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853

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Fri Nov 3, 2000 3:45pm

Subject: More on sin
I shared my interpretation of sin as misdirected rage, and I want to add to that that even the misdirecting of anger is an unconscious physiological process, so let's remember that guilt is anger turned inward and redirect it. It's our parent's voices in our head saying you are bad for having justifiable anger. Tell those voices to shut up. Morality is abusive.
Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety

855

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Sat Nov 4, 2000 6:08am

Subject: FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions

Questions are best be answered by reading the articles

The Biology of Emotions: Self help for anxiety and depression
http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/anger/html
Based on the scientific discovery
The toxic mind: the biology of mental illness and violence
http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

Q What is a detox crisis?

A When anger is suppressed toxic amounts of endogenous neurochemicals accumulate in neurons in the brain. The neurons periodically eject these toxins during detox crises, which manifest as excitatory nervous symptoms. See the list in the section Self-help measures for recovery in The biology of Emotions article. And see the section Toxicosis in The toxic mind article.
Q What is redirecting?

A Redirecting is consciously directing anger during a detox crisis mentally, and if possible physically, toward past abusers, not in person, but for example by pounding on a bed while thinking of past abusers.

Q How do I know when to redirect?

A Redirect at the first sign of an excitatory nervous symptom until you relax.

Q What if I can't remember anyone who ever abused me in childhood?

A Write an account of your relationships with early caretakers, and you will recognize many people who caused you to suppress anger.

Q Do I have to relive the traumatic experience of childhood abuse?

A No, and don't try to do this. The abuse is not what damaged you, but the suppression of justifiable anger when you were abused or emotionally neglected.

Q What about people who abuse me now?

A When people abuse you now you are likely to over-react because your anger, which may now be rage, is a mix of anger that was suppressed in childhood and your anger at the current abuser. Mentally redirect anger using the self-help measures to your parents or early caretakers. Then if appropriate, calmly confront the person, by saying something like, "I was uncomfortable with......" If you over-react anyway, and feel guilty, recognize the guilt as anger turned inward and do some redirecting.

Q I was raised to believe that anger was bad. How can you say that all anger is justifiable and healthy?
A If you look at any newborn child who cries out in anger for care, you will see that it is part of the fight or flight reaction, a God given gift for survival.
Q What is the difference between anger and rage?

A Rage is the release of toxic amounts of neurochemicals that store repressed anger.

Q What is misdirected anger?

A When neural pathways that store memories of early relationships are clogged up with the excess neurochemicals that store anger, the anger released during a detox crisis is likely to be diverted though the Wrong Neurons, so to speak. See the illustration in The Biology of Emotions article. This means we may misdirect anger toward someone who is innocent or partially innocent or inward toward ourselves as guilt or even suicidal thought. This is an unconscious process, but now that we understand the need to redirect, we can consciously direct the anger to past abusers, and in doing so help to clear the clogged neural pathways. See the section Vicarious Detoxification Crises in The toxic mind paper.

Q Who besides our parents are past abusers?

A All persons who acted similarly toward us in attempts to suppress our justifiable anger. See the list in The biology of emotions article.

Q I am on antidepressants, will this interfere with my recovery.

A Follow your medical doctors advice about all medications. Give him/her a copy of The toxic mind article and ask him to help you withdraw when your depression is relieved using the self-help measures.

Q I am on prescribed sedatives, will this interfere with my recovery.

A Follow your medical doctors advice about all medications. You will probably crave these until you are post flood. Then ask your doctor to help you withdraw. Withdrawal from sedatives can be dangerous and should always be done under medical supervision. If you use alcohol or food to calm yourself, do some redirecting before you turn to these. If you use them anyway and feel guilty, do some more redirecting.

Q What is codependency and why do you call it our primary addiction?

A Codependent relationships are formed unconsciously with parent substitutes for the purpose of setting a stage to re-enact the childhood relationships and get the anger out. These parent substitutes are simulatory in behavior, and stimulants trigger detox crises. Other addictions to food, alcohol, drugs, and psychologically stimulatory activities such as sex, shopping, gambling, etc. also trigger detox crises. These addictions will linger until the toxicosis is gone. See the section Addictions in The toxic mind article.

Q I have been diagnosed with a specific psychiatric disorders. Will this self help cure my illness?

A Yes, all the symptoms of the various disorders are detox crises. They differ only because the toxicosis may be more intense in certain areas of the brain that control certain functions, for example in areas that control motor activity in persons with Parkinson's disease. See the section Unity of Disease in The toxic mind article.

Q Why are my mood swings getting worse

A During a detox crisis you are releasing neurochemicals that have a strong antidepressant effect and you may feel a manicky kind of high. You are also releasing sedative type neurochemicals that will then have a depressant effect and my cause prolonged heavy sleep. When you become post flood mood swings should be less intense and less often.

Q Why do I have nightmares?

A Nightmares are intense detox crises, and opportunities to do some redirecting when you awaken.

Q What about psychosomatic illness?

A 'Psychosomatic' is a misnomer, 'neurogenic' is more accurate. Your thinking does not cause peripheral symptoms. During the detoxification process in the brain there is periodic over- and under-stimulation of the pituitary and other control organs. This causes a number of problems, such as hypothyroidism, and these problems, unless there is irreversible organic damage, will clear up in time. See the section Psychosomatic disorders in The toxic mind article.

Q What about diet

A Try to gradually change your diet to mostly raw foods, whole fruits and vegetables, and don't over cook meats. Avoid stimulants, processed foods, sugar, dairy, bread and cooked grains. When you are post flood your body is likely to react to toxic foods and you may have acute, but minor reactions to toxins, both from food and the environment.

Q Should I make an effort to socialize and get a new job?

A Focus on your recovery and hold off until you are post flood before making major changes in your life.

Q What does it mean to be "post-flood?"

A Post flood is not a sudden point of cure, but an arbitrary point chosen as a goal, when about 95% of the repressed anger is gone, and mood swings are minimal.

Q How long will it take before I am post flood and fully recovered from emotional disorders and addictions?

A You can become post flood in a few weeks to a few months. This depends on your situation and how much effort you are able to put into using the self-help and on whether you have already begun to speed up the detoxification process in other therapies or by dietary changes. There is what I call the 'muddy basin' period after becoming post flood, which can last a good year or more, or perhaps will linger indefinitely. During this time your anger when triggered in current interactions will have less and less to do with the past and more to do with the current interaction. When it is mostly about the current interaction it is very important not to stuff it, but to recognize and release it. Otherwise you may re-experience symptoms. Continue to use the self-help measures and calmly confront in current interactions if you feel it is appropriate.

Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety

857

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Sun Nov 5, 2000 6:16am

Subject: Grief
Hi Elli,
I have been redirecting my anger for 3 weeks now. Yesterday, as I sat in my office at work, I was feeling my loss...and all of a sudden, it was like the floodgates of my tears opened up and I wept like a baby...it felt good to release and cry...I felt a little better also.
Just a few moments ago, while I'm reading.(which triggered an early childhood feeling and event) I began to weep uncontrollably (this crying was NOT intentional)
Ellie...is this my brains way of 'cleaning house' of all the toxins that have accumulated since my childhood...?

Is crying just as good for releasing this toxins?

I've notice this is happening since I've been redirecting....All these feelings and emotions are coming up.

As roto rooter is to plumbing...it seems to me that the redirecting AND crying is flushing emotional toxins out of me.

I feel a little better after those two cries....while I cried earlier today, I managed to think of my mother,...and how she wasn't there for me when I was sad at a very early age...I remember feeling like I was thirsty for emotional comfort, only to find a very dry well...almost dessert like. S.
Good work...this sounds like you have flushed out many of the toxins. There are toxic amounts of neurochemicals that store both anger and grief. Usually feelings of grief follow the release of repressed anger.
Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety

860

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Mon Nov 6, 2000 3:45am

Subject: Social anxiety
> hello

I've experienced social anxiety for years. I first recognized it when I freshman at college. (I'm now a year 3 student) I've read the article about how we should redirect our anger to our past abusers. I don't know exactly what I should do to "clear the clogs in my brain pathways". I don't like to pound on the bed because it will make much noise and I live in school dormitory. I don't feel natural about it. Exercise feels good. but when I have to consciously think about redirecting anger while doing exercise, it becomes not a pleasant thing to do...

> I really wish I could get rid of my social anxiety problem, which gives me much pain and prevents me making any friends...(vicious cycle) am I in the right place? Is there any thing concrete that I can do about my situation?

> thanks a lot! Blessings, Rita

Dear Rita,

Yes, you are in the right place. Don't try to correct your social anxiety for now, when you are post flood you will be at ease with people. Please print out The Biology of Emotions article and also the Welcome message. Study the article and follow the suggestions in the Welcome message. You can muffle you voice when you pound on the bed. Do the redirecting when you exercise even if it seems unpleasant. Be sure to read Archive/Message no. 670 about staying in the eye of the storm.

Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety

862

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Mon Nov 6, 2000 7:10am

Subject: Physical symptoms
> I have been trying to redirect my anger for 4 days now. My mother's agoraphobia and extreme over protectiveness has led me to try this. I've been beating up pillows while I have her face and many things she has said to me in my mind. I'm not feeling anything as far as a release of emotions and I don't feel better afterwards. I've felt very anxious every second of the day with persistent illogical fear for about 2 years now (I'm 28). I also had very disturbing symptoms like heaviness or fullness in my head, tingling in my left arm, and a feeling of 'electricity' all throughout my body. I wonder if anyone has similar symptoms and if I'm doing this redirection process correctly.
Hi, it sounds like you are doing it correctly and it may be too soon for you to feel better after doing the redirecting and certainly too soon for permanent relief from anxiety and depression. If you are on medication this may also affect how soon you will have relief. I am not suggesting discontinuing prescribed medication, but it may slow the process a bit. Remember this is a periodic detoxification process, and you will cycle through these detox crises. Mood swings may even intensify. Keep reading the pamphlet and suggested Archives/Messages to see what to expect. Try to keep up the redirecting all through the day if you feel anxiety, and if you can't do it physically just keep doing it mentally in your head. The heaviness, fullness in the head, and tingling are all symptoms that are part of the detoxification process and to be expected. If they are temporary and more intense after doing some redirecting they are actually a good sign.
Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety

864

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Thu Nov 9, 2000 2:12am

Subject: Overreacting/Apologizing
Misdirecting anger in current interactions is an unconscious process, and is unavoidable in early recovery. Any guilt about this needs to be recognized as anger turned inward and redirected to early abusers. There is nothing wrong with apologizing, but when it's done before you are post flood it doesn't have much meaning. It's usually done to try to hang on to someone. There is likely to be some justifiable anger at the person in the current interaction, it's just mixed with anger from childhood and is, therefore, too intense. I found my apologies became meaningful only when I became post flood. I apologized to my psychiatrist who kept me sometimes on six or more toxic drugs daily nonstop for twenty years and was angry when I became drug free. I had really blasted him for this, so I apologized for 'the intensity' of my anger, which included anger not just at him, but at many other psychiatrists. I never had true remorse until I was post flood and even then it wasn't for past mistakes. It was only for a minor offense and I made amends quickly.
Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety

Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety

865

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Thu Nov 9, 2000 3:50am

Subject: RE: Nothingness
> Hello,

> I have only just recently found out about these self-help measure, so am still finding my way. I think I can now understand what it is all about, and as I have been suffering in this way many, many years, I do find it all very difficult, although very promising. My anxiety goes very deep. Please tell me, yesterday I had an appointment with the G.P. and the whole situation caused me to be extremely anxious, and the G.P. told me my pulse was racing. All I can say is, that I was very, very anxious and felt nothing else or thought nothing else. Please, how do I sort this one out. thank you. F.

Hi, I'm pleased you find the self-help measures promising. I hope you have printed out the Pamphlet, and the Welcome message. Follow the suggestions in the Welcome message. I'm not surprised your pulse was racing, and when you are post flood this will no longer happen. Do the redirecting mentally if you are in public whenever this happens. Remember this is not a sudden permanent cure each time you have an anxiety attack, but you can recover from anxiety and depression in a few months.
Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety

866

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Thu Nov 9, 2000 5:00am

Subject: Overreacting/Apologizing
My thought about "apologizing" is that one could easily take their significant other or others aside when they start to do redirecting and tell them, "Look, this may not be pretty. I'm going to be more stressed out than usual in some ways while I do this redirecting, and I may do some things that will be hurtful to you that I don't really mean to do. And I'm asking you now to just bear with me." Or whatever. You know, an explanation beforehand.

Sharrhan
867

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Thu Nov 9, 2000 7:11am

Subject: Overreacting/therapists
Your suggestion, Sharrhan, about explaining that there may be overreacting with family members during early recovery is what I am hoping therapists will be able to do when helping children, perhaps even get written permission from parents just as surgeons do. I have discussed this with Dr. Aletha Solter of Aware Parenting. Unfortunately she is one of the few therapists who understand this. Most therapists are in need of recovery themselves, and until they have become fully post flood they cannot effectively guide others through the redirecting process. I have invited therapists to this eGroup, and hope they are here to recover for themselves.
Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety

868

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Thu Nov 9, 2000 7:48am

Subject: Forgiveness
This forgiveness thing is taken all out of context by a lot of born-agains, and new agers. Both camps are highly fixated on it and attach a lot of garbage to it. Forgiveness is a word I'd like to erase from my vocabulary because of all the things that have been added to it in our culture. It has so much judgment and fear, guilt and heaviness that comes with it. It's a religious term. Therefore we need to almost stop using the word. Have I forgiven my parents now that I'm post-flood? Well, I don't feel hate in my heart for them, and I don't find my heart beating furiously when I think of certain things they did, but I do still remember sometimes (like for instance my mother yelling at me about my eye turning or looking "dead"-- which it doesn't). But there is an automatic forgiveness of sorts (if you want to call it that) that is part and parcel of successful redirecting, and it causes one to either feel no animosity or not much animosity toward those who hurt them. If they were really terrible, you might still avoid them, and that's smart. If they were moderately bad to you, you might still not want to visit them too much-- that's intelligent. Are you unforgiving? No. The difference for me is that I now catch myself when I gossip about my parents. I feel no need to vindictively talk about what awful people they are or were. I have let go of that. And that, I feel, is a type of forgiveness. Sharrhan
This is how it has happened for me as well. These preachers who go into places like the Oklahoma bombing site and tell people to forgive are doing great damage to those victims, who need to have their justifiable anger in order to heal. People who try to forgive consciously are the same people who end up with resentments and seek revenge. They are the same people who fill the arsenals of the world with nuclear bombs.
Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety

869

From: Elnora Van Winkle>

Date: Thu Nov 9, 2000 8:15am

Subject: New Member Information
> Hello---I just joined the site today and I'm very eager to begin. I would like to share my story with you to get some feedback and encouragement.

>

> In December of 1995 my husband of 25 years died suddenly of a heart attack while doing his daily exercising at the Y. It was a terrible shock to me and my children. Our marriage was fraught with ups and downs. He was a very heavy drinker and pretty much emotinally absent. I loved him dearly but he did push my buttons of insecurity and I was lonely alot of the time. In looking back I see that I married my "mother". While she was not a substance abuser she was emotionally absent and I was never sure of her love or her reactions to anything I did.

>

> I am remarried to a man who is very loving and supportive now. My children have manifested various degrees of acting out with their grief over their father. I realize that they will never truly accept their stepfather and that's ok--they are very supportive of my happiness with him. It seems that most of my life I have had a little black cloud hanging over me. Insecurity has always plagued me. Most people even those who know me well don't see that part of me. I am a very good actress! I have spent the past five years trying to get to know myself and authenticate who I really am. I have, through therapy, begun to forgive my mother and my late husband for their part in my problem as well as begun to recognize my own contributions. It seems as though I have a very difficult time deriving much joy from life--even though I have much to be joyful about. A year ago I was prescribed Klonopin for anxiety, which was in hindsight caused by an adverse reaction to an allergy drug. I have slowly tapered from it and have been free of it for three weeks. I am struggling with depression and I know that a major part of it is from the drug withdrawal. However, I know that I do have a proclivity to depression anyway. My father had it and probably other members of my family including my late husband and probably my mother as well. I want a way to overcome this but with my sensitivity to drugs I refuse to go the SSRI route. I did that for two years after my husband's death and I feel that they only made the depression and the feeling of inertia worse. I withdrew from Paxil the summer of 1998 and haven't taken it since. I think that I may suffer from w/d symptoms from that still--is that possible? I have a terrible time with any medicine from Advil to klonopin etc. Even am supersensitive to St. John's Wort. So I am here for a new beginning. Any feedback that you have for what I have written would be greatly appreciated. I do not want to remain depressed forever. Although it comes and goes, when I am in one it seem as if I have always been there everyday and when I'm out of it I can hardly remember the depth of it's pain. But I want to get my life back to an experience of joy and enthusiasm--a celebration of what I DO have and not a funeral for what I don't.

> Thank You Claudia

Welcome Cluadia, and you can indeed get your life back and experience joy and enthusiasm. Please print out the article, The biology of emotions, as a pamphlet and also print out the Welcome message. Study the article and refer to it when you have questions, and follow the suggestions in the Welcome message. Take your time and read the Archives/Messages on:

http://www.egroups.com/messages/Depression-Anxiety and you will find support on your journey. I don't think you are having direct withdrawal symptoms from Paxil, but all of the toxins from drugs and bad food are in your body and will slowly be detoxed along with the detox of endogenous neurochemicals that store repressed anger. Let us know how you are doing with the redirecting and your progress.

Ellie

http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html

http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety