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638 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Aug 1, 2000 10:04pm Subject: Love for parents is restored post flood The anger I directed toward my parents using the self-help was not in person but was directed at their sickness. My anger is gone, and I now love them completely and feel their love for me. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety Attachment 90k (application/msword) ExchangeRR.doc 641 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Mon Aug 7, 2000 4:00am Subject: Reply to 'Are you post flood" > HI...what is a post flood?? I have no clue what that msg meant...sorry. ID
Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
>
> Last night, I faced the fact that I certainly am angry at my mother because from my ages one to twenty, my mother only had me with her for nine years and otherwise farmed me out to relatives and schools, ...extreme selfishness. I got to know her well in the years we spent together but I wonder if she ever got to know me. AD I feel very angry that this happened to you and I know that if you can redirect anger in those current 'anger laden situations" you will heal. Here's a repeat of another message I sent that I hope will help you too. Be sure to redirect your anger back to your parents and any others from the past when you feel angry at someone in a current situation. This is important to do rather than getting angry directly at the person. This is because your anger in current interactions may be more intense than appropriate for the current situation. Until you are post flood your anger is a mix of new and old. You can pound on a bed and express your anger to parents, other past abusers, and the person, and then later on express your anger at the person calmly. A good way to tell someone they have hurt you, is to say, "I was uncomfortable with......." But if you do get overly angry at the person and you realize later it was more anger than appropriate and you then feel guilty, remember guilt is anger turned inward, so do some more redirecting back to parents. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Aug 8, 2000 9:06am Subject: Shame, a trigger to redirect > > Dear Ellie-I am definitely not post flood. I use the self-help measures when I remember too and find them helpful. I still suffer from feelings of shame and worthlessness, shyness to name the most distressing. This is not all the time and I have quite a few close friends and a loving relationship with my husband so my present situation is one of good support. I use the redirecting as a part of my mental/emotional hygiene but there has been no dramatic remission of neurosis as I had hoped. Still I appreciate the technique and would welcome any feedback you have to enhance my recovery of my realness. I still suffer from murky thought processes, forgetfulness and not much self-confidence even though I am intelligent and attractive and care for others. AC Can you reread the pamphlet--you can print it out from pdf files on my sites--and try to concentrate more on watching for any excitatory nervous symptoms, and use them as triggers to do some redirecting. Feelings of shame and worthlessness and shyness are definite triggers, anger turned inward, your parent's voices in your head (and probably other past abusers) saying you should be ashamed of yourself or putting you down. Try to redirect anger quietly mentally all day if you can't do some pounding and getting physical. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety 647 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu Aug 10, 2000 7:59am Subject: Increased depression-Crying in babies > Hi Ellie > I have made some progress but not yet post-flood. > For a month, I consistently did pounding the pillow and screaming in the car. It freed me from the addiction to hot drinks (coffee, tea, hot cocoa etc). Also, it strengthened my resolution to pursue raw food diet. What discouraged me to pursue this method in the long run is, the depression that followed the next morning. It seemed to affect my workday and so, in the long run, I have gone to 'mentally redirecting' instead of pounding & screaming. >
So what I do now is, whenever I feel any fear internally, I used to redirect mentally on appropriate past abuser(s) or any & all past abusers. This immediately lifts my fear off and gives me the necessary strength to go on without fear. This too, I notice, results in the onsetting of depression after a short period, such as 45 minutes or so. Is this the case in your or others experience too? (I don't remember seeing any such reference in your article or your past mails). At times, I write and release my anger. Or, scream at current abusers while driving back from work. >
May be I am still 5-6 months away from post-flood stage. Your mails continue to inspire me to do my 'homework' regularly. Hope I will get there soon. >
> On a side note, I have a question to ask you. When a baby cries, he is expressing his anger. While he cries, if he is allowed to cry as long as he wants, he is not suppressing his anger (but this means, he is neglected, in the conventional sense). So, letting him to cry as long as he wants, should not result in toxicosis. Whereas, carrying him and comforting him (like what people do normally) makes him to stop crying and get diverted to something else other than crying and letting out his anger. So, this should result in toxicosis. >
> Have I understood correctly here? So, like what your parents did in your case (letting you cry for long time) could not have resulted in toxicosis, as per this argument? Please clarify, where the mistake is. ER I'm pleased to hear of your progress. After an intense detox crisis, eg pounding on a bed, you may have increased depression. This is because during the detox crisis your brain is releasing excess endogenous sedative (ie depressant) substances. As you go along and periodically do the detoxing there will be less and less of these substances released, so less depression following a detox of anger. Doing the mentally redirecting instead is likely to cause less depression. You might also pull yourself out of a depression by doing some mental redirecting, although sometimes I found I just had to put up with the depression. When you are post flood you will be able to have anger if appropriate, but it won't be followed by depression. If you stuff anger post flood, you then may have some depression. The reason I developed toxicosis when left to cry it out alone was because I had to learn that crying would get me nowhere, so I learned to suppress it, and that caused toxicosis. A baby should never be left to cry it out alone, but held when crying, not to sing 'hush little baby don't you cry' or try to suppress the crying, but to encourage it. Aletha Solter has written an excellent book on how to do this, called Tears and Tantrums. Her website is: http://www.awareparenting.com/ Thanks for sharing your progress. If you are changing your diet too, I doubt it will take 5-6 months. It's not a sudden cure, but you will know when you no longer have major detox crises, mood swings, or depression. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Fri Aug 11, 2000 7:16am Subject: Death is a bottom? I shared with you my anger and grief about my ex-boss who is dying. He was also my first doctor, who gave me my first drug. I knew him for fifty years, and worked for him. The toxic mind theory is based largely on a discovery we made in 1962 of a toxic substance in urine of schizophrenics. He totally accepted the toxic mind theory, but openly tried to suppress it due I think to his own denial. I believe all are innocent because of the unconsciously initiated misdirecting of thoughts and emotions, and that death is a release. I had this insight when my gambling husband died, and I slipped a lucky coin he had into his pocket before they buried him. I went to the planetarium in NYC yesterday to wonder at God's creation. I loved seeing all the screaming kids, only sorry they made them shut up during the show. They gave us an Official Cosmic Passport, which says as a citizen of the cosmos I am empowered by knowledge and imagination to travel anywhere in the universe! So I can imagine my boss as an angel who will help to promote the prison project. And I know that it was OK for me to have my anger at him while he was on earth since that helped me to heal, and confronting him might have helped him too. Ellie From a post flood friend. > Good to treat yourself to the visit of the planetarium, it is so good to reflect on all God has created, and it is comforting to settle within myself on so many occasions that as He also created 'man' He knows what it takes to bring them to the fullness of life that He enables them to have through their own search. Although I am sad about some people's lives, that they have wasted it, He is not, I can imagine when they enter His presence the one who created them, that He is not disappointed nor did He think negative thoughts about them, such as I do, since He is love and that's all He knows how to do is love, He has fully understood and now understands why behind what others do. YS 649 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Aug 13, 2000 4:06am Subject: The Archives My Netscape is not working and my replies to some of you via another program may not have reached you. I'm also not sure this will get posted, but if it does I want to mention that I don't post much to the list because it gets repetitious. Thank you for your support of this list--some of you have told me that you find it helpful. If you don't get daily messages I hope you will go to the Archives for support. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Aug 13, 2000 4:17am Subject: Releasing anger leads to love Anger is an amazing emotion and the importance of expressing it is so great. I get waves of insight on that. The wave today is that the more anger is expressed and expressed directly, the more love will be available within one and between people. Theory of the day! AS 651 From: Elnora Rotunno> Date: Wed Aug 16, 2000 1:37am Subject: RE: progress report, part 1 > > Ellie,
I'm in my 8th week of redirecting and would like to review what has happened to me in that time. In Part 1 here, I will focus on the physical changes that have occurred. In the next installment, I'll cover the psychological changes. >
> PART 1 Physical changes in the last 2 months of redirecting >
> As you know, I had my first big redirecting episode back on June 23, in the wee hours of the morning, against my father whom I had always tried to please by eating all the food he would cook: heavy meat potatoes, grains, dairy, high sugar, etc. After redirecting I fell asleep for a while, but then woke up, made the ritual morning coffee, but as I put the cup to my lips, I had to put it down. I could not drink any more coffee, Pepsi, Coke and then I stopped eating grains and dairy and immediately started a diet of raw fruit, vegetables, berries, nuts and rare meat and raw fish (sushi) along with drinking a lot of spring water whenever I felt a hunger pang or craving for caffeine. (please refer to my first post #513) >
> That diet revolution has stayed with me so far and I can really sense how important is changing diet to accelerating the process of releasing toxins. One of the great side effects of my diet change was the fact that once I got off grains and dairy, I overcame my allergies to non-citrus fresh fruits and some nuts. I really think that my consumption of grains, probably wheat gluten actually prevented me from eating fresh fruits in order to keep my system as toxic as possible. >
Not only am I eating much better, but I have also lost about 15 pounds and more importantly, I'm running every day. Before redirecting, I felt so bloated and lethargic that I didn't feel like exercising. Whenever I did go out to run, I could never jog for more than 100 feet before I had to stop from being winded. Now I run/jog/walk 2 miles a day and my record time for running the first mile nonstop is 8 minutes, 35 seconds! At my age of 52, my present weight of 250 pounds, and having started the regimen only 7 weeks ago, I think that time is phenomenal! > Yet my motivation for exercising like this is not to lose weight or get in shape -- all these are wonderful side benefits. Rather I run so that I can sweat because I sense that sweating is the most efficient way the body had to eliminate toxins. I would urge everyone who is redirecting to find a way to sweat out those toxins. If you can find saunas and steam baths all the better. > > PS My only worry about running is a question I ask you, Ellie. I sometimes wonder if I have simply replaced my old cravings for toxic foods with the so-called "runner's high." Consciously, I run in order to sweat. Yet is it possible to develop an addiction to one's own endorphins? Even so, is that bad? Or do I need to redirect about my worry? MT Thank you for sharing this. I'm delighted to hear your progress and especially the diet changes. You might enjoy this post from the testimonials, and when you exercise do some redirecting. "The beating on the bed didn't work for me. Instead I am in a cycling class with pumping, aggressive, outrageous music, and as I am cycling like a madwoman I am imagining my strength at decimating my tormentors. It is very physical and I feel so released." Steambaths and saunas might be a bit too much heat and could be somewhat damaging. When you are post flood you will no longer be attracted to aerobic exercise to this extent. And yes, you have a craving for endorphins, but not a prayer of staying addicted to them if you are doing the redirecting. Your body is smarter than you are and is slowly detoxing the endorphins. It's the one addiction we need to have in order to heal. So enjoy it while it lasts. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Thu Aug 17, 2000 1:24am Subject: RE: aerobics > Ellie wrote: >
> < > Ellie, >
> Could you elaborate more on this idea? Or give specific examples? I get a sense of it now, that my body needs me to run it through these aerobic exercises to sweat out toxins -- and I also sense that it is a temporary process. >
> So do you mean that there is such an addiction as "runner's high," which is like any other addiction, but only because the runner is not redirecting and essentially is having a daily detox crisis which he or she solves by long-distance running or some other endorphin-producing aerobic activity? >
> And you mean then that this is the one addiction which will naturally heal itself as long as we are redirecting? >
> What kinds of exercise are post-flood people attracted to? MT The best way I can answer is to refer you to the scientific article, which will explain this. Please study it, it's not too technical. It is more a noradrenaline high that you crave than the endorphins. Because of the toxicosis, you crave stimulants (such as running-and the other addictions work the same way) because stimulants injure neurons and cause lysosomes to break. This brings about a detox crisis and there is a release of excess, ie the toxic amounts of noradrenaline (also adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, etc). The excess noradrenaline makes you feel good (same effect as an antidepressant). People who don't do the redirecting stay addicted to these stimulants (like running), but when you do the redirecting as described in the article, you slowly reduce the toxicosis, and become less attracted to stimulants. All addictions will naturally heal themselves when you redirect because daily redirecting gets rid of the toxins faster than when you just run. Redirecting clears out the neural pathways that are most toxic. Running without redirecting is kind of like misdirected anger, you are getting rid of some of the anger, which is stored as toxic amounts of neurochemicals, but the Wrong Neuron concept fits here. You might try doing some redirecting before you run--the craving to run is like any other excitatory nervous symptom. Go ahead and run if you still want to. In time you will be less interested, just like you were able to let go of the toxic foods. Weight lifting too can be overdone. Now that I'm post flood I carry rather heavy bags of groceries, which I'm sure keeps my muscles fit, and I walk a lot. Please study the scientific theory and this will become clear. Ellie --- Elnora Van Winkle Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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