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================================== 1014 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sat Apr 28, 2001 4:48am Subject: Sexual Addiction Here is an exchange between Tom and a friend who attends Sexaholics Anonymous. M, Thanks for telling me about the SA group. A year ago, before I discovered the redirecting technique, I was searching for just such a group. But now, I don't feel the need to go, although I would be willing to come to a meeting to tell them my own story and about the redirecting as a much more intense, but also much quicker way to break the sexual compulsion. It is not that the group effort is ineffective; it is that the group many times trades a substance addiction or habit compulsion in for addiction to recovery -- in short, codependency. And in comparing a sex addiction to an alcohol addiction, I have realized that in the sexual compulsion, there is much more a demand for intimacy with another human than there is with a drinker. Even though the sex may be anonymous and purely physical, the very fact that you are driven to do it means that you are desperately seeking intimacy. You have it for a few brief minutes, but then you are all alone again. Therefore, in sexual compulsiveness, there is a much greater need for relationship. I'm not saying a person can't be cured going to SA; what I am saying is that there is no danger of falling into the codependency trap (addiction to other people) when you do the redirecting by yourself. It is also important to realize that your very compulsion is itself a healing event. Ellie Van Winkle calls it a "detox crisis," in which your brain is trying to detoxify the buildup of neurotoxins that have been there ever since your own healthy anger was squelched way back in childhood. I'm glad you realize how angry you are; the problem is that you are MISdirecting that anger away from its source, and not REdirecting the anger to its actual source. What I suggest is that the next time you feel the urge to go out and cruise, catch the compulsion as it arises in you and start redirecting the feelings back to a parent, uncle or sibling or anyone you remember or even just suspect of having abused you as a child. It's someone who punished you for expressing your feelings, most notably anger. You can do it silently in your mind, but I think it is better to act out the anger. Beat on a pillow or scream into a pillow. Pound on the bed, all the while being conscious -- like a meditation -- of the person who originally wounded you by squelching your righteous and healthy anger. You see, by acting on the compulsion, you are letting the world outside your family know that you have been wounded. Even though your brain is trying to heal you through this compulsion, you end up actually sabotaging the full healing because you are also exacting revenge on the original abuser by acting out in a way that would demand more punishment from that abuser. But the abuser may be dead because the original abuse happened decades ago. And here you are in the present still "getting back" at that abuser by acting out in relative secret, this compulsion. I found from my own experience that 95% of the pleasure felt in having anonymous sex was in the fact that this was risky; it was secret, and I was doing something for my self, for my own independence what my parents and others in authority would heartily disapprove of. I was exacting my revenge on them. I was daring them to punish me again and again. In fact, you could say that I refused to heal fully until I got my last measure of revenge against them. You might say that I was more addicted to misdirecting my anger at them than I was to the sex. So I had things backwards. I was actually using the sex compulsion as a means of punishing my parents in return. What I needed to do instead was to take the anger of revenge and redirect it at them by using the energy of the compulsion as it first started to come up. The point is, for this to be a real healing event, you've got to "nip it in the bud" so to speak, to recognize the impulse to cruise as the healing detox crisis and thus to take that same healing energy and redirect it in your mind at the original abuser. Otherwise, you will continue the habit of misdirecting it through your dick. So your choice is: do I keep on just bailing the water out my sinking rowboat time after time, or else do I finally plug the leak and start rowing to my destiny? Tom << Tom, thanks for the info as well as your story. I've been angry for years and I still take it out on sex, so I said last night so I could hear myself talk about it and realize it's not gone. Till we meet, peace and blessing your way. We do deserve intimacy. M. >> 1015 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sat May 5, 2001 5:14am Subject: How to get angry Ellie, I fully understand that its during times of Excitatory Nervous Symptoms that I need to Redirect anger at the people who have hurt my in the past? How do I turn these symptoms into the ANGER before I re-direct. For example, I sometimes get depressed or nervous but I don't feel anger so I can't re-direct. How do I turn the depression or anxiety into ANGER? I can see how punching a pillow or something else will release anger but how do I turn these Excitatory symptoms into Anger. P. The excitatory symptoms occur when the neurons eject noradrenaline during detox crises, but they also eject adrenaline, (these are endogenous substances which are toxic when in excess, and they are in excess due to suppressing anger) Both are released during the symptoms, which are detox crises. Noradrenaline is the neurotransmitter responsible for the expression of anger. Adrenaline causes neurotic fear. So when you feel fear, then you will know anger is right behind it, and needs to be released and redirected. Try to read the scientific paper, at least the Abstract. It will help you understand the process. It's about recognizing and telling yourself in your mind that the excitatory nervous symptoms are detox crises for the purpose of releasing repressed anger. Mentally tell yourself it's an opportunity to redirect anger. If you feel fear tell yourself mentally that there is underlying anger, and just do some pounding on a bed and mentally redirect anger. Just get mad at past abusers. See the ways in the Welcome message. If you feel shame or low self esteem recognize this as anger turned inward and get mad at your parents. It's your parent's voices still in your head putting you down. Tell them to "shut up!" when you feel shame or guilt. It's harder with depression, and if you don't feel like pounding, put a sign on the refrig...."It will lift." It will lift the next time you have a detox crisis and redirect anger. Ellie Yes I have found that if I simply act angry when I notice the nervous symptoms then these nervous symptoms automatically turn into anger. The real trick is simply been alert to recognize these symptoms at the first sign. One other question I have. From reading all the material on the website, it suggests that cutting out external stimulants that trigger nervous symptoms (such as alcohol or certain foods) can increase recovery time if they are stopped before self-help therapy begins more than if they are stopped during self-help therapy. I know that physically, junk foods and alcohol are bad for your body but if these substances trigger the nervous symptoms shouldn't continuing to take these substances (until you are through the self help therapy) actually help to increase recovery time. I'm by no means saying its a good idea to get drunk everyday and eat nothing but beef burgers and chips but if they help trigger more nervous symptoms, in a way if you control what you do can't they actually help you. In the long term your not going to get addicted to these substances because everyday your releasing anger which in turn stops you craving such things anyway. Or to simply cut a long story, rather than simply waiting for symptoms to arise (which you may miss and waste time) are there ways to stimulate these nervous symptoms to happen more often? P.
It's better to stimulate the nervous system into a detox crisis with psychological stimulation, eg. watch a movie that might be about your past. I watched a movie about a woman who was drugged and molested by her psychiatrist, and it triggered detox crises for me, anger at the psychiatrists who abused me over the years with ECT, drugs, even sex. I used that to do some redirecting to past doctors. I watched The Waltons, with the moralistic mother and grandmother, and did some redirecting to my mother and grandmother, who were just like them. Ellie http://clearpathway.net/ http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure
Hi,
Sounds like you are doing great. It's not that you are adding to your anger, but before you began all that anger was stored in your brain, and became rage, and now that you are getting it out, it is going to seem much more intense. This is what needs to happen. Mood swings may intensify. The reason for your depression is because you had to suppress anger as a child and continued to do this. This caused a toxicosis in your brain and the only way to get rid of the toxins is to redirect anger to memories of your parents who caused you to suppress anger. You are not blaming your parents really (they too were innocent children whose anger was suppressed) but you need to allow yourself to get angry at their sickness. You are only getting angry at the memories of them which are stored in your brain, and you need to do this to clear neural pathways in your brain. It is not a good plan to share with others who are also just beginning the RST. This is why the eGroup is non-interactive. But please read the many Messages in the Archives/Messages and you will find out about the experiences of others.. Ellie http://clearpathway.net/ http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure
http://clearpathway.net/ http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure
Hi,
I'm not sure what is going on, but everyone is different and has this toxicosis to different degrees and in different areas of the brain. So I suggest you keep doing it. You won't get much of a lift if you are just doing it mentally during the day. Maybe you are not releasing enough anger during each detox. crisis. Try to do it with lots of physical exertion and yelling until you relax. It may not feel like a buzz right after you do it. It's just that during a detox crisis, you are releasing excess noradrenaline, which has an action similar to antidepressants, and it should lift your mood for a while. It's a periodic detox process and you may not feel this lift after each detox crisis. The goal is not to reach a sustained "high," but a sustainable quiet mind. BTW if anyone is still on antidepressants, you may not feel this lift. Ellie 1019 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Mon May 7, 2001 1:10pm Subject: Food Hi Ellie, I totally agree that eating more raw foods will help in the detox process. However, I find that I am having a really HARD time eating them - this is unlike me - I have a university degree in nutrition (so I am very aware of the benefits)- is this another form of self-sabotage that I can't get myself to eat them? Do you have any suggestions? What do you eat in a day? (number of fruits and vegetables etc.) I would appreciate your example lifestyle. Or at least an idea of what you may eat for breakfast, lunch or dinner! H. Hi, I hesitate giving specific advice about what I eat because there are dangers in shifting to all raw food too fast, i.e parasites, etc. I slowly transitioned to all raw food and have been eating Instinctively for about ten years so I no longer worry about bacteria or parasites. If you are just beginning the RST you are likely to crave all kinds of foods for a long time, and even though you know raw fruits and veggies are good for you, you may not be able to avoid them. So I suggest going slowly, and just when you can substitute, eg. raw dates for processed sweets, or potatoes for bread. If you crave sweets or bread or icecream try some redirecting. It may take a way some craving, but may not in the beginning, and never beat yourself up if you have them. There are some links to food on: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/LinksPages.html 13. What to Eat I am not a nutritionist and can only offer you my personal experience. For me an ideal diet is natural food, Garden of Eden style. Foods that taste delicious in their natural state are what our bodies need, and our bodies let us know what is not needed. Much of the toxicosis in our bodies is from foods we ate that contained non-nutrients or from the environment, and most of us will get sick, i.e. have periodic detox crises, like colds, diarrhea, skin eruptions, etc. as our bodies try to get rid of these toxins. When post flood you are likely to react to non-nutrients, stimulants, and junk food with mild detox crises. I would suggest searching the Archives/Messages for food and Instinctive Eating. Look for Severen Schaeffer's book, Instinctive Nutrition, and Zephyr's book, Eating Instinctively on Earth. Another good book is We Want to Live, by Aajonus Vonderplanitz. I eat Instinctively, i.e. only raw food in its natural, whole, unmixed state, what is delicious tasting is what my body needs and what is not, I do not eat. I do not recommend vegetarian, even though I did it as a transition. It is highly lacking in B12 and other essential nutrients, and long term is not healthy. I had to transition to Instinctive eating very slowly because our bodies are so toxic from standard American diet (SAD) that germs can have a ball, and make us pretty sick. The symptoms of course are detox events that help us heal, and it is best not to try and suppress these symptoms. What I eat is any kind of fruits and veggies, preferably organic, that taste good in their whole natural state. I also eat raw animal food, the fattier the better, lots of Sushi grade fish, like Artic Char (a wild Salmon-avoid farm raised) and tuna and raw eggs, especially the yolks. Most of us are deficient in fat, which is especially needed for healthy neural transmission, and raw animal fat is healthy. The cautions about fat have come from the carcinogenic effects of cooked fat. If you venture into raw animal food fatty fish is a good start. There are lots of Sushi restaurants. The first time I ate raw Sushi I got sick, but it was mild and I knew it was a necessary detox crisis. I also eat raw beef, from pastured animals, although Coleman beef, which most Food Emporiums carry, is quite good. Disclaimer: I am not responsible for recommending this diet, especially if you go into it too soon. The important thing is to get rid of cooked grains, bread, cereals, pasta, dairy, beans, processed sugar (try substituting dates or other dried fruit) and avoid as much processed and cooked food as possible. Try to do some redirecting when you crave these, but you are going to continue to crave these long into the muddy basin period, and should never feel guilty if you eat them. Get mad at your parents whose fault it is you are a food addict. Since you may not be ready to eat raw meat, you might try rare beef, lots raw fruits and vegetables. Your body is likely to let you know if you combine foods that are not compatible. The diet in Fit for Life, by Marilyn and Harvey Diamond might be a good transition, although I think they include cooked grains, which is not a good idea. But they understand about the detoxification process, and their books are well worth reading. See the links at the end of the long version on: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/depression.html On the following link there are groups for Raw-Food, also Paleofood, which is a popular diet, although I think suggests too much cooked meat. http://listserve@maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/index.html If you can transition during the redirecting to more raw food, it will speed your recovery. Ellie http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
http://clearpathway.net/ http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure
http://clearpathway.net/ 1023 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue May 8, 2001 0:02pm Subject: Food Erratum Whether you cook meat, eat it rare, or start eating it raw, be sure to get wild rather than farm raised fish and search for meat from pastured animals, that is, grass fed rather than grain fed animals. Grain fed animals have flesh that is more toxic and more prone to having bacteria. This is the reason for the current foot and mouth disease. There are some sources of meat from grass fed animals on the Internet. In the USA: http://www.mercola.com/beef/health_benefits.htm In Canada: instinct@saltspring.com (phone: 250 653 9122) In Europe: http://www.orkos.com/ Ellie http://clearpathway.net/ http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.egroups.com/group/depression-cause-cure
Ellie
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