Modern Business Writing

Option 1

He told me where he was going - to see James - and I replied that he might see Brenda there. At the same time the dog started barking. Again I had to shout as I asked, “Will you tell him I-?” I tried to quieten the dog, but I failed; to shut him up, of course, I should have given him a bone. I know Bill did not hear me. I thought he smiled as he went away, without my having had a chance to question him. For the second time I went home dissatisfied.

Option 2

He told me where he was going to see James, and I replied that he might see Brenda there at the same time. The dog started barking again. I had to shout as I asked, “Will you tell him I … I tried to quieten the dog, but I failed to shut him up. Of course, I should have given him a bone, I know.” Bill did not hear me, I thought. He smiled as he went away. Without my having had a chance to question him for the second time, I went home dissatisfied.

Module 4

4 Producing documents which are clear, effective and professional

At the end of this module delegates will be able to:

• 
  Choose concise language
  
• 
  Avoid repetition
  
• 
  Express ideas concisely
  
• 
  Ensure quality
  
• 
  Select and develop an appropriate style and tone
  

4.1 Ambiguity

Avoid ambiguity – write as clearly and accurately as possible.

An ambiguous word or phrase can have disastrous results.

Have a look at the following phrases and try to work out their various meanings.

• 
  Bi-monthly
  

• 
  Notice in a pharmacy: We dispense with accuracy.
  

• 
  Letter to an insurance company: Dear Mr Jennings, I am glad to inform you that my husband reported missing is now dead.
  

• 
  In reply to your letter, I have given birth to a 2 kg boy. I hope this is satisfactory.
  

• 
  I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
  

• 
  I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
  

• 
  I was on my way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
  

• 
  Mrs R has not clothes and has not had any for a year. The clergy have been visiting her.
  

• 
  I want money as quick as you can send it. I have been in bed with my doctor all week and he does not seem to be doing me any good.
  

• 
  Re your enquiry, the teeth in the top are all right but the ones in my bottom are hurting terribly.
  

4.2 Choosing the correct tone

4.2.1 Word tone
When writing, the words you choose to use carry two kinds of meaning

• 
  “denotative meaning” - what the words actually means
  

• 
  “connotative meaning” - the emotional value of the word and its associations
  

snake - a reptile

snake - devious and untrustworthy
If you are not sure of both meanings of a word, be careful of using it. When in doubt, keep it simple and keep to the words you are sure of.

slim slender thin scrawny lean

thankful grateful appreciative indebted obliged

steadfast determined stubborn firm obstinate

angry mad enraged furious irate

wayward erratic untrustworthy unreliable changeable

unacceptable unsuitable inappropriate impossible unfit

What can happen if you use the wrong tome?

4.2.2 Tone in text
It is a “strange but true” fact that you can often assess a person’s personality, educational level, gender, mood, attitudes etc. relatively easily from a piece of his/her writing.

4.2.2.1 Exercise

Edit the following pieces of writing:

From: Bethuel Unkind

To: All staff

Date: Tue, sept, 15, 2009 8:31 AM

Subject: Locking of offices

Dear colleaques

As a key Custodian of the National Office i am requesting everyone that we are living with danger and people of now adays are untrustfull even if we are both colleaques but we dont like each other so my advise is these ,to all of us: Please please lock your offices 3 steps away from your office. Because within a second an incident happend, Everyday there is a report of theft, e.g. wallet,handbag,cellphone, carkeys,are stolen when you ask the person that did they broke in to your office,she or he would say i am not sure?
Does these sure give me an answer {no}.You will ask she or he another question was your office locked when that happend the answer will remain the same i am not sure that i did lock or not.SO good people lets work hand in hand, because according to all these i have mentioned it shows every one that other people are irresponsible for their own belongings together with the state assets, because when you live your office being unlocked you invite any danger to happened into it.
When all these happened they run over to Security to report,and they send them to me Is where they started to hit the rocks Because when i started to ask questions of what happened ,people start to contradict themselves, when you request them to write reports on what happened they failled to comply.They want me to remind them about submiting their reports, Then is there you see them started to be irritated.whereas their the ones who came up with a problem.

So let me advise on these i am a key custodian and the rules that i am using if all of us can comply with them there will be no theft all over our Departments,Nationaly Provincialy and Regionaly

So the motto is 3 steps away from your office you lock it to AVOID DANGER'''''''''
I AM VERY VERY STRICTLY WHEN COMING TO LOCKING AND UNLOCKING OF YOUR OFFICES, BECAUESE YOU PUT THE STATE PROPERTY IN DANGER INSTEAD OF PROTECTING AND SECURING THEM ,
Hope we will comply posetively
Kind regard

Bethuel

4.3 Style in business writing
STYLE – The way something is written as opposed to its content.
4.3.1 What constitutes style?
Style is the personal aspect of writing. It is hard to pin down precisely but the following factors will certainly influence our style.
Word choice - Use of adjectives

- Abbreviations, e.g. can’t, won’t

- Using names and/or personal pronouns

Sentence construction - Long or short

- Main point at front or hidden

Asking direct question of the reader - “ … ask yourself what would happen if …”

Using the imperative - “Do not contact Dr Mathers without first …”

The blend of active/passive voice

Paragraphing - Use of headings and layout

Imagery - Creating an atmosphere

Tone - Formal, light-hearted, commanding, inviting
4.3.2 Should we vary our style?
A novelist is likely to have a distinctive style of writing. In the context of “literature” this is important – professional writers often work hard to perfect a distinctive style.
In business writing people will also have their own natural style. However, in business it is a great advantage to be able to adapt style to the needs of the situation. We do not want an inappropriate style to prevent our message achieving the desired result.
The style will depend on the AIM – particularly WHO we are writing to, and for what PURPOSE. Clearly different styles are required for a factual, scientific or technical report, and a persuasive memo asking for an increase in your budget. Remember, writing is a creative activity – so think about the style you use.
4.3.3 A positive personal style
This style is appropriate when we want to appear enthusiastic or confident – e.g. giving good news, action requests (especially from superior to less senior people), getting people to take note of a proposal.
If the right balance is struck it will create a positive and favourable impression. If over-done it can appear too flamboyant or pushy.
To be positive:

• 
  Use the active voice, stand up en be counted. Be precise.
  

“I will present the results at the next committee meeting on 22 May”

rather than
“The results will be presented at a future meeting of the committee”

• 
  Avoid weakening words and phrases such as possibly; maybe; perhaps;
  

“It would be concluded that …”

• 
  Use names and personal pronouns to make it more friendly
  

• 
  Try to write more like you speak
  

• 
  State your opinions and the facts clearly.
  

4.3.4 Technical and scientific reporting style
Traditionally, technical and scientific reports have been written in the passive voice. All the evidence shows scientists prefer to read a simple style, yet they tend not to write it themselves, since they are afraid they will be accused of ignoring scientific objectivity and injecting too much opinion into their writing.
Recent surveys have shown that scientific colleagues regard a simple active style as not only easier to read, but also as evidence of greater technical competence. This esteem is due to the writer’s apparent dynamism, thoughtfulness and enthusiasm for the subject. It also shows regard for the ordered and objective way they communicate. Consequently the style in which we report enhances the image of our work.
The message is clear: if we wish to gain recognition for our technical expertise – we must write in simple terms.
4.3.5 George Orwell’s five rules for using language to express thoughts

1. 
   Never use a long word where a short one will do.
   

2. 
   If it is possible to cut a word, delete it.
   

3. 
   Never use the passive voice where you can use the active voice.
   

4. 
   Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word or jargon if you can think of an
   

everyday English equivalent.

In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. Thomas Jefferson