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From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sat Jul 8, 2000 11:40pm Subject: Anger in the moment Today the family gathered for traditional Saturday brunch. My daughter asked me to slice up some bagels. I asked if she had a wooden handled knife as I was having strong reactions to plastic. I went to the drawer to search for a knife and found one. I went to where my former sister-in law was, standing in front of the sink. I looked for the bagels. "Forget it," My ex sis said, "Can't you see I'm doing it already?" >
> "Sorry but I couldn't see through your back", I answered. She mumbled something insulting. I left the room and overheard my sister in law berating me in a loud voice. I had sufficient anger to challenge and confront her but elected to leave without saying good-bye. It was not that I was not afraid to express my annoyance. However, with the young bride-to-be present and all others unaware of the exchange, I elected to leave because if I had expressed my anger on the spot it would have ruined the climate for tomorrow's festive gathering. I plan to speak privately after the occasion. ID Good for you, what I like to hear is that you did have your feelings. I don't always express my anger toward another person in the moment, but as long as you don't make some excuse for her and not have your feelings, it sounds great. In the past I would find some reason for the other person's behavior, so I wouldn't have to feel the hurt and anger. If your anger is more intense than for the specific situation, when you go home do some pounding on the bed and direct some of that anger to your parents. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
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> Robert Downey, Jr. plays an insane psychopath adult who was extremely abused and abandoned severely as a child and was treated in the mental hospital when found after the abandonment with heavy drugs and shock treatment (and probably never allowed to get out his anger at his mother). >
> He grows up, becomes a murderer, and - aside from the main storyline about a psychic dream ability he shares with the lady in the movie - there are several interesting scenes which show how he became the person he is. >
> It shows his mother verbally abusing him in a red dress when he was a young child, and as an adult he has kept this same red dress and seeks to "get it right this time" by kidnapping a woman and a child to be "the family he always wanted." He also became obsessed with the color red. >
> However, the kidnapped woman doesn't comply (therefore repeating the abandonment in his mind), so he immediately dresses her in "The Bad Mother's" red dress and red shoes and goes after her with an axe, something he was not able to do as the vulnerable child. Very interesting film... "YM" The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
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> Ellie, this is so true! During my last manic episode which was triggered by a love rejection, the noradrenaline was coursing through my brain and body for weeks on end...in the hospital, they could not bring my heart rate down and my blood pressure down to within normal range no matter what kind of drugs (including heart drugs) they gave me. They ended up writing in my chart that I was "allergic to epinephrine" for some reason....it was epinephrine that my own brain was producing, no doubt. "YM" You bet it was endogenous epinephrine. The pathway of biosynthesis is dopamine to noradrenaline (norepinephrine) to adrenaline (epineprhine). When anger is suppressed all three are part of the toxicosis. The body tries to get rid of excess noradrenaline by converting it to adrenaline and this is the cause of the neurotic fear (the pounding heart) and other physical effects on heart rate, etc. This is why I suggest that the moment you feel fear, to do some redirecting. It will help release the excess noradrenaline and adrenaline. There is also feedback to dopamine, and excess dopamine is found. They just did another study showing excess dopamine and increased nervous activity in schizophrenics at Columbia. There are fifty years of such studies in the literature. I originally wrote a book about this. But these researchers don't understand yet how this happens because the toxic mind theory hasn't reached them. And even though I've sent it to most of them, they are in such denial about the need for their own recovery, they ignore it. Did you read the response to my attempt to get my Confessions of a Schizophrenic article into a psych journal. Someday maybe....Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
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> My recent past employee came in yesterday acting like she would be at work on Monday, too weird, I said you do understand don't you, she pretended to not know certain things I told her and I caught her in her lies and confronted, that helps tremendously to call someone down on their lies, even if they deny, you don't go away wishing you had. I really need to get to the point I confront on the spot when someone lies, I catch people lying all the time, like all these liars are around me, someone must have lied to me as a child, and I knew it, and was angry or hurt and now I'm getting opportunity to release that. So from now on I will, I just have always tried to find a specific incident to redirect to since starting this 16 years ago, I know you say you don't have to, but it is extremely hard for me to unless I can. any suggestions. YS Sounds like you don't need any suggestions from me, and the redirecting is doing it for you over time. I would just redirect to parents, past bosses, etc, If you have a specific thing in mind that helps, like it was your Dad who made you do all the work for him, and now your employees want you to do all the work for them, or they lied to you and now you are really furious when employees lie to you. I can't always confront in the moment either. I love hearing about the increased inner joy and fun loving feeling, inner joy rather than manic compulsive behavior. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> Ellie, I had to tell you one more thing about yesterday, when an opportunity came up to 'have anxiety' which I found myself immediately redirecting and right afterwards, before the effects took place, I wanted to have a half a valium, and I told that voice, 'shut up'. and immediately did not have the feeling of needing it, I of late, say last 3 months, taken a half 5mg at least 2times a week, depending on the severity of the detox crisis, so all I had been doing was prolonging the inevitable and I promise you the feeling I got was much more rewarding by not taking it than suppressing those emotions. So if I ever did redirect and took a valium at the same time, I suppressed the emotional feelings that came with redirecting, it's not a high, it's a settled feeling of calmness. This week I did not have a half at all and feel much better than I have in a long time. YS The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> I have tried to imagine myself doing something serene and just haven't been able to -it's wonderful, and I just may go and do just that in the lake tomorrow, as I have taken the day off from work. > I have redirected to my most abusive boss, that never got confronted personally, the others I did, but this one was the most controlling, I got out of the bathtub tonight and held the towel up and pretended like it was him and his groin and gave him a quick knee kick and laughed. > When my son was 13, he was at the office in the back with him and had on swimming short and Carl jerked his shorts, and those shorts were actually swimming shorts and the lining built in for a guy his age, so when Carl jerked his pants down, it exposed my son and my son left crying, I immediately after I found out what happened, cause Carl told me, he thought it was funny, I didn't, I went home to comfort my son, I went in the next day sat Carl down and told him I was going to take a week off and decide if I wanted to continue working there and he was to never touch my son again, ever or ever make fun of my weight again, and I wasn't overweight but maybe 20lbs, which is nothing, but he had a fetish of being thin himself and his wife, so they made fun of me. > I stayed there because I thought I needed the job for 2 more years and then quit, I've never been back, but I drive by his optical shop almost everyday and the only thing I remember is what he did to my son. I got a sort of revenge, a year later, he was at a party and his sister did it to him in front of dozens of colleagues, and she told the story in front of me and of course I had to slam my hand on the counter in hilarious laughter, saying "There is justice, thank you God." I over reacted, and gloried in his trauma, everyone around laughed at him. > But it wasn't enough for me, even to this day> So I expect to get some issues solved here for this was only about 7 years ago. Time to move on and bury what issues were not buried then. If he walked into my shop, tomorrow, I'd ask him to leave, I might just grab him by the balls and say tell me when it hurts you sob. > I had a cousin who sexually abused me in humiliating way and when I confronted him, he couldn't remember any of the incidents, he eventually within 6 mos. of confronting him committed suicide, I had become a close friend of his too, he had so many toxic things in his mind, I tried helping him release them, but he couldn't cope. > The thing is with my cousin, I wasn't angry, I was more angry with my mother and her reaction, as if I could have stopped it, I was 4 years old and huddled in a corner crying when My mother found me and she acted like I did something wrong, maybe I need to be angry with my cousin, he was a kid himself 8 years older than me. > I've redirected with the incident with my mother, I can look back on the incident and how my mother acted and I don't have the same feelings I did years ago about that incident, but thinking of my cousin, I can see there is that little area of muddy ground, that needs some redirecting, to get even past this boss thing. YS
Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 593 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Jul 9, 2000 9:40pm Subject: No Addiction to Negative Emotions possible > S wrote in a post about a book recommendation for me something about addiction to negative feelings.... in order to "feel alive." >
> The movie, "Fight Club" with Brad Pitt is an excellent example of this. The characters start an underground boxing club wherein they beat each other up, and they start causing anarchy all over major cities by blowing things up, just in order to 'feel something'. YM I'm glad you mention this, but it is not possible to become addicted to negative emotions like anger IF you are redirecting anger to past abusers because when you redirect you are periodically releasing the addictive substances in the most toxic areas of the brain. You are in a withdrawal process. When you are post flood the toxicosis is gone and there is no attraction to violence. The characters in the movie continue to get angry because they are not redirecting. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> > "Acting out is a *hidden manifestation of destructive anger*. Perhaps the most dangerous form of destructive anger is one that is not experienced as anger or any feeling at all, but is acted out instead. The repressed, unrecognized, destructive anger can turn also against the self and appear in many different guises. The patient might suffer from psychosomatic symptoms, become accident-prone, attempt suicide, or commit unconscious acts of self-sabotage or destruction in relationships, in his work, and so on." from YM And once the anger is recognized, acting out using the self-help measures is the way to heal. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> I haven't found a web site that sells encounter bats or bataka bats. I'm using a flyswatter but would like to try the bat. And the bats might make good Christmas presents for my family. Everyone should have their own bat to get the mad out. Much nicer than flyswatters! If you happen to know a site where they are sold, please post. I read your article every day and redirect every time a sad comes up. Am currently processing my Mom and her favorite daughter and their golems. I love them and I am only mad at the hurtful parts of what they did which I dared not respond to in real time. YC I've thought an old tennis racket might be good. I usually twisted up a towel to bang on the bed. The only suggestion I can think of is to contact Caron Family Services. The Caron web site is: http://www.caron.org/ We used batakas in their week long codependency program, and maybe they can tell you where to order one. Speaking of Christmas there's an ElfBowl game, a dozen elf bowling pins=a dozen past abusers to bowl down. It's too large, 1104KB, to send via the list, but if anyone can handle it via email let me know and I'll send it to you. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> >
> >The Biology of Emotions: > >http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: > >http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 > >The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: > >http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 > >To join the supportive eGroup: > >http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
>
> Although I cancelled my plan to drive to a camp reunion of 52 years back with my ex husband for fear of making his long time partner insecure, it was suggested from another support group that I discuss it with her and encourage her to come along or attend, but drive up separately. Since she is helpless to compete against an earlier relationship I had with my ex husband and we share children and have a comfortable rapport today, I can empathize with her feelings of being threatened and don't want to add to them. >
> The day doesn't hold deep meaning for me in view of the fact that my ex was promiscuous during our courtship and marriage and recalling this is not healthy for me as I might assume blame for the infidelity and punish myself for not having attributes to command his exclusive attention. Our breakup which I initiated gave me such convoluted feelings of rejection and anger. I turned them inward and became suicidal. AD Your feelings of rejection and anger were mostly feelings of anger at the rejection by your parents or other early caretakers. You don't have to recall in detail how they rejected you. Can you accept that you chose partners in your life who resembled you parents, not necessarily in detail, but in that they were abusive or just could not love you, eg he was promiscuous. Forget about your part in the relationship. If you understand this, is very important to use the self help measures as described in the pamphlet and recognize the excitatory nervous symptoms listed there as opportunities to 'get out of your head' with 'intellectual rationalizing' or looking at your parents good points, or your own attributes. Instead, recognize the excitatory nervous symptoms as the beginning of detox crises, ie detoxes of repressed anger, anger that is mostly about your childhood rejection, not your ex husband. Use these triggers to get physical and take a towel or something and beat the hell out of your parents in you mind. While you are doing this stop thinking, just get mad at your parents and your ex husband. This is how you will heal and you will then deal in a healthy way with the current people in your life. The self-help is simple, it is a redirecting of repressed justifiable anger toward our parents and other past abusers. Please keep reading the pamphlet. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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