402
From: Elnora Van Winkle>
Date: Wed Apr 12, 2000 1:22am
Subject: Hope for depression
> Hello,
I am a sufferer of depression and have had three major episodes. I am currently on antidepressants as ordered by my doctor but until I read Ellie's work none of the explanations for depression made any sense to me and I didn't hold out any hope.
>
> As soon as I read Ellie's work it all made sense. I know I have repressed anger & I need to get it out. I have begun to implement the self -help measures over the last few days but I could really use a little help.
>
> I could also use some help with the mental redirecting through the day when I am surrounded by people and need to do it all in my head. I have read all the other articles.
>
> I hope with all my heart that you get this email and that you can respond with help. I would dearly love to be part of the group as well.
Maria
Dear Maria,
So glad you are here. When you are with people it's harder to release and redirect anger noisily. If you can go to a rest room and pound on the wall, some have done that. Others have tried throwing something forcefully in a wastebasket, or jabbing a pencil through some paper. But if you can't do these things try to talk to your past abusers quietly in your mind. When I felt guilt or low self esteem, I would say to my mother, who used to tell me I should be ashamed of myself...'get out of my head' or 'shut up' or "I hate you...it's your fault I'm scrubbing floors" I had cleaning jobs, and could pound on the floor while scrubbing it! they got very clean! You will find your own ways. The detox is going on in your brain, so mentally redirecting is what will speed things up, especially doing it at the first sign of an excitatory nervous symptom, and as often as possible through out the day. Ellie
403
From: Elnora Van Winkle>
Date: Thu Apr 13, 2000 3:10am
Subject: Tears that heal
> to Cyndy...
> thank you. I too saw the cider house rules. It spoke to me as well.
> You are the first person I've ever heard besides me say they felt more connected after they cried.
> I think that's what you said. I don't have your response in front of me. None the less for years I would tell therapists and others that I feel grounded when I 'feel'- cry. I really didn't seem as if anyone understood what I was saying.
> thanks for your heartfelt support.
> and thanks to anyone else who supports me.
> I'm am reclaiming my self.
> Laura
404
From: Elnora Van Winkle
Date: Thu Apr 13, 2000 3:22am
Subject: Childhood images
> well I'm still not asleep. I've been pounding more. I think what seems to be happening is that I'm able to get deeper. where I don't know. but somewhere. I was getting images as I cried from childhood...
> I have not taken a med yet. Will see what happens. What keeps coming up is turning the anger inward. I keep wanting to blame myself. I didn't 'do it right'..
> I will know I'm healed when I no longer give a hoot weather I did it right, wrong, or at all.
> I like that idea. so I pound.
> well there's really nothing else to say.
> I'm just up.
> Laura
This is wonderful to hear that you are having childhood images...it's a sign of clearing neural pathways...great work you are doing and doing it right!!! You can't do it wrong and you never did anything wrong ever...Abusive parents created morals to make us feel guilty about our God given right to have our justifiable anger. Unfortunately our anger gets misdirected inward or toward others. When I die I intend to ask my Creator...why on earth did you make us this way??? That tight feeling in my chest that I used to have everytime I thought I did something wrong is gone forever....
Ellie
405
From: Elnora Van Winkle>
Date: Thu Apr 13, 2000 4:00am
Subject: Prison project update
I like to let you know how the prison project is going. I get a bit down when I send out and get no response. But I turn that 'down' to anger in my mind, and try again. And then when someone does respond I'm flying. I reached a prison official in the Czech Republic, who within two days had it translated for me (he even translated the longer version) and will send it to all their prisons. Here is what he wrote:
Every word you say is the sound of the bell of hope and liberty.
Enclosed find short translation version. Good luck by now. Ladislav
Hooray for the Czech Republic.
Ellie
406
From: Elnora Van Winkle>
Date: Thu Apr 13, 2000 7:54am
Subject: Physical symptoms
> Dear Ellie,
> can you tell me something about the connection between the pour out of cortisol and the storage of memories? I sometimes have to take a cortisol-like remedy (prednisolon) because of my colitis. I just read an article where they try to treat addictions with cortison and the addiction means. Andrew
Addictions cannot be treated with any drugs. All drugs add to the problem, even the many so-called natural remedies, such as artificially made amino acids and other substances that mimic natural hormones. They are all toxic. Drugs suppress the healing symptoms, whether the symptoms are emotional or physical. Endogenous cortisol levels fluctuate along with the periodic detox crises that are going on. This does not mean giving drugs similar to cortisol is good. It just makes things worse.
There is no direct correlation with corisol levels and the storage of memory. When you are post flood your short-term memory should improve, but this is because neural pathways are cleared when you use the self-help measures. I hope you can avoid any prednisol or similar drugs. Prednisol is especially toxic and can lead to serious problems, like diabetes. Your colitis might get worse for a while you are detoxing using the self help, but it should subside with out any help from drugs...Physical symptoms of all kinds are likely to get worse for a while, fever, headaches, stomach troubles, colds, etc. This is because toxins are flowing out of the brain and body, and can cause symptoms. But these physical symptoms are detox crises and unless you have irreversible organic damage, like metastatic cancer, they are healing events.
Please read this excerpt from my scientific paper and there is more about cortisol in the paper on http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html
Toxicosis.
Since the time of Hippocrates it has been understood that symptoms of most diseases, other than degenerative disorders where irreversible organic damage has been sustained, represent the efforts of the body to eliminate toxins (4). Any substance, endogenous or exogenous, that cannot be utilized by the cells is recognized as toxic and eliminated. When elimination is impaired, toxins accumulate. The cells adapt to toxicosis, but when levels of toxin become intolerable the body initiates a detoxification process. Toxicosis is the true disease, and what we call disease is remedial action, a complex of symptoms caused by the vicarious elimination of toxins. Recovery from disease is not because of remedies but in spite of them. The illusion that remedies cure disease is based on the periodicity that characterizes functional disorders. When levels of toxin are reduced to the toleration point, the sickness passes and health returns. But the true disease is not cured. With continued enervation toxins again accumulate and another crisis occurs. Unless the causes of toxicosis are discovered and removed, crises will recur until functional derangements give way to irreversible organic disease. In 1848 Thomas Sydenham, the English Hippocrates, wrote, "[a] disease, however much its cause may be adverse to the human body, is nothing more than an effort of Nature who strains with might and main to restore the health of the patient by the elimination of the morbific matter" (5).
Please also reread this from the Archives. It explains more about how symptoms are healing events and that it is not good to suppress them. I also recommend the book Fit For Life, by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond. It explains how toxicosis causes disease..and offers healthier diets.
>From the Archives:
I have wanted to give you some background for the toxic mind theory upon which the self-help measures are based. My discovery of the toxic mind as the basis for the symptoms of emotional disorders came after a study of a movement called Natural Hygiene (a book called Fit for Life, by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond led me to this), which adheres to nutrition as a means of cleansing the body and restoring health. The discovery came from a correlation of the principles of Natural Hygiene, the work of Alice Miller, Janov and others, the principles of Adult Children of Alcoholics, ie Melody Beattie's ninth step "dealing with those who harmed us" and finally 50 years of my research and that of others in biological psychiatry, specifically catecholamine metabolism. I previously published many papers dealing with catecholamines and neurotransmission.
That the self-help measures work is proven by the scientific evidence for the toxic mind theory in my technical paper. I also wanted to send you this information to point out the importance of nutrition. It is much easier to change to a more natural diet when one is post-flood because the cravings for non-nutritious food will have calmed down, but if your physical health is poor it may be necessary to make this shift along with doing the detox of anger, using substitutes such as raw dates for processed sugar, baked potato for bread, etc. My field is not nutrition, and I don't presume to advise in detail about nutrition, but it is an important factor in the healing of the mind. There are a number of food lists that were helpful to me, such as the Raw Food and Paleo Food lists on:
http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/
I personally eat according to Instinctive Nutrition, by Severen Schaeffer, all raw including animal food, Garden of Eden style, (what tastes good in its natural state is what my body needs, what doesn't appeal or tastes bad my body does not need)--but there are REAL dangers from parasites (some Instinctive eaters have nearly died from parasites) especially if one goes into this abruptly, so I do not give advice about which food plan to adopt. But there is general agreement among those I have studied about the need for animal food, especially fat, as raw as possible--many eat Sushi for this-- avoiding grains, dairy, refined carbohydrates, and the need to eat as many raw fruits and vegetables as possible. The Natural Hygiene movement has become vegetarian, and I have learned (sadly through the loss of several NH friends) that long term vegetarianism is deficient in very essential nutrients.
Here is an except from Fit for Life II by Marilyn and Harvey Diamond which explains the concept of toxemia as the source of most disease.
"Review of the Principles
HARVEY:
Regardless of what you are trying to achieve in the area of your health, certain fundamental principles can be used. The most basic of these deserve mentioning. Although these principles are described in detail in Fit for Life, it is important at least to review them. The approach to eating suggested by and described in Fit for Life is designed to accomplish the vital function of keeping the inside of your body clean and in tiptop working condition. When everything is fine on the inside, it is reflected on the outside. Even though Fit for Life addresses itself to energy enhancement and weight loss, its underlying goal is to cleanse the body. Keep in mind that your body, like anything else, can become dirty. If the inner workings of your car become all sludged up, it will not operate well until it is cleaned out. The same holds true for your body. Your insides can be impeded in their operations by uneliminated metabolic waste. You can either clean it out or ignore it. Of course, ignoring it, which in effect is allowing it to become cumulatively worse, makes about as much sense as jumping in front of a speeding truck. How does your body become clogged up-- By what is called a metabolic imbalance, or toxemia. Metabolism is the sum total of all the processes of the body in taking in food, using what it can, and getting rid of all the rest. Stated a little differently, metabolism is the building up (anabolism) and the breaking down (catabolism) of tissue in the body. When waste builds up faster than the body can eliminate it, you become toxic (or poisoned). The more toxic you are, the sicker you can become.
Every day your body breaks down somewhere between 300 and 800 billion cells. Every day! They must be eliminated. Why? Because, besides being no longer of use to the body, they are in fact toxic or poisonous to the body, which is where the word toxemia comes in. Spent cells are dead. If they are allowed to build and build at a faster rate than the body can eliminate them, then you will reach a point where they begin to poison the body and start damaging its internal organs. The breaking down of cells is not the only source of toxic material. There is another contributor to the level of toxemia with which the body must contend.
Food! That's right, our old friend that we all know and love. The people of the United States have a diet that has more than its fair share of highly processed and overcooked food. Because the body absorbs nonusable debris and toxic additives from the intestinal tract, there is a slow buildup of food residue and additives (which are toxic) that cannot be used by the body. This waste matter coupled with the toxic debris generated by the breaking down of cells is what creates a metabolic imbalance or toxemia. You want to have a system as clean and free of toxic waste as possible. The key to living a long, disease-free, pain-free life, lies in understanding and minimizing your level of toxemia.
Dr. John H. Tilden, who discovered the phenomenon of toxemia in the early 192Os, first laid out his findings in his landmark hook Toxemia Explained. Dr. Tilden was a practicing physician who became disillusioned with the drugging approach to healing and turned to Natural Hygiene. The success he had employing the principles of Natural Hygiene with his patients totally convinced him of the worthiness and excellence of this field of science. He described the extent to which toxemia is the root cause of the many ailments we humans suffer. He demonstrated dramatically that, more often than not.
WHAT WE CALL DISEASE IS NOTHING MORE THAN THE BODY'S OWN EFFORT TO CLEANSE ITSELF OF TOXINS.
Of course, the different problems are given different names depending on the area used for the elimination of waste, creating the illusion that there are thousands of separate maladies when, in fact, most of them are one and the same-- toxemia. To think that every single malady is a distinct and different problem is like thinking that water, dew, ice, frost, snow all have a distinct and different essence. Envision a dike holding back a large body of water. This dike is made of bricks and mortar. Because of a prolonged rainstorm, the body of water becomes larger and larger, putting more and more pressure on the dike. Ultimately, the dike starts to succumb to the ever growing body of water. First, some of the mortar loosens and water starts to trickle through (these are detoxification crises, in the brain it may be a release of repressed anger--my addition). Then some bricks pop out and water starts to come through those openings. With the breach, some the structure itself starts to crack and crumble, and finally the foundation starts to erode, with the result that some of the structure collapses. Finally, the water level becomes so great that water simply surges right over the entire dike and floods it under. The problem here is not the bricks or the mortar or the foundation of the structure itself. The problem is the ever increasing, vast amount of water that ultimately became more than the dike could withstand. There were not four problems, there was one: an overload of water. To understand what happens with toxemia, imagine that your body is the dike and that the water is your level of toxemia. No matter how strong you are, no matter what measures you take to remain strong, an ever increasing level of toxemia will in time take its toll (a youth might kill off a dozen classmates during a detox of anger--again my addition here). It will overwhelm you and lay you low with some malady. This is why I say that the secret to longevity (and sanity!) is in keeping your level of toxemia as low as possible. (for the brain, the need to release and redirect anger at the first sign of an excitatory symptom so as to periodically detoxify the neurons that have become clogged with neruotransmitters as a result of suppressing anger--my last addition here>:
This same Dr. John Tilden wrote the following: 'Drunkeness and crime of all kinds are vicarious toxin eliminations--crises of toxemia.'
Tilden and other early Natural Hygienists were probably abused children themselves, did not understand that the central nervous system works just as the rest of the body in it's effort to eliminate toxins. They had an unfortunate moralistic approach to emotional detox events.
What is different about the nervous system is that nerve cells, or neurons, are formed at birth and generally do not replace themselves. This means they constantly must repair portions of the cytoplasm during periodic detox crises (which are excitatory nervous symptoms). In the hypothalamus, which is not protected by the blood brain barrier, some of the toxins are from exogenous food and other sources. But most of the toxemia in the neurons--toxicosis is a better word since toxemia usually refers to blood--is from excess noradrenaline and related metabolites, which have accumulated in the neurons as a result of the suppression of anger and other negative thoughts and emotions.
Ellie
407
From: Elnora Van Winkle>
Date: Fri Apr 14, 2000 3:40am
Subject: Feeling hung over
> I did eventually go to sleep w/o an aid.
> I feel hung over this a.m
> Have been waking up feeling frightened, nauseated, dizzy for some time now. I don't understand this. It's happened many times before. I go to sleep feeling good, thinking positive & wake up so depressed or like the above.
> I wish I could tap into my dreams. I've only remembered a few dreams in my adult life. these dreams have come when I was extremely relaxed for me or when I've fallen back to a deep sleep.
> Laura
Even without any meds at bedtime, you will probably have a drug like sleep and wake up hung over. Every time you have a detox crisis, and do the releasing and redirecting, you are releasing natural sedative substances in the brain. These will cause a drug like sleep, but most of the detoxing by the brain and body is in the early AM. This means symptoms of anxiety, fear, nausea, etc are going to be worse in the AM. It's the same as if you had gone on a binge at night, next morning you are hung over.
More and more as the neural pathways clear, you will better remember dreams, and along with this short term memory will get better. If, when you first awake you can focus on any part of the dream, the rest will come back. Scary dreams are detox crises. When you are post flood these will subside. Only very occasionally now are my dreams scary. Dreams are just my brain sorting out and laying down in memory all my thoughts of the day. And experience is stored as characteristics, so today's events get mixed up with yesteryear. Dreams are like mosaics of experience, only the pieces have been separated and re-assembled in a new pattern.
Ellie
408
From: Elnora Van Winkle>
Date: Fri Apr 14, 2000 3:56am
Subject: Going off medicines slowly
> Dear Ellie,
> thank you for your reply. I think I should go off medication, my blood seemed to be o.k. I have started using Prednisol (again) when I wrote my exam. Now I don't really need it, but it is common to reduce it and not immediately stop using it. Andrew
Yes, very important not to go off medication abruptly, and best to do it under medical supervision...not always easy since most doctors are not supportive. My doctor, who helped me detox from sedatives for years, was even angry when I told him 'no thyroid medicine for me'. But I was firm, and now all my blood tests are quite normal.
Ellie
409
From: Elnora Van Winkle>
Date: Fri Apr 14, 2000 6:42am
Subject: Truth
Here is a quote someone sent me about truth.
All truth passes through three stages:
First, it is ridiculed.
Second, it is violently opposed.
Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
...Schopenhauer
The toxic mind theory is passing through these stages. A peer reviewer called it 'ridiculous.' My former colleagues have violently opposed it. But those who identify and use the self help measures seem to see it as self-evident. I think it has been self evident throughout history, and can be seen in stories such as the one below, which someone passed on to Shirley.
"There is a story of a woodchuck. Have you heard it? The woman, (in my perception) is a very nicey-nice person, who has probably lived her life pleasing everyone else...including the emotionally disturbed children she raised. She has made a vow that she will "never shed blood".
Well, a woodchuck invades her garden. She tries to reason with it, vibrationally, and allows it its own area. No dice. Her passionate anger escalates. In the end, she kills the woodchuck with a pitchfork...and glee! I mean, she is so delighted that she killed it...she keeps saying, "I discovered a whole different part of myself."
I think this woman was trying to say that she had broken out of her little nicey-nice box and discovered passion in herself. She had, you might say, made one huge complaint, had one huge temper tantrum...and in the process the garden was no longer the issue, but her discovery of herself was.
Complaining is never the "highest" truth...but maybe sometimes it is what is appropriate to the person, on the path TO the highest truth. Kind of like taking an anti-depressant."
This is exactly what happens biochemically in the brain. Releasing and redirecting anger during a detox crisis has the same effect as an antidepressant. The highest truth is that when we are post flood the chemical balance is restored and we have a sustainable euphoria.
Ellie
410
From: Elnora Van Winkle>
Date: Sat Apr 15, 2000 4:07am
Subject: Give credit to yourselves
> Dear Ellie,
> I want you to know I am very grateful for all your time and commitment to the list and helping others battle the dreaded "D" word...depression...I have steered some hurting folks your way and I do believe they are lurking, because I have been given thanks from them.
>
> I have battled and won a good amount of triumph over my own depression. Of course I do still waiver when faced with situations which flash me back to the blackest days of my past. But with the tools I have gathered, and the continuing research, reading, and practicing keeping the faith of self and the universe, I have brought myself to a greater light and awareness.
>
> I find it hard to not speak my truth to others who pass my way in a needy time, so I speak, from my heart and with the conviction I hear from you on this list. You are giving priceless service to the society of the Earth. And through spreading the awareness our children and future generations will experience enlightenment such as our mothers and fathers never knew.
>
> I have a true life trauma story, I am getting close to the place I need to be to share it with you. It is a lesson in letting go of shame.
> If you like, you may post any of my writings, I welcome meeting others who experience situations such as myself. Doris
Please give credit, not to me, but to your own inner wisdom and your choice to recover. This simple biology was a gift to me from my Creator, and I am just passing it on. I'm delighted to hear of others who are lurking. The list would not work as an interactive group, and no one need feel any obligation to post. When I developed the measures, I was alone and without any support, so I know people can recover without a list. But I also thank you for your posts, because I do think they encourage others. Doris, I'm sure you are not 'consciously' trying to 'let go of shame,' but seeing it as a trigger for some anger to get out. My mother's favorite words were, "Elnora, you should be ashamed of yourself" NO MORE SHAME FOR ME!! Self-esteem and peace of mind. Ellie
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