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- __Date:_Wed_Nov_22,_2000_3:28am__Subject:_Religious_training">"Part 3" 891 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Wed Nov 22, 2000 3:28am Subject: Religious training
881 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Nov 19, 2000 4:29am Subject: Adrenaline > Hi Ellie, >
> I had wrote to you this morning after I received your reply 'Improved Sleep' I wrote this morning complaining that I was feeling terrible...and that I had not a good night last night. >
> Well... >
> Today was a good day for redirecting...cause I WAS FURIOUS!!! > late this afternoon, after I was feeling like so depressed and actually shaky kind of nervousness, I come out of my room and noticed my father had left to go outside. He closed all the lights (He does this and I hate it) in the house as if no one was home...But HE KNOWS I am home...this made me so furious...I felt like they treat me like I'm invisible...with no respect...Ahhh...this has been going on many, many years...I ran to my room and got my stick and I went crazy with redirecting...beating up boxes...and yelling at the top of my lungs at my father and mother for disregarding my feelings and treating me like I was invisible. >
> Guess what? The stick held up this time. Not like the other 2 I broke. LOL I NEVER had a redirecting moment like that...so I continued...I took a break enough to catch my breath...Boy did I work up a sweat and felt my blood rise and my body releasing the adrenaline that I felt was soaring inside. >
> I am so calm right now compared to how I was feeling earlier today. I was reading one of the archives about the good thing about being on other lists - that this can provoke some detox crisis. I belong to a list about BPD...and you know I've been sharing that my exGrlriend has this disorder. The list now serves me as provoking the detox, where as before I was ready to give it up, because it reminded me too much of her. But isn't this what we need? I am myself trigger detox crisis...then when I feel those feelings again....I get my stick and redirect...Giving her some of the redirecting but mostly to my parents who shaped me into the emotional/mental person that I am which 'caused' me to search this girl out and re-enact my unresolved emotional relationship with my mother with my exgf. >
> I just wanted to write you 'Once again'!! and share this with you. Even though I was discouraged today...I kept on going on with the redirecting. Just need to be patient with myself. I will work on my food intake too. I'm gonna start out slowly. > Thanks Ellie. Thanks alot - Steve Getting all that excess adrenaline out is what will heal you and bring you a sustainable calm. The good nights will become more and more frequent. THANK YOU for sharing your progress. You are an inspiration. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Nov 19, 2000 4:59am Subject: Other Internet groups Many of you are in other Internet groups, which are valuable for interacting and especially useful in triggering detox crises. I want to thank you for posting my websites to these groups and suggest using the below. If there are any in my group who are in the media and would be able to publicize it, please email me about this. Ellie
The toxic mind: the biology of mental illness and violence. Medical Hypotheses 2000; 55(4): 356-368 E. Van Winkle, Retired Research Scientist, Millhauser Laboratories of the Department of Psychiatry, New York University School of Medicine. Mailing Address: Murray Hill Station, P.O. Box 893, New York, NY 10156, USA Abstract -- The continual suppression of emotions during fight or flight reactions results in atrophy and endogenous toxicosis in noradrenergic neurons. Diminished synaptic levels of norepinephrine are associated with depression. During periodic detoxification crises excess norepinephrine and other metabolites flood synapses. The norepinephrine overexcites postsynaptic neurons and causes symptoms ranging from mild anxiety to violent behavior. Some of the other metabolites, which may include dopamine, epinephrine, serotonin, gamma-aminobutyric acid, peptides, amino acids, and various metabolic waste products, are bound by noradrenergic receptors and alter neurotransmission. When they prevent norepinephrine from exciting postsynaptic neurons, depression returns. A mechanism is proposed for the binding of norepinephrine and for the effects of the other metabolites, many of which have been thought to be neurotransmitters. The diverse receptor proteins presumed to be specific for false neurotransmitters may instead encode specific memories. The shift in depressive and excitatory behavior is characteristic of nearly all nervous and mental disorders, including addictions, Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease, and psychosomatic disorders. When toxins accumulate in regions of the brain that control specific activities, the symptoms observed will be related to those activities, giving rise to supposedly distinct disorders that represent the same detoxification process. Recovery can be facilitated by therapy and self-help measures that involve the releasing and redirecting of repressed emotions. Full text of this article is on: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html Self help measures based on this scientific discovery bring permanent recovery from depression, other emotional disorders, all addictions, and can be found on: http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/anger.html or:
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway or:
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 There is a supportive eGroup for persons using this self-help on: http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety This eGroup is non interactive and not intended to replace other groups. It is for support and provides testimonials. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 883 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Nov 19, 2000 3:18am Subject: Addictions/Physical sensations > I am addicted to sugar, will that taper off as I continue to redirect too? Yes, try substituting natural sugar, like dates, and include some fats, if you can eat raw animal fats, like Sushi or raw egg yolks, or if you're not into raw animal food try some Cod liver oil or other fish oil pills in moderation. > Also, do you think anxiety is always caused by repressed ... anger? Yes, repressed anger means toxicosis, ie excess endogenous neurochemicals that store anger (also feelings of grief) in the brain. Each time the neurons initiate a detox crisis, some of these are released into synapses. They overexcite the rest of the nervous system. This causes excitatory nervous symptoms, like anxiety, compulsive thinking, delusions, misdirecting anger, rage, cravings, etc. etc. All opportunities to do some redirecting. I've been suffering with irrational fears of driving and being alone for years and I'm wondering if after I release the anger, will the fears dissipate too? The fears won't completely disappear with one session of redirecting during a detox crisis, but in time, yes, irrational fears will disappear. I had irrational fear of being in a car, since my father was a maniac on the road. Try redirecting to your parents whenever you feel this way or perhaps you recall someone else who contributed to your fear of driving. Same for loneliness, it's a trigger to redirect. Post flood you will not feel lonely even if alone. I've also had this annoying symptom of a feeling of fullness and tingling in my head for about 2 years, is this often related to anger? It's related to the detox process, your brain and body are constantly trying to release toxins, both due to repressed emotions and toxins from food and the environment. As these flow out through the blood stream, you may have all kinds of physical sensations. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 884 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Nov 19, 2000 4:13am Subject: RE: Sirloins and Sofas > Tonight I had a N.Y. Sirloin that was almost rare. It felt like a blood transfusion it was so empowering. It took me back to the mid nineteen forties when a night on the town meant a Dry Martini, rare steak and a baked potato. Can you picture the pleasure after months of weird food the worst of which is brown Basmati rice? >
> Remember Woody Allen's "Interiors"? When I'm in "sync" with myself I admire my surroundings, the environment I designed for myself and feel right in. When I am due for some growth I start moving furniture and usually wind up with something very innovative and a better solution than the previous arrangement. >
> When I'm insecure I acquire busy clutter. When I tire of this Pack Rat persona I start giving away trivia left and right. My cleaning ladies adore me for this. >
> One of the things I recall when I redirect at my late mother my mother comes to memory. I have a classic round marble top coffee table designed by T. Robsjohn Gibbings back in the late 1940's. It is indestructible. When my first child was born I had an eccentric baby nurse. She encouraged me to get real comfy, put on a soft robe and put my feet up on that table. She gave me permission to relax and enjoy. My mother was an extremely inhibited person and angry when she saw me do that. >
> Now I yell, "it's my table and I'll do whatever I want with it." It is positioned between me and the TV now and I love to put my feet up on it. Diva
Ellie
During detoxification crises the sympathetic system is overactive, and there is an increased release of catecholamines, which, in persons prone to outbursts of anger, has been linked to coronary heart disease (37). Decreased hypothalamic activity or increased tissue metabolism as a result of overexcitation of the sympathetic system may cause the thyroid to become hypoactive. People generally see a doctor when they are having symptoms, namely detoxification crises that involve both the central nervous system and peripheral organs, and they may be diagnosed with hypothyroidism when there is no actual pathology in the thyroid gland. In recovery, hypothyroidism usually disappears, and body temperature, blood pressure, and pulse rate tend to normalize (34) as the activities of the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems stabilize. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 886 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Sun Nov 19, 2000 8:21am Subject: Re: Hypothyroidism > Hi Ellie- > Just a side-note to add on thyroid problems. It's been shown recently that soy products are causing thyroid problems. I cut out all protein powder products about 2 weeks ago and have already lost about 8 pounds. Sharrhan
http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety >
From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Nov 21, 2000 2:54am Subject: Violent significant adults I am struggling. It's so hard to feel angry. Numb at the thought of getting angry All my religious programming and much ant-anger programming is kicking in big time. I had my first panic attack in a couple of months Saturday. While I was welding I got some fumes in me. I did a hypochondriac thing and started to obsess with the health problems that I FELT were happening. I continued with my welding and obsessing. My heart was pounding, I was urinating a lot, headache, pain in my chest, etc. etc. This went on for hours. Spoke with some friends who were concerned but I told them not to worry - been here done that and will get over it. Finally to sleep at 2 AM. Next morning I had all the symptoms that a person with metal fume poisoning would have - which conveniently were what a professional welder described a few days ago to me. Started welding again and felt symptoms returning - so frustrating. I worked at feeling whatever I was feeling. Finally felt some anger at why all the other "kids" could do these neat things without problems but I was worthless, I was so vulnerable and weak. My kids are so unlucky to have me as a dad, maybe I should just take the most trivial job I could, a real self-pity thing. Then the tears started and I concentrated on trying to feel the anger you predicted. Got some hints of it but am so programmed to not be angry. The sadness and tears took me years to accept but I have so many inhibitions against anger. At the onset of tears had an immediate release of pressure in me and all symptoms immediately disappeared - completely 100% - and I felt free and able. I am angry that I simply cannot just get angry and feel the appropriate and natural anger that an unsuppressed person can feel. I feel like the joke that "the beatings will continue until morale improves", literally. The physically violent significant adults loom large in my life still and I cannot get angry or they'll assault me. That's my challenge. For a supposedly intelligent and intellectual person I sure am afraid of long dead or really old and frail people. Marc Good for you. Your kids are lucky to have you wherever they may be, they will have a new Dad. I see welders sometimes working around here and wonder why they cannot wear special masks, but maybe they would need an oxygen tank :-) Have your anger, not just at past abusers but at those who presently expose you. Anger helps the detox when you are assaulted in any way. When a child stubs his toe, he gets angry and yells. This is Nature helping to heal the damage. I can tell you when you are post flood that your nervous system will be much better able to keep those fumes from staying in your body and causing you serious harm. When I get near fumes I react, but it is always a minor reaction to detoxify me. I identify with the religious training. For a long time I found it hard to use cuss words when I needed to express justifiable anger. My mothers voice was in my head ready to wash my mouth out with soap. Those violent significant adults are just memories. Those voices have no power. Your fear overlies anger that just needs to get out and free you. Keep up the good work. Ellie
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety
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Diva This sounds like one of those conclusions from a statistical study. Statistics lie because they are not holistic. The intention is to say that it is because it is rare that it causes toxicosis. Toxicosis in the liver is caused by toxins that get into the liver, but these toxins can come from many sources. Red meat has many fewer toxins than well done meat. Cooking chemically changes nutrients into many other substances that are non-nutrients and therefore toxic. For example, cooked animal fat converts to many new and carcinogenic substances. Ellie
http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 889 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Nov 21, 2000 4:31am Subject: The good son > Week 3 of working out anger. I thought I had it dialed in. One day I'll be running around trying to do a million things at once then the next day I can't get out of bed until noon. Today was a sleep until noon day. While I was lying there having a constant barrage of thoughts running through my mind I decided to pick one out and reply to it. "f**k you mom!" I waited until another thought came along and gave it the same reply with a few more expletives. I kept doing this waiting for thoughts to come in then giving them a reply. This lead to punching the mattress with my fists. Next thing I know I'm curled up in the fetal position and my hands are balled up into fists. My arms and legs start to twitch and shake and I think, "oh great, depression and seizures It just keeps getting better and better" The shaking and twitching seemed to be under my control so I egg it on trying to see how far I can take it. Finally my neck and back tighten and I get a bright light in the middle of my forehead. I've had this happen during meditation but nothing like this one. A few minutes later I stop. Then nothing - My questions: The anger seems fake. I feel like I'm making it up and it takes an effort to create it. Sometimes it feels real as if I've pushed through some invisible wall and made it to rage but I quickly fall back into anger that's forced. Is this normal? Do I need to push over this invisible edge? Is it more effective to use all your past abusers or just those who come the easiest? For example my mother is at the top of the list and is usually the one who I don't have to force as much as others.
Hi, from your sister, the good daughter. Be sure not to jeopardize the financial support--you earned it. I too was the good child, and no abuse occurred that could be recognized by society. You perhaps read my long story and saw I spent a good bit of my adult life locked up in hospitals because I never grew up. Whatever training made us into the good child was what damaged us. It was not abuse but emotional abandonment that caused the toxicosis. The 'Hush l'll baby now don't you cry' says don't be angry. What can a baby, who cannot speak, do but cry? We had to suppress our God given flight or fight reaction. Those swings from compulsive days to days when you have a heavy sleep are part of the periodic detox process. I wouldn't try to push through to rage when the anger feels false. Go with the detox crisis, and redirect during it, until you relax. When you feel depressed in between detox crises, the anger may feel false. With the next detox crisis you may get more rage out. Don't forget it's a periodic detox process. From where you are now in your recovery process, it sounds like it would be best to concentrate on you mother--keep those 'f...u' prayers going in her direction. Later you may find you concentrate less on her and more on later relationships who were no doubt substitute parents for you. Ellie http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway http://homepages.nyu.edu/~er26/toxicmind.html http://www.egroups.com/group/Depression-Anxiety 890 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Nov 21, 2000 4:59am Subject: The scientific story Here are some sections from my scientific paper, The toxic mind: the biology of mental illness and violence. E. Van Winkle, Medical Hypotheses 2000; 55(4): 356-368. I've not included the detailed biochemistry or the evidence. Archive Note: The following lengthy text was deleted from this message. It was posted several times. Rather that repeating it, it has been posted once at the end of the archives under "Part 3" 891 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Wed Nov 22, 2000 3:28am Subject: Religious training Thank you Marc, I say very little, because my fear is so great, and like you I have great difficulty in expressing anger. Thank you for putting these things into words, as I cannot even say what I feel, but you have put some of my feelings into words for me. I do agree with you about the religious side too. I was a model child, never did much wrong, and always tried so hard to do what was right, not because it was right, but because I was too afraid to do otherwise, and even now as an O.A.P. I still feel the same. I want so much to be free of all this, but somehow feel too afraid to be angry. Thank you again. F.
Ellie
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