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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


HE BITS…

This was the weekend that we moved our clocks forward one hour. That means we lost one hour because of Daylight Savings time and another hour trying to figure out how to change the clock on our microwaves.


This was the weekend that we moved our clocks forward one hour. It meant that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford lost an hour of drinking.
This was the weekend that we moved our clocks forward one hour. That means an hour of our weekend was completely wasted. In other words, it was just like watching the Kardashian’s reality show.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are working on their prenuptial agreement, which will give Kim $1 million for every year she stays married to Kanye. They say this could set Kanye back nearly $20.
Steven Spielberg is reportedly interested in doing a remake of West Side Story. Spielberg’s version will be a little bit different. In Spielberg’s West Side Story the Jets go to the beach and are eaten by the Sharks.
A sex tape starring the late Johnny Carson is reportedly being offered for sale. It’s an unusual sex tape because it starts off with Johnny being introduced by Ed McMahon.
A sex tape starring the late Johnny Carson is reportedly being offered for sale. The tape is pretty kinky. It shows Johnny having sex with Aunt Blabby.
A sex tape starring the late Johnny Carson is reportedly being offered for sale. It’s the first time a host of the Tonight Show has been seen getting screwed since Conan O’Brien.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


ON OF THE BITS…

Lindsay Lohan’s reality show debuted last night. Throughout the show Lindsay appeared sober, coherent and thoughtful. Those who saw the show said it was her best acting performance ever.
Action movie star Chuck Norris is 74 today. Of course, Chuck Norris doesn’t celebrate birthdays; birthdays celebrate Chuck Norris.
Jennifer Aniston says that she’d like to trade bodies with Gisele Bündchen. Personally, I’d like to share bodies with Gisele Bündchen.
Conservatives are now said to be embracing New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. Those conservatives must have very long arms.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has been re-elected with 100% of the vote. However, there’s a controversy regarding hanging Chads. Apparently, Kim Jong Un ordered a couple guys named Chad that were running against him to be hung.
Scientists have developed a new orgasm machine for women. It’s otherwise known as Bradley Cooper.
Scientists have developed a new orgasm machine for women that’s operated by a hand-held remote control. And you thought you had trouble getting the TV remote away from your wife!
The government may require automakers to build talking cars that could warn drivers of danger. Apparently they got the idea from David Hasselhoff.
Detroit Lions owner William Clay Ford has died. On the bright side, he won’t have to watch the Lions lose anymore.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


ODAY’S BITMAN AUDIO…

Today on the Bitman audio feed we have clips from Saturday Night Live, The Amazing Race, The Walking Dead, the season finale of the Kardashians and the premiere of Lindsay Lohan’s reality show.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or amunos@unitedstations.com

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


INSELTOWN TATTLER…

It looks like JUSTIN BIEBER and SELENA GOMEZ may be back on again! They were spotted having breakfast in McAllen, Texas, and the restaurant manager says, “They were sitting next to each other hugging and kissing in front of the staff. They weren’t hiding it and seemed to be boyfriend and girlfriend.” They later had a two-hour private dance session at a studio in town and the owner said they appeared "really close and into each other". Meanwhile, it’s now reported that Bieber stormed out of his deposition in Miami after lawyers started asking him questions about his relationship with Selena. The deposition was for that lawsuit filed by a photographer who claims Bieber had his goons beat him up last June. Bieber and his lawyer returned, but at one point when Bieber responded to a question with the word "Yeah," the lawyer said, "Do you mean yes?" and Bieber shot back, "What the f*** is the difference between yeah and yes?!" At another point Bieber asked, "What is this, ‘60 Minutes?’" He also responded to a question by saying to the lawyer, "OK Katie Couric, what's your question again?" Finally, when asked if he had a prescription for Xanax, Bieber responded, "No."
KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST have set a wedding date and now they’re working on their prenuptial agreement. Radar Online says that Kim will get $1 million for every year she stays married to Kanye, up to a maximum of $10 million. Also, the title of their Bel Air mansion will be in Kim’s name, even though Kanye is paying for most of the mortgage. Kim also get to keep all jewelry and gifts given to her by Kanye. So far, there’s been no major drama in the negotiations and Kanye didn’t even think they needed a prenup. That’s the complete opposite from Kim’s marriage to Kris Humphries where negotiations for their prenup dragged on for several months.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


INSELTOWN TATTLER 2…

The feud between KATY PERRY and MILEY CYRUS rages on! Katy responded to Miley dragging her ex-boyfriend John Mayer into view by tweeting, “@MileyCyrus Oooo gurrrl I’m gonna give you the BIGGEST spanking when I see you in the UK bb!” Miley also tweeted, “Dontchyouuuu act like you didn’t lurvvvvv it,” along with a drawing of her and Katy’s kiss. Ironically, back in 2008, Katy reportedly wanted to recreate the famed Britney Spears-Madonna MTV Awards kiss with Miley, who was only 15 at the time. However, when the E channel asked Miley if she’d be up for it she responded, "No, thanks!" However, feuding with Katy isn’t the only thing that Miley has been doing on Twitter as she also shared a picture of her new Hand of Adonis sex toy!
ROBIN THICKE’S public apology to PAULA PATTON tour continued on Friday night at Madison Square Garden where he told the crowd, "We gotta learn to forgive each other, learn to love each other...no matter who it is in your family or relationship." (See here) However, privately, Robin may have given up on his marriage. He was spotted over the weekend without his wedding ring and last Wednesday night he was seen at a strip club in Philadelphia.
Apparently that whole thing about MICHAEL JACKSON’S illegitimate son was a hoax. It turns out that there was none of Michael’s DNA on a dental mold and the supposed testing lab was nonexistent. Meanwhile, a man has come forward claiming he's the real father of 31-year-old Brandon Howard. A guy named Augie Johnson said he had a relationship with Brandon's mom, singer Miki Howard, and has remained part of Brandon's life and that Brandon warned him that the story was about to break and he had nothing to do with it. Augie says that "greedy people" around Brandon were behind the stunt.
CHARLIE SHEEN has reportedly been MIA from the set of Anger Management. Producers were forced to halt production of the show after using stand-ins for Sheen in some scenes and word is the cast and crew are pretty steamed about it.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


INSELTOWN TATTLER 3…

BINDI IRWIN, the daughter of late Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, appeared on Good Morning America last week to announce her partnership with SeaWorld. That led to a strongly worded response from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals because of SeaWorld’s alleged mistreatment of animals. It turns out that in exchange for the interview Good Morning America was ordered not to ask any questions about that exposé on SeaWorld called Blackfish. In fact, the Irwins didn’t even allow them to ask questions about killer whales or orcas.
A sex tape starring the late JOHNNY CARSON is being shopped around, although you’ll probably never see it. The tape was recorded with his wife back in the 1970s and it supposedly shows that Johnny was truly the king of late night and a very big star. The guy who owns the video tried to sell it to Carson’s estate to keep it out of circulation, but they declined. For legal reasons it can’t be sold to a porn company so the guy is trying to sell it to a private collector.
A judge in Arkansas has admitted that he leaked confidential information about CHARLIZE THERON'S adoption of her son, Jackson. Judge Mike Maggio now admits that he posted several comments online and wrote several racist and sexist posts as well. Maggio said Theron came to court dressed in a long brown wig and oversized clothes trying to camouflage her appearance. Because of his admission, Maggio says he’s ending his campaign for a seat on the Arkansas Court of Appeals and the Judicial Discipline and Disability Commission is investigating.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


INSELTOWN TATTLER 4…

Marc Anthony says first ex-wife, Dayanara Torres was forced to sell her home because the wife of the married man she’s dating stood in front of the house and yelled "whore" through a bullhorn and refused to stop. Torres is trying to get her child support payments increased from $13,000 a month to $113,000 and denies the story. As you might guess, Anthony doesn't want to pay her any more money, but says it’s because he’s afraid his kids will become spoiled brats.
One of George Clooney’s girlfriends has gotten married…but not to him. Former pro wrestler and “Dancing with the Stars” contestant STACY KEIBLER married tech entrepreneur Jared Pobre in a surprise sunset beach wedding in Mexico on Saturday. In fact, it was such a surprise that their friends and family vacationing with them didn’t even know they were about to attend a wedding. Somehow Stacy and Jared were able to keep their plans under wraps for months. They started dating last fall, but had been friends for over five years


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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


ATELINE HOLLYWOOD…

This Weekend’s Top 10 Movies…
1. "300: Rise of an Empire," $45.1 million

2. "Mr. Peabody & Sherman," $32.5 million

3. "Non-Stop," $15.4 million

4. "The Lego Movie," $11 million

5. "Son of God," $10 million.

6. "The Monuments Men," $3.1 million

7. "3 Days to Kill," $3.1 million.

8. "Frozen," $3 million

9. "12 Years a Slave," $2.2 million

10. "Ride Along," $2 million

LOUIS C.K. will return to host SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE for the second time on March 29th. The musical guest has yet to be announced.
The casting rumors have begun for the next season of DONALD TRUMP’S CELEBRITY APPRENTICE. Names being mentioned include Kate Gosselin, David Hasselhoff, Olympic ice skater Johnny Weir and actress Vivica A. Fox.
FOX has announced that their shows NEW GIRL, THE MINDY PROJECT, BROOKLYN NINE-NINE and THE FOLLOWING have all been renewed for new seasons.
A MEAN GIRLS reunion is reportedly in the works for the 10th anniversary of the film. TINA FEY has been working on putting it together, although there’s no word on just what exactly the reunion would involve; whether it would be a sketch, talk show appearance or perhaps awards show get together.
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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014



USIC NOTES…

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND THE E STREET BAND, THE KILLERS, JASON ALDEAN and TIM MCGRAW have been announced as headliners for the NCAA's March Madness Festival. Ironically, the March Madness concerts will be held in April and more acts will be announced.
U2 has postponed their upcoming album and tour into next year. The group hadn’t announced a release date for the album, but the tour, which was expected to start in September, now won’t begin until the summer of 2015.
MORRISSEY'S upcoming album will reportedly be called "World Peace is None of Your Business." The album is tentatively due in June or July and you’ll likely hear at least some of the songs on his North American tour, which begins May 7th in San Jose.
MADONNA is working with AVICII. Madonna posted a message on Instagram Friday night saying, "On my way to the studio to work with Avicii!" No official word on what they’re working on, but last month Madonna said that she was working on the follow up to her "MDNA" album, adding “Don't ask me with who, it's a secret.”
KESHA has revealed that she’s out of rehab and she’s dropping the dollar sign from her name. Kesha checked into a Chicago treatment facility on January 3rd for treatment of an eating disorder. She’s also changed her Twitter handle from 'Keshasuxx' to 'KeshaRose.'
PHARRELL WILLIAMS is teaming up with the United Nations Foundation to celebrate the annual International Day of Happiness on Thursday, March 20th.

Pharrell is asking fans to post YouTube videos of themselves demonstrating their happiness to his global song "Happy" with the hashtag #HAPPYDAY and then register their submission at 24HoursOfHappiness.com.



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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014



USIC NOTES 2…

FRANK OCEAN is being sued by Chipotle for backing out of a commercial deal. The company paid Frank over $200,000 up front to sing a remake of "Pure Imagination" in a commercial. Apparently Frank is unclear on the concept of advertising because Chipotle says that when they showed him the ad he was upset that the company's logo appeared at the end of the spot. Chipotle is suing to get their money back.
TOBY KEITH will kick off his "Shut Up and Hold on Tour" on Sunday, May 25th in Forest City, Iowa. Toby’s daughter, KRYSTAL KEITH, will open the shows with COLT FORD joining on select dates.
After the American Idol season wraps up, KEITH URBAN will hit the road on the Raise 'Em Up tour. The tour kicks off July 12th in Calgary, Alberta, with the U.S. dates beginning in St. Clairsville, Ohio, on July 18th.
SARA EVANS’ new album, "Slow Me Down," will be out tomorrow. Gavin DeGraw, Vince Gill, and the Fray's Isaac Slade are among the guests on the disc and NASCAR driver Carl Edwards appears in the video for the title cut.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


UBULAR…


Daytime:

GMA: Actress Kristen Bell; actor Denzel Washington; Eric Paslay performs

Today: Steve Harvey; actor Jason Bateman; actor Wilmer Valderrama; actress Busy Philipps; Midnight Red performs.

Kelly & Michael: Actress Kristen Bell; American Authors performs

The View: Steve Harvey; actress Marcia Gay Harden

The Talk: Actor Beau Bridges

Queen Latifah: Jenna Elfman (``Growing Up Fisher''); Chandra Wilson (``Grey's Anatomy''); dog expert Cesar Millan

Ellen: Ray Romano; actress Amber Riley; Jennifer Nettles performs (R)
Primetime:

ABC: The season finale of The Bachelor and the After the Final Rose special

NBC: The Voice blind auditions continue

ESPN: College hoops West Coast Conference Tournament

ESPN2: College hoops MAAC Tournament and Southern Conference Tournament finals
Late Night:

Jimmy Kimmel: Seth Rogen; rapper Snoop Dogg; White Denim performs

David Letterman: Sen. John McCain; sportscaster Erin Andrews; Little Mix

Jimmy Fallon: Kristen Bell; TV host Steve Harvey; Demi Lovato performs; Bobby McFerrin performs

Craig Ferguson: Actress Emily Mortimer; The Alternate Routes perform

Seth Meyers: Andy Samberg; actress Busy Philipps

Conan: Kevin Nealon; Warpaint performs

Arsenio: Cast of Tyler Perry's The Single Moms Club

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,

May 29th, 2009




Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014



HE WATERCOOLER…

A Malaysia Airlines jet vanished early Saturday with 239 people aboard. Investigators are trying to sort things out, but whatever happened to the plane was apparently sudden as the pilots never radioed any sort of distress signal. However, authorities say the plane may have tried to return before disappearing. Some debris may have been found in the ocean near Vietnam and investigators say terrorism may be involved since at least two passengers were flying with stolen passports.

This was the weekend we set our clocks forward one hour for Daylight Saving Time. Experts say that even that one hour can have a big effect on our bodies. They say that it takes a day or two to adapt to the change but that exercise and caffeine consumption can alter that time frame. You can minimize the effect by avoiding caffeine and alcohol in the evening, not exercising right before sleeping and going to bed at a reasonable time. Turning on a bright light for at least 15 minutes in the morning can also help you feel more alert.


Rachel Canning, the New Jersey teenager who’s suing her parents for support payments and her college tuition after she says they kicked her out of the house, is at it again. Rachel went on Facebook and ironically ranted about how her parents’ generation is greedy and entitled. Rachel wrote, “Suburban baby boomer types are the spoiled lot, they make massive amount of money a year, they are used to flying to luxury destinations when they want, and buy things that they don't need, people should be inclined to see things my way.” She went on to say parents prefer “retiring into some fantasy world rather than provide for their children's college and young adult years.”
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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,

May 29th, 2009




Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014



HE WATERCOOLER 2…

A fortune cookie turned out to be a real fortune for Bronx great-grandmother Emma Duvoll. Emma won a $2 million Powerball prize by using numbers she found inside a fortune cookie after having dinner at a Manhattan noodle shop. The 75-year-old Emma said she plans to invest it and save it and maybe go see family in Switzerland.
Chef Dominique Ansel, the inventor of the cronut, has come up with another tasty treat. It’s a shot glass made out of a chocolate chip cookie that gives you the option of pouring your milk in and throwing it back and then eating the cookie or just shoveling it into your mouth all at once. The chef says, "If everyone was drinking milk with cookies, you might as well make a dessert that allows them both to be combined." He came up with the idea for the cookie shot glass after he tried his first Oreo a couple of weeks ago and someone told him he had to eat it with milk.
You can now awaken to the sounds and smell of bacon every morning. Oscar Mayer has released a Wake Up and Smell the Bacon app and iPhone dongle that plugs into the iPhone's headphone jack. They combine to release the smell of bacon as the alarm sounds. Sadly, Oscar Mayer is only making a limited number of the devices, which won't be available for sale. You have to take a quiz on Oscar Mayer's website for a chance to win the app. (See here)
If your idea of the workout is doing 16-ounce curls, there may be some good news for you. A Canadian beverage company has come up with a low-alcohol, protein-packed "fit beer" that’s expected to be on the market later this year. The so-called "recovery ale" has only 77 calories and 0.5 percent alcohol and is enriched with nutrients, antioxidants and electrolytes to help replenish the body after a good workout. The brewer is targeting the lifestyles of young beer lovers while promoting responsible drinking. They say that since the main ingredients of beer are plant based, it has an advantage over sports drinks.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,

May 29th, 2009




Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014



HE WATERCOOLER 3…

Do you consider yourself average? According to a new report the average American spends 34 hours per week watching TV, makes $786 per week, kisses someone every 34.6 hours and falls in love 4-7 times before getting married. The average American male is 5’9” and weighs 195 pounds while the average American female is 5’4” and weighs 165.
You may not be smarter than a fifth grader and, in fact, you’re probably not even smarter than a preschooler! According to a new study, scientists say preschoolers have more flexible and less biased ideas about things, which can help them outperform adults in figuring out how unusual toys and gadgets work. However, researchers say they don’t know whether children are more flexible learners because they’re free from the preconceptions that adults have, or if they’re fundamentally more flexible or exploratory in how they see the world. Regardless, they say children have a lot to teach us about learning. (See here)
You hear a lot of stories about people who get caught shoplifting and this is another one of those. However, this story is a little bit different as a suburban Chicago father, mother and daughter have finally been caught after a ten-year shoplifting spree in which they stole $7 million in merchandise from stores around the country and sold the merchandise online. In fact, the family was arrested last week at their $1.3 million home after returning from a three-day shoplifting trip through Oklahoma, Texas and Louisiana.

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Friday,

May 29th, 2009




Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014



HE WATERCOOLER 4…

A group of Stanford students have been denied a request for the university to officially recognize their 60-member club. Kardinal Kink was started last April and is described as a support and advocacy group for students to explore kink themes safely and to promote a positive and accurate understanding of kink sexuality on campus. However, the Student Organization Review Committee, which is made up of students and staff, wrote that while they liked the concept of their proposal, they didn’t feel that it sufficiently met the criteria for a new student organization. However, the club was encouraged to apply again next quarter with a revised proposal that included their hoped-for activities. Despite what you may imagine, one member says there’s no nudity or sexual contact among club members.
Yes, there’s even an app for that! A new app called ‘Lick This’ lets users hone their oral sex skills by licking their cell phones. They suggest that you "wrap it up" by putting some plastic wrap over the phone before beginning. There are three exercises available: "Up n' Down," which challenges users to flick a light switch up and down as quickly as possible, "Circles," which has users move the handle of a mechanical pencil sharpener around as quickly as possible, and "Freestyle," which asks users to use their tongue as an implement to jab at a beach ball bouncing around the screen.
Perth, Australia twins Anna and Lucy DeCinque have reportedly spent more than $200,000 in order to look identical. The 28-year-old women have had breast implants, lip enhancements and tattooed eyebrows. They also undergo weekly skin peels and infra-red sauna treatments, eat the same things, do the same exercise routines, wear the same clothes and shoes and share a job serving meals to the elderly. They also share the same boyfriend. Lucy says, “All of us share the same bed. We have the same taste in everything, so obviously we’re going to like the same boy, too. We’re all together when we have sex, and if we like the same guy, so be it.” (See here)

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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


PORTS SHIRT…

Brad Keselowski won the NASCAR race in Las Vegas after Dale Earnhardt Jr. ran out of gas on the last lap. Keselowski also won Saturday's Nationwide Series race for his first career weekend sweep.
Hall of Fame coach Phil Jackson is reportedly leaning toward accepting a front-office job with the New York Knicks. Jackson would be named team president and have final say over basketball decisions. Jackson was drafted by the Knicks in 1967 and won championships with the team in 1970 and 1973.
LeBron James went against his doctor’s advice and played without his protective mask against the Chicago Bulls yesterday and took a sneaker to the face from Chicago’s Jimmy Butler. Both players were assessed technicals. (See here)
The New York Jets have released cornerback Antonio Cromartie, just six weeks after playing in the Pro Bowl. The move clears $9.5 million in cap space and the Jets also avoid paying him a $5 million roster bonus.
The Minnesota Vikings have reportedly re-signed defensive end Everson Griffen to a five-year contract worth $42.5 million.
Detroit Lions owner William Clay Ford, the grandson of auto pioneer Henry Ford, died yesterday at the age of 88. Ford bought the Lions for $4.5 million in the fall of 1963 and has run the organization for the past 50 years. The Lions won just one playoff game in Ford's tenure, a 38-6 victory over the Dallas Cowboys in January of 1992.
Patrick Reed won the Cadillac Championship at Doral yesterday by one shot over Bubba Watson and Jamie Donaldson. It was his third win in his last 14 tournaments and Reed became the youngest winner of a World Golf Championship.



Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014



Scoreboard

NBA:


Chicago 95, Miami 88 (OT)

LA Lakers 114, Oklahoma City 110

New Orleans 111, Denver 107 (OT)

Boston 118, Detroit 111

Brooklyn 104, Sacramento 89

Houston 118, Portland 113 (OT)

Toronto 111, Minnesota 104

Dallas 105, Indiana 94

Golden State 113, Phoenix 107
NHL:

NY Rangers 3, Detroit 0

Boston 5, Florida 2

Chicago 2, Buffalo 1

St. Louis 3, Minnesota 2 (SO)

Los Angeles 4, Edmonton 2


NCAAM:

(2) Wichita State 83, Indiana State 69

Maryland 75, (5) Virginia 69

(7) Syracuse 74, Florida State 58

Nebraska 77, (9) Wisconsin 68

(17) Saint Louis 64, Massachusetts 62

Ohio State 69, (22) Michigan State 67

Today’s Games

NBA:


Denver at Charlotte 7:00 PM

Toronto at Brooklyn 7:30 PM

Washington at Miami 7:30 PM

Philadelphia at New York 7:30 PM

Orlando at Milwaukee 8:00 PM

Atlanta at Utah 9:00 PM

Phoenix at LA Clippers 10:30 PM
NHL:

Pittsburgh at Washington 7:00 PM

Nashville at Ottawa 7:30 PM

Phoenix at Tampa Bay 7:30 PM

Columbus at Dallas 8:30 PM

Winnipeg at Colorado 9:00 PM

Los Angeles at Calgary 9:00 PM

NY Islanders at Vancouver 10:00 PM

Toronto at Anaheim 10:00 PM
NCAAM:

No Top 25 games scheduled.





D

Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


UH…

Police in Springfield, Missouri recently responded to a report of a 20-year-old male unresponsive in a car at about 3 o’clock in the morning. When officers arrived, the man woke up and promptly drove into a police vehicle. Police say he then refused to exit his car. The man was eventually extracted and arrested on DUI charges.
Bayonne, New Jersey police responded to a road rage call and arrived to find an SUV in the middle of the street and clothing strewn along the roadway. Upon closer inspection they soon saw 40-year-old Lamont Clay of Jersey City standing in the middle of the street next to his car naked and disoriented. Police say that Clay was yelling and screaming irrationally, which was explained by the scent of ether they detected, which is typical of PCP use.
A fire broke out in the basement apartment building of a St. Paul, Minnesota couple yesterday. The couple had to be hospitalized for smoke inhalation after firefighters arrived and found them attempting to disconnect and save their flat-screen TV after their burning apartment had filled with thick, black smoke.
An unnamed man recently dropped a $20 bill down a storm drain in Lawton, Oklahoma. Not only did the man not find his $20 bill, he couldn’t find his way out of the drain. Finally, two days later, some high school students heard his cries for help and called police, who found him cowering in a pipe about 15 feet underground and pulled him out through a manhole. The man was dehydrated and had a bump on his head and was completely disoriented and couldn't remember the date, how long he'd been underground or the location of the drain pipe he entered.
A woman recently took out an advertisement in a Texas newspaper saying, "I would like to say congratulations to Shara Cormier and Patrick Brown. They are expecting a baby. Hope you both are really in love and I hope it works out." The ad was placed and signed by Patrick's wife, Timeshia Brown.
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Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014


O’ DUH…

An unnamed Tempe, Arizona school resource officer was participating in a show-and-tell for an eighth-grade class at Gilliland Middle School. Unfortunately, the item she brought to show-and-tell was a Taser. The woman took the demonstration a bit too far when she pulled the trigger and one of the two probes hit a 14-year-old girl in the left arm. Police say no electrical current was delivered and the student wasn't shocked, but she was taken to a hospital to have the probe removed from her arm. Meanwhile, the resource officer was removed from the school.
A two-year-old in China was recently playing unattended at home. At last report the girl was recovering at a hospital. It seems the girl chose to play with a knife and cut off four of her fingers while pretending to cook. Doctors worked for hours to reattach her severed fingers, but it’s not yet known whether she’ll regain full use of her hand.
Andrew Stephenson and Taylor Blake Martin have pleaded guilty in an Orlando court to harassing an endangered species and they now face a maximum penalty of a year in prison and a $50,000 fine. It seems that back in March 2012 one of the men took a “cannonball” dive from a Cocoa Beach dock onto a manatee and her calf. Even more stupid than that act, the men then posted the video on Facebook where it came to the attention of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. (See here)
When Ohio’s 45-year-old Beverly Rolston found out that her husband was cheating on her with a now former friend, she decided to get even with the couple. Beverly has admitted that she went to the Wal-Mart where the woman works and posted photos of them having sex all around the store with the caption “Hide your husbands.” Beverly has pleaded not guilty to charges of pandering obscenities.

H
Bitman

By David Evjen



Bitman1@aol.com
Monday,

March 10th, 2014



ISTORY LESSON…

1792: John Stone patented the pile driver.

1862: The first paper money was issued in the U.S.

1876: Alexander Graham Bell made the first telephone call to his assistant in an adjoining room saying, "Mr. Watson, come here. I want you."

1880: The first Salvation Army branch opened in the United States.

1913: William Knox bowled the first perfect 300 game in tournament competition

1941: The Brooklyn Dodgers announced their players would wear batting helmets

1957: Osama bin Laden was born

1965: The Odd Couple, starring Walter Matthau and Art Carney, premiered on Broadway

1969: James Earl Ray pleaded guilty to the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr.

1980: Scarsdale Diet author Dr. Herman Tarnower was shot to death by his lover, Jean Harris

2005: Michael Jackson arrived to his molestation trial one hour late and in pajamas after the judge threatened him with jail time

2008: New York Governor Eliot Spitzer publicly apologized for his involvement with prostitutes.


Birthday Partiers:
actor Chuck Norris (Walker: Texas Ranger, Sidekicks, Delta Force) 74

singer Dean Torrence (Jan & Dean) 74

actress Sharon Stone (Basic Instinct, Catwoman, Casino) 56

singer Edie Brickell 48

actress Paget Brewster (Man of the House, Huff, Criminal Minds) 45

actor Jon Hamm (Mad Men's Don Draper) 43

singer Robin Thicke 37

singer Carrie Underwood 31



actress Olivia Wilde (House M.D., Year One, Alpha Dog) 30


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