Ephesians

The Elements of Headship

If you search the Scriptures that describe the Lord Jesus in relationship to His Father, you discover four elements that make up the headship of the Father:

1. Identity. Jesus said, “I and the Father are one” (John 10:30). The Scriptures say that the same is true of a husband and wife. When they are married, they become one (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5-6). There is an identity of persons, one with the other, that takes place in this matter of headship.

2. Mutual cooperation. Jesus, on another occasion, said, “My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working” (John 5:17). In other words, they cooperate together. Headship involves mutual cooperation. The husband and wife are to cooperate.

3. Shared honor. The Lord Jesus says of His relationship with the Father, “I honor my Father” (John 8:49), and, “My Father…glorifies me” (John 8:54). There is a mutual sharing of honor that indicates again what headship means.

4. A difference in authority. Finally, the Lord says, “The Father is greater than I” (John 14:28). In words full of mystery, Jesus suggests that even though He and the Father are identified with each other, cooperate with each other, and honor each other, there is a difference of authority. “I always do what pleases him,” says Jesus in John 8:29.

So the four elements of headship are interpreted for us by Christ: (1) identity as to nature, (2) cooperation as to work, (3) honor as to person, and (4) subservience as to final decisions. That is headship. That is what it should mean to a wife to be subject to her husband.

No doubt, some wives reading this would protest, “But you don’t know the kind of brute I live with! How far am I supposed to take this ‘submission’ business?” Paul answers that in Ephesians 5:24: “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” That’s the answer: wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

This is not to say that there aren’t exceptions to this rule. There are husbands who abuse drugs or alcohol, and pose a danger to their wife and children. There are husbands who commit violence against their wife and children. There are husbands who demand that their wife do things that are morally wrong, such as telling lies, filing false returns with the IRS, or cutting corners in business. Obviously, a wife should not submit to any immoral demands of a husband.

Remember, the wife’s primary duty is to Christ, even before her husband. She is to submit to Christ first, and if submission to her husband ever comes in conflict with submission to Christ, then obedience to Christ and His moral leadership takes precedence. Barring such extreme situations, however, the wife is to allow the husband to make final decisions, and she is to respect those decisions.

Counsel to Husbands

In Ephesians 5:25-32, Paul takes aim at husbands. The key phrase here is, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” Everything beyond that phrase is clarification.

There is probably no word in our modern language more misunderstood than this word love. It is used to describe everything from lustful passion to patriotic emotion. There is great room for confusion when the same word can be used to say, “I love God,” “I love my wife,” and, “I love pizza.”

Paul defines this word with the statement that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church “and gave himself up for her.” Paul calls husbands to an all-encompassing, self-sacrificing love. A husband is not the slave-master, the cruel, demeaning overlord of the wife. He is the self-sacrificing servant of the wife! That is love!

What Paul is describing once again is mutual submission—the wife submits herself to the husband in accordance with her role, and the husband submits himself to the wife in accordance with his role. The form of submission is different because the role is different, but the principle is the same: mutual submission, just as Paul expressed in Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

The example of Christ is our model as Christian husbands. The apostle Paul says, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.” Again, Paul raises the example of Christ. He loves us and continually gives Himself up for us because we are part of Him, and we belong to Him. We who are Christians are part of His body in this amazing mystery. To substantiate his point, the apostle quotes from Genesis 2:24: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31).

That is not simply beautiful language. There is a profound reality behind this: A husband and wife are not just two people rooming together. Their lives actually do blend into one another. They actually become one. The husband and the wife are one flesh. This truly is, as Paul says in Ephesians 5:32, “a profound mystery.”

Unilateral Obedience

The final point the apostle makes here is given in Ephesians 5:33: “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Notice that he puts this on the basis of each person in the marriage relationship fulfilling his or her responsibility to Christ, regardless of what the other does. That is the key. We are not to withhold our obedience until the other obeys. We are to obey these principles, just as Christ was obedient to the Father, giving Himself up for the church even while we were still estranged from Him.

I have seen Christ-like unilateral obedience work wonders in marriage relationships. Husbands and wives have been brought together, harmony has been restored in bitterly divided homes, grace and peace has been brought to homes that were once battlegrounds.

So this is the key to Christian marriage: Husbands, “each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). This is the pattern that was given to us by our Lord Jesus Christ.

Counsel to Children

Now we come to the issue of the parent-child relationship. Paul’s first word is addressed to children in Ephesians 6:1. Notice, this is not a simple exhortation for children to obey their parents. It goes a step further: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” The key to the command is “in the Lord.” Just as wives are to submit to husbands as to the Lord, and just as husbands are to love their wives after the example of the Lord, so it is with children: They are to obey their parents for Jesus’ sake.

This is a crucially important matter. All through the Word of God you find exhortations to parents to teach their children to be obedient, and exhortations for children to be responsive to that teaching and to obey their parents. A child must learn the most important lesson of all: to be an obedient, respectful child. This is much more important than simply accomplishing the immediate wish of the parent, whatever it may be. Developing the character trait of obedience is the real issue.

I know one family in which obedience is taught to children in a very thoughtful, deliberate fashion. An order or request is given, and if the child procrastinates or refuses, the parent does not nag or repeat the command. Instead, Mom or Dad says, “Do what Mother (or Father) told you to do.” That may seem like a subtle distinction, but it is really very important. The second command is different from the first. It is no longer focused on carrying out a chore or request. It is focused on teaching the importance of obedience and respect toward the parent. The first command had to do with getting the child to perform a task; the second command has to do with building Christ-like, obedient character in that child.

It is significant that Paul gives a reason why children should obey their parents: “for this is right.” Do not take this statement lightly. Paul is saying, quite significantly, that obedience to parents is realistic, it accords with fundamental reality, it is one of the basic laws of life.

The Meaning of Honor

In Ephesians 6:2-3, the apostle Paul presses deeper into this subject. He goes behind the actions to the attitudes. He says it is not only important to obey, but to obey in such a way as to honor your father and your mother. The attitude of obedience is exceedingly important. We know, of course, that it is possible to obey with a disobedient heart. The actions are outwardly correct, but the heart is wrong.

This attitude is exemplified by the story of the little boy whose mother wanted him to sit down but he wouldn’t sit down. Finally she took hold of him and sat him down in the chair. He looked up at her with defiant eyes and said, “You may make me sit down outside, but I’m still standing up inside!” That kind of obedience dishonors the parent by treating the parent as a thing, an obstacle, not as a human being who gives love, nurture, and care to that child.

The first commandment with a promise, as the apostle reminds us, is, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). This means that glad obedience, with an attitude of honor and respect, creates the conditions that tend to produce a long, healthy, happy life. Obedient children live constructively and productively, and are less likely to fall prey to self-destructive temptations—alcoholism, drug abuse, juvenile crime, laziness, and other forms of foolishness and rebellion.

Learning to obey and honor parents is necessary preparation for learning to obey and respect authority later in life. Adults are as much under authority as children. Everyone is accountable to some authority. The sooner a child learns this lesson, the better his life will be.

Counsel to Parents

Paul doesn’t stop with children. This passage is, of course, an amplification of Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Submission, as we have seen, is always a two-way street. The Word of God never says to one party only, “Submit.” Submission is always mutual.

So if children are to submit themselves in obedience to parents, it is equally true that parents are to submit themselves to their children. The word translated fathers in Ephesians 6:4 could just as well be translated parents, because it includes both the father and the mother. The emphasis is laid largely upon the father, however, for it is his responsibility as to what the children become. That is a sobering issue for fathers to consider. Mothers may enforce policy, but it is the father’s task to set it, and to see that his children are raised properly.

How, then, does a father submit himself to his children? By avoiding the actions that make a child rebel—by not exasperating the child. Obviously, there will be times when children become angry, and when they rebel. There will be times when even the best and most appropriate discipline will make a child angry. These times of anger are momentary and to be expected. That is not what Paul refers to here.

Paul is warning parents, and particularly fathers, to avoid the kind of actions that, over time, tend to produce an overwhelmingly exasperated, frustrated, sullen, rebellious nature in a child. Paul is saying, in effect, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to the place where they completely lose control and rebel against authority.”

There are two styles of parenting that tend to produce rebellion in children: indulgence and harshness. In a previous time, the father was often a tyrant in his family. Children had to toe the mark and often had very little loving contact with their parents. But in our day, we have seen the pendulum swing too far to the opposite extreme, toward indulgence. All too often, we give our children everything and let them have their own way. We entrust to our children the power to make decisions they are not capable of making.

The limits of godly discipline are like walls. Walls can sometimes feel frustrating and confining. But walls serve a beneficial purpose. They symbolize safety and protection. A child who momentarily rebels against walls during a time of discipline will one day be thankful for the safety, security and sense of love those walls supplied.

Paul contrasts these two exasperating parenting styles with the right way to raise children: “instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Notice the two terms Paul uses: training and instruction of the Lord. The word training means discipline—a balance of love and limits. Instruction of the Lord means teaching, or “putting in mind the things of the Lord.”

As the child grows older, training is to be replaced by teaching and helping the child to understand the principles that underlie rules and restrictions. As we train and instruct our children, we continually seek to show them that we are concerned for them and we love them. As training gives way to instruction, gradually give children more responsibility and trust as they prove they are capable of handling it.

Our task as parents is to submit ourselves to our children by devoting ourselves to the process of loving, guiding, training, teaching, and praying for them, as they submit themselves, in attitude and deed, to our firm but gentle authority.

Counsel for Employees

The apostle begins the next section of Ephesians 6 with counsel to slaves. You might think, “This section doesn’t apply to me or anyone I know!” When Paul wrote the letter to the Ephesians, it is estimated that half of the population of the Roman Empire consisted of slaves, and many of these slaves were Christians. There were also many slave-masters who had been changed by the Christian gospel. As these Christians, both slave and free, came together in worship, they learned that in Christ there is neither slave nor free—no distinction over class, race or gender (see Galatians 3:28). The question naturally arose: “Are we only brothers on Sunday?” The apostle addresses this question, and in the process, he sets forth principles that apply not only to slave and slave-master, but also to the relationship between employee and employer.

When we work for an employer, we voluntarily sell our time and our labor to another person for a certain period of time. We work out a mutually agreeable relationship, and, within the limits of that agreement, we are “slaves” to those to whom we sell our time and labor. So the issues Paul addresses are exactly the same today as they were in the first century: “How should we conduct ourselves toward those who work under us, or toward those for whom we labor?”

In Ephesians 6:5-8, Paul begins by addressing labor—the first century slaves. He deals with two aspects of the employee’s response to his employer:

1. Activity

First, there is an activity required on the part of employees, and it is put in one word—obedience. In Ephesians 6:5, Paul says, “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.” This word obey is the same Greek word that occurs in Ephesians 6:1— “Children, obey your parents.” It is a military term meaning “to follow orders.” Christian employees are under the same obligation of obedience as a soldier under the authority of a superior officer or a child under the authority of a parent. His obligation is very simply: Do what the boss says.

2. Attitude

Paul has two things to say about the Christian employee’s attitude. Live out your obedience “with respect and fear.” Respect and fear of the boss? No! This respect and fear is directed inward. We are to respect and fear the fact that we are capable of acting in our human flesh and missing out on what God wants to do through us.

In Philippians 2:12-13, Paul uses the same Greek term for “respect and fear,” this time translated “fear and trembling,” when he writes, “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” Why? Because, “it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” His purpose is to work through us in His own limitless strength—and we should have fear of falling short of that.

In Ephesians 6:6-7, Paul talks about an employee’s attitude of integrity. He writes, “Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.” We should work with the same intensity and care whether we are being observed or not, because we are not merely pleasing the boss, we are pleasing the Lord. We work for Christ! What a glory this gives to every task. If you approach your work with this attitude, you will never grow bored with the routine of the day.

You may ask, “But in my job, I am never rewarded or even commended for the work I do. How can I stay motivated when I never receive any positive feedback or incentive?” Paul replies in Ephesians 6:8 that you should be motivated by the knowledge “that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.” God doesn’t promise to change your conditions of employment, or to guarantee that your boss is going to be nice to you, but He does promise to reward you for everything you are going through in obedience to Him.

Counsel for Bosses

In Ephesians 6:9 we see that Paul again carries out the consistent reciprocity of Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” He has just told employees to obey their bosses—and now he turns around and commands bosses to treat their employees “in the same way.” What the apostle means is that bosses should be sensitive to the needs and feelings of their employees and hear their workers’ suggestions, complaints, and ideas. They should submit to their workers in the sense of really listening and noticing when a situation needs correcting.

In the parallel passage in Colossians, Paul puts it this way: “Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven” (Colossians 4:1). Christian boss, remember that you also have a Master, and He shows no favoritism toward a boss for being a boss. Before the Lord, masters and slaves are on an equal footing. He will demand an accounting from you as to how you have treated those He has entrusted to your care and stewardship. So listen to them and value them.

Paul also warns bosses not to threaten employees. That is not the way our Master treats us, and you as a boss should not treat your employees that way either. If someone is not qualified to do the job, then follow correct procedures and dismiss him, but don’t constantly threaten and intimidate him. The godly way of management is based on mutual respect and submission, not on fear and intimidation.

Paul’s counsel in this passage completely cancels out the comments so often heard today: “I don’t mix business and religion.” Or, “The church is one thing, but business is business.” Nonsense. Jesus is the Master of your work-week, just as He is the master of your worship. If you shut Him out of your business on Monday through Friday, then how dare you call Him “Lord” on Sunday?

Ephesians 6:5-9 calls all of us—master and slave, boss and worker, capital and labor—to a single focus: mutual submission under the authority of Jesus Christ. Whatever our status, whatever our title, whether we call the shots or do the grunt work, we serve the same Master. And the ground is level at the foot of the cross.

Study Questions

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Before you begin your study this week:

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  Pray and ask God to speak to you through His Holy Spirit.
  
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  Use only the Bible for your answers.
  
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  Write down your answers and the verses you used.
  
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  Answer the “Challenge” questions if you have the time and want to do them.
  
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  Share your answers to the “Personal” questions with the class only if you want to share them.
  

First Day: Read the commentary on Ephesians 5:22—6:9.

1. What meaningful or new thought did you find in the commentary on Ephesians 5:22—6:9 or from your teacher’s lecture? What personal application did you choose to apply to your life?

2. Look for a verse in the lesson to memorize this week. Write it down and post it in a prominent place. Make a real effort to learn the verse and its “address” (reference of where it is found in the Bible).

Second Day: Read Ephesians 6:10-17, concentrating on verse 10.

1. One of the most fundamental truths the Bible presents to us is that, behind the facade of this world, there is an invisible battle raging. Paul is now going to give us some actions to take in order to come through the battle victorious. What are we urged to do in Ephesians 6:10?

2. Describe God’s power from Ephesians 1:19-21.

3. What do you learn about our weakness and Christ’s power from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10?

4. From Philippians 4:13, what are we able to do and how?

5. Personal: We often feel too weak to stand in the midst of the battles that come our way, but God has promised us His strength. What difficulty are you dealing with right now? Will you choose to believe what God has said and, by His grace, accept His strength and stand firm in Him?

Third Day: Review Ephesians 6:10-17, concentrating on verses 11-12.

1. From Ephesians 6:11, what are we to put on, and what do we stand against?

2. What do you learn about the devil from the following verses?

John 8:44

Revelation 12:9-11

3. a. From Ephesians 6:12, whom is our battle against?

b. Read Ephesians 1:20-22 and Colossians 2:15. Where is Jesus Christ in relation to these powers that we struggle with?

4. a. What is the relationship between these powers of darkness and unbelievers, according to 2 Corinthians 4:4 and 2 Timothy 2:26?

b. Read Romans 8:38-39 and Colossians 1:13. What is the relationship between these powers of darkness and believers?

5. Personal: The victory is already ours. We must put on the armor of God so that we will “stand” in the midst of the battle. How have you been encouraged by today’s lesson?

Fourth Day: Review Ephesians 6:10-17, concentrating on verses 13-14.

1. In view of the mighty struggle we are in, what does Paul again urge us to do in Ephesians 6:13?

2. The “day of evil” means “when things are at their worst.”¹² Sometimes we forget that we live in a fallen world, and that we are in the midst of a battle. We expect life to be easy and we are bewildered when things aren’t the way we want them to be. What do you learn about this from John 15:20, 16:33 and 17:15?

3. Personal: There are two groups of the Christian’s pieces of armor, indicated by the verbs used. If we are truly Christians, we already have the first three, with which we are to “stand firm.” Then, we are to “take” or “take up” the remaining three. Before proceeding, are you certain you are a Christian? Have you placed your faith in what Jesus Christ did on the cross to take away your sin and bring you into relationship with God? Your salvation depends not on what He did plus something you do, but just on what He did alone. If you haven’t, won’t you do it now?

4. The pieces of armor Paul details for us are the specific ways we carry out his call to be strong in the Lord. The armor is a symbolic description of the various facets of the Lord. The armor is the life of Christ lived out in our life. What is the first piece of armor listed in Ephesians 6:14a?

5. The Roman soldier’s belt was not merely ornamental. When a soldier went into battle, he would tuck his tunic into his belt to keep his legs free. The belt helped hold the breastplate in place and from it hung the scabbard, which held his sword. As Christian soldiers, we wear the belt of truth. What do you learn about truth from John 1:17, John 14:6 and Hebrews 13:8?

6. Personal: Truth explains all things; it never changes. It gives assurance that our sins are forgiven, grace and strength for living today, and hope for tomorrow and throughout eternity. This good news is the truth of Jesus Christ, and He never changes. How does having this belt of truth help you stand against the lies of the enemy?