Note to leader: Provide each person with the article “The Gift of Being Real” from GiftedforLeadership.com, included at the end of this study.
From the time our little feet carried us to the playground, most of us have witnessed natural-born leaders among us. They were the ones deciding what games we would play, what teams would be chosen, and who would be on those teams. Their take-charge attitudes rarely got questioned. If you didn’t like your leader, you simply changed groups. As we grew up, some things remained the same. There would still be natural-born leaders in our everyday lives, but in addition, some could be trained to take charge. What makes a good leader?
Discussion Starters
[Q] Describe the first time you realized you were a leader. Did you see this tendency when you were a child?
[Q] Name three important characteristics of a good leader.
[Q] Name a significant person in your life who positively influenced you.
[Q] Name some of the greatest leaders of all time. What were some of their strongest characteristics?
[Q] Name an unsuccessful leader. What do you think contributed to his or her fall?
[Q] Strength is an important characteristic of leaders. If a leader acknowledges weakness, is he or she still capable of leading others?
Part 2
Teaching point one: God hates hypocrisy.
In her article, Caryn Rivadeneira asks, “How many of us are willing to admit or open up about some deep flaws and stinging wounds that lurk in our families? How many of us—especially Christian leaders—are willing to say that we feel hurt of lonely or lost?” When leaders lead from above instead of from alongside, imperfections are sometimes hidden. And yet, people with struggles cannot relate to those who have none. Hiding our struggles is not being genuine, but pharisaical. While it isn’t necessary to share everything with everyone, we can more effectively lead others to trust God by showing them how. Pretending we have no struggles makes us less approachable. We want to follow Christ’s example and be authentic.
Larry Crabb, in his book The Papa Prayer, talks about being genuine: “Why aren’t we more authentic? What keeps us more social than real? Do we fear that if we were real, we would run from others in terror of rejection or run toward them in pathetic neediness or maybe in violent hatred? Was Freud right? Do we have to somehow keep our desires in check, while at the same time indulge enough of them to keep us reasonably happy?”
Read Matthew 23:1–28.
Jesus pointed out to the Pharisees that they were more interested in how things look on the outside than with what was going on in their hearts. It’s easy to put up facades, pretending everything is fine when in reality we are hurting inside; yet, God hates hypocrisy. He sees our hearts and knows every hair on our heads. When we create false pictures of ourselves, it benefits no one. This world has many difficulties in it. Caryn writes of the value of transparency: “I wonder if, in fact, becoming transparent in our troubles could be witness to Jesus’ powerful words: ‘In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world,’ John 16:33. Maybe by giving the gift of the real, we’ll help others see just how Jesus—the ultimate Gift—can help overcome this world of troubles we all face at one time or another.”
Although Jesus told us we would have trouble on earth, we still attempt to look like we are in control and on top of things, even when nothing could be further from the truth.
[Q] Why don’t we let people see who we really are?
Are any of those reasons valid?
[Q] Can you think of any Scripture verses or passages that illustrate how well God really knows us?
[Q] What do you think would happen in our churches if more people were genuine? How can you begin to be more genuine with those around you?
[Q] Do you think it’s possible for members of a group to open up if the leader is not vulnerable? Why or why not?
Optional Activity: Form groups of three or four. Ask each group to write an advertisement for a hypocrite. Mention the necessary qualifications, the benefits of being a hypocrite, and what the position will pay. Add a statement that says, “ need not apply” (think of those normally considered genuine). Share the finished ad with the group.
Teaching point two: God works through weaknesses.
Throughout Scripture, we see examples of godly people who struggled and eventually trusted God. These men and women came to realize they had weaknesses, but also came to acknowledge that God was all-powerful. How else can we see God’s strength, except through our weaknesses? No one likes feeling weak. Yet, God uses our weaknesses as entry points into our lives. Read 2 Corinthians 12:7–10.
Although Paul asked God to remove the thorn from his flesh, God had other plans. Struggles force us to lean hard on God. Read John 15:1–5.
It’s hard to acknowledge that we can do nothing without Christ; we would rather admit we can do “less.” And yet, we are not teachable until we see our need for God. God is not merely an additive; rather, our existence depends on him.
Jesus was born into the world as a helpless baby. If he hadn’t experienced human struggles, his words would have less impact. In like manner, the people who are effective in ministering to us are those who have experienced struggles of their own. They show us how to rely on God, instead of just telling us. Their words impact us because they are tried. We would never experience God’s grace as he meant us to, without coming to him just as we are, warts and all.
[Q] Share a weakness God has used in your life. How long did you pray for God to remove it? Did you ever get to the point that Paul did, where you understood it and rejoiced in it?
[Q] Share a time that God used your struggle to encourage someone else.
[Q] Are there any struggles we should not share with others? If so, where should the line be drawn between what can be shared and what would be inappropriate? Who determines where the line is?
Share a time a leader was vulnerable and it backfired.
Is it inappropriate to share our family’s struggles without their permission?
[Q] Share a weakness you would like to be more honest about, or that you need prayer in overcoming.
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