669.filed for divorce after less than a month?

670.been a "serial monogamist" (had a succession of monogamous, long-term relation-

ships)?

671.considered killing a spouse for insurance money?

VII. This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stick-Up
(Non-Platonic Activities (the steamy part) Part 1 - Men - 86 Questions)
With or by a person of the male gender, have you:
672.been propositioned for necking or petting?

673.been propositioned for any sexual practice?

674.been pinched or patted on the buttocks?

675.been kissed below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?

676.received a hickey (or had the attempt if you are hard to get)?

677.received a hickey in an intimate location?

678.received scratch marks or nail marks?

679.been bit or nibbled upon?

680.been bit in an intimate location?

681.had your clothed leg fondled or stroked?

682.had your clothed body fondled or stroked?

683.had your clothed breast or nipples fondled or stroked?

684.had your covered genitals fondled, pet, stroked, or otherwise handled?

685.had your bare legs fondled or stroked?

686.had your bare body fondled or stroked?

687.had your bare breast or nipples fondled or stroked?

688.had your bare genitals fondled, petted, stroked, or otherwise handled?

689.propositioned a man for necking or petting?

690.propositioned a man for any sexual practice?

691.pinched or patted a man's buttocks?

692.kissed below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?

693.petted?

694.given a hickey?

695.given a hickey in an intimate location?

696.left scratches or nail marks?

697.left tooth marks?

698.left tooth marks in an intimate location?

699.fondled or stroked a man's clothed legs?

700.fondled or stroked a man's clothed body?

701.stroked or fondled a man's clothed breast or nipple?

702.petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled a man's covered genitals?

703.fondled or stroked a man's bare legs?

704.fondled or stroked a man's bare body?

705.stroked or fondled a man's bare breast or nipple?

706.petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled a man's bare genitals?

707.been involved with pelvic thrusting while clothed (it really drives you insa-a-ane)?

708.had sex with a man?

709.had you fingers licked or sucked?

710.licked or sucked a man's fingers?

711.had your ear, or ear region licked, breathed upon, sucked or nibbled?

712.licked, breathed onto, sucked or nibbled a man's ear or ear region?

713.fondled a man who was asleep?

714.woken up being fondled?

715.had sex with a man who was asleep and he didn't wake up?

716.had sex with a man who was asleep and he did wake up?

717.slept through sexual activity (him doing it to you)?

718.woken up in the midst of a man having sexual activity with you?

719.given a man a back rub or massage with ulterior motives?

720.Did it work?

721.been petted to orgasm?

722.petted to orgasm?

723.performed fellatio (oral stimulation of the penis)?

724.tasted a man's orgasmic fluids?

725.gagged when they came in your mouth?

726.received oral sex?

727.performed mutual oral sex ('69')?

728.performed mutual masturbation?

729.watched while a man masturbated?

730.had a man watch while you masturbated?

731.orgasmed in him (if possible)?

732.had him orgasm in you?

733.orgasmed on him?

734.had him orgasm on you?

735.kissed a man (or boy) on a first date?

736.necked with a man (or boy) on a first date?

737.petted with a man (or boy) on a first date?

738.had oral sex on a first date?

739.given oral sex on a first date?

740.fucked on a first date?

741.had oral sex instead of intercourse?

742.performed anal sex on a man (if you don't have a penis, using a dildo or whatever)?

743.received anal sex from a man?

744.performed oral stimulation of the anus on a man?

745.received oral stimulation of the anus from a man?

746.been seen naked under good lighting by a man (note: nude is expected (e.g. in a

shower room or at a nude beach), naked is when you don't expect to be seen (e.g. in the

bathroom).)?

747.seen a man naked under good lighting?

748.undressed under good lighting, knowing a man was watching you?

749.been in a man's company while both of you were nude without anything steamy hap-

pening?

750.bathed or showered with a man?

751.let a man wash you when you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?

752.washed a man who was perfectly capable of washing himself?

753.had sex while in the shower?

754.had sex while taking a bath?

755.seduced a man?

756.allowed yourself to be seduced?

757.had sex with a virgin (not yourself)?