Defining Moments

BIOLOGICAL FAMILY CLOSURE
The process of writing this memoir led to do one last closure to 2012. It was time to bring closure to my biological family. There was one last surviving member to contact. I had not talked to them since I was 17, almost 24 years ago. In January 2013, I decided to find my aunt Cyd. I knew how to get a hold of her. There was information that I really needed to find out truth about. A small part of me had this gran illusion that she would just apologize for everything that had happened. However, I knew the truth.

I needed to bring closure and tell them that I know that what they did to me was wrong. I wanted to also let her know that I forgive her. Surely, I was not apologizing nor there was no way in hell that I was forgiving her for her. The forgiveness was for my own peace of mind. Finally, Kendra use to tell me that I was not her biological child. I was told that I was bought on the black market. I had no reason to doubt because most of the children that they had abused were bought from the black market. These people use to switch out children at birth for a price. It was a family business and that was how they made their money. Kendra took it a step further by selling children into prostitution. Men use to pay Kendra to rape and molest children. Kendra provided the children in satanic ceremonies. I was one of those children sold by Kendra to these depraved, sick men.

I nervously called Cyd. She acted like no time had passed between us. 24 years had passed between us. Time for truth was here. Something inside me told me what she was going to say and it made sick to my stomach. I tried to record the conversation however my voice recorder was acting up.

I read Cyd a quote from the Bible. I read Psalms 32 about forgiveness.

“I’m going to ask you some questions, you’ll tell me the truth.”

“Of course, why would I lie?” Cyd stated.

“Don’t go there. Your life is a lie. You know what was done.” I said.

Cyd sighs.

“After today, your life is in the hands of Spirit. May God have mercy on your soul for the children you hurt. You stayed silent because you were a coward,” I said

Cyd nervously laughed,

“I was smart. Do you honestly think I wanted my back broken, or tortured the way you were because you stood up?” Cyd asked.

I lit a cigarette,

“Who is my real mother?” I asked.

“Yes, we bought children. Kendrea bought them and yes they be switched and then at her disposal for torture and payment. However, Kendra is your mother,” Cyd stated.

“Are you sure?”

“No. I didn’t go to the hospital with Kendra when she was in labor. However Kendra came home with you in her arms,” Cyd responded.

“Know this, you may think your blood runs through me however, I will have a DNA test done to find out my ethnicity and the truth will be revealed,” I said.

“Okay and yes since we are on truth. Kendra did rape you, sold you and yes she did beastality on you,” Cyd stated.

I threw down my cigarette.

“Do you know what I have gone through living with the fact, she tied me down, raped me with a dogs dick, and you stood there watching and not doing anything.” I yelled.

“you have to forgive, Kat,” Cyd started crying.

“We were lost and you were the first child in seven generations of our family that ever stood up and refused to do what we did. We will die and go to hell for our sins.” Cyd stated.

“I forgive you because of God and for my own peace of mind, however I shall not be silent regarding the evils that you have committed.”I said. Cyd asked me a question that was hard to answer.

“If God exists, and he is so powerful then why did he allow the

Children to die, to be raped and tortured,”

I felt like I was talking to Kendra again when I was a child. I told Cyd that God had a plan. What happened in our family was pure evil. I found her guilty of being a coward. I asked her why she never stood up.

“Are you kidding? I saw how they beat you and broke your back.

I was like hell no. I will keep quiet thank you,” Cyd responded.

Cyd went on to explain how the sins of the family history stopped when I stood up against the family. They only knew how to hurt children. Cyd told me that I was caught in the crossfire by standing up against Kendra. I told Cyd that I had faith that they would be dealt with. Kendra may be dead now, however their silence shall condemn them. Cyd told me that she was proud of me for standing up and that if I was still a writer that I needed to write my story so that the other children shall never be forgotten.

I asked one last question. It was a question that I knew would hurt me. I had to know.

“Did Kendra ever love me?” I asked.

“No. She hated you with all she was. You were just a well

bred dog touched by God,” Cyd responded.

I held my cell phone out from me. I had begun crying. I quickly gathered myself.

“You said that you all believe in God. That Kendra accepted God

On her deathbed. Do you really believe in God?” I asked.

“We just don’t want to go to hell and God says he forgives our sins”

I took a deep breath into my body. For a brief a moment, I thought,

You son of a bitches. You think you found a loop hole in Christianity.

“I did not call to ponder your soul. I called to let you know

I forgive you. I pray that one day you will realize the evil that you

Visited on me,” I said.

“We know it’s just the past. We were born that way. You have to

Move forward and let it go. Well have a good day,” Cyd said.

A part of me wished that Kendra did love me. I always thought that maybe if I was strong enough for the both of us that she would realize that she did not have to hurt children. I was her child. Kendra always said I was bought. To hate a child so strongly was devastating to me. Kendra’s hated of me imprisoned my heart and created low self esteem within me. There is irony. The day I found out that she died when I was 25, I went to the cemementary. I asked spirit to be kind in her crossing over and perhaps in her next life she will not be so evil. Cyd’s words hurt me. I knew the truth deep inside of me. Cyd’s words made it reality.

Afterwards, I cried because at the end of the day, they are pathethic pedophiles, torturers and rapists. This was my closure with my biological family. I will never again make contact with them. There are certain truths that have a point of no return once exposed. I endured horrific abuse at the hands of the ones that were suppose to love me and protect me. I stood up against them and that made me different. All my life I hated that I was different. Now I celebrate my difference. I hid behind walls. Now I speak my truth that has shaped me.