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562 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jul 4, 2000 10:09pm Subject: Get mad at God > >After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said was, "don't". "Don't what?" Adam replied. > >
> >"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said. "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve . . . we have forbidden fruit!" "No way!" "Yes, way!" > >
> >"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God. "Why?" "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, (wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants). > >
> >A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and was He ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God, as our first parent, asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" said the Father. > >
> >"I don't know," said Eve. "She started it!" Adam said. "Did not!" "Did too!" "DID NOT!!" > >
> >Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed! > >
> >But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you? GM Well, if this isn't the creation of a punitive God by a toxic mind, I don't know what is. As a healthy child I would tell this God just where to go! Ellie 563 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jul 4, 2000 10:11pm Subject: No more nightmares > Ellie, Vigilant is the perfect word for me expressing present day situations of anger, and getting rid or squelching the voice within of lies. I did away with the 'elder' told her how I felt and told her I wouldn't be needing her anymore and feeling victorious, I treated her like she was just a person, not a mother or elder, no one is any more 'special' than anyone else, just cause they are younger or older, they are just blessed to have been given life longer, if they are older. GM I'll bet you have no more nightmares about her. I have a sign in my kitchen, 'Let not the sun go down on your anger.' Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
********************************************************************** > Dear Dr. E > I have instructed Dr. L to cancel my allergy shots. My body is under attack from too many toxins and I also suspect the serum. I get terrible side effects each Sunday after the Friday injections. It is similar to major episodes of depression. The tension anxiety and panic attacks place me nearly on the point of seeking an ER each Sunday. My sensitivity to synthetics and many foods increases sharply. I am fine emotionally and better physically for the rest of the week. > > I am now eating fresh fruits, broiled meats and cheese again with no ill effects except for strawberries. The exclusion diet was leading to malnutrition and calcium deficiency. > > I will continue to work on my allergy problem by improved housekeeping, excluding man made materials from my environment as much as possible, isolating foods and cosmetics that cause a reaction, and being wary of powerful prescription medications when alternate remedies can be used. > > Thank you for the information on detoxing the bedroom. The anti-dust mite measures, especially the use of hypo allergenic bedding has been of great value and resulted in major improvement. > > Your help and support in diagnosing my symptoms is much appreciated. > ************************************************************* - Sounds good. You may still have anxiety and panic attacks that are detox events, so try to recognize them as detox crises and do some redirecting. If you broil meats I hope you keep them rare, and try to cut out the cheese in time. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 566 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jul 4, 2000 10:22pm Subject: Re: Nonogenerian Aunties > My 90 year old aunt lives in my building and stores some of her out of season wardrobe in my spare closet. She has been a great help in my home decorating project but is "Interior Obsessed" and most of her conversation is centered around lifestyle with the main emphasis on home furnishings. >
> We have played an ongoing game. I invite her to see and approve of changes in decor, she says it's perfect except for one or two things that must be dealt with as they are unbearable. I really want unconditional approval more than constructive criticism. >
> This afternoon, just as I got online she arrived to claim some clothing. She collapsed on the couch and pointed to a picture announcing it had to be moved at once. Whatever I have put in that spot seems to require relocation. >
> I told her my computer was running online, I was really feeling ill today and did not wish to discuss interior decorating this afternoon. She said too she was feeling very sick (as always) and should be in bed. I agreed and told her to go there now. >
> It was as good as pillow punching! GM Good for you. Why shouldn't you have unconditional approval. She sounds controlling and like she is misdirecting anger in the form of criticism. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 567 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jul 4, 2000 10:30pm Subject: Re: Just like Mike Tyson Re: > << I pounded the mattress like a heavyweight champ, long and hard. >> > I recently did this too and boy how it helps! But my dog sensed something was wrong and came running in from the other room, put her paws around my neck and kept kissing my face and hugging -yes hugging- me! Aren't animals wonderful? GM Full of love and wisdom. My cat taught me all I needed to know about having my anger in the moment. Ellie 568 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jul 4, 2000 10:51pm Subject: Re: Sharing janov > When I shared Janov's words with a friend, he had a concern because Janov used the pronoun "he' throughout his writings. Even as a feminist I accept this usage as usual in scientific material because it doesn't interfere with my belief that God is a woman! (joke). Doesn't bother me either AFTER I have my anger at such criticisms. Writers are at a handicap about how to do this because of our language. Sounds like your friend was misdirecting anger in the form of criticism. Actually these criticisms and comments to disprove or find fault with something I think are part of a person's denial that they need this recovery. You should hear the criticisms I get for the toxic mind theory by people in denial. My former colleagues told me privately they believed all the science in my article, but the Chairman of the Dept of Psychiatry threatened me with a lawyer's name to get it off the NYU web site. One editor called it a spoof and signed his rejection letter, 'With laughter' I told him he sounds like he needs this recovery, and then he replied that this made him want to roll on the floor with more laughter. He said 'the spirit of Monty Python rises again' Since I think the first Monty Python was from the King Arthur Holy Grail stories, I took that as a compliment. Another reviewer said 'this is so simple it can't be true' In light of Einstein's wisdom about most of the fundamental ideas of science being simple, I took that as a compliment too. Other supposedly respectable scientists who couldn't find any thing wrong with my science just said, 'Ridiculous' I like the quote that truth in science goes through three stages, ridicule, discussion, and acceptance. Whether it will be accepted in my life-time we will see. BUT I need to say that I always have my anger at these criticisms in order to avoid any more toxicosis and future symptoms. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 570 From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Wed Jul 5, 2000 0:23am Subject: Getting started > Hi Ellie, > I am a new member and have been reading through the archive, particularly the ones you mentioned in your welcome letter. > > As a new member to the group, are there other posts you could particularly recommend I read relating to the experience of the beginning of self-help? I have pummeled the bed twice today and once yesterday and I certainly notice the effects - but I don't know how to deal with the emotions. But, I have had no inclination to drink or eat rubbish today so I see that as an achievement. > > A little about where I'm coming from: I have never been in a 12-step program but self medicate my anxiety and depression with alcohol and food. I often become very angry with my therapist but find this makes me feel worse rather than better. As well as seeing my parents as 'abusers' my husband is also one (emotional not physical). I am fearful of how I am going to feel about him and our marriage when this is over. Do you have any advice for a beginner? New GM Hi and welcome. There is no particular Archive that would help people who are just starting except the ones I mention that explain about detoxing and normalcy. Take your time and try to read though all the Archives a little at a time. I would read all the articles on my sites, and print out The Biology of Emotions article from the pdf files to study and refer to as you go along. If you can't print it out, send me a mailing address and I'll send you one. If you are getting anger out toward your therapist it may need to be mostly redirected to your parents. The therapist is likely to be a substitute parent figure. As for your husband, how much this will affect your relationship with him depends on how emotionally healthy he is and whether he needs this recovery himself. I expect he will be pleased with the changes in you. Persons who recover using the self-help have been able to share this with partners, who then use the self-help as well. If partners are particularly abusive, which doesn't sound like your situation, and not interested in recovery, the relationships may not survive. I can tell you that if this should happen that you will survive and be able to form healthier relationships. Hopefully your recovery will be an example to your husband and will trigger his own recovery if needed, so that your marriage will be healthier and happier. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 571 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu Jul 6, 2000 0:10am Subject: Re: humiliation > Hi Ellie, > Can you say something about excruciating painful core humiliation from which the child I was could not survive and had to die a life to go on with life. OL There was a book I read about child abuse entitled 'Soul Murder' and it's a title that I think describes what you are saying. My view is that body and soul are one. An essential part of a new child's personality or soul if you want to call it that, is the natural fight or flight response for survival. A baby's first communication is usually an angry cry for help. When parents sing the lullaby, 'Hush Li'l Baby Now Don't You Cry' or suppress healthy anger in even more forceful ways, they suppress this reaction. The child cannot survive. This I think is what you call 'core humiliation,' the child dies, and adopts a persona, a false personality, to survive. But I don't believe the child is dead, or if you want to call it death, there is rebirth. Fortunately, by getting into primal or regressive therapy, or using the self-help measures, we are reborn. I'm putting in the next post (A post flood mother) a beautiful story of how Lynn who became post flood last year is interacting with her newborn child. This child will not die. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 572 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu Jul 6, 2000 0:15am Subject: A post flood mother Lynn whose story is on: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway/teste.html wanted a second child but was unable to hold a pregnancy until she used the self help measures early in 1999. I believe these measures cleared her nervous system and restored hormonal balance. She became post flood and gave birth this May to a child she named Theo (after Theos=God). This is a child who will not have to suffer as so many of us did. I wanted to share with you an e-mail she just sent me. ************************************************************************ Dearest,
I've just had a fascinating experience that follows Solter closely: after his birth Theo has needed a number of hours crying in my arms and of course I've not been able to be there and dedicate ALL my attention to him everytime. I've been able to tell him though that when I'm not available there's a reason - something else to attend to or simply I'm worn out - and after his 5th week of outside life or so he's started sleeping really well, both at night and during the day, looking very relaxed and just started a few days ago giving us wonderful smiles everytime we pick him up. Here's what's interesting: yesterday I put him to bed around 9o'clock because I had to put his brother to bed. It took me an hour or so, putting away toys, washing hands, feet, teeth etc...and all that time Theo was crying alone. When I was finally available for him again - he had fallen asleep, exhausted. I went to sleep too. At 2am last night he woke up, I fed him, and he couldn't go to sleep anymore until at half past 4 I fed him again, and then he slept rather well until 7. Today the day went fine, he looked relaxed as ever, but towards the evening he started to get restless and by 11pm I had fed him twice in two hours and he wasn't to be put to sleep. I went upstairs with him and once I had closed the door of my office, intending to surf on the Net and rock him in his rocking chair he suddenly got quite frantic. I took him in my arms and held him while he was crying and raging at a very high pitch. I couldn't help but wonder if he was hungry again b/c I'm on the pill again since a few days so it can't be overlooked that my milk might be a little changed at first. Anyway as Theo was crying tears I thought he had a sad story to tell. I dedicated him all my compassionate attention, feeling almost in a trance with him, and telling him I was sorry for last night I left him cry alone but I couldn't help it then, I was there for him now. He cried only harder. After about half an hour of this he suddenly cooled down and fell asleep in my hands, his little body and face relaxed all over and his mouth wide open, his breath regular and his pulse back to normal. He's now sleeping in his bed and I'm sharing this with you in total amazement...Such is the gift to know I can be good to this new soul Have a nice, Love xxooxxoo
******************************************************************** If you have young children please get copy of Aletha Solter's book Tears and Tantrums. Her web site is: http://www.awareparenting.com/ Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> > What is occurring when we are angry or upset at ourselves/own actions? I became quite depressed last night after messing something up big time. Is this reacting to how we believe others will perceive us or to a past experience and how do I find who I should be getting angry at? This occurred to me whilst reading through the archives. What I am also trying to cope with is a feeling of disapproval from my spouse. He doesn't have to articulate it - I *know* when he disapproves. I think he has a lot of anger himself but how do I deal with this? Get angry at him for disapproving? EJ Self-judgment is usually a parental voice still in our head. I wouldn't try to analyze about it having to do with how others perceive us, etc. but just recognize this self criticism as a parental voice in your head, and tell it to 'SHUT UP' ie mentally redirect anger away from yourself toward your parents. For me it was both parents who were judgmental. Pound on a bed and get angry at parents, but also at other past abusers, ie any judgmental people from your past. Memories of all these people are stored in the same neural pathways and when you do this you are clearing those pathways and healing. You might write a story of your childhood relationships, not in detail, but include your parents, siblings, teachers, friends, to get a list of past abusers. Criticism and judgment from others is usually misdirected anger on their part. (Unless you have asked for constructive criticism, and in jobs you have to put up with this from bosses). At this point in your recovery if you get mad at your husband you are likely to overdo it, because much of your anger is due to disapproval by earlier caretakers. I would try getting angry only in your mind at your husband and also doing some pounding on the bed toward past abusers. Later on if your husband shows disapproval it's not likely to bother you as much, and if he says something judgmental you'll be able to say something calmly like, "I'm uncomfortable with..." Maybe you can print out the pamphlet and leave one in the bathroom, captive audience. He might just read it. Don't forget as you release and redirect anger, you may have some increased depression after these detox crises. Put a sign on the refrig..'It will lift.' This is a periodic detox process, and you may have increased mood swings for a while, highs and lows. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 574 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu Jul 6, 2000 11:12pm Subject: Parents were victims too > How can I be angry in the cathartic sense, at my parents when the things they did to me were not intentional. Lately I am able to process my past and understand what happened, even though you may say this is a cover up for suppressing anger. She abandoned me to relatives and boarding schools... because... My mother often stated that she regretted having me....because... AD Forget about why for now. This terrible abandonment and rejection was intentional but of course came from her own sickness. It is not the healthy part of her, but her sickness you need to get angry at. It's just not possible to separate these when you need to have your anger. Try to do the releasing and redirecting of anger at the onset of excitatory nervous symptoms (keep the pamphlet handy for the list), and don't THINK about how your parents were victims too or their good qualities when you are pounding. Think about this abandonment and rejection and try to get 'out of your head' as they say and into the feelings. Feel the hurt and fear, and recognize this as a trigger for underlying anger that wants out. When your are post flood and most of your anger is out at this abandonment and rejection, THEN you can think about how your parents suffered. Then you will have love and compassion for them. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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