This file contains all the messages in the Yahoo group currently located at the link below. This will allow you to read through the messages off-line
Yüklə 5,47 Mb.
|
452 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu May 18, 2000 2:49am Subject: Fear Ellie, I was triggered. I threw, which works best for me, & redirected. My body as always when I'm triggered was in an upheaval-Shaking, agitated, screaming, pacing. > I was busy with packing, because I was moving, where I don't know but I just couldn't bear staying there any longer. > I'm digressing...What I noticed, being busy unlike my usual life but more like how other people live-working, taking care of kids or other responsibilities, made a difference in my redirecting. Instead of what normally happens, the rage going round & round, on & on. It did not. I redirected then I had other things I had to do other places requiring my attention. I was still furious but thoughts of the trigger had less time to regurgitate & my body calmed down quicker. I seemed thou to be left w/fear. Being here I'm feeling more fear then I did last time. I'm redirecting daily. The hate feelings seem more surface & I seem to be feeling sorry for little self more. The fear bothers me. I know enough to redirect whenever I'm feeling this...none the less it remains. > I have been sleeping longer. This time here I feel more like a child then the last visit...I'm feeling the trapped feelings I had thru out my entire childhood-actually experiencing how I got where & who I am. Not an intellectual knowing. I could do nothing right, I could not breath w/o being cornered, I was controlled, I could go nowhere w/o them knowing. I had to report whatever I did. NO SUPPORT. I would like to hear from others with similar experiences as a child. alone, neglected, unwanted, controlled, abused, non supported, fighting, name calling. Is there anyone out there who can relate to this. I feel alone in it. thanks Perhaps I'm just ready to deal w/this now. I do not plan on visiting again. Laura Dear Laura, I'm so glad to hear you recognize that fear is a trigger to redirect. Your courage to go through this fear and get the anger out is what will free you. The fear is caused by a release of excess adrenaline, and when you are post flood this will be gone. Freedom from fear is a major goal of this self-therapy. You are not alone. Everyone on this list (about 80 now) has had similar childhood abuse and will identify with you. I hope you can access the Archives and read them, since not everyone posts often to the list. Ellie
> Ellie/Laura, > I can relate to being abandoned, all the rest, rejected, I not only put up with it years of childhood but until 5 years ago. Just keep screaming, somedays, although I am now post flood, certain situations will arise and I just want to cry, the rage is gone, but the tears want to come to release further, I think that's the flushing of the unwanted stuff still remaining which makes the muddy basin period, the tears with the dirt. My words to you Laura would be just keep it up, redirect, I've been doing for 15 years, not all actively cause I didn't know all the concepts of it, but did like instinctively, now I do on purpose and the results are not immediate sometimes a day or two later, you'll see a similar situation arise, if you've redirected that doesn't do to you what it did days ago. I recently realized my fear of everything, not enough finances, fear of losing friendship, fear of others opinions came from a father who was not supportive to give me the foundation of stability, so now I redirect the fear to his lack of concern for me and lack of knowing how to build a foundation of confidence in me. Not only is anger good to redirect, but redirect that fear too. Keep up the good work. You are precious, no matter what they told you. > love, Sally 455 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue May 23, 2000 10:28pm Subject: Raw food and Joy Ellie My husband now eats his steak very, very rare, and asks for it that way, thanks to being exposed to instinctual ideas. I know what you mean about insects. The idea makes sense in every way except I can't do it! Shirley
>
Yeah!!!! He must be a good man. Shirely When people become post flood they are attracted to healthy food, and that would help physical ills like AIDS. I don't know if Mr. Mbeki will directly support the prison project, I just know he sent it to his Ministry of Health, who told me they sent it to their AIDS section. But there's hope. Their Ambassador also sent me a thank you and sent it to their Public Affairs Division. I have to be patient and know that even if it only reaches a few, it will spread in time. Ellie It's a lot more fun being a 50 year old (almost 51) little child than a depressed adult with a frustrated inner child. I know I can help others now in a REAL way if I choose to. Before I always knew I had an impediment in the way of doing that. > Love and Joy -- Shirely Me too, I'm 72 last week, and act like a kid and love it. I do try to be more grown up with letters to officials, but first I have my feelings. If I get a rejection I go into the 'I hate you' first and then write a confrontational letter if I need to. Love and Joy to you too...and all on this list...and all in the world if they would only join us. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Wed May 24, 2000 11:12pm Subject: Become a screamer for a while Ellie Thanks so much for letting me into the list. I did reread the article and keep it handy. I am on antidepressants and mentioned my anger to my psychiatrist the last time I was there -- as an example I used how incredibly angry I get at TV commercials. I was looking for a way to deal with my anger. His recommendation? Use the mute button. Not what I was looking for. Your solution makes much more sense. >
Today I "talked back" to my parents twice. I'm not a screamer or a physical person. The issues I was angry about were not my parents' "fault" but it was their influence nonetheless; I'm angry that they raised me with a "poverty mentality", and I'm angry that they raised me to not think I was good enough. It did seem to defuse my anger. It is very helpful to feel the inappropriate anger, step back from it and try to relate it to my childhood, and then refocus it on the abusers. I hope I am doing this right. Stella You've got it...so glad you are here. Try to do the releasing and redirecting before approaching your parents as they are not likely to respond favorably. Go and pound on a bed and direct your anger toward them, even without having any specific childhood memory in mind. Become a screamer and let it out physically when you are alone. When you are post flood you won't be a screamer and you won't need the antidepressants anymore. And try to redirect anger mentally all through the day if you are not able to pound on a bed. Redirect anger mentally everytime you feel anxiety, fear, low self esteem, etc. (see the list of excitatory nervous symptoms). Keep reading the article so you know what to expect. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway or: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story are on: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the Depression-Anxiety list: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 457 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu May 25, 2000 0:48am Subject: Leo the roaring lion > Hi Ellie > Being Belgo Congolese with warriors in my ancestry, I was made to repress a fierce fighting proud lion in me. I feel more as I read you the energy in my teeth, ready to go and BITE my abusers who humiliated it/me, I feel the repressed ROAR in my stomach coming out. I feel my muscles in my legs ready to propulse me on my abusers. > > I welcome my inner lion who was forced by my abusers to pretend he was a gentle sheep (and their scapegoat). I need his strength to be able to face more easily my primal emotions. He knows also when to fight or when to run and he does not eat cooked food. Leo 459 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu May 25, 2000 1:52am Subject: Re: Leo the roaring lion > Hi Ellie -- Love "Leo"'s energy. He's certainly got the spirit of the whole redirecting therapy internalized well! Love -- Shirley 460 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu May 25, 2000 4:04am Subject: Save the meditation until you are post flood > Thanks Ellie, I'm getting started here. I'm assuming the self-help is found in the links you sent- 'the biology of emotions.' I plan to read it concurrently, or even not read posts for a few days so I can get a start on it first. This list and your approach make great sense to me, as I have already been learning to manage anxiety with success using meditation, good self-talk, and getting all kinds of 'selfish' with my time. I understand I am already in a process of getting more emotionally connected inside, and to me this is in the heart of the matter. Your 'bring forth' quote caught my eye. >
> If you think it's better to unsub, work with the articles for awhile, and come back later I will. Bernie No, please don't unsubscribe. I just want to make sure people keep rereading the article for how to do it and what to expect, since the list is more for support. Try to read the Archives bit by bit. Let me know how it goes or any questions. Hope you skip the meditation for now until you are post flood. It can be a way to suppress feelings that need to get out. When you are post flood meditation will come naturally. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu May 25, 2000 1:51am Subject: Anger in current interactions > Ellie, I have a new employee, she is going to be my daughter in law also, guess what, she's like my mother, in a way that I am finding out you have to walk on egg shells, cause you never know when you've hurt her feelings, done it twice in a week now. > It's things I had no idea she had done, and she did, and admitted and then gets her feelings hurt, now I feel like I have to walk on eggshells, until yesterday I didn't get angry, but then decided hey, she was wrong, she should just get over it, she should be able to mess up without being hurt, after all I was not unkind in anyway, same thing with my mother, so then last night I got angry and until I read the post this morning didn't realize I was angry and needed to redirect, it is so subtle sometimes. This is going to be a BIG one, talk about put in our path to be healed, the reason being......remember a time my mother got her feelings hurt, cause I didn't see her at a stoplight and wave, she thought I was ignoring her.... Give me a break I didn't see her and it went on and on all my life, I hear from my son, she sits in the dark living room with lights off, no TV, no book, nothing, that's what she was doing this week when he went to visit. No amount of visiting or doting is enough for these people. Sally
Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Fri May 26, 2000 9:52pm Subject: Re: Save the meditation until you are post flood > Hi Ellie, > I do agree with you about many meditation because there is the idea that on should get detached with the emotions and that for a spiritual person, anger is wrong, one should love (all the spiritual bullshit of many spiritual and religious approaches). > > They are based on fear these techniques originated long ago from people who were afraid of their emotions and instinctive forces and that thought they had to control them. But they ended up being controlled by them one way or the other. I have being closed to many yogis and master in meditation in India (where I studied many approaches in Yoga in a period of 30 years, so I know what I am talking about. Leo I like your choice of word 'bullshit', a nice angry word. When I hear these people on the radio pushing meditative techniques, I find myself saying 'shut up with this advice.' I often slip and write meditation as medication. And in AA too they have this thing about how anger is for normal people, and they mean recovering alcoholics are not supposed to be angry. Well, the way to becoming normal and recovered from alcoholism is to get the anger out. There are times I'm now in a meditative state, but it's when it just comes naturally. I noticed a great difference in the faces and spirit of little children in China, where they have a one child family system and children are more likely to have been loved as babies, compared to the drawn and fearful and angry faces of little children in India. And what do they do in India, they meditate away the anger and prevent the healing. I'm trying hard to get the mailing addresses for prisons in India. When the Chinese embassy in Belgrade was bombed, the Chinese people were outraged...they had their anger. And the Chinese have clamped down on meditative religions. Hooray for them. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Fri May 26, 2000 10:35pm Subject: Go through the fear > Ellie, > I have read all of your articles, twice, and am attempting to use the self-help measures, but am finding it difficult. I am somewhat of a reserved person, never wanting to be overly loud, and knowing that if I scream and yell, someone will most likely hear me, and my mother lives next door. I know these are all excuses, it's just that the prospect of this work scares me. > I have a BA in psychology, a BS in physical therapy, and have been through counseling three different times. I have even taken continuing education courses in Cranio-sacral therapy through the Upledger Institute, the more advanced levels of which are designed for somato-emotional release in which the therapist facilitates the release of traumatic memories stored in the body by engaging the client in dialogue with the "non-conscious". So I am quite familiar with the theory and rationale of your work, and am fascinated by the notion of disease processes and other dysfunctions being precipitated by repressed anger. I would like to remain on this list, and would like some further guidance, if possible, on how to begin the self-help measures. Marlene
Right now I'm experimenting with "Cure By Crying" I strongly feel the mental health profession is really messed up, and in most cases an obstacle to health. I think they will be looked back on (in about 10 years or more) as an embarrassment. What are your thoughts on this?? One final comment, WOW if you went through half the stuff in your BIO and came out whole, I'm truly in awe!!! (and inspired) Richard Dear Richard, Welcome to the small world of normalcy. Cure by Crying has great suggestions. Sadly, my former colleagues in the mental health profession have acknowledged the truth of the theory to me personally, but appear to be in denial about their own need for this recovery. They are fighting it (see the note at the end of my story, Confessions of a Schizophrenic). I wish they were here with us, and hopefully some will hit a bottom and join us. Yes, it's all the truth in my BIO and that I am whole and well. I am inspired by your identification and that YOU are here. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Mon May 29, 2000 11:01pm Subject: Scary dreams are detox crises > > Ellie,
> The more I work with the causality of my unexpressed childhood anger, the more sense it makes. I am moving slowly but at least I feel I now have something I can do about my inappropriate anger. > One thing that has been troubling me for many years has been consistent bad dreams about my deceased mother. In these dreams I am always trying to live up to her expectations but never can, and also in these dreams I am hiding my exasperation and sometimes downright disgust with the way she handles some things, like how our house was always so messy I was too ashamed to bring friends over. > > Since learning of your approach, I have been in a strange way looking forward to having a bad dream about her so I can get more clues to my feelings toward her, feelings I can express in waking life. Strangely, I have not had one bad dream about her lately! Instead I've had bad dreams about someone else I have known since childhood. (I am plagued by bad dreams and in fact have not slept well for some years. I just wanted to share my "dream theory" with you. Stella Yes, your dreams will tell you lots. And scary dreams and nightmares are detox crises. If you awaken suddenly feeling scared do some pounding on the bed and redirecting to anyone who appeared in the dream. Scary dreams will subside when you are post flood. The reason someone else appears besides your mother, is because memory is laid down as characteristics of experience, rather than as the whole experience. So you may be dreaming about experiences and people that are all mixed up with other experiences and other people Here is a section from my paper that explains this. Dreams and fantasies Dreams are patterns that are often combined with patterns of past experience. In everyday experiences specific characteristics are laid down in neurons along with characteristics that may have been a part of childhood experience. In the dream, therefore, current and early experiences are mixed together but appear as one scenario. Fantasies are similar to dreams, and the more toxic the mind, the more distorted the dream or fantasy. Imagination is memory of actual experience--only the characters and scenery have changed. The brain cannot create new experience but designs new mosaics made up of bits of old experience. Because memories are often distorted, a "false memory" syndrome has evolved. But there is no such thing as a false memory, only a distorted version. Most of us are familiar with Freud's contribution that dreams facilitate the release of emotions. He defined dreaming as a means of discharge for unconscious forces stored up during childhood. His theory has a sound basis in physiology. The reticular activating system has a periodic excitability cycle occurring once every 90 minutes, increasing and decreasing in activity throughout the 24-hour day. This excitability cycle reflects periodic detoxification crises that cause emotional dreaming at night and perhaps some other excitatory behavior during the day. Persons engaged in a fantasy world might be said to be "day-dreaming," and these periods of creating fantasies are influenced by the same physiological events that account for paradoxical sleep. Fantasies, like dreams, provide a stage for the release of emotions and are frequently attempts to re-enact childhood traumas. What Freud did not understand was that emotional dreams and fantasies are detoxification crises during which neurons are releasing toxic neurochemicals. Ellie 466 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue May 30, 2000 0:44am Subject: Light at the end of the tunnel Good Morning Ellie, Well, guess I'm in the middle of "cure by crying and cussing." For past two weeks have been detoxing as I alternately have been ranting and raving about what happened to me as a child, and then crying, crying, crying, over same. Seems it is time to complete the work I started many years ago! Only wish I had a brain wave study of ME 15 years ago, so I could compare the pre/post of recovery. Oh well, I have the documentation from 8 different specialists, how NONE of them have been able to get me physically well...and am just preparing to see their faces when I return, COMPLETELY whole and at peace! I can see the flood light at the end of the tunnel and it is just the brightest sunlight ever was. Jill I'm delighted to hear this and yes, the sun is bright, and my mind is at peace. But don't expect those specialists to be impressed. My medical doctor was codependent with me. He saved my life innumerable times when I was near death on the drugs psychiatrists gave me. He was actually angry when I got well because I didn't need him anymore. BTW I still get physically sick, when I am detoxing something from food or elsewhere. I just had what was like a cold, headaches, some lung and sinus congestion, for about a week that was probably a detox of the anesthetics I had been having from recent dental work. But it wasn't severe and I didn't have to run to that doctor. I knew it was a healing event and would help to protect me from getting cancer someday. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue May 30, 2000 1:44am Subject: Recovery is a face lift > Hi Ellie -- In my 20's and 30's I had a lot of scary dreams about my mom that I'll never forget. They were very frightening, yet had a VERY comical element. The most vivid was one where I woke up in my dorm in the middle of the night and the sky was purple outside and the trees were vibrating funny and everything was very, very hushed and weird. We all went outside to see what was going on. It was my mom. She was an alien from another planet, and she had landed in a large spacecraft. She projected her image onto a huge holographic screen and told us we must buy cars and work very hard. In another series of dreams, she started out as a cold, inaccessible woman in a fur coat who later turned into a big brown bear in later dreams. In those dreams my dad was helpful in protecting me and calming my fears. My husband told me when he was a kid his mother would freak out and grab him by the neck so hard he couldn't breathe and felt he was strangling. He's had a lot of dreams of her yelling and strangling him. By the way, my raw food instincto friend when I visited her recently told me that for the last six months or so she'd been noticing my face looked very different, and she had been sure why. She said it no longer had a "heavy" look. She went on to explain the heavy look had had nothing to do with weight but was something else. We know what that was! Depression is a very heavy look! I'm noticing more and more now that my face is looking a lot more youthful and does seem to have thinned out, and I think it's because I'm not going through chemical crises in my body every 24 hours. That's got to be a powerful force for rejuvenation. More later. Love and Joy -- Shirley Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
|