Modern Business Writing

6.7 Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.  Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Why the English language is hard to learn (how did we ever learn it?)

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  The bandage was wound around the wound.
  
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  The farm was used to produce produce.
  
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  The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  
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  We must polish the Polish furniture.
  
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  He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  
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  The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  
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  Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  
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  A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  
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  When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  
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  I did not object to the object.
  
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  The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  
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  There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  
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  They were too close to the door to close it.
  
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  The buck does strange things when the does are present.
  
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  A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  
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  To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  
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  The wind was too strong for us to wind the sail.
  
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  After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  
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  Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  
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  I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  
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  How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
  

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in a hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you can comb through annals of history but not a single annal?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of either one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? By the way, how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?

Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?

Or met a sung hero or experienced requited love?

Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?

And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? Where did the beauty who was OUT OF THIS WORLD go?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible.

However, when the lights are out, they are invisible. Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay I finish it.

And lastly, why do we have to hit the START button first to STOP running 'Windows 7'!!?!
Confusion, thy name is English!

7 English business writing resources


7.1 Grammar
7.1.1 Kenneth Beare – About.com English second language (ESL) Guide.

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http://esl.about.com
7.1.2 English grammar 4 u online: www.ego4u.com/en/cram-up/grammar
7.1.3 Business English – Communication: www.ego4u.com/en/business-english/communication
15.1.4 Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/english_grammar

7.2 Self-tests
English grammar 4 u: www.ego4u.com/en/cram-up/tests

7.3 Writing/structure/templates
7.3.1 Purdue University: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/sitemap

7.4 Proof-reader
7.4.1 Essay Rater: www.essayrater.com $19.95 per month

7.5 Agreements
7.5.1 Legal Write. Software of templates for compiling legal agreements in South Africa. Available from Makro, Incredible Connection and other software retailers.

The distributor is Softline. R599.95

7.5.2 “Business in a box.” More than 1 200 templates, but designed in USA.

Internet download: www.business-in-a-box.com $199.95

7.6 HR documentation
Workinfo.com is an online website that provides subscribers with access to a wealth of information in the following areas:

• 
  HR policies and procedures
  
• 
  Employment legislation
  
• 
  IR policies and procedures
  
• 
  Training and development
  

The following online manuals are also included in the annual membership fee to Workinfo.com:

• 
  Comprehensive HR Policies and Procedures Manual
  
• 
  Employment Equity Implementation Manual
  
• 
  Workforce and Succession Planning Manual
  
• 
  Workplace Communications Manual
  
• 
  Retrenchment Manual
  
• 
  Training Manual
  
• 
  Developing an HR Strategic Plan - manual and templates 
  
• 
  Talent Management Manual (end Aug 2009)
  

Subscribe to the website for R1 539, 00 including VAT per member per annum and have access to all the subscriber content on the site. 
www.workinfo.com

Commit yourself to lifelong learning. The most valuable asset you will ever have is your mind and what you put into it. Brian Tracey